Two questions were on Mac's mind when he woke up today, where are we and where is everybody...Well i didn't know just who he meant by 'everybody", but since we had daughter Valerie's family with us for her daughter Brianna's birthday dinner last night - thought maybe that was why he expected more people to be here. I decided to answer the "where are we " first...he was surprised as always to hear he is in lachine, but it makes him happy to think we are nearer now to his 'dear st henri', but the where is everybody??, i explained that our children are grown up and in their own homes now. This question of when did that happen and when were we married are all part of this and so the morning went as through breakfast and after we talked about how we met, and why - to him, we seemed to be apart for so long...i.e. his memory or lack of...causes him to think we were not together. In the end of the discussions it always comes back to his mom and how he doesn't remember how or when she died and why doesn't he know, and how much he misses his mother.
Now i have found a way to make him less sad, as i say, we are both missing our moms, our fathers, the family we grew up in, but now we have our children, and best of all our children have children and the best big PLUS is our grandaughter has the sweetest little baby...Finley...So far that has made him so happy, he can always remember the baby, he laughs as he remembers her and the way she goes around the apartment, so quickly running here and there, touching everything, taking everything that's not put away...and best of all, recognizing her great grandfather and giving him hugs and kisses...
The two most important sort of mainstays in his mind are Finley and our cat Mischa...the name - that is my name Janet is important, but he doesn't always know that i am janet and sometimes he will say, - o.k. you are not Janet...so that takes some explaining...but usually he then realizes oh yes, but you are not a mcconnell, and we go through that scenario...Today we managed to get through his various sort of mind rummaging to feel he is on target - by about eleven - this is always important to him so i do not try to shove it away, but gradually he gets his bearings, and then manages to live in the present. To have the sun shining is usually a big help as well, - dull days make him feel dull, tired and sad, but today by noon he was ready to be in the moment.
We had visitors who he enjoys (neighbours from Chateauguay) and managed to get in a walk, but more important, he was able to follow a story line on T.V. something he has not been able to do for the past few months...Actually laughing and understanding the plot...kind of breakthrough of sorts...hope it keeps up but one never knows. Before bed i said, 'good to see you were not too cranky today... he answered..'be careful, i'm keeping some in reserve...." always the joker, so think I'll join him so he won't be cranky pants....g'nite.
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