This is the month that Mac died last year...He used to say "you are my raison d'etre but I now know that he was really my "reason to be"..Every day I realize that more and more..I'm fortunate, in that I've got many friends both male and female, and I have so much support, life is never dull..
yet underlying everything I do I think of Mac, and try to think what he would say or do about whatever I'm up to. Sometimes as I get ready for bed and look at his picture, I laugh and say, well I really goofed today, or I say when will I realize I'm an old lady, and stop dancing ...stop trying to carry heavy things, stop trying to do my yoga or zumba as well as the young teachers..then I flop in our bed and try to decide which side I should lie on, wishing there is only one side - the one beside him.
Yesterday I bent a nice guy's ear telling him all about Mac, how crazy - he must have wished he'd never offered to drive me home from our group at the Teapot (an over 55 club). That's how it is, I join different activities that stretch my body, or my mind and then there is no Mac to bounce the ideas or the thoughts that are there.
I would so love to hear what he would say about what's happening in the U.S. re the presidential candidates ( if one could say that Trump was a candidate?? unreal)..I have an mp3 received from an old friend who saved a tape of Mac speaking about elections in Jamaica, and in Australia..wonder what he'd say about this one...I could take a few good guesses... but they would never really hit the mark.
Strange even though he had Alzheimer's and was not - so called with it, I remember how with it at times he was, and of course my mind goes back to before those sad ending years to the conversations, travels etc we had throughout our marriage.
Just recently returned from a lovely vacation in Florida..which reminded me how we would walk along the beach, body surf in the waves, then Mac would read the latest news from the Florida papers, and discuss the news, and finally just lie on his towel, going so dark never ever getting a burn...we would say, we should stay here for a month, but by 8 days, he and I would be happy to return to our own place in the sun.
Well I am happy to be back in my own place, where I can feel even closer to my family, my cat Mischa...and my sweet memories of Mac so g'nite.
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