The closing of the cottage..the yearly Fall activity and the first one without Mac, how sad,... there were the fantastic colours , all the leaves, the reds, the yellows,the orange and the greens..the lake glimmering in the sunlight. I walked through the woods stepping over and on them,(the leaves) by myself...
I watched the geese flying back home, said "goodbye see you next year"...and wishing I could say with him as we used to...well wishing won't make it so.
The lake, it's still a great place, but it's not the same for me..and maybe it's not the same for the family It's also the first time there were only a few of us, and though we did the jobs with the same energy, somehow not the same spirit..and I thought of the poem that I received last week at the Grieving Group...
The Elephant in the Room - by Terry Kettering
There's an elephant in the room
It is large and squatting, so it's hard to get around it
Yet we squeeze by with "how are you? and "I'm fine..
And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter
We talk about the weather
We talk about the work
We talk about everything else...
Except the elephant in the room
We all know it is there.
We are thinking about the elephant as we talk together.
It is constantly on our minds
For you see it is a very big elephant
It has hurt us all
But we do not talk about the elephant in the room
Oh, please , say his name.
Oh please, say "Mac" again
Oh please, let's talk about the elephant in the room
For if we talk about his death
Perhaps we can talk about his life.
Can I say "dad" to you and not have you look away
For if I cannot
then you are leaving me alone
in a room
with an elephant.
Les showed me the watch he keeps in his pocket now, it's Mac's watch, he said it's an early watch dad had. Les said it's an Indigo
and then I walked on, with the elephant of a lump in my throat. So although we did say a little bit...we will say more...
Tonight I'm thinking of the song Night and Day and how I think of him all the time, day and night - night and day at home and at the lake well is it all the time..no it's not, but it is underlying what I say and do - do I laugh, well yes I do I laughed really hard today at something.. wish I could remember so I could laugh again.
O.K. I'll think of the many many laughs I had with Mac, how subtle some times his jokes were, and how so many of them were on me.. or funny things our sweet grandkids said and did.
Tomorrow, Sunday, Thanksgiving day, I will read the book mark that I used to read to him at breakfast - when he felt he was not doing well..I'd say
You are Special Mac..I can't stop thanking God for you. (Ephesians 1 16
Somehow saying that made him really laugh, but it is so true, because for sure, I do thank God for him. and so g'nite
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