Our book club met last Tuesday, the book we were discussing was Me Before You, the book was an easy read, but deceptive in that although it was an easy read it was also one to make you think..being that the subject is so "au current" right now Dying with Dignity...One would think that kind of book would be too "dark" but the writing and the humor of the story of a para- palegic man and the girl who becomes his caretaker was not only interesting, sad and humorous, but also gave one an insight as to just what life is like for one with such disabilities..
So when it was my turn to be asked what my thoughts were on this book, I was able to give it two thumbs up for sure- and as I was glancing at my notes to say what I thought...I realized I had written some thoughts that were purely from the point of view of myself as caretaker..and of course did not pursue that - but thought I would put those thoughts here in my blog...
"This book was an important one for me as it brought home my early days with Mac, where we had to support each other in our terror of what we knew was coming...the gradual deterioration of his mind...the discussion of suicide, the research online and in books on just what was happening and what would be happening and how we would try to cope...
Then came the loneliness when I no longer could discuss this with him; as he slowly lost the cognition of just what was happening. This was the time when I lost the reasoning and wonderful mind of a truly bright, intelligent friend and lover.
I had to cling to my earlier discussions where I said, we will call it amnesia, and every day, I will say your name, and we will talk about what and who Gordon McConnell is and what he and I will be doing and remembering about that man and his family. This we did for sure and we coped, the man he became was at times fearful, angry, desperate and violent, but for the most part, happy loving and such a caring and observant person not only of nature but of the people around him and of course myself..some days he would say, "hey you are working too hard, sit down and listen to the music with me" always caring..
Although there were so many days when I cried for the gradual loss of so many things we take for granted. i.e. the date, the time, the names of friends, the knowledge of past experiences, discussing and reading good books, politics, world events, understanding movies and t.v. stories and news,using the computer, knowing the people in his own family, knowing the different foods he was eating, being able to eat by himself, able to go to the bathroom on his own, knowing why he had to brush his teeth..but underlying all this he never lost his ability to be there for me..
I consoled myself each day with the saving grace in our lives...our walks.. he did not have to prove anything to himself or to anyone, he always knew beauty, he loved nature, clouds all kinds of weather, the sunshine, the rain, the snow , the ice on the sidewalk, the birds the wind trees, and on and on, the walking itself strengthened him,kept him stronger. We would leave the house each day the latest at one o'clock and stay out till six or later. We would eat at a little restaurant where the proprietor knew us, or picnic outdoors in good weather. Where we could sit on a bench by the lake, where at times I could lie down on the bench, and put my head on his knee and he would stroke my face, my hair and tell me how much he loved being with me and how lucky he felt he was to have me. This was wonderful and to this day, how I miss him as I walk by myself to places that we went to and although it hurts..it is getting better.
Reading this book brought back this time and although it was too too agonizingly sad...I do feel grateful to have had him, to hug him and remember his wonderful face, his lovely blue eyes, white thick hair that I could run my fingers through (it was like silk)...his laugh and his funny little jokes that were there to the end.
Yes he was sick for 8 years but within those years was so much to remember, love and miss...would I have wished we had followed his original thought to end it all, no, but do I understand how he felt, of course. Do I sympathize and understand the protagonist - Will- the man in the story "Me Before You"... absolutely.
g'day.
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