That's the chant that we hear from Mac every Wednesday morning, and it is echoed silently by me, with "i wish'...Wednesday is the day that Mac has a shower and has his hair washed..whew..It is always such a chore as he is so fearful and rather weak...so getting in and out of the tub, sitting on the chair in the tub, and adjusting to the water - hot warm wow there he goes again, and the preposee is calling ...I'm back..he was yelling "this is the last time...." and apparently made some overtures as if he was going to hit poor Vedette...I can understand his feeling, and her's of course...I wish there was some other way to wash his hair...he is becoming more and more belligerent and aggressive in his refusals to have this and I'm becoming more and more shaky with the whole episodes...I wake up Wednesdays trying to be so 'up' and i make sure his coffee and breakfast are all ready and music on thats cheery...but poor Vedette, she goes through this with many people she works with every day, what a job.
Wow, now he's sitting looking nice and clean, with the most grumpy look on his face... this doesn't bode too well for Debbie - who will be here today - which is my respite day...yikes Will try to make life a little better for him, in a few minutes..with another cup of coffee..and a cookie, - wow just tried, his NO meant NO....
We had a great day at the Alzheimer's Cafe yesterday, and even though he had to go up and down staircases, his mood was so up...as we go step by step so carefully, he said, "let's try running" what a good laugh that gave us...Now if only i could think of something funny or happy, but think the best thing is to just let him have a little nap and enjoy the lovely music on CBC this morning, this too will pass..
We meet people at the Cafe with the big A. some just starting, they have such high hopes for the new meds that will be hopefully coming up soon to help..I can remember feeling that way too, seven years ago, when this all started...How sad for these bright and energetic people, as they see people like Mac, who can only walk with wakers or canes, shaky, not able to understand what's going on...and they can only hope that this will not be their future...
The people that work for the A. Society, are so helpful, cheery, and the trio from McGil music dept. were on hand to play flute, violin, and song..t'was lovely, but as I looked around the room, i thought how sad...two of my support group people were there, one whose mom had A. was so down, her mom had died...she said she needed to have to go to a Grief Support Counsellor...the other person, was saying her husband with his frontal lobe Alzheimers problem had just received another diagnosis...lukemia...as i write this, i wonder now how we could have been so able to laugh ...because we did, and we chatted so happily...makes me wonder but it was not - put on. We really did enjoy..and they did too...and the young people that support us, i hope they know how much it means to us, to have their interest, their research and their true caring..apparently many have gone through the A. problems with their grandparents...or with friends...parents etc. so they are trying.
Apparently the A. Society will have a new and bigger place for meetings and work, so this will be something to look forward to next year...as many people do not go to these meetings because of parking and distance. Improvements can be seen with all the $$$ raised by the walks, that cheers me as does the fact that there are new and better ideas and new meds...hopefully some will be able to be used by mac...better days ahead...we hope. so g'day
Wednesday, 18 June 2014
Sunday, 15 June 2014
Sunday, June 16, 2014 What did he say.....
Not surprised that Mac didn't understand what one of the teens, or perhaps he was about 20...holding his bottle of booze and yelling to mac...'happy fadders day'...We were sitting in our little park in the back, soaking up sunshine..When a gang of big teens were all yelling and calling to each other as they passed through this park..one said, 'beautiful day eh miss" i replied sure is...when the other yelled ...and i understood the way he said Father .so said to Mac..it's Father's day...That's what he said...he wishing you a Happy Day. Well this meant zilch ...even though Glenna,and Gaye, called ..he couldn't remember this...
Maureen Donald and two boys, Noah and Olivier came yesterday with Father's day gifts, and sent out for dinner, but it just went over mac's head..and later today when Valerie, Brianna and baby Finley were here - it didn't mean a thing. Today, especially, I seem to be noticing just how much he is missing in his mind. Remembering who i am, or for that matter who anybody is, including himself, is just gone...but we will see, as i keep saying - boring myself, it's up and down..he knows some days - he is Gordon mcconnell, - he knows the name Janet - and that means something, but when I say I am janet...he laughs and says, gee I didn't know, so you are my wife you are janet...I say yes. but two minutes later we go through that scenario again.
He can get an idea in his head that i said something, as for example - today he was sure i said my brother was coming...this when we were walking along the lakeside, coming back from church..Actually what i said was Valerie was coming...she did..and we were all together having dinner on the terrace, looking across at the lake, from the restaurant...but would he eat..no way, he was being a shade angry, by NOT eating, and if I asked why, he would say..Your brother is supposed to be coming..you should be watching for your brother..i must have said 50 times, no I said Valerie and she is here..but to no avail, so we saved his food for tomorrow. Of course I reminded him i don't have a brother, but that didn't work either...
Supper tonight was not much better, he didn't want to eat, but was enjoying music on the radio, so at least he was not in a bad mood..
When we went to say g'nite to Alice, and check out Muriel, he was fine,so the evening closed with a very tired guy, asking about the death of Edith our neighbour and seat mate in the dining room, but it did not mean a thing, 'who is Edith'..he doesn't know but he and i will go to the funeral tomorrow..and though it's not going to mean too much to him, he would rather be with me, so why not..he will be fine there, (hope), and as for Father's Day... Well happy Father's day Mac, - and alls well that ends well..g'nite.
Maureen Donald and two boys, Noah and Olivier came yesterday with Father's day gifts, and sent out for dinner, but it just went over mac's head..and later today when Valerie, Brianna and baby Finley were here - it didn't mean a thing. Today, especially, I seem to be noticing just how much he is missing in his mind. Remembering who i am, or for that matter who anybody is, including himself, is just gone...but we will see, as i keep saying - boring myself, it's up and down..he knows some days - he is Gordon mcconnell, - he knows the name Janet - and that means something, but when I say I am janet...he laughs and says, gee I didn't know, so you are my wife you are janet...I say yes. but two minutes later we go through that scenario again.
He can get an idea in his head that i said something, as for example - today he was sure i said my brother was coming...this when we were walking along the lakeside, coming back from church..Actually what i said was Valerie was coming...she did..and we were all together having dinner on the terrace, looking across at the lake, from the restaurant...but would he eat..no way, he was being a shade angry, by NOT eating, and if I asked why, he would say..Your brother is supposed to be coming..you should be watching for your brother..i must have said 50 times, no I said Valerie and she is here..but to no avail, so we saved his food for tomorrow. Of course I reminded him i don't have a brother, but that didn't work either...
Supper tonight was not much better, he didn't want to eat, but was enjoying music on the radio, so at least he was not in a bad mood..
When we went to say g'nite to Alice, and check out Muriel, he was fine,so the evening closed with a very tired guy, asking about the death of Edith our neighbour and seat mate in the dining room, but it did not mean a thing, 'who is Edith'..he doesn't know but he and i will go to the funeral tomorrow..and though it's not going to mean too much to him, he would rather be with me, so why not..he will be fine there, (hope), and as for Father's Day... Well happy Father's day Mac, - and alls well that ends well..g'nite.
Friday, 13 June 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014... Just Bug off ...scram....
No, i answer to Mac, early this morning..at about 10 to 8 a.m. , I'll get you a cup of coffee.Come on please get up, the girl will be here to get you dressed, you are soaken, ..No..take off, get out of here" Well repeat those two lines for about one hour and you have a picture of me trying to get Mac up on a dull rainy Friday the 13th...Well by about 9;00 a.m. the preposee came back and i was able to tempt him again with coffee...then breakfast, and we were ready for the day...
A sad day as we scanned the obituaries to see if our friend Edith's name was there, and sure enough it was. Edith is the woman who sits with us at dinner when we go to the dining room, she and Alice are both at our table, and always sniping at each other like two old married people...poor Alice will surely miss Edith..who was 95, had about 3 days of not feeling well, so her daughter had her taken to the hospital as she was unable to stand yesterday, and there she died... We really don't know the cause, but Edith prided herself on never having a health problem, never taking pills, and was - unlike her friend Alice, not nosey and rude....Alice who had evey ailment - found this really hard to take, and gave back some answers to the degrading remarks that Alice made, but throughout all the barbs, Edith checked on alice every day, she made sure her mail was sent, she checked out on Alice's problems, and one would see her walking in her quick step way over to make sure that Alice, the hypochondriac as Edith called her...was okay....The funeral will take place on monday...so adieu Edith...
The day progressed fairly well, and since it was my day for respite, Mac was happy to see me when I returned, and hopefully he will continue to be happy tonight..hope hope, as .Actually the night before last, he had a session of about 30 minutes of swearing and trying to see what was what in the front room, this was about 3;00 a.m...who knows what his dream or what was going on in his head..but I managed to talk softly and tell him ;'you'd be better off checking the front room when the sun is shining, so come back to bed' and eventually he did... and the beat goes on, up and down...
Now we will go down and check out Alice and see how her day went...she will give me little chores do to around her room, get me to clear up her mess on the table..she is in a wheelchair...and is very fat...can't see out of one eye, fairly deaf ...and can't walk and therefore very very dependent...and hates it...so it really effects her mood, and she can become very demanding..but hey who can blame her, it must be awful..and now her buddy is gone...she told me she can't stand to see the cup and saucer at Edith's place, as it reminds her how Edith would say, 'i've poured my milk in now for pete's sake, what's keeping them, I want my tea"
The other person who is now missing, is jack..he was the one who shouted shut up to a poor woman who moans and groans...who used to sing "don't step on my blue suede shoes..', and told me 'hey as you get older you get sexier..'...his wife Aline, was always there for him and now she says, it's better for him as in the end he suffered so much...and so it goes, here's mac to say what's going on, so g'nite..
A sad day as we scanned the obituaries to see if our friend Edith's name was there, and sure enough it was. Edith is the woman who sits with us at dinner when we go to the dining room, she and Alice are both at our table, and always sniping at each other like two old married people...poor Alice will surely miss Edith..who was 95, had about 3 days of not feeling well, so her daughter had her taken to the hospital as she was unable to stand yesterday, and there she died... We really don't know the cause, but Edith prided herself on never having a health problem, never taking pills, and was - unlike her friend Alice, not nosey and rude....Alice who had evey ailment - found this really hard to take, and gave back some answers to the degrading remarks that Alice made, but throughout all the barbs, Edith checked on alice every day, she made sure her mail was sent, she checked out on Alice's problems, and one would see her walking in her quick step way over to make sure that Alice, the hypochondriac as Edith called her...was okay....The funeral will take place on monday...so adieu Edith...
The day progressed fairly well, and since it was my day for respite, Mac was happy to see me when I returned, and hopefully he will continue to be happy tonight..hope hope, as .Actually the night before last, he had a session of about 30 minutes of swearing and trying to see what was what in the front room, this was about 3;00 a.m...who knows what his dream or what was going on in his head..but I managed to talk softly and tell him ;'you'd be better off checking the front room when the sun is shining, so come back to bed' and eventually he did... and the beat goes on, up and down...
Now we will go down and check out Alice and see how her day went...she will give me little chores do to around her room, get me to clear up her mess on the table..she is in a wheelchair...and is very fat...can't see out of one eye, fairly deaf ...and can't walk and therefore very very dependent...and hates it...so it really effects her mood, and she can become very demanding..but hey who can blame her, it must be awful..and now her buddy is gone...she told me she can't stand to see the cup and saucer at Edith's place, as it reminds her how Edith would say, 'i've poured my milk in now for pete's sake, what's keeping them, I want my tea"
The other person who is now missing, is jack..he was the one who shouted shut up to a poor woman who moans and groans...who used to sing "don't step on my blue suede shoes..', and told me 'hey as you get older you get sexier..'...his wife Aline, was always there for him and now she says, it's better for him as in the end he suffered so much...and so it goes, here's mac to say what's going on, so g'nite..
Tuesday, 10 June 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014 This is a nice place eh?
Answer to that question, definitely, it is a nice place...and where were we..the place that overlooks the lake, St. louis park at the end of our street 32nd st. We were on our way home actually, we had been to an AGM, at the Teapot..had a lovely free lunch, and then sauntered alongside the lake to Fort Rolland park, and onward to horizon park...this all in beautiful sunshine..where we stop look at the ducks, check out the increase of Canada geese, now numbering 8, yikes...our friend must be having a fit..he doesn't want to see people feeding them or encouraging, as they make such a mess ...oh well...they are rather big and scary up close - they sure hang around if they see you eating...everyone tries to turn their back and take a small bite of their sandwich..ha.
Anyway, just after Mac said this is a nice place, a woman came up to us and said, 'would you mind telling me how long you two have been together'...well no don't mind, Mac looked rather stunned - are we always together??he said, ...she looked a bit doubtful but then I said sixty two years..she kind of laughed and said wonderful...i see you two all the time, you remind me of my parents who have passed away after sixty four years...they were inseparable..thanks for giving me such nice memories, i love to see you both" and with that she walked on...
Well we sure are inseparable...i can hardly go to the bathroom, and if i'm not off this computer in about 5 min, Mac will be wandering out of the bedroom to see what's happening...he is so insecure and for sure this was not always the case ...it's only with the alzheimers that we are inseparable....We did like going places together, and all our trips and visits to friends we were together...but our days were spent most times doing separate things...my friend Ginny, said the other day, i remember i'd phone and say where's Jan..and Mac would say, 'who knows, she's off somewhere, I'll tell her you called."
When we travelled, I was interested in some things, he would be interested in others...so often we would separate and meet later, and enjoy telling each other about our activities while we were apart..and often we would be so upset when we would get together because we had mixed up our times or our locations to meet ...that would lead to a separation for sure, as we would both stomp along yelling at each other saying who was at fault...Well those days are gone forever, but the memory lingers on - but only in my head. As for Mac - his memory of that is long gone, and with that, his independence, but not his joie de vivre, thankfully, and though we are inseperable, there are no more problems re: meeting places and times, and being together in the sun - watching the parade of life here in lachine - we can say very truthfully and happily - This certainly is a nice place...
Anyway, just after Mac said this is a nice place, a woman came up to us and said, 'would you mind telling me how long you two have been together'...well no don't mind, Mac looked rather stunned - are we always together??he said, ...she looked a bit doubtful but then I said sixty two years..she kind of laughed and said wonderful...i see you two all the time, you remind me of my parents who have passed away after sixty four years...they were inseparable..thanks for giving me such nice memories, i love to see you both" and with that she walked on...
Well we sure are inseparable...i can hardly go to the bathroom, and if i'm not off this computer in about 5 min, Mac will be wandering out of the bedroom to see what's happening...he is so insecure and for sure this was not always the case ...it's only with the alzheimers that we are inseparable....We did like going places together, and all our trips and visits to friends we were together...but our days were spent most times doing separate things...my friend Ginny, said the other day, i remember i'd phone and say where's Jan..and Mac would say, 'who knows, she's off somewhere, I'll tell her you called."
When we travelled, I was interested in some things, he would be interested in others...so often we would separate and meet later, and enjoy telling each other about our activities while we were apart..and often we would be so upset when we would get together because we had mixed up our times or our locations to meet ...that would lead to a separation for sure, as we would both stomp along yelling at each other saying who was at fault...Well those days are gone forever, but the memory lingers on - but only in my head. As for Mac - his memory of that is long gone, and with that, his independence, but not his joie de vivre, thankfully, and though we are inseperable, there are no more problems re: meeting places and times, and being together in the sun - watching the parade of life here in lachine - we can say very truthfully and happily - This certainly is a nice place...
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014 Where can I wash my hands..??.
Good question, as I led Mac to the bathroom, and sort of wandered away, thinking he'll just wash his hands, but then decided oh, better give him the soap...(he often just rinses his hands -no soap) and there he was preparing to wash his hands in the toilet...yuck!! ..Well got through that little mistake.and realized just how deceiving his looks and questions are. So many people just assume his problem is bad legs, slow walking, but otherwise, what's his problem..Even in this building where so many have alzheimers and walk with the shuffle, I'm asked - just what is the problem with your husband, he looks so healthy. What a tan, what lively blue eyes...etc etc...that's so true, it even has me thinking that, especially when he jokes - and sometimes they are so on target and funny..
Anyway, the main reason I'm on here is that i got the article - headline Seniors are being drugged needlessly....by Nicole F. Bernier, research director of the Faces of Aging program at the Institute for Research on public Policy in Montreal...lorazepam and amitripyline are the two drugs she mentions that can increase the risk of death when inappropriately prescribed - apparently for some institutes it's a cost -effective way to manage unruly residents. - she says more and different solutions are needed - behavioral interventions and improved management of dementia can significantly reduce the need for antipsychotic medication....
So far, we are managing and for the two times Mac has had the drug..it's turned out when i checked again that it is not the same drug, but definitely it is a antipsychotic drug - according to the pharmacist and the doc..the amount given is appropriate and that side effects were for not more than one day. In any case, I'm keeping my eye on the dosage and the drug...Our residence I must say seems to manage the wanderer....the ones in wheelchairs....the bitchy ones...very well...the staff are helpful, and most times on-target...and they are free to go around the main floor, they wear a bracelet that buzzes like crazy if they get outside without accompaniment...so it's mainly the ones on the 2nd floor who are really locked down-i guess they can get anci..but they do have programs at least that are good...the music therapy on Fridays ...the animal therapy..cats and dogs come to visit...yoga on Tuesdays. exercise on Thursday...but these programs are o nly for one hour a day....
Mac has far more stimulation with me, we are out every day, and music of his choice is on when we are in...we do or i should say I do crosswords and he occasionally gives a word here and there...but he is not left to sit and veg all day...he enjoys walks in the residence and waves gaily at the other residents, and acts like he is king of the hill...So I'll try to relax about the article...as his main problems are with getting a shower, getting dressed,/undressed, and although he has a tantrum and swears it's the last time he will have a preposee, so far so good...and i will try to get some more ideas for intervention when we are in the house. i.e. rainy days, right now..it's time for him to dry dishes...so g'nite..
Anyway, the main reason I'm on here is that i got the article - headline Seniors are being drugged needlessly....by Nicole F. Bernier, research director of the Faces of Aging program at the Institute for Research on public Policy in Montreal...lorazepam and amitripyline are the two drugs she mentions that can increase the risk of death when inappropriately prescribed - apparently for some institutes it's a cost -effective way to manage unruly residents. - she says more and different solutions are needed - behavioral interventions and improved management of dementia can significantly reduce the need for antipsychotic medication....
So far, we are managing and for the two times Mac has had the drug..it's turned out when i checked again that it is not the same drug, but definitely it is a antipsychotic drug - according to the pharmacist and the doc..the amount given is appropriate and that side effects were for not more than one day. In any case, I'm keeping my eye on the dosage and the drug...Our residence I must say seems to manage the wanderer....the ones in wheelchairs....the bitchy ones...very well...the staff are helpful, and most times on-target...and they are free to go around the main floor, they wear a bracelet that buzzes like crazy if they get outside without accompaniment...so it's mainly the ones on the 2nd floor who are really locked down-i guess they can get anci..but they do have programs at least that are good...the music therapy on Fridays ...the animal therapy..cats and dogs come to visit...yoga on Tuesdays. exercise on Thursday...but these programs are o nly for one hour a day....
Mac has far more stimulation with me, we are out every day, and music of his choice is on when we are in...we do or i should say I do crosswords and he occasionally gives a word here and there...but he is not left to sit and veg all day...he enjoys walks in the residence and waves gaily at the other residents, and acts like he is king of the hill...So I'll try to relax about the article...as his main problems are with getting a shower, getting dressed,/undressed, and although he has a tantrum and swears it's the last time he will have a preposee, so far so good...and i will try to get some more ideas for intervention when we are in the house. i.e. rainy days, right now..it's time for him to dry dishes...so g'nite..
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
Tuesday, June 3,2014 Do you know where .....
So do you know where the taxi is???...that's the question, and I knew the answer sort of....'well yes he should be picking us up ...soon. This was kind of important as it was the father and mother of all thunder storms, we had taken refuge in Westmount library, luckily that's the address i had given to the taxi service as the return address. We have this great service, at least Mac does as he cannot travel on busses by himself, and his walking and even talking is limited...so as i am his caregiver - and have to be with him..we have a taxi service - costing us as little as it costs to take the bus for seniors...so we can go anywhere on the island of montreal for 1.55 each....just have to give the address and the day..and then we can go. Today it was to an Alzheimer's meeting but the front door was blocked to anyone who had problems walking ... a big tractor was digging up the street..so decided to go directly to the park.... T'was beautiful....but then came thunder , big winds and we quickly took refuge in lovely Westmount library...we just missed being completely drenched. hurrah...Great day altogether...
But the main reason I wanted to blog is that there was an article in the Gazette - forgot to cut it out...anyone reading this if you read it, please let me know who the author was and her credentials..She said that for people with dementia, it is abolutely a no no to give them anti psychotic drugs..as that is not the solution for their anxiety and agitation which causes them to be violent...Both the meds she mentioned were two that Mac has been given i.e. on standby...he has only had one of the meds (half a pill) twice..but in case of stronger agitation where he cannot be calmed the Doc has another one on register at the Pharmacy. She does not give any other solutions, but says both these meds are killers and should not be used...this has given me anxiety ...I had already asked the doctor about side effects etc..and he has promised that it is not dangerous that mac has only been prescribed the least amount that is perfectly safe...As mentioned he has only had it twice...second time, he did become very weak for a day...although he was weak the day before he had the pill ...so we can't be sure if it was from the pill...NOW, he is fine, although as mentioned Sunday was a bad couple of hours and as also mentioned I did not handle the situation so well...and had thought to myself, o.k. another day like that and I should perhaps give the pill at night...just to make sure...so since reading that...it's no way..
O,K. but now I'm wondering, what is the solution...wait it out...be calm...talk softly, pray, contemplate, sit beside him, put some soothing music on ...give chocolate ...anyway, right now all is fine..and has been o.k. so no use getting myself uptight...good day today..so remember day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment...and this is the moment to say g'night...
But the main reason I wanted to blog is that there was an article in the Gazette - forgot to cut it out...anyone reading this if you read it, please let me know who the author was and her credentials..She said that for people with dementia, it is abolutely a no no to give them anti psychotic drugs..as that is not the solution for their anxiety and agitation which causes them to be violent...Both the meds she mentioned were two that Mac has been given i.e. on standby...he has only had one of the meds (half a pill) twice..but in case of stronger agitation where he cannot be calmed the Doc has another one on register at the Pharmacy. She does not give any other solutions, but says both these meds are killers and should not be used...this has given me anxiety ...I had already asked the doctor about side effects etc..and he has promised that it is not dangerous that mac has only been prescribed the least amount that is perfectly safe...As mentioned he has only had it twice...second time, he did become very weak for a day...although he was weak the day before he had the pill ...so we can't be sure if it was from the pill...NOW, he is fine, although as mentioned Sunday was a bad couple of hours and as also mentioned I did not handle the situation so well...and had thought to myself, o.k. another day like that and I should perhaps give the pill at night...just to make sure...so since reading that...it's no way..
O,K. but now I'm wondering, what is the solution...wait it out...be calm...talk softly, pray, contemplate, sit beside him, put some soothing music on ...give chocolate ...anyway, right now all is fine..and has been o.k. so no use getting myself uptight...good day today..so remember day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment...and this is the moment to say g'night...
Sunday, 1 June 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014 Isn't that a beautiful picture.....
It certainly was a beautiful picture, or sight, on a beautiful day...and that was Mac's comment as we watched the sunshine streaming through the branches of the tree overlooking the lake...we were walking home from church...and the day could not have been better. This walk takes us along the canal bank, then on to the river and then it opens up to the lake. All along the way there are picnic benches which we stop at, and just embrace the beauty of the scene...usually I can't seem to fill my eyes up enough with looking and enjoying, but today the scene that kept floating through my mind was from early this moning, and the sounds of the birds and the lapping of the waves was rather blotted out by the sounds of my own loud words to Mac.
I'm afraid to say it, but i went off the rails - he was being unusually belligerent, more so than usual to the preposee, he would not let her get his clothes on for the day...no matter how hard i coaxed - and pleaded - "no I'm not getting dressed', "scram' "take off",,,get her the hell out of here etc etc...finally Vedette left, came back - twice, and we went through the whole scene again, and again, the third time she couldn't come back till much later, but in the meantime, I'm sorry to say, i became a real maniac, first hugging him - but when he pushed me roughly away, I started to try and take his hand and say come i'll get you dressed though it will be difficult -stop being such a nutcase ..and when he pushed me roughly and i tried to pull stronger, he really got angry and got pretty agitated and ready to punch, and i just went into reaction mode...I had apparently not forgotten my training for working with violent kids (which I did many years ago)and just twisted his finger, causing him pain..and he of course just sunk back in his chair...I was devastated, and cried, did i hurt you I'm so sorry.. I then said come quick, you get yourself dressed...well with much difficulty we both got him dressed..
Then all went well for the rest of the day, except for my mind which went over the scene constantly and I've been crying inwardly all day....how could i do that how could i say that....and even now I can hardly type...and this evening he was really upset with the preposee who though not rough is rather brusque..and does not have a bedside manner so to speak but he did get in his p.j.s saying that's the last time he will let that happen. i can understand it's demeaning and kind of puts one in a horrible position of feeling like a baby, but he can't get himself dressed and with his muscles that tense up (the doc said he is in parkinsonian positions) he can be stiff as a board...it's too difficult for him and for me....
Now i will be anci all night plus have an awful awful time thinking about my own behaviour and his for the morning...and to top if off I have to go to the doctor myself tomorrow, which means he will be left with Debbie not always his favourite thing. It's always up and down, and so we're in the down times....much to my own bad behaviour....as well...so it's time to think positive, and know that one has to use loving words no matter how it may go against the grain, and believe me i never ever had to use the technique i learned on any of my students that were very violent, (never to me), and now i've got to use the technique of love which I also learned...and I know it can be so phony sounding at first...but it worked in the past with kids and i hope it works tomorrow...as when it works it becomes true and i've never had to do that with my own husband I could be crabby just as he would be, but i'm dealing with a different husband now..one that only see's his own problems....so I have got to forget mine, and that's all there is to it...so g'nite sweet dreams....
I'm afraid to say it, but i went off the rails - he was being unusually belligerent, more so than usual to the preposee, he would not let her get his clothes on for the day...no matter how hard i coaxed - and pleaded - "no I'm not getting dressed', "scram' "take off",,,get her the hell out of here etc etc...finally Vedette left, came back - twice, and we went through the whole scene again, and again, the third time she couldn't come back till much later, but in the meantime, I'm sorry to say, i became a real maniac, first hugging him - but when he pushed me roughly away, I started to try and take his hand and say come i'll get you dressed though it will be difficult -stop being such a nutcase ..and when he pushed me roughly and i tried to pull stronger, he really got angry and got pretty agitated and ready to punch, and i just went into reaction mode...I had apparently not forgotten my training for working with violent kids (which I did many years ago)and just twisted his finger, causing him pain..and he of course just sunk back in his chair...I was devastated, and cried, did i hurt you I'm so sorry.. I then said come quick, you get yourself dressed...well with much difficulty we both got him dressed..
Then all went well for the rest of the day, except for my mind which went over the scene constantly and I've been crying inwardly all day....how could i do that how could i say that....and even now I can hardly type...and this evening he was really upset with the preposee who though not rough is rather brusque..and does not have a bedside manner so to speak but he did get in his p.j.s saying that's the last time he will let that happen. i can understand it's demeaning and kind of puts one in a horrible position of feeling like a baby, but he can't get himself dressed and with his muscles that tense up (the doc said he is in parkinsonian positions) he can be stiff as a board...it's too difficult for him and for me....
Now i will be anci all night plus have an awful awful time thinking about my own behaviour and his for the morning...and to top if off I have to go to the doctor myself tomorrow, which means he will be left with Debbie not always his favourite thing. It's always up and down, and so we're in the down times....much to my own bad behaviour....as well...so it's time to think positive, and know that one has to use loving words no matter how it may go against the grain, and believe me i never ever had to use the technique i learned on any of my students that were very violent, (never to me), and now i've got to use the technique of love which I also learned...and I know it can be so phony sounding at first...but it worked in the past with kids and i hope it works tomorrow...as when it works it becomes true and i've never had to do that with my own husband I could be crabby just as he would be, but i'm dealing with a different husband now..one that only see's his own problems....so I have got to forget mine, and that's all there is to it...so g'nite sweet dreams....
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