April 4, 2017 Monday...Here I am back at the ranch, so to speak. I've been with Alma for two different sessions now. I'm always amazed at how she can make one feel so good...I know it's supposed to be the opposite way around. BUT, how would it be if everyone said something that Alma said to me when I asked her.."hi Alma how are you" answer...Fine, especially now you are here"...Well it took me aback, but how sweet is that.
We then proceeded to walk to the windows of the Bayview Residence where she lives...everything pleases her eye from the trees by the water, to the light from the sun shining off the car windows, makes one appreciate life in general and one's good health in particular.
After looking out the windows, one this side one that side and one the other side,commenting on each little leaf, tree and reminding ourselves again, how wonderful it all is, we proceed to read the National Geographic. Amazing how easily Alma reads does she understand what she reads, well yes if we go over it point to the pictures the words are addition and for sure its worth talking about.
Then it's time to do our art work. Today's project was to paint already photocopied flowers (kind of from a coloring book) then to paint a little 3 d box to put at the bottom of the flowers...This was done not too enthusiastic about it, but was done, lily with leaves, and finally a large zinnia...Her comments are always to encourage me to continue with my good work, It is supposed to be the opposite way around here so I kind of end up saying the same thing she says to me ,then I say to her. Such as, "well done", "you are really quite artistic"...She is always so quick to compliment my work, that it seems almost ridiculous to say the same thing to her...
How lovely it is to help someone so unassuming and so happy to see me...the only time Alma seems to get cross is when she decides something - such as a paint brush absolutely belongs to her, no way will she give it up...but that is minor and soon becomes something she doesn't want anyway/
Then it's time to take her up to either a window on her floor so she can look out , or to her room to watch t.v. or to the main room with the others watching t.v., or listening to music. I say "goodbye, see you next week"...Jackie will be up to see you...and the sweet answer "you mean my Jackie", yes is the answer...
My volunteer work for the week with Alma is over, then the volunteer (my friend Harry) comes to get the volunteer, and I go home to think about Alzheimer's disease and the many who suffer this curse...I have put something on Facebook re the handling of Alzheimer's patients...not all are as easy as Alma, I know...but all should have visitors.
Oh before I forget how lovely it was to watch a bed ridden woman, unable to talk, or hardly speak, twisted body (perhaps rheumatoid arthritis) , being stroked and kissed on the forehead by her husband...lucky her; how often this is not the case...she certainly did something right in her life, Then as I was leaving to meet an old former deaf student...happy and contented visiting her aunt at this residence and telling me IN sign language, I'm so lucky I'm able to have fun live a good life and enjoy friends...I help to feed the ones who cannot feed themselves...and proudly say "I'm a VOLUNTEER..
Monday, 3 April 2017
Tuesday, 21 March 2017
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Well my life goes on in the Dementia lane, I'm still visiting Alma, as I mentioned in my last blog. I'm noticing that she is still reading, but she finding writing her name now a little more challenging. Our painting class was more of the same, which was painting on tile dropping alcohol on the work holding the tile sideways thereby letting the colours mix into an abstract design.. Actually our first bit that we did last week looked great to me, but when I showed it to Alma to see how it looked with spray (a kind of shiny wax) on it, she said "I did that, well I must have been drunk" How hilarious, I laughed so much...she didn't find it funny in fact she was serious.
Anyway, our next attempt was beautiful, I thought..but Alma continues to try and make sense of it, by trying to move the tile around to see if she can see a figure or something that is appealing. I said ' think that looks a little like a flying goose in the corner, she said "could be a flying anything" ...Well abstract painting is not for everyone, and it certainly isn't for Alma. But, what was for Alma was and still is looking out at the scenery from the window...while we were looking we noticed a beautiful carnation flower in a vase on the window sill..next to it was a tiny little bag with some polished stones. I took them out to show Alma, and she said, hmmm let me see that. So I passed the little bag to her and before I knew it she put a couple of the stones in her mouth.
Alma, I said, take those stones out of your mouth..you will break your teeth if you bite on them, She said "no I do not bite hard candies, I just suck on them"//Well it took some time to get her to realize they were really not hard candy..she tried to convince me that they were, by saying it is just hard sugar candy dear...well life got a little bit hairy there, thankfully I managed to get them away from her, although when I left I noticed they were not on the window sill..Hopefully she didn't secret them in her pocket..if she did, I'm sure she will forget they are there..
It is such a terrible and sad thing to see this disease among so many here at the residence that I live in as each month one sees how much each of the ones I know have gone down in mind and body. Not to mention how sad it is even among those who were o.k. but in getting old are losing physical abilities. Saturday one of the really "up" residents who always had a smile and enjoyed her outdoor as well as indoor activities, Collette; one who had all her marbles but suffered from Emphesema but still was able to go out,as well as enjoy the activities inside had died at 75 years old.. The family had a kind of wake right in our recreation room..it was RIP Collette,.
Our good old table mate when Mac was still living, Alice, is now also no longer with us. I found out she had died 3 weeks ago, both her son and daughter lived out west and in the time (over 3 years now) they have never visited, Although I cried when I found out this sad news, I know she really wanted to go...her life was just one big misery.
My friend Hazel (age 91) and myself were talking abut Alice, and how Alice really wanted to die ..and so it was in a way a blessing...though I really couldn't stop crying for a bit there. When a lady came and sat across from us...by this time we were sitting in the big area in the lobby...this lady almost convinced us she was living here in a hotel kind of way, here about 3 weeks then back to Montreal to her other home. Her husband was working and they took breaks and now she was in a warm place, a change for her and husband, with some items from her home in her rental apartment here. I was just trying to figure out if she was thinking she was in a hotel or just what, when Jackie (on duty ) came over quickly, breathed a big sigh of relief when she saw the lady.. Then we kind of realized o.k. all this talk by her was fabricated...she was an INMATE. Had a bracelet and could not go in and out without a companion. And so it goes...getting old is as they say, for sure not for sissies.
Well my life goes on in the Dementia lane, I'm still visiting Alma, as I mentioned in my last blog. I'm noticing that she is still reading, but she finding writing her name now a little more challenging. Our painting class was more of the same, which was painting on tile dropping alcohol on the work holding the tile sideways thereby letting the colours mix into an abstract design.. Actually our first bit that we did last week looked great to me, but when I showed it to Alma to see how it looked with spray (a kind of shiny wax) on it, she said "I did that, well I must have been drunk" How hilarious, I laughed so much...she didn't find it funny in fact she was serious.
Anyway, our next attempt was beautiful, I thought..but Alma continues to try and make sense of it, by trying to move the tile around to see if she can see a figure or something that is appealing. I said ' think that looks a little like a flying goose in the corner, she said "could be a flying anything" ...Well abstract painting is not for everyone, and it certainly isn't for Alma. But, what was for Alma was and still is looking out at the scenery from the window...while we were looking we noticed a beautiful carnation flower in a vase on the window sill..next to it was a tiny little bag with some polished stones. I took them out to show Alma, and she said, hmmm let me see that. So I passed the little bag to her and before I knew it she put a couple of the stones in her mouth.
Alma, I said, take those stones out of your mouth..you will break your teeth if you bite on them, She said "no I do not bite hard candies, I just suck on them"//Well it took some time to get her to realize they were really not hard candy..she tried to convince me that they were, by saying it is just hard sugar candy dear...well life got a little bit hairy there, thankfully I managed to get them away from her, although when I left I noticed they were not on the window sill..Hopefully she didn't secret them in her pocket..if she did, I'm sure she will forget they are there..
It is such a terrible and sad thing to see this disease among so many here at the residence that I live in as each month one sees how much each of the ones I know have gone down in mind and body. Not to mention how sad it is even among those who were o.k. but in getting old are losing physical abilities. Saturday one of the really "up" residents who always had a smile and enjoyed her outdoor as well as indoor activities, Collette; one who had all her marbles but suffered from Emphesema but still was able to go out,as well as enjoy the activities inside had died at 75 years old.. The family had a kind of wake right in our recreation room..it was RIP Collette,.
Our good old table mate when Mac was still living, Alice, is now also no longer with us. I found out she had died 3 weeks ago, both her son and daughter lived out west and in the time (over 3 years now) they have never visited, Although I cried when I found out this sad news, I know she really wanted to go...her life was just one big misery.
My friend Hazel (age 91) and myself were talking abut Alice, and how Alice really wanted to die ..and so it was in a way a blessing...though I really couldn't stop crying for a bit there. When a lady came and sat across from us...by this time we were sitting in the big area in the lobby...this lady almost convinced us she was living here in a hotel kind of way, here about 3 weeks then back to Montreal to her other home. Her husband was working and they took breaks and now she was in a warm place, a change for her and husband, with some items from her home in her rental apartment here. I was just trying to figure out if she was thinking she was in a hotel or just what, when Jackie (on duty ) came over quickly, breathed a big sigh of relief when she saw the lady.. Then we kind of realized o.k. all this talk by her was fabricated...she was an INMATE. Had a bracelet and could not go in and out without a companion. And so it goes...getting old is as they say, for sure not for sissies.
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
Snow Day, March 15 2017
We, my two daughters and a friend and myself, have been away in Montego Bay, Jamaica, had a wonderful time. Now we are back, and I'm back visiting and helping my friend's mom., Alma Alma has Alzheimer's although it is advanced enough that she has to be in a residence with others with that dread disease..she can take part in an Art program. This has been great therapy for her and also for me. The various art activities, are fun, and although she never wants to participate somehow I always manage to draw her in, and in the end she usually is quite happy about her work, and although she compliments whatever project she has done, she always wonders who made it.. When I say Alma you did that painting, drawing, or art object, she always answers, "Well no dear, that was not done by me". I'd finally convince her that it was certainly her work, and it is lovely. "Oh my, she said,I did that well I don't remember"....I guess in the end she forgets that she did all those things, but while doing it, life is fine.
And so it goes, I'm still involved with the Alzheimer's Disease in a different way. But it is somehow a way of keeping Mac and his illness in my life...I get a satisfaction out of using the skills I learned over the eight years that we were involved in that awful disease. This way when I think, as I aften do of Mac, it was two years on March 10 the anniversary of his death, I dedicate my work and thoughts to him. Although Alma does not have the same affiliation for me as Mac did, she seems to really like me and we do have a lovely time together.
In my last blog I mentioned I have a new man in my life. Strangely enough we met in Church, I won't mention his name, but he came to church just after his wife a died. He wanted to be quietly in a corner and quite by accident he sat in the seat where I would put Mac as Mac not being church goer wanted to be well out of the way. I had brought Mac there so that he would be in the last row and well away in a kind of corner. This man's wife had died, and I guess he thought going back to his old church might help him cope with his grief. So there we were sitting together in the last pew...I noticed like myself he was not too familiar with the set up. In fact he would look in the prayer book when we sang hymns and in the hymn book when we were doing the prayers, I ended up helping him in the books, and he ended up helping me, by driving me home.
He has become the volunteer for the volunteer,(ME) He drives me every week to be with Alma and picks me up after the session. He comes in at times to join us for a cup of tea and cookies, but like many people this is not something he would do on a regular basis. To be with Alzheimer's patients takes some getting used to...especially when many of these patients are there with outspoken and various strange ways.. There is one who often says she will kill a person, and of course this is unpleasant, luckily Alma is quiet and unassuming but at times she does have to be on pills to help to quiet her down.- how this might happen is that the patient becomes disorientated and frustrated.
So although life is not in the same lane as with Mac,it is a part of my life that I can't forget, and so I'm going to be blogging about Alma..and hopefully this will help others who have the disease
We, my two daughters and a friend and myself, have been away in Montego Bay, Jamaica, had a wonderful time. Now we are back, and I'm back visiting and helping my friend's mom., Alma Alma has Alzheimer's although it is advanced enough that she has to be in a residence with others with that dread disease..she can take part in an Art program. This has been great therapy for her and also for me. The various art activities, are fun, and although she never wants to participate somehow I always manage to draw her in, and in the end she usually is quite happy about her work, and although she compliments whatever project she has done, she always wonders who made it.. When I say Alma you did that painting, drawing, or art object, she always answers, "Well no dear, that was not done by me". I'd finally convince her that it was certainly her work, and it is lovely. "Oh my, she said,I did that well I don't remember"....I guess in the end she forgets that she did all those things, but while doing it, life is fine.
And so it goes, I'm still involved with the Alzheimer's Disease in a different way. But it is somehow a way of keeping Mac and his illness in my life...I get a satisfaction out of using the skills I learned over the eight years that we were involved in that awful disease. This way when I think, as I aften do of Mac, it was two years on March 10 the anniversary of his death, I dedicate my work and thoughts to him. Although Alma does not have the same affiliation for me as Mac did, she seems to really like me and we do have a lovely time together.
In my last blog I mentioned I have a new man in my life. Strangely enough we met in Church, I won't mention his name, but he came to church just after his wife a died. He wanted to be quietly in a corner and quite by accident he sat in the seat where I would put Mac as Mac not being church goer wanted to be well out of the way. I had brought Mac there so that he would be in the last row and well away in a kind of corner. This man's wife had died, and I guess he thought going back to his old church might help him cope with his grief. So there we were sitting together in the last pew...I noticed like myself he was not too familiar with the set up. In fact he would look in the prayer book when we sang hymns and in the hymn book when we were doing the prayers, I ended up helping him in the books, and he ended up helping me, by driving me home.
He has become the volunteer for the volunteer,(ME) He drives me every week to be with Alma and picks me up after the session. He comes in at times to join us for a cup of tea and cookies, but like many people this is not something he would do on a regular basis. To be with Alzheimer's patients takes some getting used to...especially when many of these patients are there with outspoken and various strange ways.. There is one who often says she will kill a person, and of course this is unpleasant, luckily Alma is quiet and unassuming but at times she does have to be on pills to help to quiet her down.- how this might happen is that the patient becomes disorientated and frustrated.
So although life is not in the same lane as with Mac,it is a part of my life that I can't forget, and so I'm going to be blogging about Alma..and hopefully this will help others who have the disease
Thursday, 23 February 2017
Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017
I'm back on track, or hope I am, I did write to say hello I'm back then did something and lo and behold lost my first line..here's hoping this will stay and that you all remember me. My older blogs were mainly about Mac, but as most of those who followed my blog know, my darling Mac died.
Now I do continue to see people with the big A. Alma my friend's mom who lived in the Place behind this building has moved further, but I get to see her when I volunteer on Mondays in her Art Class. I mostly help Alma, but do get to give a hand to the others. Amazing to me is just how alert they are and certainly none have been aggressive or as far gone as some of the patients that are here on the second floor. I guess they have been chosen for their ability to communicate and not become frustrated. Certainly Alma is a case in point. She may say, "No dear, I don' t want to paint, but when I pick up the paint brush and say, well this is what the teacher is suggesting we do...abstract work, or paint in a heart for Valentine's I will kind of do a few strokes, and then Alma seems to feel o.k.my turn...so she has done some fairly good work.
So that is a part of my life, BUT, there is a life after one's loved one dies, and ONE, has to try to continue on and enjoy the time. This is important so doing what I feel is helpful, i.e. working with others, reading, - I now am in two book groups, my original one and one that just opened up at the Library which is right next door..Expanding my mind is the idea, The only thing is my eyes are not the greatest, having macular degeneration requiring me to have an injection in my right eye (wet type of degeneration) and the dry in my left, makes reading for any long stretches not feasible.
Continuing to do exercise, such as walking, yoga, zumba and stretch exercises plus dancing at home all help I hope to keep me supple and active ...as well...meeting people and doing fun things at the local over 55 place which here in Lachine is the "Tea Pot."..and going to Church..now here is the surprise I've been going out with a man that I met at church...This part of the blog is to say how have I kept from getting too sad...Obviously I'm much much better..and so I will tell more about the new man in my next blog...wait for it...ha.
I'm back on track, or hope I am, I did write to say hello I'm back then did something and lo and behold lost my first line..here's hoping this will stay and that you all remember me. My older blogs were mainly about Mac, but as most of those who followed my blog know, my darling Mac died.
Now I do continue to see people with the big A. Alma my friend's mom who lived in the Place behind this building has moved further, but I get to see her when I volunteer on Mondays in her Art Class. I mostly help Alma, but do get to give a hand to the others. Amazing to me is just how alert they are and certainly none have been aggressive or as far gone as some of the patients that are here on the second floor. I guess they have been chosen for their ability to communicate and not become frustrated. Certainly Alma is a case in point. She may say, "No dear, I don' t want to paint, but when I pick up the paint brush and say, well this is what the teacher is suggesting we do...abstract work, or paint in a heart for Valentine's I will kind of do a few strokes, and then Alma seems to feel o.k.my turn...so she has done some fairly good work.
So that is a part of my life, BUT, there is a life after one's loved one dies, and ONE, has to try to continue on and enjoy the time. This is important so doing what I feel is helpful, i.e. working with others, reading, - I now am in two book groups, my original one and one that just opened up at the Library which is right next door..Expanding my mind is the idea, The only thing is my eyes are not the greatest, having macular degeneration requiring me to have an injection in my right eye (wet type of degeneration) and the dry in my left, makes reading for any long stretches not feasible.
Continuing to do exercise, such as walking, yoga, zumba and stretch exercises plus dancing at home all help I hope to keep me supple and active ...as well...meeting people and doing fun things at the local over 55 place which here in Lachine is the "Tea Pot."..and going to Church..now here is the surprise I've been going out with a man that I met at church...This part of the blog is to say how have I kept from getting too sad...Obviously I'm much much better..and so I will tell more about the new man in my next blog...wait for it...ha.
Monday, 28 March 2016
Easter Monday, March 28, 2016....All the eggs are mine o.k.
Easter Monday, and the beat goes on...I went out to return my dvds and book in the library slot ...and perhaps make it to the pharmacy, but the wind and rain drove me right back home. At first I thought it might whisk me off to the land of OZ ...but on second thought realized it would probably whisk me onto the road, what a wind my umbrella went right inside out...but Easter Saturday was fun, the following is what I wrote to my neice who emailed me to know about our Easter weekend.
Just returned home from Maureen’s where we celebrated 4 birthdays (actually we usually celebrate 5 bd’s but Jacob is in Calgary, darn), and of course celebrated Easter. Little Finley and I did an egg search for each other…I was the bunny rabbit then she was..and she got to keep all the eggs, ha. So after too much chocolate, and food, came home and rolled around the house putting stuff away, got some lovely Easter flowers, plant, chocolate, and mixed nuts, enough to last till next Easter… oh boy, need it like a hole in the head…oh well.
Today would have been the day Mac went to Laura Secord's Chocolate Store, to buy half price Easter cream filled Eggs. We would give small ones to the kids for the real Easter day, and then buy the big ones after Easter..Each night after we'd watch the CBC news taking small slices of the Cream filled Eggs, savoring each morsel. I did buy the small ones and as I'm typing I'm pretending I'm not eating one.
I'm the only one in the family who still goes to Church Easter Sunday, or any Sunday for that matter; I always wonder as I go in to church, why I still go, and somehow before I leave I always have the answer; for sure it is not the people who I think I've mentioned many times are the friendliest and most loving; but who can say what overcomes me as I take the wine and the wafer, what makes me fill up with call it happiness, I really don't know, but it's there. So does this mean I BELIEVE unconditionally not really, I question, and I reject so much. We discussed this (my son-in-law, daughter Gaye and myself) on Easter day.
She told me of something she learned from Jehovah Witness person, they do not wear a cross on a chain or believe in having the cross, because as they said, if your father got killed by a gun, would you wear a gun on a chain around your neck...well hmmm. Then on the other hand maybe some would I'm always amazed at the people who tattoo themselves with some of the most violent scenes...or hang a spoon around their neck, cocaine believers???
A united church woman minister has quite a following in her church, they are all unbelievers, looking to believe kind of thing. She was interviewed on CBC, and some say she said she was an Atheist, I didn't hear the interview, but will get it online. In that case so are the people who go to the Unitarian church, wonder why if that is the case she doesn't go there, will have to find out.
Well all this to say, Easter has given me food for thought (other than Chocolate)...It looks like the rain is letting up, so have a good day, bye...
Just returned home from Maureen’s where we celebrated 4 birthdays (actually we usually celebrate 5 bd’s but Jacob is in Calgary, darn), and of course celebrated Easter. Little Finley and I did an egg search for each other…I was the bunny rabbit then she was..and she got to keep all the eggs, ha. So after too much chocolate, and food, came home and rolled around the house putting stuff away, got some lovely Easter flowers, plant, chocolate, and mixed nuts, enough to last till next Easter… oh boy, need it like a hole in the head…oh well.
Today would have been the day Mac went to Laura Secord's Chocolate Store, to buy half price Easter cream filled Eggs. We would give small ones to the kids for the real Easter day, and then buy the big ones after Easter..Each night after we'd watch the CBC news taking small slices of the Cream filled Eggs, savoring each morsel. I did buy the small ones and as I'm typing I'm pretending I'm not eating one.
I'm the only one in the family who still goes to Church Easter Sunday, or any Sunday for that matter; I always wonder as I go in to church, why I still go, and somehow before I leave I always have the answer; for sure it is not the people who I think I've mentioned many times are the friendliest and most loving; but who can say what overcomes me as I take the wine and the wafer, what makes me fill up with call it happiness, I really don't know, but it's there. So does this mean I BELIEVE unconditionally not really, I question, and I reject so much. We discussed this (my son-in-law, daughter Gaye and myself) on Easter day.
She told me of something she learned from Jehovah Witness person, they do not wear a cross on a chain or believe in having the cross, because as they said, if your father got killed by a gun, would you wear a gun on a chain around your neck...well hmmm. Then on the other hand maybe some would I'm always amazed at the people who tattoo themselves with some of the most violent scenes...or hang a spoon around their neck, cocaine believers???
A united church woman minister has quite a following in her church, they are all unbelievers, looking to believe kind of thing. She was interviewed on CBC, and some say she said she was an Atheist, I didn't hear the interview, but will get it online. In that case so are the people who go to the Unitarian church, wonder why if that is the case she doesn't go there, will have to find out.
Well all this to say, Easter has given me food for thought (other than Chocolate)...It looks like the rain is letting up, so have a good day, bye...
Monday, 21 March 2016
Monday, March 21, 2016 Still Alice....Still Mac
Many moons ago, when we discovered that Mac had Alzheimer's and was well into it. I was asked by my daughter Gaye to join a group - a support group - for those who live with people who have Alzheimer's disease. This was really a good step to take, and one I've appreciated so much over the years...since then, which is actually about nine years or so now.
We, the twelve of us in the group, all had someone in our family - mother, father, sister, brother, husband or wife with the dread big A. We received many papers outlining what we were going through, we were there for twelve weeks, each week gave us new and better understanding of the disease.
One of the suggestions, was that we should read the book, Still Alice.
Well I did buy or get the book from the library, can't really remember, but what I do remember is that I could not get through the second chapter...it was too much to read what we were going through.
I felt that why should I go through the trauma of reading what was happening, and although I didn't know what would happen exactly in the future, I and Mac had a pretty good knowledge and it really wasn't pretty.
So I would not read the book, although the leader felt that the person reading the book would have a deeper understanding of what the person with the Big A. was going through.
I as asked many times, did you read the book, Still Alice...my reply was always, no but I probably will read it. Then the movie Still Alice came out,various friends and relations, called me to say the acting in that movie was super, they had understood so much more about the disease, and really recommended the movie.
For different reasons, i.e. I was living through the disease with Mac, secondly why should I watch someone else, I was able to see this up front and personal. plus by then I knew many others with the disease, spoke to so many in the support group, and again did not go to the movie.
Well yesterday, in the library where I borrow films I saw "Still Alice", well Mac has been dead a year now. I still see people with the bit A. but it's not something that causes churning in my tummy, it is something that I help others with and seem to have a handle on things, so I decided to borrow the movie, and tonight decided to at last, sit down and watch the movie.
Well for sure the actress, Julianne Moore was terrific, she definitely "delivers a Career defining performance", well so much so, that just seeing her start to realize she was forgetting, words, where she was, and then begin to start checking things carefully, my tummy began to get those fluttery kind of butterfly feelings, but I tried hard to just ignore, and say, this is a movie, this is what is happening to Alice, get on with it and relax.
Then came the place in the movie where she decides to open up to her husband and say she is seeing a neurologist and he thinks she has the beginning of onset of Alzheimer's even though she is really much younger than the average age for getting the disease. Her husband says, "impossible"...precisely what Mac said, when he was first diagnosed, and when he was referred to a neurologist.
When Julianne in her role screams and starts to cry out to her husband, listen to me, it's true, ..that's when I lost it...and said right out loud in my apartment here without anyone to say it to. What am I doing I don't need this..and turned the movie off.
I think my many friends whose parents, husbands, wife,who have and are still going through this sad time, must have something I don't have..because some of them have recommended the movie to me in the past. Some have seen the movie earlier or later in the disease, how strong they are, as I could not take it.
In fact just last Thursday, I went to a Sugaring Off Party at a Cabana Sucre with the Retired Teachers Group. One of the teachers said, "this is such a break for me, my husband is in "Heron House" (An assisted living Residence) he has alzheimers. Twice a week I go to help him eat. Some times he knows who I am, some times he doesn't, sometimes he can eat by himself, other times he can't. Just yesterday, I had to help him eat he didn't know what to do with his fork. " I am so happy that we have placed him where he gets the help he needs"
The same thing happened to me as when I started the book and watched the movie..my tummy started to churn, I was about to cry, so had to move away, saying to myself, I don't need this.
Now, I have no problem with being with the people with the big A. right here in the building, or helping my friend's mom, Alma, over in the building in the back of us. I don't understand what I'm going through, but I know it has to do with just how deeply it hit when Mac was ill in the first few months, I guess I just start to relive...and for sure I don't need it.
Writing about it right now, has helped, I've gotten rid of the heavy feeling, and the sadness I felt and at time still feel for Mac. I really want to remember the happy times, even when he was ill, because for sure there were more good times with him ill than bad..and though I wouldn't want him back with the illness, I surely am so happy we had those years together, becauses he was Still Mac...
We, the twelve of us in the group, all had someone in our family - mother, father, sister, brother, husband or wife with the dread big A. We received many papers outlining what we were going through, we were there for twelve weeks, each week gave us new and better understanding of the disease.
One of the suggestions, was that we should read the book, Still Alice.
Well I did buy or get the book from the library, can't really remember, but what I do remember is that I could not get through the second chapter...it was too much to read what we were going through.
I felt that why should I go through the trauma of reading what was happening, and although I didn't know what would happen exactly in the future, I and Mac had a pretty good knowledge and it really wasn't pretty.
So I would not read the book, although the leader felt that the person reading the book would have a deeper understanding of what the person with the Big A. was going through.
I as asked many times, did you read the book, Still Alice...my reply was always, no but I probably will read it. Then the movie Still Alice came out,various friends and relations, called me to say the acting in that movie was super, they had understood so much more about the disease, and really recommended the movie.
For different reasons, i.e. I was living through the disease with Mac, secondly why should I watch someone else, I was able to see this up front and personal. plus by then I knew many others with the disease, spoke to so many in the support group, and again did not go to the movie.
Well yesterday, in the library where I borrow films I saw "Still Alice", well Mac has been dead a year now. I still see people with the bit A. but it's not something that causes churning in my tummy, it is something that I help others with and seem to have a handle on things, so I decided to borrow the movie, and tonight decided to at last, sit down and watch the movie.
Well for sure the actress, Julianne Moore was terrific, she definitely "delivers a Career defining performance", well so much so, that just seeing her start to realize she was forgetting, words, where she was, and then begin to start checking things carefully, my tummy began to get those fluttery kind of butterfly feelings, but I tried hard to just ignore, and say, this is a movie, this is what is happening to Alice, get on with it and relax.
Then came the place in the movie where she decides to open up to her husband and say she is seeing a neurologist and he thinks she has the beginning of onset of Alzheimer's even though she is really much younger than the average age for getting the disease. Her husband says, "impossible"...precisely what Mac said, when he was first diagnosed, and when he was referred to a neurologist.
When Julianne in her role screams and starts to cry out to her husband, listen to me, it's true, ..that's when I lost it...and said right out loud in my apartment here without anyone to say it to. What am I doing I don't need this..and turned the movie off.
I think my many friends whose parents, husbands, wife,who have and are still going through this sad time, must have something I don't have..because some of them have recommended the movie to me in the past. Some have seen the movie earlier or later in the disease, how strong they are, as I could not take it.
In fact just last Thursday, I went to a Sugaring Off Party at a Cabana Sucre with the Retired Teachers Group. One of the teachers said, "this is such a break for me, my husband is in "Heron House" (An assisted living Residence) he has alzheimers. Twice a week I go to help him eat. Some times he knows who I am, some times he doesn't, sometimes he can eat by himself, other times he can't. Just yesterday, I had to help him eat he didn't know what to do with his fork. " I am so happy that we have placed him where he gets the help he needs"
The same thing happened to me as when I started the book and watched the movie..my tummy started to churn, I was about to cry, so had to move away, saying to myself, I don't need this.
Now, I have no problem with being with the people with the big A. right here in the building, or helping my friend's mom, Alma, over in the building in the back of us. I don't understand what I'm going through, but I know it has to do with just how deeply it hit when Mac was ill in the first few months, I guess I just start to relive...and for sure I don't need it.
Writing about it right now, has helped, I've gotten rid of the heavy feeling, and the sadness I felt and at time still feel for Mac. I really want to remember the happy times, even when he was ill, because for sure there were more good times with him ill than bad..and though I wouldn't want him back with the illness, I surely am so happy we had those years together, becauses he was Still Mac...
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