Tuesday nights are becoming a bit of a problem for me, as I wonder how Mac will be when I have the respite person Wednesday....I lie awake trying to think of ways to make him relax while I'm away and enjoy someone else to talk to...Tonight while my daughter Glenna was here I tried to explain that when I leave, it is necessary for him to have someone here to make sure he is alright and of course the answer is 'I don't need anyone...I can stay by myself....I can look after myself...Glenna tried to explain that he has a memory problem and cannot be sure to remember such things as turning off the stove element....or if he went out he would perhaps get lost...
I have gone through that scenario hundreds of times so I usually just try to get him to realize he is helping ME, which he is..by telling him I need to be with women at a meeting, or doing other things that he has no interest in, and at the same time he has a visitor that can talk to him, or even he can ignore the person, sleep, listen to the radio, watch t.v. his choice...We have had the same person a few times, actually tomorrow will make it 5 times - but obviously he is not keen on that person. William, this respite worker, phoned and is quite upset and I think afraid that Mac will get violent..or something. I asked him why he didn't ask his superior to replace him, apparently she gave him reasons why he should stay with Mac, i.e. he has alzheimers and will not remember him anyway. William tells me that she doesn't realize that Mac is not like most alzheimer people he is much more aware, and knows even how many times he has been here. Well not surprising since i mentioned it first thing as he came in...i said oh it's William - he's been here about three times now.
So tomorrow i will phone his superior, he gave me the phone #...I had phoned my social worker as I know and can see that they were not a good match..but my social worker is away..so will see how it works with the woman who is in charge of placing these people.
I know it's difficult for caretakers..I always try to tell them, just be natural, try not to come on with hearty hello's and so on, just be calm...Tell your name calmly, say I'm pleased to meet you. You are new to Lachine, how do you like it?? Normal questions as you would do with anyone you have just met. I find that this man, in particular, feels he has to talk loudly and with a very gruff voice, and he has an oriental Accent - it may be off - putting, but then...Mac finds anyone who has to stay with him off-putting, so who knows..Lately the woman I pay has also had problems, but again, she tries to talk a little as if he is a child, show us how you can open the door with the key..show us where the elevator is. I know i would hate that...just treat me as a person who is okay...and know that I have a problem opening doors with a key, etc. and don't ask me to show anyone anything. So if anyone is reading this and has to be with someone with A. just remember they are still intelligent, the only thing is they have lost their memory.
Another problem with not having a good memory, the A. person may forget how to pull up zippers, or just where the toilet paper is, or how to flush...pull up their pants..or at times just where the toilet is .. With this in mind they may not feel comfortable to go to the toilet...may need to go and of course this will cause a problem as well. I usually try to have Mac toileted, and have him seated with some food...kind of make this an event..have some cashews, grapes, cheese, crackers, gingerale, and have the two share it...the respite people always say NO thanks, just had lunch...but they could just wait and eat it later with Mac, will suggest this tomorrow...as you can see, i'm going to go to bed and lie awake with these kind of thoughts ...
In the meantime, we've had a good day with a great walk, enjoyed watching the kids learn to sail in their little sail boats...watched the gulls being mean to each other ...the mother duck being a sweetie and cuddling her 3 little ducks...checked out how many times the sun came out from behind the clouds...talked about the breeze being such a great way to chase away the humidity...smelled the wild roses and decided the aroma from wild roses is better than domesticated roses...then home to a dinner which gave us more than just food but food for thought and conversation...now I'll cuddle up with Mac, and hopefully sleep...g'nite.
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