Sunday - May 4, 2014 I've gotta get out ...

"I've gotta get out'...friends are waiting...how do i get out of here...I have to go right now...i'm not waiting..NO, right now....That's the answer Mac was giving me - along with some really great swearing..at about 2 a.m.  This answer was to my saying, 'look wait till it's bright out, it's the middle of the night..no onw is awake now.." well forget that no way was that acceptable... This was going on for about an hour, off and on, with his trying to walk to the window, stopping and starting, yelling, and then coming back to the bed...To distract him, I tried calling my daughter, but poor her, the middle of the night and waking her up, not too bright of me, but she did try, and he didn't respond but got worse... So hung up, and just waited and talked softly till he calmed down enough to get back to bed by about 3;30 a.m.

 Mac has not been a happy camper in the middle of the night  - really I'm not getting enough sleep..i've decided to give Mac his special pills tonight , i'm supposed to check  out his behaviour in the day and if there is indication of agitation, then give him a pill...well, he is not exactly agitated but very very confused, so decided to give him the pill..tonight and see if it's any better during the night.  i did do that two nights but he definitely was agitated before bed...so it was a go and it was the first time i've slept all night in weeks (exception of course for the bathroom)...t'was beautiful..

.I can call the special nurse in the middle of the night and he will come, but if mac is too agitated to take the pill they give an injection and although he never has had one, i hate the thought of his yelling and screaming to get out of it...so i put up with the yelling and screaming to get out of here and eventually he did calm down..which can take up to one or two hours with breaks inbetween.yuck..so tonites the nite for a pill.

 

Mac has a great sense of humour and we have fun many times in the day, though lately hehas been saying, "why am i so confused, it's terrible, I would be lost if you weren't here".   Again and again, i tell him that's the  problem it's your memory...so let's just live in the moment...easier said than done...This is the words every few days..and it is terribly sad.. today Debbie came to look after him while I went to a "Grandmother to Grandmother Concert" in aid of African Grandmothers.....While there, our good friend and psychiatrist reminded me that I need to have a break, i must take time out, and get refreshed, etc etc.  Well I know that, but Mac is the one who really needs the help..he is the one really suffering, and tries so hard to be "up' , and good to be with...I can see that he has trouble even talkng and today his walking is awful, just shuffling, as we haven't walked enough...so tomorrow if it's not raining...my strained ankle better be better, I am going to get him out walking...and that's it for tonight...hope we have a good night - g'nite

 

Actually the days are pretty good with the exception of some parts of it...he seems to be getting weaker for walks, i'm not sure if it's because i strained my ankle, so we're not walking as much...therefore, vicious circle - the less we walk the less he is able to walk...shuffles along...