okay, August 14th sounds o.k. to me...although have had a kind of uneasy day, mac was rather agitated and not exactly with it. hopefully all will be well by the time we will meet- one never knows -
things were going so well for about 8 days...but as soon as i start thinking oh well this is the way it goes now, he is so so out of the memory business that he is not agitated, when boom he starts...
who are you, what do you mean - you are not my wife, get out of here. don't you dare hold my hand - take off...stop playing games...get away, i'm going to my own home what did you say your name was...janet mcconell, no way, get out of here, - then he starts getting a bit rough. I calmed him down (we were out on an evening walk),
I said come into this building I'll show you where you live..Well, he was absolutely livid,and said i'm going to stop you; you; are going to need to be pushed out of here, you are not going to show me anything. ' Well long story short. this continued for some time, i said, let's go see Alice, who we often visit in the evening to help her and talk to her for a few min. well that was a downer, he was angry and fit to be tied. I had the male nurse there, and mac said, i'm going to punch her, she is saying her name is Janet McConnell...The nurse tried to calm him, then Stephane his preposee came she said. This is your wife..wow, he almost exploded he was so mad. She went to get the other nurse who has the meds and the knowhow..(another male nurse). So finally I got him in our apartment, and surprise, Gaye phoned me to say she had some gingerale for mac and nuts she forgot to give us last night... told her the prblm).she settled him downa bit on the phone and came over ;, had me go out of the apartment, and though he wasn't completely satisfied, he was calmer, and she gave him a sleeping pill, and now hes' in bed...so how was YOUR day..ha...
So that's how it is right now, I'm trying to get myself calm enough to go to bed and relax. I know I can run away from him if he gets too rough, but i don't want him to try to run after me, he will fall and hurt himself. It surely is a dilemma..and I feel so sad for him, how awful, not to know what's going on, to feel so disoriented, to want to go home and not know where home is, to want his wife and not know her when he sees her, to be so so upset and feeling so helpless and useless.
Just yesterday, he was making jokes, and waving to people so happily, enjoyed a birthday dinner at Gaye's home (Chris - gaye's son's bd) and came home went to bed and all was well, and then we have this side of the moon (the dark side)..This is when I become really undone..how can I help him, he is such a sweet man, and always was so there for me. It is so hard to watch and not be able to fix things for him, makes me depressed; I'm going to pick my socks up now, and get with it..as I keep saying it's moment by moment. And this right now is a good moment, he is asleep, and all is well, so g'nite.
i'm kind of nervous to get in bed tonite...hope the pill works...will get back to you, g'nite, xxxjan.
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