Well I'm back and all is well, thanks to my two buddies (Debbie and Cecilia) who did such a great job of looking after Mac..not to mention all the family, Gaye, Valerie, Glenna, Maureen, and Les, each who took time from their weekend to be with Mac.
At first I was very reluctant to let go of him, or even memories of him as I watched others cycling, hiking, walking the beach, jumping or swimming in the surf. Finally my friend pointed out that really I was "raining on her parade" by talking about how Mac used to do this or that and how Mac was such a great biker etc etc, and I guess I was rather teary doing so. When she said this at first it took me aback, but then I realized - she was right, not only was I raining on her parade but on my own. This was supposed to be respite and I was supposed to be relaxing and at least trying to enjoy myself. So I managed to give myself "time out" and what a wonderful time out, walking the beach, jumping in the surf (very shallow surf) and enjoying the warmth not only of the weather, but the warmth of my friend Carolyn, for a few days and then the rest of the time with my dear niece Gail. Both of whom are caring not only for myself but who love and care for Mac as well. I also had a great full day with my friend Louise who drove to visit from St. Petes. How we laughed and talked - shopped ate and drank to our heart's content. Certainly t'was a great vacation.
Now I'm chugging on all cylinders and finding Mac's sometimes funny, sometimes crabby ways almost endearing. When he said "hey stop that", and of course taking the Lord's name in vain, and making the air turn blue as the preposee helped get him ready for bed, I just hugged him and said, "you know what, I love you, you sure can make me laugh"..he replied " get outta here, I love you too"..and as he pulled the blankets and sheets up to his face we both had a big smile - he closed his eyes, and that was that, another day in the booby-hatch as he called it during supper. No wonder, as one lady kept saying over and over while we ate, "I'm dying, I'm sick no I won't eat, go away.." all this in French, I'm getting to be better and better at understanding French...and at times when one lady wheels around on her wheel chair screaming au succor au succor, I find myself saying it also, and in French.
I received an email with a cutting from the Globe and Mail, about the author and husband of Iris Murdoch who wrote about his wife's dementia, and how she behaved, dressed and talked - this wife was the wonderful Booker Prize author Iris who ended her life in such a sad state and in this disease. Apparently some felt that he was doing this without his wife's kind of agreement as she could not approve or disapprove what he was doing. I answered ...that in effect that is what I am doing and at times I feel that Mac might not like it, but somehow I think it's time to get this disease out in the open, so many hide the fact that this illness is in their family. They are in denial - try to make out that it isn't really Alzheimers or dementia, but something temporary, just a kind of phase, but it's time to bring this illness out of the closet and push for more and more research...the Alzheimer's society is doing just that. I'm proud of what they have accomplished so far, and hopefully the break throughs that seem to be happening will make the disease rare instead of something that will happen to one in five people world wide, by 2020 or earlier.
So to quote Mac "where the hell are we going..." hopefully we are going to do something to push for a cure soon - that's where we're going ..in the meantime I'm going to bed, g'nite.
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