but the Story.....
This one is from my many walks along the lake path here in Lachine. It was one of the really warm days this June, the sun shining so bright that it brought out all the sparkles on the waves - so much so, one could hardly look without dark sun glasses. I had, by now, managed to sit in one of our favourite benches which is about 20 feet from the water. It had taken me about three months to be able to sit at that bench without weeping as it was the one Mac and I used the most in out days of walking the lake.
Not too far - about 10 feet from the side of the bench towards the water a woman was sunning herself, lying there in a two piece bathing suit, on a kind of quilt. I started to take my book out of my bag, she looked at me, as I started to read, and said, do you have sun screen lotion? No, I don't - she said, well look at my ankles, I had long pants on yesterday and look at my feet. I looked, and noticed that the sun had made what looked like deep pink socks on her feet..wow I said, you've got quite a burn.. She said yes so I'm covered well today with sunscreen, so you better think about it. I replied , yes I can see that, but my feet seem to have a bit of a tan already. I think I'll be o.k. I had on long pants and sandals, and a striped t. shirt.
Looking closer at this lady, I noticed how really pale she was, she had short curly blonde hair and a good figure, and as she turned to face me on her quilt she smiled and was really quite pretty. She said how great it was anyway to have the sun after such a hard winter. I agreed, and then noticed, hey she has a wheelchair, how did she manage to get on the grass there by the lake. I said, did you wheel yourself here? She answered she had, that her wheel chair was small and light.
I kind of looked at her legs , and she said, I have a steel rod in my legs at the ankles. Oh, that must have been quite a break, she said, oh well, it's really not my legs that are the problem it's my back, I broke my back in two places and have a problem spine; at that I kind of winced, then she added, I tried to commit suicide. Oh boy .then, I felt kind of sick, I thought this is a really sad case. I said, gee that is awful, I hope you are on good meds for whatever, and that you have a psychiatrist. Oh yes, I'm careful to take my pills every day, see my psych twice a month.
I said, do you have family. Well I have a son 23, he's married and doesn't talk to me now, and a daughter 17. I said, She must feel bad about all this - Yes, she answered, but we get along o.k. I'm divorced now - and that's the reason I did that, my husband was terrible, and she added - he tried and she put her hands around her neck in a choking fashion. Gee, I said I hope he sees a psych. She said, well we talk now, and he does see a psychiatrist and is also on pills.
Feeling even sicker, I was kind of wanting to leave yet didn't want to rush away, so I said, I hope you have some good friends. She said, I have three good friends, I live right near here, and they live near me. That's good, and as I got up to leave she said, yes I really need them, as I tried to suicide five times.
My mind took that in as I weakly said "Well, that's so sad, I'll perhaps see you on my way back, I usually walk along further, I'm glad you are getting help now, do keep taking your meds ...oh yes she replied, and so we said our goodbyes...
Somewhere in the conversation she told me she was forty-seven. How could anyone so lovely and young do that, be so so depressed and miserable. I told this story to a friend who said, well she was asking for help. Well hello, for sure she needs help... I need help to take it all in. It was and is mind boggling.
The only good thing is she is getting some help - obviously, but to tell her story, to a complete stranger, in a calm and pleasant voice, well, somehow that is calling for help as well.
I have walked the lake a few times since then, have not seen her although I think I saw her wheeling herself along the road, one day, when I was on a bus coming home, it was pouring rain - this left me disconcerted, and feeling so sad for her, I can't seem to get the image out of my mind, of her struggle in the rain, in fact her struggle period.
I hope and pray, someone, somewhere is helping her. G'night.
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