May 14, 2018, Monday
So here I am again, slowly getting the knack of doing this when I found out my other blog Memories can be continued, but decided to keep on with this one for the time being.
Life continues, wake up and say, well hello world I'm still here. Though speaking of here, here is an apartment in a Seniors Residence...well some of us are not so lucky, of course they have gone to apparently a better place, they say (i.e. heaven)..but some of us are not doing too well in this residence. Apparently the owners have decided to move people to the other Floralies, rather than letting them stay in this one, the other is in LaSalle, this one is in Lachine...the owners are now moving people from the fifth floor in Tower A. to Lasalle to make the floor special for nursing care, making smaller apts. and rooms...letting the residents know only days before they have to move, In fact one man found out Friday, and was moved out Sunday.
Well they better not count on my friend Letty, who is or was the first woman minister in Canada for the Anglican Church..She was moved to the 5th from the 4th floor last year..and this year here she has to move from the 5th here in Lachine to LaSalle, well, she does not want to go. Life has been misery, she is partially blind, and has just taken lessons from MAB in how to walk in the neighbourhood, not to mention that she has a friend who can pick her up for church, and many other benefits living in Lachine, mainly The TeaPot..which takes her shopping, gives her odd volunteer jobs which she loves..
The powers that be here at the Floralies, did not inform her only by chance her social worker, heard from another source in the building and asked her did she know the 5th floor residents were being moved. Well Lettie although being shocked went in action, called McGill Law for Aging, and the Gazette, etc. Although she is not happy with what's happening she is doing something and still told the director. The Director will have her taken to the residence in LaSalle to see that it is as good if not better than her own place.. Then in the afternoon tomorrow she will check out another residence here in Lachine..The Belvedere. So stay tuned for the next episode of This side of Eighty Five to find out the trials and tribulations of my dear friend Lettie.
Monday, 14 May 2018
supposed to be blogging on The Other Side of Eighty five..it's crazy can't find how to do that...anway, I'm slowly getting at the wrong side of 85, as I make some really off the wall decisions like to change my desk and keep an old shelf instead...yuck the place is a mess. I'm waiting for Valerie to come with the old shelves from my house...I'm waiting for the concierge to come and take away one desk, I need to move the other desk, need to put computer on it..it's small, what was I thinking...
Oh for the peace and quiet of not having a ton of stuff to put away now...and where am I going to put it all..I'm also waiting for Val and Brandon to come to bring my old shelves...I'm rethinking, and I think this is a bad idea... blaaah.
So I will look for my other blog, and go madder....
Oh for the peace and quiet of not having a ton of stuff to put away now...and where am I going to put it all..I'm also waiting for Val and Brandon to come to bring my old shelves...I'm rethinking, and I think this is a bad idea... blaaah.
So I will look for my other blog, and go madder....
Friday, 19 May 2017
Saturday, May 19, 2017...I'm kind of late with my most recent visit with Alma, which was last Monday...will be going again this Monday..but just want to put a few thoughts down while I have them in mind.
I collected over 600$ so far for the Alzheimer's WALK this money along with all the other monies collected I hope will go for research for a cure...this of course is top priority..Why I'm talking about this is because one of my friends has been going through a really rough time with her cousin who had the disease of dementia..not all dementia is Alzheimer's but all dementia is a maddening thing to encounter when one has to think of ways to help. Her cousin died and although it is sad, it is also what her cousin wanted...to die. How terrible and sad an ending.
Therefore, my friend is so insistent that whatever monies are collected should absolutely go to research and CURE. Well of course, but it is so important too that the $$$ go to help the Alzheimer Association help the CARE GIVERS... She would have benefited by going to a group meeting, her thoughts and ideas along with the other care givers that are in the group the support and exchange of problems and how to solve them are a real blessing to the people in the group.
I for one have been in an Alzheimer Support Group..It was, for me, so important.. It must have been to the people in the group as well, because...that is how I came to know ALMA...Even though I am no longer looking after Mac..as his caregiver. Alma's daughter is her Care Giver, I met her at our Alzheimer Group..she along with 7 others in the group have kept together. We meet about once a month..in this group, there are now 3 of us who no longer have the sick person in our lives..but we meet to help the others, to listen to their lives, and give support, In my case I give my support by helping Alma which gives her daughter who was my fellow Care Giver a break.
Not only that, but she remembers Mac, she can help me at times too, as I sometimes slide into a kind of sad time wishing he was here but forgetting how his disease made him so unable to understand what's going on. This is the same scenario that we see with Alma. When I went to see her last Monday, she was in her room sitting in her wheelchair, folding very very carefully, a pair of pullups.(kind of diaper she wears) She then put them in a purse and then in the drawer. Saying well that's done, but what do I do with those things anyway.
As I pushed her wheelchair out of her room, she said, "now just where are we dear". I said, you are at the Bayview Residence, in your apartment, It's. nice right?? But now we are going to your Art Group. "oh we are??" and so we did our project. Which was to stamp some nice flowers or animals from a stamper pad unto cards..making Thank You's... Who are we thanking said Alma, and Why...good questions. Turns out we were thanking the art suppliers..She did a lovely job of stamping a cat, a kind of cougar, and a beautiful flower on three different cards....coloring them and discussing with me just how they should be placed on the card. She suggested how I should put additional touches so she could color them in, a kind of palm tree, a kind of doorway around the cougar, and leaves around the flower. We then put three tiny plants into tiny glass cups Those were the gifts that went with the cards...I thought this was a super project. Most of the residents there enjoyed the whole process, Many thanks should go to the young girl (forgotten her name) who leads the class.
Well as we were leaving the class I said to Alma, let's look at your work one more time before it is taken away to give to the suppliers..That was within five minutes after she finished...she looked at everything carefully, and said...Those cards and plants are very nice, who did that, and where are they going. All things are so "right now", no memory, no thoughts...just as I was feeling a bit depressed about this..Alma said. Isn't that MY JACKIE...and it was, Jackie is her daughter...My heart lightened as I waved to Jackie. Hurrah what a wonderful memory...and a good end to our day together.
I collected over 600$ so far for the Alzheimer's WALK this money along with all the other monies collected I hope will go for research for a cure...this of course is top priority..Why I'm talking about this is because one of my friends has been going through a really rough time with her cousin who had the disease of dementia..not all dementia is Alzheimer's but all dementia is a maddening thing to encounter when one has to think of ways to help. Her cousin died and although it is sad, it is also what her cousin wanted...to die. How terrible and sad an ending.
Therefore, my friend is so insistent that whatever monies are collected should absolutely go to research and CURE. Well of course, but it is so important too that the $$$ go to help the Alzheimer Association help the CARE GIVERS... She would have benefited by going to a group meeting, her thoughts and ideas along with the other care givers that are in the group the support and exchange of problems and how to solve them are a real blessing to the people in the group.
I for one have been in an Alzheimer Support Group..It was, for me, so important.. It must have been to the people in the group as well, because...that is how I came to know ALMA...Even though I am no longer looking after Mac..as his caregiver. Alma's daughter is her Care Giver, I met her at our Alzheimer Group..she along with 7 others in the group have kept together. We meet about once a month..in this group, there are now 3 of us who no longer have the sick person in our lives..but we meet to help the others, to listen to their lives, and give support, In my case I give my support by helping Alma which gives her daughter who was my fellow Care Giver a break.
Not only that, but she remembers Mac, she can help me at times too, as I sometimes slide into a kind of sad time wishing he was here but forgetting how his disease made him so unable to understand what's going on. This is the same scenario that we see with Alma. When I went to see her last Monday, she was in her room sitting in her wheelchair, folding very very carefully, a pair of pullups.(kind of diaper she wears) She then put them in a purse and then in the drawer. Saying well that's done, but what do I do with those things anyway.
As I pushed her wheelchair out of her room, she said, "now just where are we dear". I said, you are at the Bayview Residence, in your apartment, It's. nice right?? But now we are going to your Art Group. "oh we are??" and so we did our project. Which was to stamp some nice flowers or animals from a stamper pad unto cards..making Thank You's... Who are we thanking said Alma, and Why...good questions. Turns out we were thanking the art suppliers..She did a lovely job of stamping a cat, a kind of cougar, and a beautiful flower on three different cards....coloring them and discussing with me just how they should be placed on the card. She suggested how I should put additional touches so she could color them in, a kind of palm tree, a kind of doorway around the cougar, and leaves around the flower. We then put three tiny plants into tiny glass cups Those were the gifts that went with the cards...I thought this was a super project. Most of the residents there enjoyed the whole process, Many thanks should go to the young girl (forgotten her name) who leads the class.
Well as we were leaving the class I said to Alma, let's look at your work one more time before it is taken away to give to the suppliers..That was within five minutes after she finished...she looked at everything carefully, and said...Those cards and plants are very nice, who did that, and where are they going. All things are so "right now", no memory, no thoughts...just as I was feeling a bit depressed about this..Alma said. Isn't that MY JACKIE...and it was, Jackie is her daughter...My heart lightened as I waved to Jackie. Hurrah what a wonderful memory...and a good end to our day together.
Wednesday, 3 May 2017
Monday May 1, 207
Another Art Project...Alma was on-target most of the time I was with her. This project consisted of each person having a kind of aluminum cake pan filled with of all things....Shaving Cream...Alma had to take an eye dropper and fill it with her choice of food colorings red, blue, green, or yellow. Then drop it in different places on the Shaving Cream...which was sticking up in waves.. When she had just about covered the whole pan of shaving cream, she had to take a thin stick and weave it making all the colors join in a beautiful combination. After came the piece de resistance..ok...a piece of art paper about 8 by 10, put it on carefully then peel it off, making all the colors stick to the paper. Eventually the colors will melt on the paper in a lovely way and dry. The next step will be to cut the paper in strips cover with clear vinyl put a hole in put a ribbon through and voila several lovely book marks, or psychodelic colored paintings...
We read words in a crossword puzzle today, but it didn't mean anything to Alma, so maybe next time, one never knows when she is on or off...She was clearly happy and I took a couple of pictures and she looks great smiling away, I should try to get some pictures on this blog, but really don't know how to do this. We had our tea, and cookies...and as usual looked out the window..this week the weather was not so cooperative so no outdoor activity...but watching the wind on the lake and the trees was a pleasure...this as I mention so often is a saving grace for those with dementia, They can certainly be on target when they look at the scene wherever they are.
The place she is in great, the aides are happy, and the place is clean and quite a pleasure in that it is bright, with great pictures, and colorful walls, many windows, and last but not least a great view when one looks out the windows..most looking over the lake across the road. the toad tree lined and birds flying over and down. Just Lovely.
There was nothing serious to spoil the day. all went well, and as usual, she is so on target even with her time for the bathroom, and that's when I leave, an attendant takes her and I make sure to leave some cookies in her room and off I go, feeling well - not exactly happy, as who can be happy when we see one who does not have full understanding of their place and self...but it was as close as possible to a happy day for both of us.
The Walk for Alzheimer's is coming up on May 28 in Montreal, Will be asking for monetary support for this when I join the walk...Hoping I can raise a good amount...but when oh when will the break through come..and the cure for Alzheimer's happens...let's hope in our time..
Another Art Project...Alma was on-target most of the time I was with her. This project consisted of each person having a kind of aluminum cake pan filled with of all things....Shaving Cream...Alma had to take an eye dropper and fill it with her choice of food colorings red, blue, green, or yellow. Then drop it in different places on the Shaving Cream...which was sticking up in waves.. When she had just about covered the whole pan of shaving cream, she had to take a thin stick and weave it making all the colors join in a beautiful combination. After came the piece de resistance..ok...a piece of art paper about 8 by 10, put it on carefully then peel it off, making all the colors stick to the paper. Eventually the colors will melt on the paper in a lovely way and dry. The next step will be to cut the paper in strips cover with clear vinyl put a hole in put a ribbon through and voila several lovely book marks, or psychodelic colored paintings...
We read words in a crossword puzzle today, but it didn't mean anything to Alma, so maybe next time, one never knows when she is on or off...She was clearly happy and I took a couple of pictures and she looks great smiling away, I should try to get some pictures on this blog, but really don't know how to do this. We had our tea, and cookies...and as usual looked out the window..this week the weather was not so cooperative so no outdoor activity...but watching the wind on the lake and the trees was a pleasure...this as I mention so often is a saving grace for those with dementia, They can certainly be on target when they look at the scene wherever they are.
The place she is in great, the aides are happy, and the place is clean and quite a pleasure in that it is bright, with great pictures, and colorful walls, many windows, and last but not least a great view when one looks out the windows..most looking over the lake across the road. the toad tree lined and birds flying over and down. Just Lovely.
There was nothing serious to spoil the day. all went well, and as usual, she is so on target even with her time for the bathroom, and that's when I leave, an attendant takes her and I make sure to leave some cookies in her room and off I go, feeling well - not exactly happy, as who can be happy when we see one who does not have full understanding of their place and self...but it was as close as possible to a happy day for both of us.
The Walk for Alzheimer's is coming up on May 28 in Montreal, Will be asking for monetary support for this when I join the walk...Hoping I can raise a good amount...but when oh when will the break through come..and the cure for Alzheimer's happens...let's hope in our time..
Wednesday, 19 April 2017
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Well it flew by, the 2 hours assisting Alma my friend with the big A. The art project was definitely the reason, which was filling in a series of wavy segments with different colours then when one joined the sections one would see a lovely blend and combinations of color. Alma who at one time was a draughtswoman in her former life (i.e. before retirement and the awful alzheimer's disease)cottoned on to this easily, finding just the right combination of colours to make her project interesting.
As usual we did take time out to have tea, look out at the lake, comment on the trees, birds, cars etc..plus read some of an article in the National Geographic. Alma still reads, what she takes in is another story...At one point we were reading about Orca whales having a "feeding frenzy"...when I read it she thought I said "feeding friends", "no dear she said that word is "frenzy", I said - what I wonder is frenzy.she just looked at me and said "oh kind of a mess"...well somewhat I thought...it was an uneventful but lovely time, and leaving Alma was quite simple as she had to be toileted, and I could leave easily, putting the Easter Egg I brought on her bureau..and thought well another interesting day..as I always enjoy the people we are with and especially Alma...
Last week during our conversation, I mentioned her daughter Jackie, she said "are you talking about my Jackie", and was so "on target", but this week, when Jackie waved to her ...she said, "now tell me dear, just what is that girl's name"...this is the heartbreak of Alzheimer's, In any case the heartbreak is there and the problems with this disease..so I took a picture of
The Ten Commandments of Dementia
1, Realize that you do the adapting and the modifying of your response to the resident's behaviour.
2. Realize that You enter the resident's reality rather than pull them into yours.
3. Realize that ONE size does not fit all, when it comes to what will and what will not work for each individual.
4.. Realize that approaches and techniques are not 100% failure-free and that you must learn to be flexible.
5. Realize that success means adapting the task to whatever the individual's highest level happens to be.
6. Realize that the process is more important than the net result, and celebrate that process regardless of the outcome.
7. Realize that you need to "do what it takes" when the tried and true methods have not been effective.
8 Realize that normalization is important in giving residents a sense of participating in their own lives as they see fit.
9. Realize that the family is an equal partner in the caregiving process and that educating them is up to you.
10. Realize that through your caregiving, you hold the key to success of the resident's journey through this disease and that because of this, you are a rare and special person
(Taken from the Methodist Home, Chicago, Illinois)
These Commandments are worth reading and using with so many who are going through this life as a person with "dementia", or the person who is considered the "caregiver"...
I'm planning to pass them on to the people in charge here at my own Residence....I hope the reader finds some worth in these words not only with dementia patients, but with so many others who deserve respect and help.
Well it flew by, the 2 hours assisting Alma my friend with the big A. The art project was definitely the reason, which was filling in a series of wavy segments with different colours then when one joined the sections one would see a lovely blend and combinations of color. Alma who at one time was a draughtswoman in her former life (i.e. before retirement and the awful alzheimer's disease)cottoned on to this easily, finding just the right combination of colours to make her project interesting.
As usual we did take time out to have tea, look out at the lake, comment on the trees, birds, cars etc..plus read some of an article in the National Geographic. Alma still reads, what she takes in is another story...At one point we were reading about Orca whales having a "feeding frenzy"...when I read it she thought I said "feeding friends", "no dear she said that word is "frenzy", I said - what I wonder is frenzy.she just looked at me and said "oh kind of a mess"...well somewhat I thought...it was an uneventful but lovely time, and leaving Alma was quite simple as she had to be toileted, and I could leave easily, putting the Easter Egg I brought on her bureau..and thought well another interesting day..as I always enjoy the people we are with and especially Alma...
Last week during our conversation, I mentioned her daughter Jackie, she said "are you talking about my Jackie", and was so "on target", but this week, when Jackie waved to her ...she said, "now tell me dear, just what is that girl's name"...this is the heartbreak of Alzheimer's, In any case the heartbreak is there and the problems with this disease..so I took a picture of
The Ten Commandments of Dementia
1, Realize that you do the adapting and the modifying of your response to the resident's behaviour.
2. Realize that You enter the resident's reality rather than pull them into yours.
3. Realize that ONE size does not fit all, when it comes to what will and what will not work for each individual.
4.. Realize that approaches and techniques are not 100% failure-free and that you must learn to be flexible.
5. Realize that success means adapting the task to whatever the individual's highest level happens to be.
6. Realize that the process is more important than the net result, and celebrate that process regardless of the outcome.
7. Realize that you need to "do what it takes" when the tried and true methods have not been effective.
8 Realize that normalization is important in giving residents a sense of participating in their own lives as they see fit.
9. Realize that the family is an equal partner in the caregiving process and that educating them is up to you.
10. Realize that through your caregiving, you hold the key to success of the resident's journey through this disease and that because of this, you are a rare and special person
(Taken from the Methodist Home, Chicago, Illinois)
These Commandments are worth reading and using with so many who are going through this life as a person with "dementia", or the person who is considered the "caregiver"...
I'm planning to pass them on to the people in charge here at my own Residence....I hope the reader finds some worth in these words not only with dementia patients, but with so many others who deserve respect and help.
Wednesday, 12 April 2017
Wednesday April 12, 2017..Little late posting this week, but I did get to my Monday visit with Alma, and what a beautiful spring/summer day it was. Although we did a little art...coloring in pre drawn flowers...it was just too lovely outdoors..so out we went.
Alma in a wheelchair, and me pushing it along. Once we were outside I realized that it was kind of hot for Alma's head so I put my peak cap on her..(I need a peak - having crappy eyes) she was so pleased fixing it in a jaunty style over her eyes. So we wheeled our way around the courtyard stopping to talk to some of the other patients who were also in wheelchairs. Alma would point the way and on we would go. Here is perfect, no too much wind..try over there. Eventually we stopped at a perfect place, then I realized hey she is missing her cup of coffee..Asking another person also with a patient, I checked if she could keep her eye on Alma, while I rushed in for the coffee, so with coffee in hand, peak cap on her head and her white curls, she looked happy and jaunty as she looked up at the beautiful blue sky and lovely white clouds..remarking _"how beautiful "! This reminded me so much of Mac, it is so perfect for Alzheimer's patients to be outdoors and enjoying they feel at home and I know rarely do they have a problem outdoors, their conversation may be sparse but it usually happy.
As I was wheeling her back to the elevator to return her to her floor, I was pleased to notice she was not complaining of pain in her hip, earlier she was and I thought perphaps it was her wheel chair and tried to find the physio without luck...but then remembered she should have her tylenol pill so checked that out and sure enough it had not been given at the usual time..So obviously it had taken it's effect. Anyway, as we were waiting for the elevator, along came the deaf student from Mackay
to do her volunteer work. how pleased she was to meet us again. Always a pleasure to meet my old friends and students from the days of teaching at Mackay..and always a satisfaction to see how these deaf students can cope in a hearing world..
Getting back to Alma I said to her, "Jackie will be joining you soon, but I'll have to leave"..I was so pleased to hear her say "Jackie" , My Jackie" How good she was at recognizing and remembering her daughter, although it isn't always the case, I thought to myself, well Alma is on-target and perfect today. As I thought this I kind of thoughtlessly started to remove her hat, as I needed it to go home, Well, she grabbed it, and said "do not do that, it is my hat" You should ask first", I said, I'm sorry Alma, I then said "oh by the way here are some cookies I brought for you. The cookies were in a package and in a little bag. As she grabbed the cookies and the bag I managed to get the hat. Then said I'm leaving now, but will see you next week. She said, "fine and be sure to return my hat to me before then."Well for sure nothing got past Alma that day. I will put commandments for those dealing with Alzheimer's in my next blog. I for one, after my this little episode, should take the commandments seriously, and remember to always "ask first".
Alma in a wheelchair, and me pushing it along. Once we were outside I realized that it was kind of hot for Alma's head so I put my peak cap on her..(I need a peak - having crappy eyes) she was so pleased fixing it in a jaunty style over her eyes. So we wheeled our way around the courtyard stopping to talk to some of the other patients who were also in wheelchairs. Alma would point the way and on we would go. Here is perfect, no too much wind..try over there. Eventually we stopped at a perfect place, then I realized hey she is missing her cup of coffee..Asking another person also with a patient, I checked if she could keep her eye on Alma, while I rushed in for the coffee, so with coffee in hand, peak cap on her head and her white curls, she looked happy and jaunty as she looked up at the beautiful blue sky and lovely white clouds..remarking _"how beautiful "! This reminded me so much of Mac, it is so perfect for Alzheimer's patients to be outdoors and enjoying they feel at home and I know rarely do they have a problem outdoors, their conversation may be sparse but it usually happy.
As I was wheeling her back to the elevator to return her to her floor, I was pleased to notice she was not complaining of pain in her hip, earlier she was and I thought perphaps it was her wheel chair and tried to find the physio without luck...but then remembered she should have her tylenol pill so checked that out and sure enough it had not been given at the usual time..So obviously it had taken it's effect. Anyway, as we were waiting for the elevator, along came the deaf student from Mackay
to do her volunteer work. how pleased she was to meet us again. Always a pleasure to meet my old friends and students from the days of teaching at Mackay..and always a satisfaction to see how these deaf students can cope in a hearing world..
Getting back to Alma I said to her, "Jackie will be joining you soon, but I'll have to leave"..I was so pleased to hear her say "Jackie" , My Jackie" How good she was at recognizing and remembering her daughter, although it isn't always the case, I thought to myself, well Alma is on-target and perfect today. As I thought this I kind of thoughtlessly started to remove her hat, as I needed it to go home, Well, she grabbed it, and said "do not do that, it is my hat" You should ask first", I said, I'm sorry Alma, I then said "oh by the way here are some cookies I brought for you. The cookies were in a package and in a little bag. As she grabbed the cookies and the bag I managed to get the hat. Then said I'm leaving now, but will see you next week. She said, "fine and be sure to return my hat to me before then."Well for sure nothing got past Alma that day. I will put commandments for those dealing with Alzheimer's in my next blog. I for one, after my this little episode, should take the commandments seriously, and remember to always "ask first".
Monday, 3 April 2017
April 4, 2017 Monday...Here I am back at the ranch, so to speak. I've been with Alma for two different sessions now. I'm always amazed at how she can make one feel so good...I know it's supposed to be the opposite way around. BUT, how would it be if everyone said something that Alma said to me when I asked her.."hi Alma how are you" answer...Fine, especially now you are here"...Well it took me aback, but how sweet is that.
We then proceeded to walk to the windows of the Bayview Residence where she lives...everything pleases her eye from the trees by the water, to the light from the sun shining off the car windows, makes one appreciate life in general and one's good health in particular.
After looking out the windows, one this side one that side and one the other side,commenting on each little leaf, tree and reminding ourselves again, how wonderful it all is, we proceed to read the National Geographic. Amazing how easily Alma reads does she understand what she reads, well yes if we go over it point to the pictures the words are addition and for sure its worth talking about.
Then it's time to do our art work. Today's project was to paint already photocopied flowers (kind of from a coloring book) then to paint a little 3 d box to put at the bottom of the flowers...This was done not too enthusiastic about it, but was done, lily with leaves, and finally a large zinnia...Her comments are always to encourage me to continue with my good work, It is supposed to be the opposite way around here so I kind of end up saying the same thing she says to me ,then I say to her. Such as, "well done", "you are really quite artistic"...She is always so quick to compliment my work, that it seems almost ridiculous to say the same thing to her...
How lovely it is to help someone so unassuming and so happy to see me...the only time Alma seems to get cross is when she decides something - such as a paint brush absolutely belongs to her, no way will she give it up...but that is minor and soon becomes something she doesn't want anyway/
Then it's time to take her up to either a window on her floor so she can look out , or to her room to watch t.v. or to the main room with the others watching t.v., or listening to music. I say "goodbye, see you next week"...Jackie will be up to see you...and the sweet answer "you mean my Jackie", yes is the answer...
My volunteer work for the week with Alma is over, then the volunteer (my friend Harry) comes to get the volunteer, and I go home to think about Alzheimer's disease and the many who suffer this curse...I have put something on Facebook re the handling of Alzheimer's patients...not all are as easy as Alma, I know...but all should have visitors.
Oh before I forget how lovely it was to watch a bed ridden woman, unable to talk, or hardly speak, twisted body (perhaps rheumatoid arthritis) , being stroked and kissed on the forehead by her husband...lucky her; how often this is not the case...she certainly did something right in her life, Then as I was leaving to meet an old former deaf student...happy and contented visiting her aunt at this residence and telling me IN sign language, I'm so lucky I'm able to have fun live a good life and enjoy friends...I help to feed the ones who cannot feed themselves...and proudly say "I'm a VOLUNTEER..
We then proceeded to walk to the windows of the Bayview Residence where she lives...everything pleases her eye from the trees by the water, to the light from the sun shining off the car windows, makes one appreciate life in general and one's good health in particular.
After looking out the windows, one this side one that side and one the other side,commenting on each little leaf, tree and reminding ourselves again, how wonderful it all is, we proceed to read the National Geographic. Amazing how easily Alma reads does she understand what she reads, well yes if we go over it point to the pictures the words are addition and for sure its worth talking about.
Then it's time to do our art work. Today's project was to paint already photocopied flowers (kind of from a coloring book) then to paint a little 3 d box to put at the bottom of the flowers...This was done not too enthusiastic about it, but was done, lily with leaves, and finally a large zinnia...Her comments are always to encourage me to continue with my good work, It is supposed to be the opposite way around here so I kind of end up saying the same thing she says to me ,then I say to her. Such as, "well done", "you are really quite artistic"...She is always so quick to compliment my work, that it seems almost ridiculous to say the same thing to her...
How lovely it is to help someone so unassuming and so happy to see me...the only time Alma seems to get cross is when she decides something - such as a paint brush absolutely belongs to her, no way will she give it up...but that is minor and soon becomes something she doesn't want anyway/
Then it's time to take her up to either a window on her floor so she can look out , or to her room to watch t.v. or to the main room with the others watching t.v., or listening to music. I say "goodbye, see you next week"...Jackie will be up to see you...and the sweet answer "you mean my Jackie", yes is the answer...
My volunteer work for the week with Alma is over, then the volunteer (my friend Harry) comes to get the volunteer, and I go home to think about Alzheimer's disease and the many who suffer this curse...I have put something on Facebook re the handling of Alzheimer's patients...not all are as easy as Alma, I know...but all should have visitors.
Oh before I forget how lovely it was to watch a bed ridden woman, unable to talk, or hardly speak, twisted body (perhaps rheumatoid arthritis) , being stroked and kissed on the forehead by her husband...lucky her; how often this is not the case...she certainly did something right in her life, Then as I was leaving to meet an old former deaf student...happy and contented visiting her aunt at this residence and telling me IN sign language, I'm so lucky I'm able to have fun live a good life and enjoy friends...I help to feed the ones who cannot feed themselves...and proudly say "I'm a VOLUNTEER..
Tuesday, 21 March 2017
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
Well my life goes on in the Dementia lane, I'm still visiting Alma, as I mentioned in my last blog. I'm noticing that she is still reading, but she finding writing her name now a little more challenging. Our painting class was more of the same, which was painting on tile dropping alcohol on the work holding the tile sideways thereby letting the colours mix into an abstract design.. Actually our first bit that we did last week looked great to me, but when I showed it to Alma to see how it looked with spray (a kind of shiny wax) on it, she said "I did that, well I must have been drunk" How hilarious, I laughed so much...she didn't find it funny in fact she was serious.
Anyway, our next attempt was beautiful, I thought..but Alma continues to try and make sense of it, by trying to move the tile around to see if she can see a figure or something that is appealing. I said ' think that looks a little like a flying goose in the corner, she said "could be a flying anything" ...Well abstract painting is not for everyone, and it certainly isn't for Alma. But, what was for Alma was and still is looking out at the scenery from the window...while we were looking we noticed a beautiful carnation flower in a vase on the window sill..next to it was a tiny little bag with some polished stones. I took them out to show Alma, and she said, hmmm let me see that. So I passed the little bag to her and before I knew it she put a couple of the stones in her mouth.
Alma, I said, take those stones out of your mouth..you will break your teeth if you bite on them, She said "no I do not bite hard candies, I just suck on them"//Well it took some time to get her to realize they were really not hard candy..she tried to convince me that they were, by saying it is just hard sugar candy dear...well life got a little bit hairy there, thankfully I managed to get them away from her, although when I left I noticed they were not on the window sill..Hopefully she didn't secret them in her pocket..if she did, I'm sure she will forget they are there..
It is such a terrible and sad thing to see this disease among so many here at the residence that I live in as each month one sees how much each of the ones I know have gone down in mind and body. Not to mention how sad it is even among those who were o.k. but in getting old are losing physical abilities. Saturday one of the really "up" residents who always had a smile and enjoyed her outdoor as well as indoor activities, Collette; one who had all her marbles but suffered from Emphesema but still was able to go out,as well as enjoy the activities inside had died at 75 years old.. The family had a kind of wake right in our recreation room..it was RIP Collette,.
Our good old table mate when Mac was still living, Alice, is now also no longer with us. I found out she had died 3 weeks ago, both her son and daughter lived out west and in the time (over 3 years now) they have never visited, Although I cried when I found out this sad news, I know she really wanted to go...her life was just one big misery.
My friend Hazel (age 91) and myself were talking abut Alice, and how Alice really wanted to die ..and so it was in a way a blessing...though I really couldn't stop crying for a bit there. When a lady came and sat across from us...by this time we were sitting in the big area in the lobby...this lady almost convinced us she was living here in a hotel kind of way, here about 3 weeks then back to Montreal to her other home. Her husband was working and they took breaks and now she was in a warm place, a change for her and husband, with some items from her home in her rental apartment here. I was just trying to figure out if she was thinking she was in a hotel or just what, when Jackie (on duty ) came over quickly, breathed a big sigh of relief when she saw the lady.. Then we kind of realized o.k. all this talk by her was fabricated...she was an INMATE. Had a bracelet and could not go in and out without a companion. And so it goes...getting old is as they say, for sure not for sissies.
Well my life goes on in the Dementia lane, I'm still visiting Alma, as I mentioned in my last blog. I'm noticing that she is still reading, but she finding writing her name now a little more challenging. Our painting class was more of the same, which was painting on tile dropping alcohol on the work holding the tile sideways thereby letting the colours mix into an abstract design.. Actually our first bit that we did last week looked great to me, but when I showed it to Alma to see how it looked with spray (a kind of shiny wax) on it, she said "I did that, well I must have been drunk" How hilarious, I laughed so much...she didn't find it funny in fact she was serious.
Anyway, our next attempt was beautiful, I thought..but Alma continues to try and make sense of it, by trying to move the tile around to see if she can see a figure or something that is appealing. I said ' think that looks a little like a flying goose in the corner, she said "could be a flying anything" ...Well abstract painting is not for everyone, and it certainly isn't for Alma. But, what was for Alma was and still is looking out at the scenery from the window...while we were looking we noticed a beautiful carnation flower in a vase on the window sill..next to it was a tiny little bag with some polished stones. I took them out to show Alma, and she said, hmmm let me see that. So I passed the little bag to her and before I knew it she put a couple of the stones in her mouth.
Alma, I said, take those stones out of your mouth..you will break your teeth if you bite on them, She said "no I do not bite hard candies, I just suck on them"//Well it took some time to get her to realize they were really not hard candy..she tried to convince me that they were, by saying it is just hard sugar candy dear...well life got a little bit hairy there, thankfully I managed to get them away from her, although when I left I noticed they were not on the window sill..Hopefully she didn't secret them in her pocket..if she did, I'm sure she will forget they are there..
It is such a terrible and sad thing to see this disease among so many here at the residence that I live in as each month one sees how much each of the ones I know have gone down in mind and body. Not to mention how sad it is even among those who were o.k. but in getting old are losing physical abilities. Saturday one of the really "up" residents who always had a smile and enjoyed her outdoor as well as indoor activities, Collette; one who had all her marbles but suffered from Emphesema but still was able to go out,as well as enjoy the activities inside had died at 75 years old.. The family had a kind of wake right in our recreation room..it was RIP Collette,.
Our good old table mate when Mac was still living, Alice, is now also no longer with us. I found out she had died 3 weeks ago, both her son and daughter lived out west and in the time (over 3 years now) they have never visited, Although I cried when I found out this sad news, I know she really wanted to go...her life was just one big misery.
My friend Hazel (age 91) and myself were talking abut Alice, and how Alice really wanted to die ..and so it was in a way a blessing...though I really couldn't stop crying for a bit there. When a lady came and sat across from us...by this time we were sitting in the big area in the lobby...this lady almost convinced us she was living here in a hotel kind of way, here about 3 weeks then back to Montreal to her other home. Her husband was working and they took breaks and now she was in a warm place, a change for her and husband, with some items from her home in her rental apartment here. I was just trying to figure out if she was thinking she was in a hotel or just what, when Jackie (on duty ) came over quickly, breathed a big sigh of relief when she saw the lady.. Then we kind of realized o.k. all this talk by her was fabricated...she was an INMATE. Had a bracelet and could not go in and out without a companion. And so it goes...getting old is as they say, for sure not for sissies.
Wednesday, 15 March 2017
Snow Day, March 15 2017
We, my two daughters and a friend and myself, have been away in Montego Bay, Jamaica, had a wonderful time. Now we are back, and I'm back visiting and helping my friend's mom., Alma Alma has Alzheimer's although it is advanced enough that she has to be in a residence with others with that dread disease..she can take part in an Art program. This has been great therapy for her and also for me. The various art activities, are fun, and although she never wants to participate somehow I always manage to draw her in, and in the end she usually is quite happy about her work, and although she compliments whatever project she has done, she always wonders who made it.. When I say Alma you did that painting, drawing, or art object, she always answers, "Well no dear, that was not done by me". I'd finally convince her that it was certainly her work, and it is lovely. "Oh my, she said,I did that well I don't remember"....I guess in the end she forgets that she did all those things, but while doing it, life is fine.
And so it goes, I'm still involved with the Alzheimer's Disease in a different way. But it is somehow a way of keeping Mac and his illness in my life...I get a satisfaction out of using the skills I learned over the eight years that we were involved in that awful disease. This way when I think, as I aften do of Mac, it was two years on March 10 the anniversary of his death, I dedicate my work and thoughts to him. Although Alma does not have the same affiliation for me as Mac did, she seems to really like me and we do have a lovely time together.
In my last blog I mentioned I have a new man in my life. Strangely enough we met in Church, I won't mention his name, but he came to church just after his wife a died. He wanted to be quietly in a corner and quite by accident he sat in the seat where I would put Mac as Mac not being church goer wanted to be well out of the way. I had brought Mac there so that he would be in the last row and well away in a kind of corner. This man's wife had died, and I guess he thought going back to his old church might help him cope with his grief. So there we were sitting together in the last pew...I noticed like myself he was not too familiar with the set up. In fact he would look in the prayer book when we sang hymns and in the hymn book when we were doing the prayers, I ended up helping him in the books, and he ended up helping me, by driving me home.
He has become the volunteer for the volunteer,(ME) He drives me every week to be with Alma and picks me up after the session. He comes in at times to join us for a cup of tea and cookies, but like many people this is not something he would do on a regular basis. To be with Alzheimer's patients takes some getting used to...especially when many of these patients are there with outspoken and various strange ways.. There is one who often says she will kill a person, and of course this is unpleasant, luckily Alma is quiet and unassuming but at times she does have to be on pills to help to quiet her down.- how this might happen is that the patient becomes disorientated and frustrated.
So although life is not in the same lane as with Mac,it is a part of my life that I can't forget, and so I'm going to be blogging about Alma..and hopefully this will help others who have the disease
We, my two daughters and a friend and myself, have been away in Montego Bay, Jamaica, had a wonderful time. Now we are back, and I'm back visiting and helping my friend's mom., Alma Alma has Alzheimer's although it is advanced enough that she has to be in a residence with others with that dread disease..she can take part in an Art program. This has been great therapy for her and also for me. The various art activities, are fun, and although she never wants to participate somehow I always manage to draw her in, and in the end she usually is quite happy about her work, and although she compliments whatever project she has done, she always wonders who made it.. When I say Alma you did that painting, drawing, or art object, she always answers, "Well no dear, that was not done by me". I'd finally convince her that it was certainly her work, and it is lovely. "Oh my, she said,I did that well I don't remember"....I guess in the end she forgets that she did all those things, but while doing it, life is fine.
And so it goes, I'm still involved with the Alzheimer's Disease in a different way. But it is somehow a way of keeping Mac and his illness in my life...I get a satisfaction out of using the skills I learned over the eight years that we were involved in that awful disease. This way when I think, as I aften do of Mac, it was two years on March 10 the anniversary of his death, I dedicate my work and thoughts to him. Although Alma does not have the same affiliation for me as Mac did, she seems to really like me and we do have a lovely time together.
In my last blog I mentioned I have a new man in my life. Strangely enough we met in Church, I won't mention his name, but he came to church just after his wife a died. He wanted to be quietly in a corner and quite by accident he sat in the seat where I would put Mac as Mac not being church goer wanted to be well out of the way. I had brought Mac there so that he would be in the last row and well away in a kind of corner. This man's wife had died, and I guess he thought going back to his old church might help him cope with his grief. So there we were sitting together in the last pew...I noticed like myself he was not too familiar with the set up. In fact he would look in the prayer book when we sang hymns and in the hymn book when we were doing the prayers, I ended up helping him in the books, and he ended up helping me, by driving me home.
He has become the volunteer for the volunteer,(ME) He drives me every week to be with Alma and picks me up after the session. He comes in at times to join us for a cup of tea and cookies, but like many people this is not something he would do on a regular basis. To be with Alzheimer's patients takes some getting used to...especially when many of these patients are there with outspoken and various strange ways.. There is one who often says she will kill a person, and of course this is unpleasant, luckily Alma is quiet and unassuming but at times she does have to be on pills to help to quiet her down.- how this might happen is that the patient becomes disorientated and frustrated.
So although life is not in the same lane as with Mac,it is a part of my life that I can't forget, and so I'm going to be blogging about Alma..and hopefully this will help others who have the disease
Thursday, 23 February 2017
Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017
I'm back on track, or hope I am, I did write to say hello I'm back then did something and lo and behold lost my first line..here's hoping this will stay and that you all remember me. My older blogs were mainly about Mac, but as most of those who followed my blog know, my darling Mac died.
Now I do continue to see people with the big A. Alma my friend's mom who lived in the Place behind this building has moved further, but I get to see her when I volunteer on Mondays in her Art Class. I mostly help Alma, but do get to give a hand to the others. Amazing to me is just how alert they are and certainly none have been aggressive or as far gone as some of the patients that are here on the second floor. I guess they have been chosen for their ability to communicate and not become frustrated. Certainly Alma is a case in point. She may say, "No dear, I don' t want to paint, but when I pick up the paint brush and say, well this is what the teacher is suggesting we do...abstract work, or paint in a heart for Valentine's I will kind of do a few strokes, and then Alma seems to feel o.k.my turn...so she has done some fairly good work.
So that is a part of my life, BUT, there is a life after one's loved one dies, and ONE, has to try to continue on and enjoy the time. This is important so doing what I feel is helpful, i.e. working with others, reading, - I now am in two book groups, my original one and one that just opened up at the Library which is right next door..Expanding my mind is the idea, The only thing is my eyes are not the greatest, having macular degeneration requiring me to have an injection in my right eye (wet type of degeneration) and the dry in my left, makes reading for any long stretches not feasible.
Continuing to do exercise, such as walking, yoga, zumba and stretch exercises plus dancing at home all help I hope to keep me supple and active ...as well...meeting people and doing fun things at the local over 55 place which here in Lachine is the "Tea Pot."..and going to Church..now here is the surprise I've been going out with a man that I met at church...This part of the blog is to say how have I kept from getting too sad...Obviously I'm much much better..and so I will tell more about the new man in my next blog...wait for it...ha.
I'm back on track, or hope I am, I did write to say hello I'm back then did something and lo and behold lost my first line..here's hoping this will stay and that you all remember me. My older blogs were mainly about Mac, but as most of those who followed my blog know, my darling Mac died.
Now I do continue to see people with the big A. Alma my friend's mom who lived in the Place behind this building has moved further, but I get to see her when I volunteer on Mondays in her Art Class. I mostly help Alma, but do get to give a hand to the others. Amazing to me is just how alert they are and certainly none have been aggressive or as far gone as some of the patients that are here on the second floor. I guess they have been chosen for their ability to communicate and not become frustrated. Certainly Alma is a case in point. She may say, "No dear, I don' t want to paint, but when I pick up the paint brush and say, well this is what the teacher is suggesting we do...abstract work, or paint in a heart for Valentine's I will kind of do a few strokes, and then Alma seems to feel o.k.my turn...so she has done some fairly good work.
So that is a part of my life, BUT, there is a life after one's loved one dies, and ONE, has to try to continue on and enjoy the time. This is important so doing what I feel is helpful, i.e. working with others, reading, - I now am in two book groups, my original one and one that just opened up at the Library which is right next door..Expanding my mind is the idea, The only thing is my eyes are not the greatest, having macular degeneration requiring me to have an injection in my right eye (wet type of degeneration) and the dry in my left, makes reading for any long stretches not feasible.
Continuing to do exercise, such as walking, yoga, zumba and stretch exercises plus dancing at home all help I hope to keep me supple and active ...as well...meeting people and doing fun things at the local over 55 place which here in Lachine is the "Tea Pot."..and going to Church..now here is the surprise I've been going out with a man that I met at church...This part of the blog is to say how have I kept from getting too sad...Obviously I'm much much better..and so I will tell more about the new man in my next blog...wait for it...ha.
Monday, 28 March 2016
Easter Monday, March 28, 2016....All the eggs are mine o.k.
Easter Monday, and the beat goes on...I went out to return my dvds and book in the library slot ...and perhaps make it to the pharmacy, but the wind and rain drove me right back home. At first I thought it might whisk me off to the land of OZ ...but on second thought realized it would probably whisk me onto the road, what a wind my umbrella went right inside out...but Easter Saturday was fun, the following is what I wrote to my neice who emailed me to know about our Easter weekend.
Just returned home from Maureen’s where we celebrated 4 birthdays (actually we usually celebrate 5 bd’s but Jacob is in Calgary, darn), and of course celebrated Easter. Little Finley and I did an egg search for each other…I was the bunny rabbit then she was..and she got to keep all the eggs, ha. So after too much chocolate, and food, came home and rolled around the house putting stuff away, got some lovely Easter flowers, plant, chocolate, and mixed nuts, enough to last till next Easter… oh boy, need it like a hole in the head…oh well.
Today would have been the day Mac went to Laura Secord's Chocolate Store, to buy half price Easter cream filled Eggs. We would give small ones to the kids for the real Easter day, and then buy the big ones after Easter..Each night after we'd watch the CBC news taking small slices of the Cream filled Eggs, savoring each morsel. I did buy the small ones and as I'm typing I'm pretending I'm not eating one.
I'm the only one in the family who still goes to Church Easter Sunday, or any Sunday for that matter; I always wonder as I go in to church, why I still go, and somehow before I leave I always have the answer; for sure it is not the people who I think I've mentioned many times are the friendliest and most loving; but who can say what overcomes me as I take the wine and the wafer, what makes me fill up with call it happiness, I really don't know, but it's there. So does this mean I BELIEVE unconditionally not really, I question, and I reject so much. We discussed this (my son-in-law, daughter Gaye and myself) on Easter day.
She told me of something she learned from Jehovah Witness person, they do not wear a cross on a chain or believe in having the cross, because as they said, if your father got killed by a gun, would you wear a gun on a chain around your neck...well hmmm. Then on the other hand maybe some would I'm always amazed at the people who tattoo themselves with some of the most violent scenes...or hang a spoon around their neck, cocaine believers???
A united church woman minister has quite a following in her church, they are all unbelievers, looking to believe kind of thing. She was interviewed on CBC, and some say she said she was an Atheist, I didn't hear the interview, but will get it online. In that case so are the people who go to the Unitarian church, wonder why if that is the case she doesn't go there, will have to find out.
Well all this to say, Easter has given me food for thought (other than Chocolate)...It looks like the rain is letting up, so have a good day, bye...
Just returned home from Maureen’s where we celebrated 4 birthdays (actually we usually celebrate 5 bd’s but Jacob is in Calgary, darn), and of course celebrated Easter. Little Finley and I did an egg search for each other…I was the bunny rabbit then she was..and she got to keep all the eggs, ha. So after too much chocolate, and food, came home and rolled around the house putting stuff away, got some lovely Easter flowers, plant, chocolate, and mixed nuts, enough to last till next Easter… oh boy, need it like a hole in the head…oh well.
Today would have been the day Mac went to Laura Secord's Chocolate Store, to buy half price Easter cream filled Eggs. We would give small ones to the kids for the real Easter day, and then buy the big ones after Easter..Each night after we'd watch the CBC news taking small slices of the Cream filled Eggs, savoring each morsel. I did buy the small ones and as I'm typing I'm pretending I'm not eating one.
I'm the only one in the family who still goes to Church Easter Sunday, or any Sunday for that matter; I always wonder as I go in to church, why I still go, and somehow before I leave I always have the answer; for sure it is not the people who I think I've mentioned many times are the friendliest and most loving; but who can say what overcomes me as I take the wine and the wafer, what makes me fill up with call it happiness, I really don't know, but it's there. So does this mean I BELIEVE unconditionally not really, I question, and I reject so much. We discussed this (my son-in-law, daughter Gaye and myself) on Easter day.
She told me of something she learned from Jehovah Witness person, they do not wear a cross on a chain or believe in having the cross, because as they said, if your father got killed by a gun, would you wear a gun on a chain around your neck...well hmmm. Then on the other hand maybe some would I'm always amazed at the people who tattoo themselves with some of the most violent scenes...or hang a spoon around their neck, cocaine believers???
A united church woman minister has quite a following in her church, they are all unbelievers, looking to believe kind of thing. She was interviewed on CBC, and some say she said she was an Atheist, I didn't hear the interview, but will get it online. In that case so are the people who go to the Unitarian church, wonder why if that is the case she doesn't go there, will have to find out.
Well all this to say, Easter has given me food for thought (other than Chocolate)...It looks like the rain is letting up, so have a good day, bye...
Monday, 21 March 2016
Monday, March 21, 2016 Still Alice....Still Mac
Many moons ago, when we discovered that Mac had Alzheimer's and was well into it. I was asked by my daughter Gaye to join a group - a support group - for those who live with people who have Alzheimer's disease. This was really a good step to take, and one I've appreciated so much over the years...since then, which is actually about nine years or so now.
We, the twelve of us in the group, all had someone in our family - mother, father, sister, brother, husband or wife with the dread big A. We received many papers outlining what we were going through, we were there for twelve weeks, each week gave us new and better understanding of the disease.
One of the suggestions, was that we should read the book, Still Alice.
Well I did buy or get the book from the library, can't really remember, but what I do remember is that I could not get through the second chapter...it was too much to read what we were going through.
I felt that why should I go through the trauma of reading what was happening, and although I didn't know what would happen exactly in the future, I and Mac had a pretty good knowledge and it really wasn't pretty.
So I would not read the book, although the leader felt that the person reading the book would have a deeper understanding of what the person with the Big A. was going through.
I as asked many times, did you read the book, Still Alice...my reply was always, no but I probably will read it. Then the movie Still Alice came out,various friends and relations, called me to say the acting in that movie was super, they had understood so much more about the disease, and really recommended the movie.
For different reasons, i.e. I was living through the disease with Mac, secondly why should I watch someone else, I was able to see this up front and personal. plus by then I knew many others with the disease, spoke to so many in the support group, and again did not go to the movie.
Well yesterday, in the library where I borrow films I saw "Still Alice", well Mac has been dead a year now. I still see people with the bit A. but it's not something that causes churning in my tummy, it is something that I help others with and seem to have a handle on things, so I decided to borrow the movie, and tonight decided to at last, sit down and watch the movie.
Well for sure the actress, Julianne Moore was terrific, she definitely "delivers a Career defining performance", well so much so, that just seeing her start to realize she was forgetting, words, where she was, and then begin to start checking things carefully, my tummy began to get those fluttery kind of butterfly feelings, but I tried hard to just ignore, and say, this is a movie, this is what is happening to Alice, get on with it and relax.
Then came the place in the movie where she decides to open up to her husband and say she is seeing a neurologist and he thinks she has the beginning of onset of Alzheimer's even though she is really much younger than the average age for getting the disease. Her husband says, "impossible"...precisely what Mac said, when he was first diagnosed, and when he was referred to a neurologist.
When Julianne in her role screams and starts to cry out to her husband, listen to me, it's true, ..that's when I lost it...and said right out loud in my apartment here without anyone to say it to. What am I doing I don't need this..and turned the movie off.
I think my many friends whose parents, husbands, wife,who have and are still going through this sad time, must have something I don't have..because some of them have recommended the movie to me in the past. Some have seen the movie earlier or later in the disease, how strong they are, as I could not take it.
In fact just last Thursday, I went to a Sugaring Off Party at a Cabana Sucre with the Retired Teachers Group. One of the teachers said, "this is such a break for me, my husband is in "Heron House" (An assisted living Residence) he has alzheimers. Twice a week I go to help him eat. Some times he knows who I am, some times he doesn't, sometimes he can eat by himself, other times he can't. Just yesterday, I had to help him eat he didn't know what to do with his fork. " I am so happy that we have placed him where he gets the help he needs"
The same thing happened to me as when I started the book and watched the movie..my tummy started to churn, I was about to cry, so had to move away, saying to myself, I don't need this.
Now, I have no problem with being with the people with the big A. right here in the building, or helping my friend's mom, Alma, over in the building in the back of us. I don't understand what I'm going through, but I know it has to do with just how deeply it hit when Mac was ill in the first few months, I guess I just start to relive...and for sure I don't need it.
Writing about it right now, has helped, I've gotten rid of the heavy feeling, and the sadness I felt and at time still feel for Mac. I really want to remember the happy times, even when he was ill, because for sure there were more good times with him ill than bad..and though I wouldn't want him back with the illness, I surely am so happy we had those years together, becauses he was Still Mac...
We, the twelve of us in the group, all had someone in our family - mother, father, sister, brother, husband or wife with the dread big A. We received many papers outlining what we were going through, we were there for twelve weeks, each week gave us new and better understanding of the disease.
One of the suggestions, was that we should read the book, Still Alice.
Well I did buy or get the book from the library, can't really remember, but what I do remember is that I could not get through the second chapter...it was too much to read what we were going through.
I felt that why should I go through the trauma of reading what was happening, and although I didn't know what would happen exactly in the future, I and Mac had a pretty good knowledge and it really wasn't pretty.
So I would not read the book, although the leader felt that the person reading the book would have a deeper understanding of what the person with the Big A. was going through.
I as asked many times, did you read the book, Still Alice...my reply was always, no but I probably will read it. Then the movie Still Alice came out,various friends and relations, called me to say the acting in that movie was super, they had understood so much more about the disease, and really recommended the movie.
For different reasons, i.e. I was living through the disease with Mac, secondly why should I watch someone else, I was able to see this up front and personal. plus by then I knew many others with the disease, spoke to so many in the support group, and again did not go to the movie.
Well yesterday, in the library where I borrow films I saw "Still Alice", well Mac has been dead a year now. I still see people with the bit A. but it's not something that causes churning in my tummy, it is something that I help others with and seem to have a handle on things, so I decided to borrow the movie, and tonight decided to at last, sit down and watch the movie.
Well for sure the actress, Julianne Moore was terrific, she definitely "delivers a Career defining performance", well so much so, that just seeing her start to realize she was forgetting, words, where she was, and then begin to start checking things carefully, my tummy began to get those fluttery kind of butterfly feelings, but I tried hard to just ignore, and say, this is a movie, this is what is happening to Alice, get on with it and relax.
Then came the place in the movie where she decides to open up to her husband and say she is seeing a neurologist and he thinks she has the beginning of onset of Alzheimer's even though she is really much younger than the average age for getting the disease. Her husband says, "impossible"...precisely what Mac said, when he was first diagnosed, and when he was referred to a neurologist.
When Julianne in her role screams and starts to cry out to her husband, listen to me, it's true, ..that's when I lost it...and said right out loud in my apartment here without anyone to say it to. What am I doing I don't need this..and turned the movie off.
I think my many friends whose parents, husbands, wife,who have and are still going through this sad time, must have something I don't have..because some of them have recommended the movie to me in the past. Some have seen the movie earlier or later in the disease, how strong they are, as I could not take it.
In fact just last Thursday, I went to a Sugaring Off Party at a Cabana Sucre with the Retired Teachers Group. One of the teachers said, "this is such a break for me, my husband is in "Heron House" (An assisted living Residence) he has alzheimers. Twice a week I go to help him eat. Some times he knows who I am, some times he doesn't, sometimes he can eat by himself, other times he can't. Just yesterday, I had to help him eat he didn't know what to do with his fork. " I am so happy that we have placed him where he gets the help he needs"
The same thing happened to me as when I started the book and watched the movie..my tummy started to churn, I was about to cry, so had to move away, saying to myself, I don't need this.
Now, I have no problem with being with the people with the big A. right here in the building, or helping my friend's mom, Alma, over in the building in the back of us. I don't understand what I'm going through, but I know it has to do with just how deeply it hit when Mac was ill in the first few months, I guess I just start to relive...and for sure I don't need it.
Writing about it right now, has helped, I've gotten rid of the heavy feeling, and the sadness I felt and at time still feel for Mac. I really want to remember the happy times, even when he was ill, because for sure there were more good times with him ill than bad..and though I wouldn't want him back with the illness, I surely am so happy we had those years together, becauses he was Still Mac...
Monday, March 21, 2016 Still Alice....Still Mac
Many moons ago, when we discovered that Mac had Alzheimer's and was well into it. I was asked by my daughter Gaye to join a group - a support group - for those who live with people who have Alzheimer's disease. This was really a good step to take, and one I've appreciated so much over the years...since then, which is actually about nine years or so now.
We, the twelve of us in the group, all had someone in our family - mother, father, sister, brother, husband or wife with the dread big A. We received many papers outlining what we were going through, we were there for twelve weeks, each week gave us new and better understanding of the disease.
One of the suggestions, was that we should read the book, Still Alice.
Well I did buy or get the book from the library, can't really remember, but what I do remember is that I could not get through the second chapter...it was too much to read what we were going through.
I felt that why should I go through the trauma of reading what was happening, and although I didn't know what would happen exactly in the future, I and Mac had a pretty good knowledge and it really wasn't pretty.
So I would not read the book, although the leader felt that the person reading the book would have a deeper understanding of what the person with the Big A. was going through.
I as asked many times, did you read the book, Still Alice...my reply was always, no but I probably will read it. Then the movie Still Alice came out,various friends and relations, called me to say the acting in that movie was super, they had understood so much more about the disease, and really recommended the movie.
For different reasons, i.e. I was living through the disease with Mac, secondly why should I watch someone else, I was able to see this up front and personal. plus by then I knew many others with the disease, spoke to so many in the support group, and again did not go to the movie.
Well yesterday, in the library where I borrow films I saw "Still Alice", well Mac has been dead a year now. I still see people with the bit A. but it's not something that causes churning in my tummy, it is something that I help others with and seem to have a handle on things, so I decided to borrow the movie, and tonight decided to at last, sit down and watch the movie.
Well for sure the actress, Julianne Moore was terrific, she definitely "delivers a Career defining performance", well so much so, that just seeing her start to realize she was forgetting, words, where she was, and then begin to start checking things carefully, my tummy began to get those fluttery kind of butterfly feelings, but I tried hard to just ignore, and say, this is a movie, this is what is happening to Alice, get on with it and relax.
Then came the place in the movie where she decides to open up to her husband and say she is seeing a neurologist and he thinks she has the beginning of onset of Alzheimer's even though she is really much younger than the average age for getting the disease. Her husband says, "impossible"...precisely what Mac said, when he was first diagnosed, and when he was referred to a neurologist.
When Julianne in her role screams and starts to cry out to her husband, listen to me, it's true, ..that's when I lost it...and said right out loud in my apartment here without anyone to say it to. What am I doing I don't need this..and turned the movie off.
I think my many friends whose parents, husbands, wife,who have and are still going through this sad time, must have something I don't have..because some of them have recommended the movie to me in the past. Some have seen the movie earlier or later in the disease, how strong they are, as I could not take it.
In fact just last Thursday, I went to a Sugaring Off Party at a Cabana Sucre with the Retired Teachers Group. One of the teachers said, "this is such a break for me, my husband is in "Heron House" (An assisted living Residence) he has alzheimers. Twice a week I go to help him eat. Some times he knows who I am, some times he doesn't, sometimes he can eat by himself, other times he can't. Just yesterday, I had to help him eat he didn't know what to do with his fork. " I am so happy that we have placed him where he gets the help he needs"
The same thing happened to me as when I started the book and watched the movie..my tummy started to churn, I was about to cry, so had to move away, saying to myself, I don't need this.
Now, I have no problem with being with the people with the big A. right here in the building, or helping my friend's mom, Alma, over in the building in the back of us. I don't understand what I'm going through, but I know it has to do with just how deeply it hit when Mac was ill in the first few months, I guess I just start to relive...and for sure I don't need it.
Writing about it right now, has helped, I've gotten rid of the heavy feeling, and the sadness I felt and at time still feel for Mac. I really want to remember the happy times, even when he was ill, because for sure there were more good times with him ill than bad..and though I wouldn't want him back with the illness, I surely am so happy we had those years together, becauses he was Still Mac...
We, the twelve of us in the group, all had someone in our family - mother, father, sister, brother, husband or wife with the dread big A. We received many papers outlining what we were going through, we were there for twelve weeks, each week gave us new and better understanding of the disease.
One of the suggestions, was that we should read the book, Still Alice.
Well I did buy or get the book from the library, can't really remember, but what I do remember is that I could not get through the second chapter...it was too much to read what we were going through.
I felt that why should I go through the trauma of reading what was happening, and although I didn't know what would happen exactly in the future, I and Mac had a pretty good knowledge and it really wasn't pretty.
So I would not read the book, although the leader felt that the person reading the book would have a deeper understanding of what the person with the Big A. was going through.
I as asked many times, did you read the book, Still Alice...my reply was always, no but I probably will read it. Then the movie Still Alice came out,various friends and relations, called me to say the acting in that movie was super, they had understood so much more about the disease, and really recommended the movie.
For different reasons, i.e. I was living through the disease with Mac, secondly why should I watch someone else, I was able to see this up front and personal. plus by then I knew many others with the disease, spoke to so many in the support group, and again did not go to the movie.
Well yesterday, in the library where I borrow films I saw "Still Alice", well Mac has been dead a year now. I still see people with the bit A. but it's not something that causes churning in my tummy, it is something that I help others with and seem to have a handle on things, so I decided to borrow the movie, and tonight decided to at last, sit down and watch the movie.
Well for sure the actress, Julianne Moore was terrific, she definitely "delivers a Career defining performance", well so much so, that just seeing her start to realize she was forgetting, words, where she was, and then begin to start checking things carefully, my tummy began to get those fluttery kind of butterfly feelings, but I tried hard to just ignore, and say, this is a movie, this is what is happening to Alice, get on with it and relax.
Then came the place in the movie where she decides to open up to her husband and say she is seeing a neurologist and he thinks she has the beginning of onset of Alzheimer's even though she is really much younger than the average age for getting the disease. Her husband says, "impossible"...precisely what Mac said, when he was first diagnosed, and when he was referred to a neurologist.
When Julianne in her role screams and starts to cry out to her husband, listen to me, it's true, ..that's when I lost it...and said right out loud in my apartment here without anyone to say it to. What am I doing I don't need this..and turned the movie off.
I think my many friends whose parents, husbands, wife,who have and are still going through this sad time, must have something I don't have..because some of them have recommended the movie to me in the past. Some have seen the movie earlier or later in the disease, how strong they are, as I could not take it.
In fact just last Thursday, I went to a Sugaring Off Party at a Cabana Sucre with the Retired Teachers Group. One of the teachers said, "this is such a break for me, my husband is in "Heron House" (An assisted living Residence) he has alzheimers. Twice a week I go to help him eat. Some times he knows who I am, some times he doesn't, sometimes he can eat by himself, other times he can't. Just yesterday, I had to help him eat he didn't know what to do with his fork. " I am so happy that we have placed him where he gets the help he needs"
The same thing happened to me as when I started the book and watched the movie..my tummy started to churn, I was about to cry, so had to move away, saying to myself, I don't need this.
Now, I have no problem with being with the people with the big A. right here in the building, or helping my friend's mom, Alma, over in the building in the back of us. I don't understand what I'm going through, but I know it has to do with just how deeply it hit when Mac was ill in the first few months, I guess I just start to relive...and for sure I don't need it.
Writing about it right now, has helped, I've gotten rid of the heavy feeling, and the sadness I felt and at time still feel for Mac. I really want to remember the happy times, even when he was ill, because for sure there were more good times with him ill than bad..and though I wouldn't want him back with the illness, I surely am so happy we had those years together, becauses he was Still Mac...
Wednesday, 16 March 2016
Tuesday, March 16, 2016 St. Patrick's Day tomorrow...
I'm thinking about the St. Patrick's Day, and how we used to enjoy the parade..we, Mac and I, sometimes went to the two parades, one in Chateauguay and the one downtown. Sometimes the weather was great and sometimes we froze, but always it was a fun time. At that time we would go down memory lane, Mac would say imagine my dad actually went in the parade with the St Thomas Aquinas Contingent. He said that his brother John rode a horse in the parade...I wonder??? Did I dream that one. We have a picture of his dad wearing real shamrocks on his jacket, we assumed that was when he was in the parade. All this Irish stuff was what sent us off to Ireland to check out Mac's family tree...SURPRISE, we discovered that it seems that there was more of a Scottish background. Who knew??
In the end we think that there was an Irish ancestor and that by the time Mac's grandfather was born the family had moved to Aberdeen in Scotland for work, as that's the place where we found some background information. Mac could not get enough solid information as to his grandfather's birth record, though we did see his name in the records, could not get his birth record..
Maybe one day, one of the family will investigate further. In any case, the McConnell's always seemed to be part Irish rather than Scottish..no one spoke about St. Andrews Day, but I remember St. Paddy's was the big celebration.
Not being Irish I would go along for the ride, and celebrate like all the other Quebecers who become Irish for the day. BUT, my big moment came a few years ago when my good friend Margaret Healy became the first Woman to lead the Parade as Grand Marshal...and big thrill, she came and shook our hand as she walked along the parade route with all the other dignitaries with their top hats green ties, and shamrocks, what a great day for the Irish Women ha..
One of the fun songs Mac's gang from St. Henri used to sing as they all rode their bikes to Pine Beach in Dorval (where I met Mac) was this one
The English Live on St. George's Street
The French they live in Cote St. Paul
But the Irish you can't beat cuz on old St. Patrick Street.
Every nation has it's treat in Montreal
So if you come from the land of the Shamrock
Where killarney's lake's are blue
Then sing a song and make a fuss
Wherever you are you're one of us
If you're Irish, this is the place for you....
Who does your laundry
O'Reilly O'really I really mean it
Don't take my shamrock away....
I may have the lyrics mixed up, but they were a crazy gang, and they sure had fun. I have pictures and many memories of the gang and how great it was to meet that boy ...Mac...
My dad was afraid I may marry him, (and of course I did) how happy he was to find out that though Mac was Irish(or so we thought) he was not Catholic. Of the seven children in the family, the first four (I think) were brought up Catholic, the last three Protestant, luckily Mac was the baby of the family and so was a Protestant, much to my dad's relief. Now I'm the only one in our family that continued to go to church, well hey I think I'm the only one
left ...oh no Mac's first cousin Mabel is still alive and she is Catholic, she still goes to Church....Have to check to see if she thinks she is of Irish decent.
Mabel is ninety years old.. Think it would be a good idea to phone her tomorrow and wish her a Happy St. Patrick's day..I'll be celebrating at a Cabana Sucre...so Happy St. Paddy's day to you all.and a ,g'nite.
In the end we think that there was an Irish ancestor and that by the time Mac's grandfather was born the family had moved to Aberdeen in Scotland for work, as that's the place where we found some background information. Mac could not get enough solid information as to his grandfather's birth record, though we did see his name in the records, could not get his birth record..
Maybe one day, one of the family will investigate further. In any case, the McConnell's always seemed to be part Irish rather than Scottish..no one spoke about St. Andrews Day, but I remember St. Paddy's was the big celebration.
Not being Irish I would go along for the ride, and celebrate like all the other Quebecers who become Irish for the day. BUT, my big moment came a few years ago when my good friend Margaret Healy became the first Woman to lead the Parade as Grand Marshal...and big thrill, she came and shook our hand as she walked along the parade route with all the other dignitaries with their top hats green ties, and shamrocks, what a great day for the Irish Women ha..
One of the fun songs Mac's gang from St. Henri used to sing as they all rode their bikes to Pine Beach in Dorval (where I met Mac) was this one
The English Live on St. George's Street
The French they live in Cote St. Paul
But the Irish you can't beat cuz on old St. Patrick Street.
Every nation has it's treat in Montreal
So if you come from the land of the Shamrock
Where killarney's lake's are blue
Then sing a song and make a fuss
Wherever you are you're one of us
If you're Irish, this is the place for you....
Who does your laundry
O'Reilly O'really I really mean it
Don't take my shamrock away....
I may have the lyrics mixed up, but they were a crazy gang, and they sure had fun. I have pictures and many memories of the gang and how great it was to meet that boy ...Mac...
My dad was afraid I may marry him, (and of course I did) how happy he was to find out that though Mac was Irish(or so we thought) he was not Catholic. Of the seven children in the family, the first four (I think) were brought up Catholic, the last three Protestant, luckily Mac was the baby of the family and so was a Protestant, much to my dad's relief. Now I'm the only one in our family that continued to go to church, well hey I think I'm the only one
left ...oh no Mac's first cousin Mabel is still alive and she is Catholic, she still goes to Church....Have to check to see if she thinks she is of Irish decent.
Mabel is ninety years old.. Think it would be a good idea to phone her tomorrow and wish her a Happy St. Patrick's day..I'll be celebrating at a Cabana Sucre...so Happy St. Paddy's day to you all.and a ,g'nite.
Wednesday, 9 March 2016
Tuesday, March 09, 2016...passing our markers....
Found an old journal from 1988, Reading the page marked January 10th I read how I was moaning about the fact that in our cross country skiing through the Pine Woods between our place and Kahanawake just across the road at that time...We, Mac, two other friends and myself had passed our markers and got lost on three different occasions. I wrote, we'd have to update the markers, and make them clearer as by the time we got home we were absolutely frozen and exhausted.
I went on to write how lovely the woods were, and mentioned again, how we must make sure to upgrade the markers as the ribbons and trees we used from former years were gone just like some old friends that seemed so much a part of our lives had moved away or died...but friends, and newer ones are there still and of course my best friend and lover, Mac is here; he, like the woods is ever-changing and ever interesting.
Well that last line really threw me, I'm sure when I wrote those words, I never thought for a moment that I'd be reading them on the eve of the day that marked his dying March 09, 2016.
Life then was all about our children, our young grandchildren, how busy we were, I was on a sabbatical leave from teaching..We were planning the year - travel to the UK and Europe, how wonderful it all was, even mentioned how lucky we were to have each other. I even still had my mom at that time and made a vow to make her more a part of our life, as she was losing her sight, her best friend had died, my dad had been dead for many years by then..so the pages turn and so do our lives.
Now mom is long gone, and many of my friends as well..I miss them, but never could I ever imagine how much I would miss my dearest and closest friend, husband, lover, father of our children my Mac.
Tomorrow, these children, now adults, and some of our grandchildren will join me in remembering their dad, and grandfather. We will enjoy our memories, and be so happy that we had him, we will laugh at his crazy ways, admire his wise ways and always know how wonderful was his loving heart, for us, his wife and family. g'nite.
I went on to write how lovely the woods were, and mentioned again, how we must make sure to upgrade the markers as the ribbons and trees we used from former years were gone just like some old friends that seemed so much a part of our lives had moved away or died...but friends, and newer ones are there still and of course my best friend and lover, Mac is here; he, like the woods is ever-changing and ever interesting.
Well that last line really threw me, I'm sure when I wrote those words, I never thought for a moment that I'd be reading them on the eve of the day that marked his dying March 09, 2016.
Life then was all about our children, our young grandchildren, how busy we were, I was on a sabbatical leave from teaching..We were planning the year - travel to the UK and Europe, how wonderful it all was, even mentioned how lucky we were to have each other. I even still had my mom at that time and made a vow to make her more a part of our life, as she was losing her sight, her best friend had died, my dad had been dead for many years by then..so the pages turn and so do our lives.
Now mom is long gone, and many of my friends as well..I miss them, but never could I ever imagine how much I would miss my dearest and closest friend, husband, lover, father of our children my Mac.
Tomorrow, these children, now adults, and some of our grandchildren will join me in remembering their dad, and grandfather. We will enjoy our memories, and be so happy that we had him, we will laugh at his crazy ways, admire his wise ways and always know how wonderful was his loving heart, for us, his wife and family. g'nite.
Sunday, 6 March 2016
Sunday, March 6, 2016, The sun is glorious....
Trying to be upbeat is not too hard when he sun streams into our windows..I still say our, as this is, to me, still OUR place. I have just signed a new lease for our apartment. To some of my friends they say -"well Jan you really should move on...this apartment holds too many sad memories, and there are so many people with problems in this building. Others say, look it suits you, it's beautiful, your view is great, you are near the library, a shopping center, bank, and not that far from your beloved lake.
Well both sides of the coin are true..and so when it came time to renew my lease this March, I kind of went to one side of the coin, i.e. it's time to move on. I have to get a new outlook on life, see new people, get into a new (to me) place. Then I would go to the other side, the staff, and many people here know me. I'm enjoying the close proximity to the new library, in fact I've even joined a new book group which meets in the evening once a month, right at the library next door, how convenient is that. I'm not that far from the lake where the Teapot, the yoga, zumba and so many other activies take place..why bother with the bother of moving.
So I did it, I renewed my lease, with the idea that okay, next year if I'm finding the walk down to the lake (takes me 15 minutes on good days)too much, I'll move to a residence closer to the lake.. The residence I'm thinking of really has some advantages, along with being closer to the lake, it also houses some friends that are able to play scrabble, has better food service and a small pool..so it is there for me, so now it's think about it for next year...
Well for the friends in this building, Alice, my almost blind and very old friend, who remembers my dear Mac. She is the one who says I don't let them clean the mark on the wall there, as that's where Mac's chair used o scrape..she always says "that's Mac's mark". The preposees who still hug me, the wonderful woman who was the first woman priest of the Anglican church, who still at the age of 91, plays piano, makes her own dresses, writes papers for seminars at McGill and so on and on..and my newer friend Lina partially blind, who tells me stories, and with whom I commiserate as we wonder how things will be when her family place her husband in a facility away from her. Also my neighbours on this floor who are with it but ailing in various ways..these friends are all quite happy I'm staying on...so that's it
Now, it's a Sunny Sunday, and time to get ready for church, where I will sit in the pew where Mac and I both sat..I will pass his ashes that are outside in the churchyard under his bench..and I will get on with the day, my life and Thank God, The sun is Glorious...solong...
Well both sides of the coin are true..and so when it came time to renew my lease this March, I kind of went to one side of the coin, i.e. it's time to move on. I have to get a new outlook on life, see new people, get into a new (to me) place. Then I would go to the other side, the staff, and many people here know me. I'm enjoying the close proximity to the new library, in fact I've even joined a new book group which meets in the evening once a month, right at the library next door, how convenient is that. I'm not that far from the lake where the Teapot, the yoga, zumba and so many other activies take place..why bother with the bother of moving.
So I did it, I renewed my lease, with the idea that okay, next year if I'm finding the walk down to the lake (takes me 15 minutes on good days)too much, I'll move to a residence closer to the lake.. The residence I'm thinking of really has some advantages, along with being closer to the lake, it also houses some friends that are able to play scrabble, has better food service and a small pool..so it is there for me, so now it's think about it for next year...
Well for the friends in this building, Alice, my almost blind and very old friend, who remembers my dear Mac. She is the one who says I don't let them clean the mark on the wall there, as that's where Mac's chair used o scrape..she always says "that's Mac's mark". The preposees who still hug me, the wonderful woman who was the first woman priest of the Anglican church, who still at the age of 91, plays piano, makes her own dresses, writes papers for seminars at McGill and so on and on..and my newer friend Lina partially blind, who tells me stories, and with whom I commiserate as we wonder how things will be when her family place her husband in a facility away from her. Also my neighbours on this floor who are with it but ailing in various ways..these friends are all quite happy I'm staying on...so that's it
Now, it's a Sunny Sunday, and time to get ready for church, where I will sit in the pew where Mac and I both sat..I will pass his ashes that are outside in the churchyard under his bench..and I will get on with the day, my life and Thank God, The sun is Glorious...solong...
Tuesday, 1 March 2016
Tuesday, March 1, 2016,,,you are my raison d'etre
This is the month that Mac died last year...He used to say "you are my raison d'etre but I now know that he was really my "reason to be"..Every day I realize that more and more..I'm fortunate, in that I've got many friends both male and female, and I have so much support, life is never dull..
yet underlying everything I do I think of Mac, and try to think what he would say or do about whatever I'm up to. Sometimes as I get ready for bed and look at his picture, I laugh and say, well I really goofed today, or I say when will I realize I'm an old lady, and stop dancing ...stop trying to carry heavy things, stop trying to do my yoga or zumba as well as the young teachers..then I flop in our bed and try to decide which side I should lie on, wishing there is only one side - the one beside him.
Yesterday I bent a nice guy's ear telling him all about Mac, how crazy - he must have wished he'd never offered to drive me home from our group at the Teapot (an over 55 club). That's how it is, I join different activities that stretch my body, or my mind and then there is no Mac to bounce the ideas or the thoughts that are there.
I would so love to hear what he would say about what's happening in the U.S. re the presidential candidates ( if one could say that Trump was a candidate?? unreal)..I have an mp3 received from an old friend who saved a tape of Mac speaking about elections in Jamaica, and in Australia..wonder what he'd say about this one...I could take a few good guesses... but they would never really hit the mark.
Strange even though he had Alzheimer's and was not - so called with it, I remember how with it at times he was, and of course my mind goes back to before those sad ending years to the conversations, travels etc we had throughout our marriage.
Just recently returned from a lovely vacation in Florida..which reminded me how we would walk along the beach, body surf in the waves, then Mac would read the latest news from the Florida papers, and discuss the news, and finally just lie on his towel, going so dark never ever getting a burn...we would say, we should stay here for a month, but by 8 days, he and I would be happy to return to our own place in the sun.
Well I am happy to be back in my own place, where I can feel even closer to my family, my cat Mischa...and my sweet memories of Mac so g'nite.
yet underlying everything I do I think of Mac, and try to think what he would say or do about whatever I'm up to. Sometimes as I get ready for bed and look at his picture, I laugh and say, well I really goofed today, or I say when will I realize I'm an old lady, and stop dancing ...stop trying to carry heavy things, stop trying to do my yoga or zumba as well as the young teachers..then I flop in our bed and try to decide which side I should lie on, wishing there is only one side - the one beside him.
Yesterday I bent a nice guy's ear telling him all about Mac, how crazy - he must have wished he'd never offered to drive me home from our group at the Teapot (an over 55 club). That's how it is, I join different activities that stretch my body, or my mind and then there is no Mac to bounce the ideas or the thoughts that are there.
I would so love to hear what he would say about what's happening in the U.S. re the presidential candidates ( if one could say that Trump was a candidate?? unreal)..I have an mp3 received from an old friend who saved a tape of Mac speaking about elections in Jamaica, and in Australia..wonder what he'd say about this one...I could take a few good guesses... but they would never really hit the mark.
Strange even though he had Alzheimer's and was not - so called with it, I remember how with it at times he was, and of course my mind goes back to before those sad ending years to the conversations, travels etc we had throughout our marriage.
Just recently returned from a lovely vacation in Florida..which reminded me how we would walk along the beach, body surf in the waves, then Mac would read the latest news from the Florida papers, and discuss the news, and finally just lie on his towel, going so dark never ever getting a burn...we would say, we should stay here for a month, but by 8 days, he and I would be happy to return to our own place in the sun.
Well I am happy to be back in my own place, where I can feel even closer to my family, my cat Mischa...and my sweet memories of Mac so g'nite.
Monday, 15 February 2016
Monday, February 15, 2016 I have decided to stop...
Well what has my friend downstairs decided? She has decided to stop crying about the fact that her husband will be placed in a private small residence. She just knows it will not work out..so she said I have decided to stop...not only crying, but talking about how he will not manage, how her husband is ninety seven and will not be able to take adaptataxi to visit her. He used to take the bus to visit her here, but he will not manage she says to dial properly and talk to the people who run the taxi service So again she said, I have decided to stop..
So I contributed my two cents, saying why don't we just wait and see things might not be so bad he may just take a regular taxi to visit. NEVER, she said, he would say that is too much money. He is ninety seven but he thinks he will live forever, when the house gets sold he will have put the money away and never use it.
In a way it's strange, she never had a good word to say about her husband, but that was her business, obviously she and he still love each other..Apparently when her son was explaining where he will place his dad, to the two of them, his dad said "but what about mum, when will I see her", the son kind of ignored that, so my friend the wife, piped up...He will not be happy in such a small space. He did not ignore that, he said, stop throwing rocks in the way..
Well as I said it's none of my business, but I did ask, o.k.just when will all this take place, hoping it was still in the thinking stage. But no, the date is set he is moving April 1..(I didn't mention, April Fool Day...just thought it.).
So when thinking of the day thought of yesterday Valentine's Day, it would have made such a nice story if I could have said, well it's o.k.they have decided to move their dad here to be near mum..Happy Valentine's day, but no instead..its April fool. well sometimes, April Fool jokes are fun, let's hope something fun will come out of this yet.
One good thing, she has stopped crying..so have I, well not exactly, I still cry, in fact a little every day, like the song says "each day is Valentine's Day"so I eat my chocolates, and gain weight. You look rested says the preposee downstairs -
I am resting, while I'm enjoying my course on "Women and War" given by the Thomas More Institute..my yoga classes, my zumba class my walks to check out the Mac's ashes which are now under the snow..Attend the concerts with our season tickets, and even went out for dinner and dancing at The Teapot, and danced the night away..So a little bit of Valentine sadness with a little bit of April Fool fun. Mix it up,as I've decided to stop...and enjoy.
So I contributed my two cents, saying why don't we just wait and see things might not be so bad he may just take a regular taxi to visit. NEVER, she said, he would say that is too much money. He is ninety seven but he thinks he will live forever, when the house gets sold he will have put the money away and never use it.
In a way it's strange, she never had a good word to say about her husband, but that was her business, obviously she and he still love each other..Apparently when her son was explaining where he will place his dad, to the two of them, his dad said "but what about mum, when will I see her", the son kind of ignored that, so my friend the wife, piped up...He will not be happy in such a small space. He did not ignore that, he said, stop throwing rocks in the way..
Well as I said it's none of my business, but I did ask, o.k.just when will all this take place, hoping it was still in the thinking stage. But no, the date is set he is moving April 1..(I didn't mention, April Fool Day...just thought it.).
So when thinking of the day thought of yesterday Valentine's Day, it would have made such a nice story if I could have said, well it's o.k.they have decided to move their dad here to be near mum..Happy Valentine's day, but no instead..its April fool. well sometimes, April Fool jokes are fun, let's hope something fun will come out of this yet.
One good thing, she has stopped crying..so have I, well not exactly, I still cry, in fact a little every day, like the song says "each day is Valentine's Day"so I eat my chocolates, and gain weight. You look rested says the preposee downstairs -
I am resting, while I'm enjoying my course on "Women and War" given by the Thomas More Institute..my yoga classes, my zumba class my walks to check out the Mac's ashes which are now under the snow..Attend the concerts with our season tickets, and even went out for dinner and dancing at The Teapot, and danced the night away..So a little bit of Valentine sadness with a little bit of April Fool fun. Mix it up,as I've decided to stop...and enjoy.
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