Answer to that question, definitely, it is a nice place...and where were we..the place that overlooks the lake, St. louis park at the end of our street 32nd st. We were on our way home actually, we had been to an AGM, at the Teapot..had a lovely free lunch, and then sauntered alongside the lake to Fort Rolland park, and onward to horizon park...this all in beautiful sunshine..where we stop look at the ducks, check out the increase of Canada geese, now numbering 8, yikes...our friend must be having a fit..he doesn't want to see people feeding them or encouraging, as they make such a mess ...oh well...they are rather big and scary up close - they sure hang around if they see you eating...everyone tries to turn their back and take a small bite of their sandwich..ha.
Anyway, just after Mac said this is a nice place, a woman came up to us and said, 'would you mind telling me how long you two have been together'...well no don't mind, Mac looked rather stunned - are we always together??he said, ...she looked a bit doubtful but then I said sixty two years..she kind of laughed and said wonderful...i see you two all the time, you remind me of my parents who have passed away after sixty four years...they were inseparable..thanks for giving me such nice memories, i love to see you both" and with that she walked on...
Well we sure are inseparable...i can hardly go to the bathroom, and if i'm not off this computer in about 5 min, Mac will be wandering out of the bedroom to see what's happening...he is so insecure and for sure this was not always the case ...it's only with the alzheimers that we are inseparable....We did like going places together, and all our trips and visits to friends we were together...but our days were spent most times doing separate things...my friend Ginny, said the other day, i remember i'd phone and say where's Jan..and Mac would say, 'who knows, she's off somewhere, I'll tell her you called."
When we travelled, I was interested in some things, he would be interested in others...so often we would separate and meet later, and enjoy telling each other about our activities while we were apart..and often we would be so upset when we would get together because we had mixed up our times or our locations to meet ...that would lead to a separation for sure, as we would both stomp along yelling at each other saying who was at fault...Well those days are gone forever, but the memory lingers on - but only in my head. As for Mac - his memory of that is long gone, and with that, his independence, but not his joie de vivre, thankfully, and though we are inseperable, there are no more problems re: meeting places and times, and being together in the sun - watching the parade of life here in lachine - we can say very truthfully and happily - This certainly is a nice place...
Tuesday, 10 June 2014
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
Wednesday, June 4, 2014 Where can I wash my hands..??.
Good question, as I led Mac to the bathroom, and sort of wandered away, thinking he'll just wash his hands, but then decided oh, better give him the soap...(he often just rinses his hands -no soap) and there he was preparing to wash his hands in the toilet...yuck!! ..Well got through that little mistake.and realized just how deceiving his looks and questions are. So many people just assume his problem is bad legs, slow walking, but otherwise, what's his problem..Even in this building where so many have alzheimers and walk with the shuffle, I'm asked - just what is the problem with your husband, he looks so healthy. What a tan, what lively blue eyes...etc etc...that's so true, it even has me thinking that, especially when he jokes - and sometimes they are so on target and funny..
Anyway, the main reason I'm on here is that i got the article - headline Seniors are being drugged needlessly....by Nicole F. Bernier, research director of the Faces of Aging program at the Institute for Research on public Policy in Montreal...lorazepam and amitripyline are the two drugs she mentions that can increase the risk of death when inappropriately prescribed - apparently for some institutes it's a cost -effective way to manage unruly residents. - she says more and different solutions are needed - behavioral interventions and improved management of dementia can significantly reduce the need for antipsychotic medication....
So far, we are managing and for the two times Mac has had the drug..it's turned out when i checked again that it is not the same drug, but definitely it is a antipsychotic drug - according to the pharmacist and the doc..the amount given is appropriate and that side effects were for not more than one day. In any case, I'm keeping my eye on the dosage and the drug...Our residence I must say seems to manage the wanderer....the ones in wheelchairs....the bitchy ones...very well...the staff are helpful, and most times on-target...and they are free to go around the main floor, they wear a bracelet that buzzes like crazy if they get outside without accompaniment...so it's mainly the ones on the 2nd floor who are really locked down-i guess they can get anci..but they do have programs at least that are good...the music therapy on Fridays ...the animal therapy..cats and dogs come to visit...yoga on Tuesdays. exercise on Thursday...but these programs are o nly for one hour a day....
Mac has far more stimulation with me, we are out every day, and music of his choice is on when we are in...we do or i should say I do crosswords and he occasionally gives a word here and there...but he is not left to sit and veg all day...he enjoys walks in the residence and waves gaily at the other residents, and acts like he is king of the hill...So I'll try to relax about the article...as his main problems are with getting a shower, getting dressed,/undressed, and although he has a tantrum and swears it's the last time he will have a preposee, so far so good...and i will try to get some more ideas for intervention when we are in the house. i.e. rainy days, right now..it's time for him to dry dishes...so g'nite..
Anyway, the main reason I'm on here is that i got the article - headline Seniors are being drugged needlessly....by Nicole F. Bernier, research director of the Faces of Aging program at the Institute for Research on public Policy in Montreal...lorazepam and amitripyline are the two drugs she mentions that can increase the risk of death when inappropriately prescribed - apparently for some institutes it's a cost -effective way to manage unruly residents. - she says more and different solutions are needed - behavioral interventions and improved management of dementia can significantly reduce the need for antipsychotic medication....
So far, we are managing and for the two times Mac has had the drug..it's turned out when i checked again that it is not the same drug, but definitely it is a antipsychotic drug - according to the pharmacist and the doc..the amount given is appropriate and that side effects were for not more than one day. In any case, I'm keeping my eye on the dosage and the drug...Our residence I must say seems to manage the wanderer....the ones in wheelchairs....the bitchy ones...very well...the staff are helpful, and most times on-target...and they are free to go around the main floor, they wear a bracelet that buzzes like crazy if they get outside without accompaniment...so it's mainly the ones on the 2nd floor who are really locked down-i guess they can get anci..but they do have programs at least that are good...the music therapy on Fridays ...the animal therapy..cats and dogs come to visit...yoga on Tuesdays. exercise on Thursday...but these programs are o nly for one hour a day....
Mac has far more stimulation with me, we are out every day, and music of his choice is on when we are in...we do or i should say I do crosswords and he occasionally gives a word here and there...but he is not left to sit and veg all day...he enjoys walks in the residence and waves gaily at the other residents, and acts like he is king of the hill...So I'll try to relax about the article...as his main problems are with getting a shower, getting dressed,/undressed, and although he has a tantrum and swears it's the last time he will have a preposee, so far so good...and i will try to get some more ideas for intervention when we are in the house. i.e. rainy days, right now..it's time for him to dry dishes...so g'nite..
Tuesday, 3 June 2014
Tuesday, June 3,2014 Do you know where .....
So do you know where the taxi is???...that's the question, and I knew the answer sort of....'well yes he should be picking us up ...soon. This was kind of important as it was the father and mother of all thunder storms, we had taken refuge in Westmount library, luckily that's the address i had given to the taxi service as the return address. We have this great service, at least Mac does as he cannot travel on busses by himself, and his walking and even talking is limited...so as i am his caregiver - and have to be with him..we have a taxi service - costing us as little as it costs to take the bus for seniors...so we can go anywhere on the island of montreal for 1.55 each....just have to give the address and the day..and then we can go. Today it was to an Alzheimer's meeting but the front door was blocked to anyone who had problems walking ... a big tractor was digging up the street..so decided to go directly to the park.... T'was beautiful....but then came thunder , big winds and we quickly took refuge in lovely Westmount library...we just missed being completely drenched. hurrah...Great day altogether...
But the main reason I wanted to blog is that there was an article in the Gazette - forgot to cut it out...anyone reading this if you read it, please let me know who the author was and her credentials..She said that for people with dementia, it is abolutely a no no to give them anti psychotic drugs..as that is not the solution for their anxiety and agitation which causes them to be violent...Both the meds she mentioned were two that Mac has been given i.e. on standby...he has only had one of the meds (half a pill) twice..but in case of stronger agitation where he cannot be calmed the Doc has another one on register at the Pharmacy. She does not give any other solutions, but says both these meds are killers and should not be used...this has given me anxiety ...I had already asked the doctor about side effects etc..and he has promised that it is not dangerous that mac has only been prescribed the least amount that is perfectly safe...As mentioned he has only had it twice...second time, he did become very weak for a day...although he was weak the day before he had the pill ...so we can't be sure if it was from the pill...NOW, he is fine, although as mentioned Sunday was a bad couple of hours and as also mentioned I did not handle the situation so well...and had thought to myself, o.k. another day like that and I should perhaps give the pill at night...just to make sure...so since reading that...it's no way..
O,K. but now I'm wondering, what is the solution...wait it out...be calm...talk softly, pray, contemplate, sit beside him, put some soothing music on ...give chocolate ...anyway, right now all is fine..and has been o.k. so no use getting myself uptight...good day today..so remember day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment...and this is the moment to say g'night...
But the main reason I wanted to blog is that there was an article in the Gazette - forgot to cut it out...anyone reading this if you read it, please let me know who the author was and her credentials..She said that for people with dementia, it is abolutely a no no to give them anti psychotic drugs..as that is not the solution for their anxiety and agitation which causes them to be violent...Both the meds she mentioned were two that Mac has been given i.e. on standby...he has only had one of the meds (half a pill) twice..but in case of stronger agitation where he cannot be calmed the Doc has another one on register at the Pharmacy. She does not give any other solutions, but says both these meds are killers and should not be used...this has given me anxiety ...I had already asked the doctor about side effects etc..and he has promised that it is not dangerous that mac has only been prescribed the least amount that is perfectly safe...As mentioned he has only had it twice...second time, he did become very weak for a day...although he was weak the day before he had the pill ...so we can't be sure if it was from the pill...NOW, he is fine, although as mentioned Sunday was a bad couple of hours and as also mentioned I did not handle the situation so well...and had thought to myself, o.k. another day like that and I should perhaps give the pill at night...just to make sure...so since reading that...it's no way..
O,K. but now I'm wondering, what is the solution...wait it out...be calm...talk softly, pray, contemplate, sit beside him, put some soothing music on ...give chocolate ...anyway, right now all is fine..and has been o.k. so no use getting myself uptight...good day today..so remember day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment...and this is the moment to say g'night...
Sunday, 1 June 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014 Isn't that a beautiful picture.....
It certainly was a beautiful picture, or sight, on a beautiful day...and that was Mac's comment as we watched the sunshine streaming through the branches of the tree overlooking the lake...we were walking home from church...and the day could not have been better. This walk takes us along the canal bank, then on to the river and then it opens up to the lake. All along the way there are picnic benches which we stop at, and just embrace the beauty of the scene...usually I can't seem to fill my eyes up enough with looking and enjoying, but today the scene that kept floating through my mind was from early this moning, and the sounds of the birds and the lapping of the waves was rather blotted out by the sounds of my own loud words to Mac.
I'm afraid to say it, but i went off the rails - he was being unusually belligerent, more so than usual to the preposee, he would not let her get his clothes on for the day...no matter how hard i coaxed - and pleaded - "no I'm not getting dressed', "scram' "take off",,,get her the hell out of here etc etc...finally Vedette left, came back - twice, and we went through the whole scene again, and again, the third time she couldn't come back till much later, but in the meantime, I'm sorry to say, i became a real maniac, first hugging him - but when he pushed me roughly away, I started to try and take his hand and say come i'll get you dressed though it will be difficult -stop being such a nutcase ..and when he pushed me roughly and i tried to pull stronger, he really got angry and got pretty agitated and ready to punch, and i just went into reaction mode...I had apparently not forgotten my training for working with violent kids (which I did many years ago)and just twisted his finger, causing him pain..and he of course just sunk back in his chair...I was devastated, and cried, did i hurt you I'm so sorry.. I then said come quick, you get yourself dressed...well with much difficulty we both got him dressed..
Then all went well for the rest of the day, except for my mind which went over the scene constantly and I've been crying inwardly all day....how could i do that how could i say that....and even now I can hardly type...and this evening he was really upset with the preposee who though not rough is rather brusque..and does not have a bedside manner so to speak but he did get in his p.j.s saying that's the last time he will let that happen. i can understand it's demeaning and kind of puts one in a horrible position of feeling like a baby, but he can't get himself dressed and with his muscles that tense up (the doc said he is in parkinsonian positions) he can be stiff as a board...it's too difficult for him and for me....
Now i will be anci all night plus have an awful awful time thinking about my own behaviour and his for the morning...and to top if off I have to go to the doctor myself tomorrow, which means he will be left with Debbie not always his favourite thing. It's always up and down, and so we're in the down times....much to my own bad behaviour....as well...so it's time to think positive, and know that one has to use loving words no matter how it may go against the grain, and believe me i never ever had to use the technique i learned on any of my students that were very violent, (never to me), and now i've got to use the technique of love which I also learned...and I know it can be so phony sounding at first...but it worked in the past with kids and i hope it works tomorrow...as when it works it becomes true and i've never had to do that with my own husband I could be crabby just as he would be, but i'm dealing with a different husband now..one that only see's his own problems....so I have got to forget mine, and that's all there is to it...so g'nite sweet dreams....
I'm afraid to say it, but i went off the rails - he was being unusually belligerent, more so than usual to the preposee, he would not let her get his clothes on for the day...no matter how hard i coaxed - and pleaded - "no I'm not getting dressed', "scram' "take off",,,get her the hell out of here etc etc...finally Vedette left, came back - twice, and we went through the whole scene again, and again, the third time she couldn't come back till much later, but in the meantime, I'm sorry to say, i became a real maniac, first hugging him - but when he pushed me roughly away, I started to try and take his hand and say come i'll get you dressed though it will be difficult -stop being such a nutcase ..and when he pushed me roughly and i tried to pull stronger, he really got angry and got pretty agitated and ready to punch, and i just went into reaction mode...I had apparently not forgotten my training for working with violent kids (which I did many years ago)and just twisted his finger, causing him pain..and he of course just sunk back in his chair...I was devastated, and cried, did i hurt you I'm so sorry.. I then said come quick, you get yourself dressed...well with much difficulty we both got him dressed..
Then all went well for the rest of the day, except for my mind which went over the scene constantly and I've been crying inwardly all day....how could i do that how could i say that....and even now I can hardly type...and this evening he was really upset with the preposee who though not rough is rather brusque..and does not have a bedside manner so to speak but he did get in his p.j.s saying that's the last time he will let that happen. i can understand it's demeaning and kind of puts one in a horrible position of feeling like a baby, but he can't get himself dressed and with his muscles that tense up (the doc said he is in parkinsonian positions) he can be stiff as a board...it's too difficult for him and for me....
Now i will be anci all night plus have an awful awful time thinking about my own behaviour and his for the morning...and to top if off I have to go to the doctor myself tomorrow, which means he will be left with Debbie not always his favourite thing. It's always up and down, and so we're in the down times....much to my own bad behaviour....as well...so it's time to think positive, and know that one has to use loving words no matter how it may go against the grain, and believe me i never ever had to use the technique i learned on any of my students that were very violent, (never to me), and now i've got to use the technique of love which I also learned...and I know it can be so phony sounding at first...but it worked in the past with kids and i hope it works tomorrow...as when it works it becomes true and i've never had to do that with my own husband I could be crabby just as he would be, but i'm dealing with a different husband now..one that only see's his own problems....so I have got to forget mine, and that's all there is to it...so g'nite sweet dreams....
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014 OH There you are....
And there I was... just coming in to our building. returning from Yoga this morniong..and there was Mac, smiling and so happy to see me...He was with Joscelyn our cleaning lady who stays with him for two hours, while i go to my class. Where were you and why...so i explained again where I was, so all was well...but I'm on the computer to check out last week's problem a Dr. Ginsberg is in the bldg. ...the shaking as I ..well surprise...he's here
The Doctor arrived...I wanted to make sure of the date that Mac had involuntary muscle movements....as that's what Doc Ginsburg said they seem to be, he also was sure it was not a seizure...but a type of convulsion which I have to monitor ..he - the doc, thinks that since it was a hot day - and that Mac did not drink fluids up to that time that it may have been a result of not enough fluids and his meds...
He checked Mac's muscles and he said that Mac has parkinsonian type of problems resulting from Alzheimer's - a stiffness...well tell me about that..i have to push his legs and arms through clothing and on the bed, as he can't seem to do so..which brought us to the problem of whether he should have a cane or walker. A decision was made to have a referral for a occupational therapist to give me hints as to how to help him with either walking with a cane or walker, because he cannot follow instructions., and will forget them anyway, .so not sure if that's going to do much ...but we'll see.
Also another problem which goes with the territory is often Mac cannot make out if he has a spoon - fork or knife...at dinner he will try to eat with anything,and even if I'm on the ball and make sure he has the right utensil he does spill so much o f his food...causing our funny little 95 yr old Edith to giggle, making our other table mate angry and then , Alice, will want him to have a soup spoon, and spilling her pills out of her soup spoon so he can have it...and all chaos can reign for a few minutes..while i clean the floor mac's pants etc...This is something that will probably get worse, and i am feeding him these days...but this is off and on..so far...we'll see. Finger foods are great...as long as they are not too soft...sometimes he squeezes the life out of things ..like a wrap for example the makings inside can land on the floor...Good thing we only eat downstairs in the diningroom about once a week, and if Edith continues to giggle it will be even less....although most times he puts up with her comments, that he is a baby etc....she says she is only fooling, she is strange, but i excuse her, she is pretty good for her age. and maybe she has a problem too.
Speaking of people with problems, my friend downstairs with rheumatoid arthritis, was telling me of her hardships with the preposees here. This was yesterday, her son said 'I can hardly wait for her to get out of this hole'...she continued the sad litany with, "yes, i asked the new preposee her name, - "she answered I don't speak English'...I said, well Muriel, why don't you say comment s'appelle, she answered, i know how to say that, but i want her to talk to me in English, her son said, Right. she is the one who needs help not the preposee, well ..with that they went on to run everything down...I can't help them, they are so negative...if they would only try to speak French, only smile at the people and be positive...life could be a bit better - but NO WAY, she has been here 3 1/2 years...will they fix up her room to look nice...forget it..they are only in transmission, they are on a waiting list for a residence near her former home....well even if I were here for one month, I'd fix the place up for myself or whoever...but no...they just complain...understand, being left in dirty underwear (diapers) and unable to get up - for over 2 hours is unforgiveable, but one can help oneself by going half way to helping by learning to speak simple sentences in French - even for your own good....and smiling and appreciating when one does get help..
Those who see the glass as half empty are to be pitied, as they will never enjoy
WEll it's been a grey day..the doc came and we waited, so now we'll attempt to go for a walk around the bldg. and cheer ourselves up.....and think positive...g'day.
The Doctor arrived...I wanted to make sure of the date that Mac had involuntary muscle movements....as that's what Doc Ginsburg said they seem to be, he also was sure it was not a seizure...but a type of convulsion which I have to monitor ..he - the doc, thinks that since it was a hot day - and that Mac did not drink fluids up to that time that it may have been a result of not enough fluids and his meds...
He checked Mac's muscles and he said that Mac has parkinsonian type of problems resulting from Alzheimer's - a stiffness...well tell me about that..i have to push his legs and arms through clothing and on the bed, as he can't seem to do so..which brought us to the problem of whether he should have a cane or walker. A decision was made to have a referral for a occupational therapist to give me hints as to how to help him with either walking with a cane or walker, because he cannot follow instructions., and will forget them anyway, .so not sure if that's going to do much ...but we'll see.
Also another problem which goes with the territory is often Mac cannot make out if he has a spoon - fork or knife...at dinner he will try to eat with anything,and even if I'm on the ball and make sure he has the right utensil he does spill so much o f his food...causing our funny little 95 yr old Edith to giggle, making our other table mate angry and then , Alice, will want him to have a soup spoon, and spilling her pills out of her soup spoon so he can have it...and all chaos can reign for a few minutes..while i clean the floor mac's pants etc...This is something that will probably get worse, and i am feeding him these days...but this is off and on..so far...we'll see. Finger foods are great...as long as they are not too soft...sometimes he squeezes the life out of things ..like a wrap for example the makings inside can land on the floor...Good thing we only eat downstairs in the diningroom about once a week, and if Edith continues to giggle it will be even less....although most times he puts up with her comments, that he is a baby etc....she says she is only fooling, she is strange, but i excuse her, she is pretty good for her age. and maybe she has a problem too.
Speaking of people with problems, my friend downstairs with rheumatoid arthritis, was telling me of her hardships with the preposees here. This was yesterday, her son said 'I can hardly wait for her to get out of this hole'...she continued the sad litany with, "yes, i asked the new preposee her name, - "she answered I don't speak English'...I said, well Muriel, why don't you say comment s'appelle, she answered, i know how to say that, but i want her to talk to me in English, her son said, Right. she is the one who needs help not the preposee, well ..with that they went on to run everything down...I can't help them, they are so negative...if they would only try to speak French, only smile at the people and be positive...life could be a bit better - but NO WAY, she has been here 3 1/2 years...will they fix up her room to look nice...forget it..they are only in transmission, they are on a waiting list for a residence near her former home....well even if I were here for one month, I'd fix the place up for myself or whoever...but no...they just complain...understand, being left in dirty underwear (diapers) and unable to get up - for over 2 hours is unforgiveable, but one can help oneself by going half way to helping by learning to speak simple sentences in French - even for your own good....and smiling and appreciating when one does get help..
Those who see the glass as half empty are to be pitied, as they will never enjoy
WEll it's been a grey day..the doc came and we waited, so now we'll attempt to go for a walk around the bldg. and cheer ourselves up.....and think positive...g'day.
Thursday, 22 May 2014
Thursday, May 22,2014 I'm going somewhere.....
And that is the answer Mac gave me this morning. As he was getting up, i asked if he wanted to go to the bathroom, he had to say that at least 3 times the last time very angrily, as I just couldn't focus my hearing...Where? I kept saying...well I guess somewhere is somewhere..ha. In the end he just wandered around the apartment, at 6:00 a.m. while I struggled to keep awake and watch as I hadn't slept too well ...anyway..he is fine now, had breakfast, brushed his teeth and we're planning to go shopping for groceries..
Usually i write this blog about twice a week, unless something really unusual happens - and of course it has to be really unusual health wise....and that is why i'm writing, as yesterday going to my book-study group meeting (Mac comes and sits quietly - most times)..when we were walking to the church all of a sudden he had several severe jerkings of his body, while he felt his heart...I was holding his arm and still walking him slowly, but this continued, my friend came and held his other arm and we waited, while his body jerked and jerked...i was taking out my cell to call 911, when his body calmed down...so we decided to at least walk slowly or i should say slower (Mac walks slowly all the time) and sit him at a bench near the church..we did this...and all went well...in fact it went well for the rest of he day...but I want to get this in writing..and i must remember to read my blog occasionally I think this is a first..will look back.
Looking up in my book 'The 36-hour Day' which by the way, anyone with a family member who has the big A. should get - they explain these jerking motions as Myoclonus jerking movements - though not always of the same muscles, but thrusts of arm or leg. On the other hand, the book says seizures are repeated movements...actually when writing this that's more what Mac had repeated movements in his body rather than of a head or arm etc....so i will defintely have to speak to the nurse today and have her contact the doctor...writing kind of clarifies my thinking here....
As this happened,just before that i had been going over in my mind what a friend had said to me the day before (a friend??) actually she was a nurse in her former life..she said to me that keeping people alive i guess she meant Mac...was selfish...and that like when one has a dog...and loves the dog, they have to do something and not let it live on in pain, it's pure selfishness...Well that threw me for a loop...what did she think i should do..give him a poison pill..or what.Definitely he will stay with me, and it may be selfish, as i do enjoy being with him, although it is very difficult and at times scary...but he is not a DOG, he has feelings, and these feelings, are sometimes rage, sometimes mixed up, and sometimes pure happiness...and anyway, I kept thinking...Am i selfish..what - maybe she thinks I should place him somewhere...like on the 2nd floor with those who because no one person stays with them most, in wheel chairs, on meds...and sit or those that do walk, walk around aimlessly....NO WAY, until he is bed ridden and really ill..and on reading my book - I know that will happen, then and only then will i get more help, and hopefully right in his own bed...
So naturally when these seizures or jerks happened....i wondered, and became a bit concerned that maybe I was not doing the best thing for him, but right now all is well...and he is going somewhere, he is going shopping - WITH ME..
g'day.
Usually i write this blog about twice a week, unless something really unusual happens - and of course it has to be really unusual health wise....and that is why i'm writing, as yesterday going to my book-study group meeting (Mac comes and sits quietly - most times)..when we were walking to the church all of a sudden he had several severe jerkings of his body, while he felt his heart...I was holding his arm and still walking him slowly, but this continued, my friend came and held his other arm and we waited, while his body jerked and jerked...i was taking out my cell to call 911, when his body calmed down...so we decided to at least walk slowly or i should say slower (Mac walks slowly all the time) and sit him at a bench near the church..we did this...and all went well...in fact it went well for the rest of he day...but I want to get this in writing..and i must remember to read my blog occasionally I think this is a first..will look back.
Looking up in my book 'The 36-hour Day' which by the way, anyone with a family member who has the big A. should get - they explain these jerking motions as Myoclonus jerking movements - though not always of the same muscles, but thrusts of arm or leg. On the other hand, the book says seizures are repeated movements...actually when writing this that's more what Mac had repeated movements in his body rather than of a head or arm etc....so i will defintely have to speak to the nurse today and have her contact the doctor...writing kind of clarifies my thinking here....
As this happened,just before that i had been going over in my mind what a friend had said to me the day before (a friend??) actually she was a nurse in her former life..she said to me that keeping people alive i guess she meant Mac...was selfish...and that like when one has a dog...and loves the dog, they have to do something and not let it live on in pain, it's pure selfishness...Well that threw me for a loop...what did she think i should do..give him a poison pill..or what.Definitely he will stay with me, and it may be selfish, as i do enjoy being with him, although it is very difficult and at times scary...but he is not a DOG, he has feelings, and these feelings, are sometimes rage, sometimes mixed up, and sometimes pure happiness...and anyway, I kept thinking...Am i selfish..what - maybe she thinks I should place him somewhere...like on the 2nd floor with those who because no one person stays with them most, in wheel chairs, on meds...and sit or those that do walk, walk around aimlessly....NO WAY, until he is bed ridden and really ill..and on reading my book - I know that will happen, then and only then will i get more help, and hopefully right in his own bed...
So naturally when these seizures or jerks happened....i wondered, and became a bit concerned that maybe I was not doing the best thing for him, but right now all is well...and he is going somewhere, he is going shopping - WITH ME..
g'day.
Monday, 19 May 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014 I need more than that.....
The usual day for us starts with trying to get Mac out of bed so the preposees cam get him dressed by approximately 8:45...but surprise Mac was wide awake at 6;40 this a.m. and wandering around wanting breakfast...Since I was still half asleep, I said, either come back to bed and wake up when we do (Mischa the cat and myself)which is 7;45, or just sit in your chair and doze...Well he decided to sit in his chair...don't know if he had a little more sleep, but by 7;15 he came in the bedroom and said...i'm hungry - have to have something to eat. So I drowsily said, 'see the white cookie jar, take an oatmeal cookie" i'll be up in a bit and give you your breakfast...well he roamed around, while i tried to wake up...then in about 5 minutes he was back and said, hey, i need more than that...i'm hungry...So no way out...we were up and eating breakfast at 7:30 a.m. a first for sure...
Maybe it was the sun shining in his face from the living room, or hunger, but it sure was an easy task for Vedette the preposee this a.m., usually she and I have to cajole and promise hot coffee quickly to rouse mac, but anyway, i'm not complaining, he is now up, dressed and happily listening to Beethoven ..and directing the orchestra with his head and feet...
The last blog was rather frivelous, and i received a few funny comments, but did receive a serious one asking how and when Mac showed symptons of the big A...and coincidentally when moving some old journals into a drawer a piece of paper fell out..it was written in 2008, i guess i wrote it for myself and probably to bring to the doctor...not sure as i seem to be writing and wondering at the same time.
here is what i wrote;-
l. mac seems unable to turn his head, i find this a problem, as he reliles only on the rear view mirror when backing out, keep saying, turn your head...he says, no way...
2. When i lie in bed i twist my feet right and left because of my former sprained ankle, asked mac if he can do it...surprise - he can't.
3. lately i find his writing unclear - that is for him...mine is always unclear.
4. In fact, he doesn't write on the line...hummm
5.his short term memory, is up and down, what's that about...
6. long term memory - no problem
7. his memory for faces AND names really poor
8. Reads less, and when reading something interesting out loud, is slow and not sure.
9. He does cross word puzzles constantly, still doing NY times one but needs all day now to complete with thesarus etc.
10. has problems using the phone, can't hear..and now has problems dialing ????what's that about.
I know I was attributing many of the problems to his deafness..and we went to he doc about it, and got hearing aids..which were expensive and useless as he wouldn't use them...in fact couldn't use them.
When going back over my blogs - first time i did that, last week, was realizing just how much he has lost in memory and how its effects on walking, talking, etc. has been over the last eight years...also of course his temperment...
Anyway, on reading the list above, underneath it all, I was trying to be realistic and at the same time, kind of denying that there was a problem...well now we know what the problem is, he was later in 2008 -9 diagnosed with Alzheimers...and what a shock to our lives that was, and although it's not a shock now, his always an up and down behaviours and health has changed our lives completely...
one of the funny things is, on the back of that piece of that paper...i have written, remember buy 4 gallons of stain and brushes for painter up n. Those were the days when he would make those decisions - i.e. time to paint the houses etc. i remember he was in conversations with the painter up N. and the handy man, making all kinds of decisions...well those days are gone forever, but he still knows when he is hungry, and needs more than a cookie...hurrah, so on with the day...
for country cottage
Maybe it was the sun shining in his face from the living room, or hunger, but it sure was an easy task for Vedette the preposee this a.m., usually she and I have to cajole and promise hot coffee quickly to rouse mac, but anyway, i'm not complaining, he is now up, dressed and happily listening to Beethoven ..and directing the orchestra with his head and feet...
The last blog was rather frivelous, and i received a few funny comments, but did receive a serious one asking how and when Mac showed symptons of the big A...and coincidentally when moving some old journals into a drawer a piece of paper fell out..it was written in 2008, i guess i wrote it for myself and probably to bring to the doctor...not sure as i seem to be writing and wondering at the same time.
here is what i wrote;-
l. mac seems unable to turn his head, i find this a problem, as he reliles only on the rear view mirror when backing out, keep saying, turn your head...he says, no way...
2. When i lie in bed i twist my feet right and left because of my former sprained ankle, asked mac if he can do it...surprise - he can't.
3. lately i find his writing unclear - that is for him...mine is always unclear.
4. In fact, he doesn't write on the line...hummm
5.his short term memory, is up and down, what's that about...
6. long term memory - no problem
7. his memory for faces AND names really poor
8. Reads less, and when reading something interesting out loud, is slow and not sure.
9. He does cross word puzzles constantly, still doing NY times one but needs all day now to complete with thesarus etc.
10. has problems using the phone, can't hear..and now has problems dialing ????what's that about.
I know I was attributing many of the problems to his deafness..and we went to he doc about it, and got hearing aids..which were expensive and useless as he wouldn't use them...in fact couldn't use them.
When going back over my blogs - first time i did that, last week, was realizing just how much he has lost in memory and how its effects on walking, talking, etc. has been over the last eight years...also of course his temperment...
Anyway, on reading the list above, underneath it all, I was trying to be realistic and at the same time, kind of denying that there was a problem...well now we know what the problem is, he was later in 2008 -9 diagnosed with Alzheimers...and what a shock to our lives that was, and although it's not a shock now, his always an up and down behaviours and health has changed our lives completely...
one of the funny things is, on the back of that piece of that paper...i have written, remember buy 4 gallons of stain and brushes for painter up n. Those were the days when he would make those decisions - i.e. time to paint the houses etc. i remember he was in conversations with the painter up N. and the handy man, making all kinds of decisions...well those days are gone forever, but he still knows when he is hungry, and needs more than a cookie...hurrah, so on with the day...
for country cottage
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