Thursday, July 17, 2014 Bullshit, no way, take off....

and on and on the curse words came as poor Vedette tried to give Mac a shower...she finally did get him to have a shower, but wants me to get a valium or something to give him one hour before she comes...and I sure don't blame her..It was a terrible scene, not only with her but with myself as well...To be clear it is not really a shower she has a chair for him and a kind of shower phone or whatever which she carefully uses with soap and tested water for warmness etc...but having someone do this - plus get him dressed etc etc...causes frustration for Mac and frustration is what causes the anxiety and the outbreaks of violence on his part.

The doctor has prescribed a sleeping pill of some type for him, I do not want the psychotic drug, but he has promised a lighter one so that he will sleep during the night...hopefully this will help both of us..Me so that i sleep too, and Mac that he can get enough sleep at night so he doesn't have to sleep in the morning.  All this might backfire, but we can only try...will pick up the pills tomorrow...

I remember in my last blog I mentioned that we would be going to a get together with others whose parent or husband has a type of dementia...this get-together was wonderful, and though none of the participants with the big A. said one word to each other...they sat together and seemed quite content...to watch us, swim in a beautiful pool, and eat with us, and listen to us all gabbing together happily, and they seemed happy too....

I noticed my friend's mother seems to be keen always to know where are we, what area, what lake is that, and each place we drove through it was the same questions, over and over...whereas...Mac's questions are more based on time and what time is it, shouldn't we be doing this or that...and 'did i bring my wallet'  how much is this ...my other friend's husband would call her and say, think it's time for a nap, or where do I sleep, but for the most part...they were all fine and didn't seem to see or question anything about each other...strange.

Mac is happily right now listening to jazz, and for him music is the part of his life that is pleasant, and still a source of happiness for him... today we  enjoyed a day at my friend's home or residence in the posh Symphonia and although it's like a big beautiful hotel, with a swimming pool that is really gorgeous...landscaping terrific, view perfect...i could even move there, there is support staff for Mac, I can't really put my finger on just why, but I do not want to leave this place, which is homey, where everyone knows Mac, and even though I can think of a few things that really need changing, mainly, the food ...I love the crazy ambiance, the various types of life styles and various nationalities we see every day of the week in our little park...not to mention all the dogs, cats, etc. Though, I could change the bad habits people have of dropping their garbage right near a garbage can...(these things i pick up and put in the garbage)....i still like the little park...not to mention the big park along the lake...even that is better at my friend's residence, there is a path along the St. Lawrence river...which is cleaner too...oh well, maybe one day...but not today or anytime soon.

Hopefully tomorrow morning will be better, and then the next day, we're off to the lake again, last time the visit was one night stayover, twas not the best night, but I'm hopeful for the weekend, and who knows.  all will be well, think positive, one day at a time, one hour and one moment at a time, enjoy NOW, g'nite.

Friday, July 11, 2014 It's hot, no it burns..oh to hell..it's it's

This is Mac trying to tell me his meat was cold...it wasn't cooked well, but the sad thing is it took all supper to tell me this..he went on and on trying to explain ..and i just couldn't get it.  Today in the elevator one of the preposees asked him - How are you...He gave a thumbs up sign..so she said...Good, high five and put up her hand fast...poor Mac, jumped out of the way...she couldn't figure out what the problem was but she was getting off, and just smiled and waved goodbye...but Mac looked quite puzzled, so i tried to explain high five, well, forget that.  More and more the frustrations he endures are getting to him, and where he used to kind of laugh and say "oh to hell with it'.  now in many cases, he tries to endure and get to say what he means...this can take 45 minutes, as that is how long it took him to try to say - ' who do i pay to stay in our apartment'...

This happened when we were leaving the lake this evening..which by the way, was a great day - super weather, and a wonderful walk ..I said well, we must get back it's already past supper time, it was 6:00 p.m. ..he said - where are we going..oh i said, i mean we must get back to our home, our apartment...and that's when it started...

Who is it, where do we do it, how do i get it...this all said slowly and almost painfully, as he tried to figure out who pays for the apartment...who has money...by 6:45, we were still going through money and how he gets it, who he has to pay for the apartment.etc etc...I must say that i kind of lost it, we were going past our bank on the way back, i almost wanted to drag him in there, and say  'would you mind just showing my husband his money... and then take it back'   ha. Then to top it off, when he got in he needed to go to the toilet, was trying to flush, and so I did it for him, then he said...how much do i pay for that...How happy i was to say, "it's free...even when you go to a toilet in another place, "it's free"  no money, ...and he said, that's o.k. i don't really care, i can just go anywhere i want....'well no you can't - you have to go in a bathroom..'...no he said with a laugh,,,you have to...i can  go wherever i want..in the woods, ...no problem there, he could say it all...it's really strange...

Thankfully, supper was good, cooked to his liking, and all was well...so i'm a happy camper, as it's really not only frustrating for him when he can't communicate..it becomes a real brain twister for me, trying to figure out...what does he mean...if only he knew more sign language..but he never could pick it up..so far patting his pocket, means where is my wallet , rubbing his nose, means i need a hanky, and kind of holding his tummy - means where's the toilet..

.tomorrow should be interesting, he will be with two of my  friend's husbands- and one of my friend's mother..they all have the big A...but at different stages...and different types of Dementia so...i don't really expect to see communication between them, but one never knows...we friends are all from the support group, and we so need and enjoy each other...this is the first time we've tried to do this..hopefully even if they don't talk to each other...they will relax and enjoy the day...so we'll see..g'nite.

Monday, July 7, 2014 Haven't seen my mother for a long time.........

These were the words from Mac in Leslie, our son's  car as we wended our way home from a lovely day at the lake.  Well that was a sentence I could agree with readily, he certainly hasn't seen her for a long time, and he was quite content as he said this, normally he is agitated and wishing he could find her...so that was a plus.  I almost hate to say it, but he is more relaxed at the witching hour..sundown, and now it seems he has switched his agitation and yelling time to getting up in the morning..I try to get him to bed earlier but he lies there awake to the usual sleep time which is about 9;45...and then perhaps awake again for a little agitation or a really awful agitation at about 1:00 a.m.  but even this is happening less and less..hope I'm not speaking too soon here..

With the heat these past few days, although we were still walking, it's shorter walks, with longer rests...which makes for interesting sights and sounds...Yesterday he was quite content in the country, and enjoyed the view and the people...and was quite content as long as I was right there..so that makes me feel good as we plan to go for a couple of days next week..hope that works out..

As to the interesting things, a couple of days ago, just walking around the park in the back, we stopped to pet a cute little dog....the woman who owned the dog said his name was Belle, she asked how we liked living at the Floralies as she was thinking of moving here, and had her name on the waiting list.  I said I wasn't sure if she could bring the dog, but that we had a cat...She then told us she had two cats, one was the baby of the other, but she didn't give it away as it had curvature of the spine..for which she was doing therapy...i told her our cat's name was Mischa...well she said her small cat was 'little Turd"  boy Mac and I really did a couble take, then she added well the mother's name was Big Shit...well another kind of double take, both Mac and I couldn't think of an answer to that.. but I said well I like Belle that's a nice name...for your dog..she said "well those are the names my son gave to the cats..but their real name is Star shine and twinkle star or some such, and of course my son calls Belle - Flea bag....With that she said, well i'll be on my way...we waved goodbye to the dog and the lady, and I thought oh well takes all kinds...when a big black Lab, ran toward us with his tail wagging away...thankfully, we were able to enjoy her name "Princess Lia, from Star Wars.'    The only thing is by about 5 minutes after our conversations..I can't pursue the funny names with mac as he has completely forgotten them...but one thing or sure he loves to pet the dogs and check out the little children we see. 

One other little improvement is his interest last week in the ball game we watched, don't know if it was because there were girls playing, but last year he would be anxious to leave at crucial times in the game, but this time he really enjoyed, and waved goodbye to the team...think too because they spoke English he kind of enjoyed their cross talk.  Again as we left I said, the ball team's name is The Hackers, wonder why?  He answered, What ball team?  and so it goes.....or so goes his memory.

Well we've been stuck in all day, as it's been so rainy, so we better do some walking in the building...where, although he doesn't remember anyone's name, he feels so secure, waves, and at times kind of salutes people, it's quite funny, it's as if he is the owner of the place...and for sure everyone waves back, and many are on the same wave length as he is, they don't remember either but seem to feel safe and talk to each other quite happily on the main floor, do they make a lot of sense...well sure, the main topic today...RAIN.

g'nite

Wednesday, July 2, 2014.. Guess i should check....

where my wife is?? hmm...yes i answered, but Mac said this as we were leaving the dining room , so he was easily distracted by everyone saying - have a good evening...and this is what we proceeded to do..
It had been such a hot day, so decided to only go to the park at the lake in the evening, - it was just lovely, a cool breeze refreshed us as we sat under a large maple..really appropriate for Canada day...and enjoyed the ambiance there.
As we sat I asked Mac if he remembered past Canada days, and perhaps even May 24th, which used to be such a big day when we were kids..but sadly - no he did nt remember. So we just sat and watched the sun slowly going down, and the people passing by, but soon it was time to return home, Mac trying to figure out just where we were heading, and I let him know - time to head home...well where is home, do you live there??
Well just trying to answer this when a young man about 30, kind of jumped in front of us and said, 'hello old man..put his hand out to shake Mac's hand, well this took us aback...and Mac smiled and shook the guy's hand, and we all kind of laughed..then he said, 'my name is Gary, do you live here? I said well,yes, his name is Mac, and I'm jan...he said, easy to remember..and then his wife came, she was beautiful with sort of chiffon light pants - a tunic in gold and a light green scarf around her head to match her light green kind of Indian clothing...apparently Punjabi in India was where they were from, as he said...We're here five years, we love it, so Happy Canada Day, i said, well Happy canada day to you too.
They then showed us their two boys, playing soccer and having fun,ages 9 and 4..
His wife pointed to her husband and herself, and said, we want to be like you when we are older...and then she took his hand and kind of walked with him ...laughing together...They wanted to know how old we were and told us they lived on 33rd...i said we're on 32nd at Floralies...we moved here last year - we lived in chateauguay, -too far said Gary..too far ..and he said we want to be live to be old like you two...i said well we moved here to have help as my husband has Alzheimers...This took him a bit of time to sink in, but then he looked at the two of us, and said, take care and good luck..his wife said, you two are so happy, we will be like that i hope...
Well we are - in a way - I thought, as we waved goodbye to the couple and continued on our way, but this morning in the Gazette there is a letter from a man who said he wants his body given to science right away, if he ever gets a diagnosis of Alzheimers ...and goes on to talk about the horror of not knowing...i wonder how the woman we met at the A. cafe, felt if she read that..she just had a diagnosis and is so hopeful that shortly thee will be a cure for her...well we'll see in the meantime, i guess i'll let mac check on his wife, and that's me, time to do our laundry...bye.

Saturday, June 28, 2014 Do i have for somewhere....

That sentence, said different ways, "for in case, where do, you know..."  coming home from the lake this evening after a long day, we stopped for a rest at a picnic table situated at the corner, strange place near 32nd ave. to have a picnic table, but it certainly helps us..as mac has to sit and rest about every 15 min of walking - sometimes less...This type of sentence, garbled wors,  usually happens when he is tired ..I'm always amazed when i can figure out what he means...it's like getting a crossword in a puzzle...and this evening I guessed what he meant...it was :- Do i have a jacket in case it rains...there we were in sunny - hot weather ..people passing in shorts and that was his question.  Having his jacket, wallet, hanky ...this is important, and where these items are..so when he goes through the garbled and half sentences and starts to rub his chest, I've determined that means  his jacket, if he starts kind of rubbing his nose  - it's hanky, and when it's his pocket ....it's his  wallet...

The memory is so important, without it one forgets words, actions, movement, friends, time, etc..and in this case not only was he forgetting the words, but also forgetting why he would want his jacket...i remember someone said you should give Mac glucosamine for his stiff limbs, as .getting mac in bed, I usually have to move his legs on the bed, but this is not because he is stiff from pain but because the memory of how to put his legs is not always there...glucosomine won't help. 

Earlier today I heard a doctor on a t.v. show saying that there are ways to turn the brain, to actually activate memory...by foods - he said they were  power foods, the show was on PBS, i was too busy to really watch, but i'm going to check this out...heard that grape juice, blueberries were good...anyone reading this if they know the show and what i'm talking about - i'd like to get the book, so although i'm going to go online, anyone out there knowing  what I'm talking about, give me the doctor's name and book..

It's hard to determine if mac is the same, worse, or better, this is how i answered an email

my friend visiting yesterday finds mac has slowed down considerably, i think, as i'm with him constantly i don't see too much of a difference, but of course it's so up and down, that it's hard to really put my finger on just what has changed...he still has miserable times, such as this a.m. when the preposee came to get him dressed,  I hate to say it but, finally i had to tell him, look if you want me to be here with you, YOU MUST cooperate, - it does the trick, he is crabby but does not say "take off'" or "go to to hell , etc..."

Anyway, we're back to lovely life at the lake, already have spent whole days, walking, stopping , reading, eating all slowly till we get to around 50th, where there is a nice little restaurant called Eatlie...time for a milk shake (frappe - there  )  and a vegetarian panini...numm  ....then a walk back...sometimes we wait till we walk back where Mac enjoys a couple of hotdogs from the dairy queen, and guess what i take, chocolate milkshake, at least i'm consistent...ha...so far we've been to the lake up north once for a couple of days, and will be there again next weekend for my bd...so hurrah for summer...hope you are enjoying as much as possible, life is short, so we live in the moment these days...for health reasons, and for age - who would believe life could go so fast....bye now

Tuesday, June 24, 2014 In 300 years....

Well we tried again, we took Mac up north for a couple of days on the lake...and believe it or not it went better than last year.  He was not complaining on the way up (which is the usual ...why go so long, this is too far etc) no it was perfect...but as well as possible, and  the cat Mischa behaved well in the car too ...so all boded well. 

Surprise..all did go well, our sweet little great granchild was the perfect pal for Mac,  So with all the family there, it was great, although for me, the changing of his clothes from day to night clothes and back to day clothes the next day, was not exactly a picnic,  we - i.e. Mac and I managed without too much of a problem.

 Usually, I don't have the smarts to remember which arm is easiest to go through his sleeves, and what exactly should go on next.  He has to sit the whole time so the idea is to start from the bottom.  Sitting on the toilet, take off the underwear and pants...socks and shoes...wash as much as possible with his help, dry him then put on his depends, pants or p.j. bottoms take off, or put on socks depending on morning or night. one has to put everything on half way till he can stand up then pull everything up (excluding socks and shoes of course which are already on)...i'm writing this with the thought in mind that there may be others who wonder just how to do it...This is how the preposee's do it..Then take off carefully top clothes, in his case sweater, t. shirt and undershirt...his right arm gives him a problem so i kind of start with that side ...then go through a little washing and drying the upper body, and put on his p.j.s or clothing to go out... Managed to do it all with very little crabbiness on both our parts...hurrah...

Then later in the day, as we sat on our deck looking out on the lake to see if we could see the loons, Mac said this is really wonderful, look at the sky, look at the lake, all the glints, he meant the warm  sun raiys reflecting on the waves...so I said, yes, it's great, i'm sure you'll want to come to the lake again, right??  Oh yes said Mac, for sure,.......   in about 300 years....Well with that, we couldn't help it ...we shattered the beautiful quiet atmosphere, with great guffaws of laughter....  he still has it...what a funny guy...

Well, wanted to get this in for anyone who wants to know how to do the dressing and undressing, never know one may just have to work with older people like ourselves...or someone like mac....and also wanted to remember our fun time at the lake...so g'bye...

Friday, June 20, 2014 I think my Mother lives near here....

That's again one of Mac's thoughts  ...his mother - he ofen thinks he sees her.  Today he said i think my mother lives near here.   Yesterday, he said - I think my mother is still alive,  right?   What does one answser - I try to say hmmm yes perhaps she does, but I didn't see her, when he asked if his mom was still alive, I answered, well you are eighty-four, so that would make her very very old, so I really wonder if she is still alive...When he says he thought he saw her, I usually say, right, maybe so, never know but there are so many women who look sort of like your mom...she was small - with white hair...hmmm well maybe  you did.   He seems content with those answers.  I used to answer that i didn't think  she was still alive, and that would make him cry..and i remember that our group leader said that was making the person grieve all over again...and also my daughter Gaye's friend went through this with her mom..Gaye said the best thing is to go along with the thought that possibly she is still there...which makes him feel better..and so far it works...

Some of the emails i receive regarding my blog are interesting and these are some of the answers

Thanks for the comments re our picture...sent it out to a few people who are interested in the A. cafe and while i was at it sent it to the family and you to show how well Mac looks with his tan and even though he is not on target ....he still manages to kind of smile for pictures  ha.  Funny he cannot seem to focus on pics i tried to show him, himself and myself in that  picture, but he just says oh yeah, but he really doesn't seem to see it, i say do you see me, and he really doesn't...must call eye specialist..although  last time he said, his perception is off, and it's part of the disease...well his  perception is the pits, but i thought he should be able to see different people in a pic, but he cannot.

As to having a bath in a - say walk in shower, or kind of jacuzi bath in a tub room for seniors,  there is one in the infirmerie downstairs, and on the 2nd (lockdown floor); but it would still be the same - i.e.he would say - - nuts - get away,  bugger off etc..because he would have to be undressed and get in the ...unknown.. and each time he would forget just what it is...Getting in the tub is not really a big problem for him,  he has great support and the side of the tub is very low..the big problem is he does not want to have  a shower period....as for a bath, well he could never have that as he can't get  up from the floor of the tub..he has a very good chair in the shower...some mornings he causes a fuss because he doesn't want anyone to dress him..some mornings, he doesn't want to get out of bed..and other days he can be up and out of the bedroom before me, it's never the same....just have to go with the flow.

Anyway, do keep your ideas and comments coming, some click and others don't but not to worry, i need all the help i can get...so thanks for thinking of us. 

.so no regrets, we're old now and have to be happy with just having such a lovely family, and life, and make the days here as much fun as possible, and for sure that's what we're doing, we spent from 1;00 to 6;00...down at the lake here...yesterday...it was so lovely...we're lucky to be where we are...though of course i could wish for better health for mac, as it's heartbreaking to see him but he does have his moments of fun too..which makes me happy...

that's it for today g'nite