I have been thinking that now that my sweet, husband, Mac, my lover and best friend has died, maybe it's time to stop the blog, as I don't have his thoughts or actions, but while thinking this, and clearing up my desk - I found the following:-
Random Thoughts while gazing at the Ocean.... Florida January 23- Feb. 1, 2015
No one seems to think that life is absolutely random, or if they do they don't dwell on it
Do not talk about how there were so many shells or how the ocean used to be, eyes will glaze over, also don't talk about old friends who have died.
Keep all references to sadness at bay or refer to it as little as possible
Realize that everyone's life is precious and dwell on theirs.
Remember laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.(for sure)
Learning to be alone is not the hardest - learning to be alone without complaining or saying "why" that is the hardest.
Enjoy the moment ..This .is hard when each moment is painful - or full of sadness.
Challenging times call for patience and strength but what if one does not have these attributes - guess that's when one has to just shut their mouth and pray or meditate
When I'm outdoors and everything reminds me of super days in our past; somehow being in a residence with people in a similar place is almost a blessing
I'm now watching a guy here - it's very windy, with a beautiful sun..this guy has been body surfing now for more than 30 minutes. I'm tempted to get in the ocean, as the big rolling waves are unusual here in the gulf..maybe I'll just go in in my t. shirt and underpants, there's absolutely no one around and I don't have my bathing suit....oh the guy is coming out now. ....Well I spoke to him told him how much I enjoyed his enjoyment. Told me he is from New Jersey, where as a kid he used to go to the beach and body surf all summer/said he was reliving his youth- and does that every year now (for one month) either here or on the coast. As a joke I took his picture...he said he felt like a champion -i.e. when I took his picture.
Well that made my day, so now I'll go back to Tower 1 for dinner. Great Day.
It was a great day, but my random thoughts were not so cheerful, and they certainly could be how I am feeling these days too.
Nowadays, I'm trying to have my thoughts centered on our lives, must remember to either put it in my blog, or else just think about our past. Apparently it's the right thing to do as all the writings poems and thoughts that have come to me in so many cards and letters, say that..dwell on your beautiful memories...to find some peace. well I don't exactly feel peaceful, but I do like to remember our good times, although, can't bear to walk by our lovely lake and park yet. I guess the time will come, but it sure is not here yet. g'nite
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