I am writing ..at last ..thank you notes in appreciation for all the support, cards and emails I received during this time of bereavement. I am saying this time, as I don't really think I will ever ever stop this sad time, but it has been six months since Mac died, and I should really get on to doing this. I have received such help from you my family, you the readers of this blog and from many relatives and friends, and it's time to say Thank YOU.
This has been an interesting and fun summer - and underneath the fun and interesting times, has been the underlying thought - get on to writing your thank-you notes - today I'm trying to do just that. It is unreal, I can't seem to say what is in my heart without breaking down - so I am saying to you all, thanks, and later will get on to the people who do not read my blog - or I think they do not, who knows. I have been asked to continue my blog, and will do so as it is a kind of catharsis, also I do enjoy telling the stories of the people I meet.
I remember Mac, used to say - it's o.k. tell me about this person or that person, he would laugh and comment, and sometimes meet the person I would be talking about. He and I often led separate lives, and in the evening, we would talk about what and who we met during the day. Often thinking - oh he will never meet so and so, I would tell him some particular interesting and private knowledge from committees I was part of, especially in the United Church Meetings which took place in Presbytery downtown Mtl..
One day we were leaving to visit my mom in Toronto, and met two people who were part of my life in a committee. In this committee were some motions that we had to vote on which would make a difference in the lives of some of the people in the church, I will never forget Mac blithely talking about this motion we had passed. I kind of nudged him and coughed - giggled nervously to no avail, he plunged on just as if he was part of the group in the vote. Thankfully, the two looked at me with understanding, and said later, no harm done, he doesn't know those people, and hey what seems so important in the Church...doesn't mean anything to anyone else.
The same thing applied when he was a commissioner in the School Board, he would discuss the pros and cons of various problems he encountered, but in his case many of the discussions made the local paper. It would be no surprise to see a headline with the McConnell name, and in some cases the matter would be quite controversial. My son Les, just found some old cuttings from the paper where Mac had to defend his position. I remember how at the time it was so important. But all things pass..and become just a memory for the people involved.
In the same way, I guess, my feeling that this sad time WILL never go away, but become just a very sad memory, may be possible butI can't even imagine that. Perhaps I'm this blue as yesterday I picked out the spot where I will bury Mac's ashes on August 22. This will be in front of his little work shed up North, under the trees - with a view of the water. Now it's very overrun with foliage, leaves and some plants well eaten by the deer. Some of my grandchildren and children have helped to remove some of this. Then with Maureen's help, I'll plant some shade flowers over his ashes -
and we will all move on in life. Donald my son-in-law asked if some ashes will go in the lake, Yes they will, and then mine can join later...'
Wow this is too sad for words..I'm going to think of a song that will make it feel better,
Maybe Mel Torme's song. In our Mountain Greenery Where God Paints the Scenery, just two people together, something like that..will check it on You Tube g'bye.
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