Today our Grieving Group met for lunch, for a kind of last hurrah, or should I say goodbye. We were together for eight Wednesday evenings, we met at the United Church in Valois. These sessions have helped in so many ways, one of which was to realize that although one seems to think their grief is beyond the pale..or beyond what anyone else feels, it isn't...the pain is there for the others in the group, no matter who died..be it a husband, mother, sister, or cousin. It has to be obviously, someone who is loved and cherished, someone who has been so close to you that you can't imagine life without him or her. That is exactly what occurred to me when I met these fellow grieving people..they feel the same pain, maybe in different ways, but they feel it..and can understand me; and I certainly can understand them.
I have been fairly good most days and have even been able to think about Christmas, (one without Mac) how awful but I can. I have been able to do that. Today our group chatted away about our lives, our plans, future holidays, and there were no tears..until someone said to me, just as we were leaving, "So how are you doing?..." that's all it took for me to choke up and in fact writing this I'm almost starting again, and I have had to stop and think - the pain of it all has not left. I could hardly answer the question, so how am I doing...
I'd say I'm doing fine. Or as well as I can do, I'm able to enjoy seeing children's choirs, enjoy hearing carols, thinking of gifts, I'm even thinking of gifts that I want..I read one of my daughter's Christmas list for her family, and thought..oh good I'll buy that for him or her..so life goes on...I'm even thinking of writing future blogs not only how life is going on, but how we got to this part of our life in the first place..Maybe I'll continue the blog with stories of our family ..and the influence of the person who made the family along with myself, my sweet friend, lover and husband Mac.
As the woman who led our grieving group said, we the ones who remember our loved one, we are that person's eternity...so why not...
In the meantime I'll end with another writing from the Grieving group...oh and one more line that I feel is true now from the
Criteria for Reconciliation and that is:-
The capacity to enjoy experiences in life that are normally enjoyable.
I may have put this poem in before but it really applies today
You can shed a tear now that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray he'll come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty
Because you cannot see him
Or can be full of the love
that you have shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow
And live for yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow
Because of yesterday
You can remember him and ache
that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory
And let him live on
You can cry and close your mind
Be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want
Smile, open your eyes
Love, and go on.
g'nite..
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