Another beautiful day, another walk along the river and another odd question. This while we are sitting looking out over beautiful sparkling water. I noticed Mac had his furrowed brow look, so said what are you thinking of...i'm thinking - perhaps how did the water get so sparkly - but no.. "I'm just wondering", says mac," where will I sleep tonight?" This is the question he asked a few days ago and again yesterday, and now today..Don't know what goes on in his mind. But thankfully he did not get weepy, but after I answered quickly, "you will sleep in our bed, in our bedroom at home, on montcalm street"...he settled down to enjoying the view and the 6 geese that came along.
Two things that made us or maybe just me, HAPPY - but Mac agreed, were the six geese that passed by, it used to be just three as some kids had stoned three of the six killing them ...then this year, one of the three had three babies, yea, now there are six again..
.the other thing is, the huge huge old old tree that the city chopped down and made me cry, is coming to life...they have cut it in such a way that it is a bench..and it has responded with growth of green leafy branches all around..will try to get my grandaughter to take a picture and get it on the blog...
All in all a fairly good day, and although Mac asked one hour after supper if we'd had our supper yet, most of today he was on target, and content, so that makes two of us...g'nite
Thursday, 13 September 2012
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012 A poem i wrote one day last year
MEMORY LOSS
He is there inside
I hear his voice
It is his mouth
These are his words
It is his body
But is he there
He knows I’m me
And I know it IS he
We laugh, we sing, but
It is not really WE.
I am there inside
He hears my voice
It is my mouth
These are my words
It is my body
And I am there
But does he know it’s me
We cuddle we love
But we’re not really WE
it was his mouth it was my mouth,
it was his body it was my body
We laughed, we cuddled, we sang, we loved
When he was he and I was me.
And we were WE
Don't be too sad when you read this as I am up and down and that was a down day...we are we but we are WE in a new kind of life. Today was a good day, we babysat..our love, Finley. g'nite.
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012 Keeping positive when thinking negative.
Today our support group, at least four that is of us met for a lunch and a talk. All four of us have our down times, and so when we are chatting we try to remind each other how to keep positive...when thinking negative...a point one of the group said was that she was told that she was "in denial" - she brought this up with her psychologist as a negative idea as that is what people seem to say...i.e. being in denial is not a good thing. Well i was so pleased with the remark that the psychologist apparently said...that is, perhaps it is a good thing to be in denial, you will live as you usually live, and enjoy what you usually enjoy and if all is going well, why think negative thoughts.
This is precisely what helped us tonight, as Mac was feeling weepy and sad, he thought he had no place to go, couldn't remember where he was, and therefore said, "i wonder where I will sleep tonight" Well I could have cried with him and felt terrible thinking, this man is lost in his own home - this is terrible...instead, I tried not to weep with him, but smiled and said, "hey come with me...sat him down in his big chair, sat on his knee and said, now I am Jan I sleep with you..and we sleep in our own bed.' It took some time and some positive thinking, to get him to say - yes I guess this is my home therefore I have a bed.."why do I get this way ...I said, well we all feel down sometime and how do you like having a little heavy weight on your knee" well he laughed and said "could think about some lighter weights, but this is fine" i said how about Finley, she is a light weight. Right away, he remembered, that his little great grandaughter is Finley..brightening up immediately we then both of us went into denial...and put the "why do i get this way" out of our heads.
Phoning Valerie to drop by on her way home from the grocery store was a stroke of good luck, she dropped by for some stuff I had and at the same time, surprise, Finley and Brianna were with her. This baby is amazing, smiling and happy she made us go in to deep denial...and for now that is where we will stay...g'nite.
This is precisely what helped us tonight, as Mac was feeling weepy and sad, he thought he had no place to go, couldn't remember where he was, and therefore said, "i wonder where I will sleep tonight" Well I could have cried with him and felt terrible thinking, this man is lost in his own home - this is terrible...instead, I tried not to weep with him, but smiled and said, "hey come with me...sat him down in his big chair, sat on his knee and said, now I am Jan I sleep with you..and we sleep in our own bed.' It took some time and some positive thinking, to get him to say - yes I guess this is my home therefore I have a bed.."why do I get this way ...I said, well we all feel down sometime and how do you like having a little heavy weight on your knee" well he laughed and said "could think about some lighter weights, but this is fine" i said how about Finley, she is a light weight. Right away, he remembered, that his little great grandaughter is Finley..brightening up immediately we then both of us went into denial...and put the "why do i get this way" out of our heads.
Phoning Valerie to drop by on her way home from the grocery store was a stroke of good luck, she dropped by for some stuff I had and at the same time, surprise, Finley and Brianna were with her. This baby is amazing, smiling and happy she made us go in to deep denial...and for now that is where we will stay...g'nite.
Monday, 10 September 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012 I really Can't Believe that...
A good question was asked by our friend this past weekend. When a person with Alzheimers does not believe something should one argue about it and try to set the record straight. While he and his wife were here Mac said, "I'm looking for other McConnells" - I reminded him that when we were at his son Leslie's home today, he is a McConnell, he is your son.
Well Mac said, "no I really can't believe that" ...we reinforced it again, later in the day, but as I said to Bruce, our friend. I think Mac is stuck in the days of his Lacrosse days, when he was a teenager...and we talked about other things. Today he asked me again, did I know of other McConnells as he'd like to meet other McConnells. I said, well there was your brother John in Buffalo, of course all your family are dead now, and so is John, but Sandy is his daughter - she is a McConnell and so is her brother Ray...he is a McConnell...well I know that but I mean older McConnells. I said o.k. we'll phone your cousin Mabel, she is an old McConnell although it was her mom who was a McConnell,so her last name is not McConnell. Well that perked him up, so I will call her and they can discuss their family...but interestingly....
I brought up his son Leslie again, he said, really I can't believe I have a son, - yes you do, and you saw him yesterday...and you have 4 other children. NO I don't have children, well I didn't want to argue...just pointed out that he can see all the children's pictures all over on the piano, on the wall etc. You do have children, but I added, it is hard to believe as they have all grown up to adults, no longer children. I felt that he would be depressed as he was starting to look very sad...then he said, Well I have a big gap in my memory, BUT, I"M very HAPPY now...as i'm back in the game...
So i don't think we should argue, but just let it rest...if he is happy, then so am I...and when he said, wait a minute, am I married to you..yes I said that is part of the game, he laughed and said, well good...now you better behave,, and so i will, as I want him happy in the game.
Well Mac said, "no I really can't believe that" ...we reinforced it again, later in the day, but as I said to Bruce, our friend. I think Mac is stuck in the days of his Lacrosse days, when he was a teenager...and we talked about other things. Today he asked me again, did I know of other McConnells as he'd like to meet other McConnells. I said, well there was your brother John in Buffalo, of course all your family are dead now, and so is John, but Sandy is his daughter - she is a McConnell and so is her brother Ray...he is a McConnell...well I know that but I mean older McConnells. I said o.k. we'll phone your cousin Mabel, she is an old McConnell although it was her mom who was a McConnell,so her last name is not McConnell. Well that perked him up, so I will call her and they can discuss their family...but interestingly....
I brought up his son Leslie again, he said, really I can't believe I have a son, - yes you do, and you saw him yesterday...and you have 4 other children. NO I don't have children, well I didn't want to argue...just pointed out that he can see all the children's pictures all over on the piano, on the wall etc. You do have children, but I added, it is hard to believe as they have all grown up to adults, no longer children. I felt that he would be depressed as he was starting to look very sad...then he said, Well I have a big gap in my memory, BUT, I"M very HAPPY now...as i'm back in the game...
So i don't think we should argue, but just let it rest...if he is happy, then so am I...and when he said, wait a minute, am I married to you..yes I said that is part of the game, he laughed and said, well good...now you better behave,, and so i will, as I want him happy in the game.
Friday, 7 September 2012
Friday, September 7,2012 What is it i get every month?
One of the things that seems to be very common among support people when we discuss behaviours of the person we are caring for is the need to know where are the $$$. In many cases the person with A.seems to think that someone took their money, or that they will take their money. Thankfully in Mac's case he does not seem to think someone took his $$$, but that someone may take his money. With this in mind he checks his wallet carefully. Actually the process usually starts along with everything else, after dinner. He puts his wallet away in his drawer, but not before checking just how much is in there. BUT today he spent some - big problem, he forgot that he did this. Well we went over the amount spent, what it was spent on, and when at least 5 times, but he was still unhappy....so I decided to make up the amount missing, and then I said, you can pay me back when we go to the bank.
Well good thing I said that, as then he realized - hey I have more money in the bank. Good....so then we go through another process that takes place almost every day, and that is, how much he has, why he has it, i.e. he gets a pension, how he got it, worked for 40 years for CN, he put $$ in his retirement fund and now lo and behold he has this pension. Thankfully he can still read, though he doesn't read for amusement, reading his bank statement is his favourite reading material. Actually it would be kind of boring, but it really isn't as he then needs to know where each deposit and withdrawal came from...shades of his work as an Economist. Kind of good for me too, as I've never kept track of my statements, and this way I show him how much richer he is than I am...believe it or not it's great for his ego.
This because there is so much I do that he cannot, so sometimes knowing his $$$ does so much for us is great..and therefore, I make sure I tell him how much I appreciate being married to such a smartie with such a good pension. This then takes us to when did we get married...60 years ago??? how come I don't remember.marrying you.....
Well I am married to you now, right - right! o.k. I'm your second wife and you are my second husband, wow this is great, what a good looking husband I have...and he comments, o.k. if you're my wife, you better behave or else.... hmmmm what is or else...thankfully he always smiles and laughs when he says this. So another thing i'm thankful for is I really love my second husband and he loves me....g'nite, i'll be back next monday.
Well good thing I said that, as then he realized - hey I have more money in the bank. Good....so then we go through another process that takes place almost every day, and that is, how much he has, why he has it, i.e. he gets a pension, how he got it, worked for 40 years for CN, he put $$ in his retirement fund and now lo and behold he has this pension. Thankfully he can still read, though he doesn't read for amusement, reading his bank statement is his favourite reading material. Actually it would be kind of boring, but it really isn't as he then needs to know where each deposit and withdrawal came from...shades of his work as an Economist. Kind of good for me too, as I've never kept track of my statements, and this way I show him how much richer he is than I am...believe it or not it's great for his ego.
This because there is so much I do that he cannot, so sometimes knowing his $$$ does so much for us is great..and therefore, I make sure I tell him how much I appreciate being married to such a smartie with such a good pension. This then takes us to when did we get married...60 years ago??? how come I don't remember.marrying you.....
Well I am married to you now, right - right! o.k. I'm your second wife and you are my second husband, wow this is great, what a good looking husband I have...and he comments, o.k. if you're my wife, you better behave or else.... hmmmm what is or else...thankfully he always smiles and laughs when he says this. So another thing i'm thankful for is I really love my second husband and he loves me....g'nite, i'll be back next monday.
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012....Are we the only ones here?
We are watching t.v. at least mac is and i'm jumping back and forth - doing ironing, checking emails, now doing the blog...When I went in to iron and watch the news..he asked for about the 4th time, Are we the only ones here...this is one of his many similar questions every night. He can't seem to understand that this is our house...This building is our house? right our house. Who owns this building..answer by me...We own it. Who paid for it...We paid for it, and we live here, just you and I...
I do not go into how long we've owned it as it seems to make him sad, but when i used to say - yes this is our house, we've been in it 50 years...he looks incredulous and then starts asking over and over again the same question, but who lives here? These questions and more seem to hit in the evening...when we are together. I just realized he did not ask these questions when our grandkids slept over. He seemed to enjoy thinking about having two little boys in the next room and since i said let's leave all the lights on in the hall and our bathroom so they will feel secure, perhaps that made him feel better too...who knows?
A rather sad note was watching an old hockey player that Mac knew in his day, Phil Espisito...and the episode re; henderson's goal 40 years ago..in the game with Russia and Canada..I remember how excited Mac was at that time ..but when he watched this on t.v. tonight no bells rang. i asked did he remember, no he said..don't remember anything about that...almost unbelievable as hockey played such a large part in his youth..and in his memory. I will try to do a little more about that, perhaps dig up his cousin Russell' s letter from New York Rangers - which was asking Russell to sign a contract...for 50 dollars a week, that was quite a story in the McConnell history.. Will go on google for him and see if it rings any bells, as there is quite a bit about t Russell McConnell if one googles the name.
Well i'll join him to check out the story that history will record. the shooting that took place at the election yesterday of pauline marois, I'm surprised that the National put this on one of the last stories...hmm...howcum. so g'nite...
I do not go into how long we've owned it as it seems to make him sad, but when i used to say - yes this is our house, we've been in it 50 years...he looks incredulous and then starts asking over and over again the same question, but who lives here? These questions and more seem to hit in the evening...when we are together. I just realized he did not ask these questions when our grandkids slept over. He seemed to enjoy thinking about having two little boys in the next room and since i said let's leave all the lights on in the hall and our bathroom so they will feel secure, perhaps that made him feel better too...who knows?
A rather sad note was watching an old hockey player that Mac knew in his day, Phil Espisito...and the episode re; henderson's goal 40 years ago..in the game with Russia and Canada..I remember how excited Mac was at that time ..but when he watched this on t.v. tonight no bells rang. i asked did he remember, no he said..don't remember anything about that...almost unbelievable as hockey played such a large part in his youth..and in his memory. I will try to do a little more about that, perhaps dig up his cousin Russell' s letter from New York Rangers - which was asking Russell to sign a contract...for 50 dollars a week, that was quite a story in the McConnell history.. Will go on google for him and see if it rings any bells, as there is quite a bit about t Russell McConnell if one googles the name.
Well i'll join him to check out the story that history will record. the shooting that took place at the election yesterday of pauline marois, I'm surprised that the National put this on one of the last stories...hmm...howcum. so g'nite...
Monday, 3 September 2012
Monday, September 3. 2012 This is what we do
Mac has been hovering around for the past 30 minutes saying...this is what we do, right? We bring the cat in, you feed him, then we go to bed. I said this is what we do too, we watch t.v. till the weather forecast - then we bring the cat in, then we feed him, then we go to bed. Right says mac this is what we do, but where do we go to bed...so after showing him our bedroom which is right next to the t.v. room which is right next to where I'm typing this ..it has taken some time, but we got it all understood and then, .i said i'll be right with you to watch the news...don't worry. So he is happy now.
This is the wonderful thing about Mac, it doesn't take much to make him happy, just clarify exactly what is bothering him, make sure he feels loved, he knows i'm always there and will take the time to explain...as we learned in our support group from the leader...know that you are the lucky one, the person with A. is not. He or she is the one who is wondring, and thinking, and trying to put the puzzle together, This has stuck with me and so it's not hard to be patient when one realizes how lucky one is not to be in that kind of a position.
The other wonderful thing is that he is so loving..he is so there for me and I cannot picture my life without him; also he enjoys so many little simple things that it takes my breath away. walking tonight I said too bad we missed the sun going down. Not really, look at that cloud it is edged with pink, that's the sun...and then we saw more and more pink edged clouds...wondrous, never ever looked at the clouds when i'm walking along a busy street, which we were. As i said mac you made me forget how noisy the traffic is on St. john Baptiste...good for you...
So far his mood stays great, but then he is rarely in a position of frustration or put on the spot...I was reminded of the last time which was when he was being tested by the doc... july 5,- as his level of understanding, where - what and how lessens; the more he is frustrated and upset..even walking with a stick is now o.k. he can see for himself how necessary it is at times. It takes time and patience but how worthwhile it is - so now to do what we have to do.. as this is what we do.
just to reiterate, these times are mainly in the evening...it's been a great day, with our two grandsons, Olivier and Noah...even a great night last night as they slept over...grandkids are the best.
This is the wonderful thing about Mac, it doesn't take much to make him happy, just clarify exactly what is bothering him, make sure he feels loved, he knows i'm always there and will take the time to explain...as we learned in our support group from the leader...know that you are the lucky one, the person with A. is not. He or she is the one who is wondring, and thinking, and trying to put the puzzle together, This has stuck with me and so it's not hard to be patient when one realizes how lucky one is not to be in that kind of a position.
The other wonderful thing is that he is so loving..he is so there for me and I cannot picture my life without him; also he enjoys so many little simple things that it takes my breath away. walking tonight I said too bad we missed the sun going down. Not really, look at that cloud it is edged with pink, that's the sun...and then we saw more and more pink edged clouds...wondrous, never ever looked at the clouds when i'm walking along a busy street, which we were. As i said mac you made me forget how noisy the traffic is on St. john Baptiste...good for you...
So far his mood stays great, but then he is rarely in a position of frustration or put on the spot...I was reminded of the last time which was when he was being tested by the doc... july 5,- as his level of understanding, where - what and how lessens; the more he is frustrated and upset..even walking with a stick is now o.k. he can see for himself how necessary it is at times. It takes time and patience but how worthwhile it is - so now to do what we have to do.. as this is what we do.
just to reiterate, these times are mainly in the evening...it's been a great day, with our two grandsons, Olivier and Noah...even a great night last night as they slept over...grandkids are the best.
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