One of the features if you can call it that, of Mac's illness is that at times he seems to see quite well, picks up his pill no problem...other times he cannot see the pills, even if i put one in his hand...walking up or down stairs, clearly a perceptual problem, and a dangerous one as he is never too sure ...so we avoid stairs as much as possible. Writing, reading, watching t.v. are all part of the past with some exceptions, in the case of watching t.v. as he does listen at times and seems to see some of what is going on, someone singing, perhaps, but shows, even children's shows which are animated used to be o.k. but they are out now too...so we listen to music, and this is still a part of his day, especially at this time from 8 to 9 listen to jazz on cbc f.m.
All this to say it was kind of funny when he was going to bed, yesterday, i passed him his handkerchief and he kept spreading it out, saying "where is the rest of it...'I kept answering it's all there ...then I said - look it's your hanky...oh -he said and then with a chuckle , i was thinking it was a flag....When something happens that's so kind of way out there,and kind of bizarre, he always just chuckles, and never says....'why am i having these sort of thoughts or in some cases as when he thinks there are more people....these hallucinations....i just gloss over these things...but i sure wonder
Today had a few friends drop in after our day out....which by the way went so well, he was in a good mood, and the woman from the clsc was also very happy...then Mac looked at me after she left and said, well what do we do now, go home??? I answered ...well actually we are home, this is our home...my 3 women friends all did a kind of double take, then just continued to talk. Though at times these abberations bother me, they do so much less- especially since they don't bother him, he just goes along with my answer and is quite content, i start to think, gee does he wish we were back in our house...well no...it's just that ,now, no matter where we are...he really doesn't know where he is...
So obviously his real connection with reality, is ME...and it was never clearer than today...our friend who sometimes stays with him - called, and while talking about various things, brought up the point that she found that Mac is not keen to eat lunch - until she tells him, Jan prepared this lunch especially for you...then he says...oh jan made this, o.k. and sets to and eats it all...so even where food is concerned, it really has to come from the stable source in his life...Well since this is the case...i.e. I'm his reality..at times this is so sweet, but it also can be disconcerting, tiring and sometimes just too much pressure so I'd better stay well, and get enough sleep....so...g'nite.
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