Although I say it so often - Mac really doesn't know precisely who I am, but is content and knows it's someone who loves him...in fact maybe I mentioned something to that effect in my last blog, which guarantees he will switch and be completely different, which is exactly what happened - usually i can kind of jump on Mac's lap and cuddle when he least expects it, and he laughs and jokes and hugs me....but last evening when i did that, he became stiff and really upset...put his legs out straight so I practically fell on the floor...and said really angry...'you should just stick to your work..you are not paid to do this, this is not right, .do what you are paid by the company to do".:....oooh boy, what a shock. Should'nt have been too surprised, as it was around dinner time and the sun goes down earlier now...it's almost eerie the way it happens, it's known as "sundown syndrome".
Again on our way home from the lake activities...(BBQ and Caribean dancerst today all to meet MP and councillor of lachine) which was fun, luckily it didn't rain - but it was a dull day, and even duller and cloudy on the way home.... when Mac said ' i wonder if my wife will be home by now" well i just stood there as he walked on, he turned around and said, 'what's up' "well just for the record said i...i'm your wife o .k. - he just continued walking and said, 'stop joking'...so i stopped, and we went on home...when we got in the door, our neighbours that were downstairs turned and said, 'hi you two, out walking as usual - how many miles did you do today' well i laughed and said, who knws we walked our socks off, so the neighbour said, you should do "dragon boating, that seems to be the thing around here'...i answered, well two of our daughters do that...well, mac looked at me in surprise..."our daughters?'...well he got the message.
Then once we were in the apartment, he said, where is the bathroom???again not unusual, we have a small apartment, but he often has to be told where the bathroom is, and at times where the bedroom is...his memory is getting slower, and even when i mentioned the BBQ today, that was gone from his memory soon after our return. It is always hard to take, later when he asked if i had seen his wife, i guess the tears popped in my eyes before i had a chance to turn around...and somehow it dawned on him, and he opened his arms and said, hey come here, - don't know what's wrong with me, and gave me a big hug...well I know he still didn't know i was his wife, but he realized that I sure did know and he trusts this person who is always there...sometimes i wonder how long that will last. - the trusting...but live in the moment, and that goes for me as well as Mac, it's the only way to live with this damn disease.
Well on a happier note there are many good moments, so g'nite.
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