Saturday, 23 November 2013

Saturday, November 23, 2013 I thought I saw my mother working....

With sundown happening so early, we now go through the scenarios with Mac thinking 1. he has no money, or 2. he has lost all his money...or 1.  he wonders if his mom is still alive, or 2.  he'll say 'I thought I saw my mother working....I try different answers to the questions re; his mom, but the safest is to go along with him when he says he thinks he saw her..but the hard part is when he seems to be quite able to take the news that she is NOT alive..and he does, take it, but then perhaps the next day, he will not even ask, but just sit quietly crying, saying, I dreamt of my mom, but I know she died and no one told me...

The first part the being broke, no money...well that at least is always a winner although he can go through saying how happy he is to find out he has money in the bank, and now he knows how to get it if he needs it, and also he has money in his wallet..the only thing is that 5 minutes after his happy feelings about (a). he has money in his wallet,( b.) he has $$$ in the bank, is,  he then forgets - we go through it all again..this can go on for one hour..and then there is the unhappy thought, that hey maybe you are not telling me about my money, maybe i cannot believe you...At times i then lose it, and we get into a kind of argument, and i raise my voice this can make a scene that can go round and round getting nowhere..........till i finally realize stop the noise, and just say, ok Mac, I'm taking a break from all this, i'm going to sit in the hall, you sit in the front room and we'll talk about it later...Hello, it works, so now i'm learning to just postpone stuff if it gets too out of hand...saying we'll look into it - good idea. we will check the bank tomorrow.

Sometimes there is no answer that can please, and it has happened where he is totally frantic...yelling and wanting to go to his own home, his own place...and wants me to get my car or a taxi and take him...this is unnerving...so I have a call in to the doc..and have been giving Mac his pill earlier -which the doc has not called me back, about this, but so far it's working.

So I'm putting in these sad scenarios but there are still good parts of the day, morning, and early afternoon, when we walk, mostly in the building, till one oclock, and then no matter what the weather, we are OUT, i'm looking for ways to have him enjoy,other than walking and so far music is the only way...we do crosswords, or I do and he listens and says that crossword puzzle is too old, one cannot find the words anymore, but sometimes we click on a word together...he is at the point now, where he cannot read, write, and only sometimes enjoy t.v. pictures, so...i've tried something new, and he seems to enjoy...that is reading poetry, i've started with simple poems by Christina Rosetti, and we'll see how we do...so onward and upward...

Of course if it seems that my life is totally all Mac, of course it is and it isn't, I do go shopping, visit people have company, talk on the phone, go to yoga..(all with mac, except for 3 - 4 hrs. a week) and there are other parts of my life that do not get into this blog as I want it to be mostly  Mac's memory...so his memory tonight before bed is that he has new p.j's...they are so great he thinks he should wear them in the day, he ended his day, by having me phone Gaye to thank her for the lovely gift of p.j.s  - his preposay, thinks he was in the best mood ever because of these new p.j.s so think I'll go to bed now and see how well he sleeps in them...g'nite

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