I have been writing this blog for some time, and it goes under the name of Mac's Memories...in the beginning we were able to talk about his memories, and some were so vivid to him..it was a pleasure Now gradually these memories are really fading, one last wisp is that he knows that he grew up in St. Henry, and of course his memories of his family, are also very very vague except for his mother, which he always thinks is still alive...
...As i've mentioned before he really does not remember his own family, or for that matter that he is married to me and that we have children..If I walk ahead of him and someone should get between us, he would easily follow that person. In terms of knowing where he is even in our apartment which is mostly one huge room, with nooks a hallway, bathroom and bedroom he can get lost...so as a kind of therapy not only for him but for myself as well i've been telling him the story of his children and how we had five children. Obviously i can tell him the same story over and over and he will repeat the same thing.."really i have five children, I must have been away from them...
/And so i start with our oldest - Leslie, show him a present day picture of Les, and say, see he looks like that now...then show him pictures of Les as a baby, other pics of les with his sisters..but they don't seem to interest him, until I include him in the story...
Just tonight - I said to him, how funny it was when you came to the hospital to see me after Les was born, you walked into my hospital room and kissed me and said, so how are you now. I said "well I'm so happy, you must be happy too, you got your wish"...My wish, what do you mean - i said, well you now have the baby boy you wished for. What!!!, the baby is born, and with a big smile and tears running down your face, you wanted to see baby Leslie right away...so we both went to the nursery and looked through the glass at our baby. you said, gee he's cute look he has black hair and looks like your dad... Then you said, I have to phone my family and let them know...well what a shock, when you phoned they all said, we know we called the hospital, she had a baby boy...how come you didn't call us before...seems the doctor told me later that he called but no answer, but you said - no way, but perhaps i was sleeping - anyway that's the story i tell him and we both laugh. Mac then looks at Leslie's picture and says really, it's strange, I'm sure I must been gone for awhile at that time...
and then surprise, Leslie phoned...and again Mac told him he was away a long time - and when les asked did you walk today...he asked me, yes I told him we went for a long walk from church at 12th ave, to our home at 32nd,...and that's how it goes, macs memory is now my memories of him, which he surely loves..
i can tell him that story again and probably will, but for my own sanity, I will go on and tell him more little stories about our children or about himself ...i have found that it is helpful in the sundown time, dinner and later, to talk to him about our day, what we did this morning, as he sure wouldn't remember - i describe how he used to be such a good skater, or whateve comes up in my mind about his past.....it keeps him grounded and seems to make him happy and less agitated less worrying about his mother dying, or where we are and in particular this feeling of loss that he seems to have at that time...and the feeling also of an anger that can't be explained.
He is happiest going to bed, i guess it is a "safe place" and that's where he is now, so time to join him, g'nite.
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