Since he had a kind of shaking up on Saturday, thought i better listen to him and get home, as Saturday was a great day, not too cold, snow was melted on the sidewalks,so i guess I got carried away, and went too far...decided we should go to the lake and over protests from Mac, we did...but on the way home he not only grumbled but was breathing loudly and protesting...by the time we were a block from our residence he was stumbling, almost falling down ..i'm sure people thought he was drunk or something.....luckily a couple were getting gas at the nearby station, saw our predicament, i was holding him up..so i asked them if they could drive us to the residence...which we could see from where we were, they agreed, and .finally with much shoving and lifting of his feet, we got him in the car and in about 4 minutes back into the residence...
that taught me a lesson, no pushing beyond his desires...From now on if I want to go to the lake and he doesn't, I'll arrange somehow to go on my own...and leave him with someone at home...he is not the same gung ho guy in the winter any more. Even with the big A he always prided himself on walking no matter what the weather...guess those days are gone. So I listened to him today as it was really cold and soon we were home, and cosy in our own space....but then sundown arrived and he was wondering just when he had to leave this place to go home...following that he was listening to music on the radio with his eyes closed, I was happily receiving a book i had ordered - when he got up and asked if he should go down to get me two books...he was kind of sleep walking and talking...this he got over soon...and we were able to eat supper and the evening progressed really well...but here are some past episodes
last night he was saying 'where is that guy, he is always here, i said - who knows, guess he is gone...let's brush our teeth...no but where is he...you know the one i mean....answer by me, no don't really, but if you saw a guy here maybe he'll be back...'yes he is here all the time with me...then i twigged and said are you talking about janet..yes yes said mac..well I said, that's me..oh thank god - thought you were gone...then when he brushed his teeth happily, went to bed and after taking his meds - said...so good you are here, thought you were gone...this at about 10;00 later at about 10;45 i'm getting in bed, he is still awake, waiting, and saying are you sure you are janet...yes so i held his hand as he was going off to sleep, then took my hand away...'i think we should hold hands all night. he said.' i replied ..no but I'm here, and want to turn over and sleep...so as you can see this made my sleep a little uneasy...what happens when i'm not here.
there is a new man lilving on the 2nd floor his two sons are here almost every day trying to adjust him to be able to stay on 2nd floor,
it's wonderful to see their devotion, but just learned that their mom died in january of a stroke, so the real caregiver has gone and the sons are kind of playing it by ear, but are frustrated...want him to have a preposee take him down for lunch etc, but he is on pureed food also does not start conversations..they want mac to be with him to talk - but mac does not usually ininiate conversations either..also we do not go down for meals, only about 2 times a week..they are on to the staff constanty saying if preposees can take care and bring down the others on other floors, he should be able to go down for dinner etc too..i understand where they are coming from, and that is why i keep mac with me... Sooo my only problem these days is worrying about how he will be when if i'm not here....
Guess i'll just put those thoughts away, relax and just do the best I can..it's time for bed, g'nite
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