Going to bed these nights hold a mystery, what will it be tonight, will I be up at various times to make sure Mac remembers where the bathroom is, the toilet etc...or will we be awake having a conversation ..about where the cat is sleeping, where the other cat is, even though we only have one, and perhaps how long ago did his mom die...and as in last night....Who are you? Of course, my reply, Janet, and I'm trying to sleep it's 2:45 a.m. " Well you are not Janet, says Mac, you are an idiot if you think i don't know that? In fact you are stupid."
The language gets a little more abusive, so i reply, "look if we are going to discuss things let's do it in the morning, ' Well grumbling and grumbling Mac walks around saying no way, we have to get this straightened out...But i persist in saying over and over, "we'll have to talk in daylight it's too dark now and I can't think - I'm half asleep, so get in bed. " Finally he gets in bed and goes to sleep, only to wake me up about 4:00 a.m. quite happily, saying - don't bother, it's o.k. just getting back from the bathroom...YIKES, and there he is all fine, so is the bathroom ...
There is a real difference, these days, his mind so often mixed up as to who am I - where we live, - where is his family, where are my sisters, BUT at the same time, he is doing things he couldn't do, i.e. going to the toilet easily by himself, putting on his slippers, - taking off some of his clothes, and physically going up and down stairs carefully, but much better than ever...even getting out of chairs and putting items away all by himself...I am astounded and think gee are the meds finally doing this or what...but then we have the conumdrum...physically he is significantly showing improvement, but mentally, he is really not in tune.
Yesterday, I tried to prepare him for the concert we were going to at Bourgie hall, to hear symphony and great italian composers, plus a great soprano..he was all happy, until we started to get ready.. Wow, no way was he going, and no way could he go in someone's car. Thankfully I started doing all this at 12;15 we were leaving at 1;00...so by the time our lift came he was swearing under his breath, but getting in the car - hurrah. All the way there, and even once in the concert hall, his tone was threatening, and he was very very upset...
Finally he allowed me to help him take off his coat when he saw others doing the same...So when the music started, i just turned away to watch the performers on stage to my left...Mac sitting at this point quietly on my right...I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the beautiful soprano voice ...when tapping on my shoulder, i hear mac quietly saying...she sings like an angel...this is wonderful...and that's how the rest of the day proceeded, wonderful...and as if there were no problems at all, Mac said on the way home, when is the next concert???
Who knows what will happen tonight...he has already asked me - while we were having tea with my friend Susanna, "Hey do you know where jan is, i said 'yes - here I am...he said no no, I mean Jan McConnell...
This is the story of Alzheimer's - and this is the reason and the hope of why there has to be more research and they have to find a cure....This scenario is repeated by so many and so many caretakers, are really on tenderhooks, and pining to see and know their loved ones, but more important, so many Alzheimer sufferers are completely alone and wondering all by themselves even in a crowd. Forget the fallacy that they are in "happy land", that is not the case, maybe sometimes, but certainly this is not mac's experience.
Although music is the best, and so that's what he is doing now, listening to music, and i'm going to join him
bye now..
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