Typing this quickly, because we have been having such fun, we've been marching and boogying around the living room to jeff healy's band...such a super record...most of the songs are dixie land style, but when he sang stardust...well mac and I kind of waltzed around - it's not easy for mac. i guess the memories of that song, which used to be the last song played at our dances at the Club Rendevous, Y...so man years ago brought some flicker in Mac's memory and he said..i love you...and so we still do...
BUT, About 10 years ago, i must have had some inkling of what might happen down the road , as whenever we had what I considered an absolutely perfect day, usually up at the lake...i would say as we wended our way home...i wish i could die right now...it's been a wonderful super day...Mac would say - are you crazy, we've got lots more perfect days ahead..let's die when we're old and sick..
Well we're not old or excuse me - we are old, but i don't feel old, but he is sick, and what a sickness this is - where we never know from day to day what more will be gone from mac's memory We're happy that he can walk around, happy he can get in the car today and go with me for groceries, although he only sits and waits...We are happy that he eats well, enjoys music, loves the sun as it pours into the kitchen and dining area...and follows me around like right now, he is calling up the stairs...are you coming back to me..i say, yes will be there in two minutes. This sickness that changes his mood from day to day, where he can cry and say where are my family...i miss my mother, do i have kids, who will tell me...
When i try to let him know we may have to be separated but I will visit him every day, he looks at me like WHY, there is nothing the matter with me, I'm fine. It, well it can tear my heart apart...but, right now NO
I'm happy, we've been dancing, singing, and saying I love you....Valentine's day in advance....good afternoon
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