Thursday, June 13, 2013 You are not JANET

Tomorrow is a special day, special in a couple of ways, the first being that it is our 61st Wedding anniversary, the second is that we're supposed to go up north for the day.  Two things that i've always enjoyed but it's kind of hard to enjoy the first one - i.e. our wedding anniversary when Mac doesn't even believe we are married...Tonight he said, what's your name?  I told him - Janet - no says Mac   You are not janet...that's my wife's name.   So to just get off the subject of my name, I asked him his name, -Gordon or Mac ..he answered quickly.  Right i said and you are going to bed now with me, I'm Janet...Well, said mac, if you say so...i guess you are, how come i was away from you and didn't know you.    We went into our usual discussion on his memory loss...

This is usually the case when he wants to know where and how come he never sees his mom, we talk about memory loss and how he can never remember when his mom died as he has this problem  memory loss -

I have found that to be perfectly honest - that he is fine, except for his memory - seems to make him feel better about the whole deal....because even though he has lost weight, sleeps a good deal, cannot focus on reading, has no interest in newspaper and hardly any interest in the news, does not know his kids - how many he has or his grandchildren, with the exception of Finley...he never questions this or feels sad about it, so we concentrate on what he likes, the lake, the beauty of nature, the fabulous light through the windows of our apartment because there are so many windows...our cat, mischa - and the love hate relationship he has as the cat is not a cuddley cat, in fact licks mac's hand and then bites; in fact he really does seem to like me as a stable person...one he depends on....

Since tomorrow is our anniversary, i'm concentrating on what he said to the person who stayed with him from the CLSC, when i returned from my time out yesterday...because when i came in the door, he said,

OH GOOD, THERE SHE IS, AND TURNED TO THE WOMAN - WITH A SMILE, SAYING - THIS IS MY WIFE....the woman who was looking a little frantic, said, yes - isn't that good now you don't have to worry, she's back.....

So he knows the real me....i'm his wife, and always will be there whether he knows janet, or at times doesn't i know him and that is what counts....so it's happy anniversary for us  and we're celebrating in my favourite  place, yay we're going to the lake, g'nite.