Going away for respite or time for myself always causes a problem of some nature, but if i can control the timing it can be handled fairly well. the question i always hear when i'm going is 'When will you be back?" Really it doesn't matter as it is always too long away, and always the reason to leave is forgotten and so although today his visitor or respite person told me he was not a happy camper while i was gone, the good thing he is always happy when i return...also often forgets that i was away.
Actually leaving Mac always causes me to be sad as well...it is rare that i leave feeling - hurrah, i'm on my own..but it does happen if i can manage the leave taking well...and he is fairly content. Today i decided to go down right in our building and talk to one of the ladies who is quite "with it" so to speak..as so many are not - but something she said caused me to leave feeling sad but for a different reason and that is...what many people feel when they come to a place like this....a residence - ie - where support has to be given to the residents.
This woman was talking about her family..apparently she had lived far from her 4 children for over 40 years but when she suffered heart problems from a stroke, they wanted her to move closer to them. Thinking that this was a really lovely way to show their love, i assumed that they then visited her often...well what a shock...seems one of her two daughters cannot visit, just too tired doing volunteer work with Alzheimer patients in a hospital...the other cannot visit too often as she drives to work and on her weekends she doesn't want to drive....her son lives too far away and is not well, and her other son....are you ready for this...can't visit, as he hates to see his mom in a place like this...Thankfully this woman is well adjusted, has many friends here and enjoys the activities...and being catholic gets spiritual support from the priest and mass every Wednesday...
.BUT, this confirmed my own thoughts about how many feel about various illlnesses - but especially Alzheimers...i have one friend who flat out told me, i would never want to be in a place where you are - another friend whose husband has the big A but still lives at her own home - with help - tells me that many of her friends will only visit when her husband goes to the day center...others have told me many friends never visit anymore...it's as if they feel A. is catching...and they fear being near the person with Alzheimers...in my own case i have a person who tells me knowing how mac used to be, she can't take seeing him like this it causes her to cry...so she will, of course never visit anymore...
so I've learned how hard it is for family and friends to support and visit the couple who are in our position...to see all this every day, among many of the residents here, who by the so many here don't even have anything wrong, just are old and at times a bit infirm...never visit or have visitors
the same friend who told me she would not want to be here, also when asked if i could bring my husband when she invited me said No...then when i went (i thought it was because we were playing scrabble and he would be bored) she said to me 'gee i felt bad to say no to you' actually i said, ...he really can't visit as he cannot take all the stairs to your apt. (no elevator in her building) But now i don't want to go through making her feel bad, so forget visiting with that one anyway.
Thankfully, there are the inspiring residents, who may only have a few visitors, but enjoy like the woman with the 4 children who do not visit...the woman with rheumatoid arthritis, who can not move - always in the same position, cannot read or turn pages of a book, but who is such a pleasure to visit, never complains, and appreciates her son who visits every day...maybe that's why she is so up...another son never misses a day yet - his mom is so ill and complains most of the day...so there are also inspiring visitors....and residents...and I'm learning to realize we are certainly not all alike, and therefore will try to take a page from the inspiring residents, and inspiring visitors...and for me the most inspiring is my own husband, who for the most part has hung on to his sense of humour...is still loving ....and loves me so much that the question, When will you be back....should make me smile and be happy that i'm loved and so much so - he wants me back. g'nite
No comments:
Post a Comment