Well it's the same old song or i should say same old words without the music, where is my wallet? I think that my mom is no longer living - or is she? I don't want anyone helping me. Should we be going this way - isn't our home that way? Where were you, no you didn't tell me? and so on...and my answer is always the same, Mac, your memory is very short, i can tell you your wallet is in the drawer, but 5 min later you forget, but that'so.k. so i'll tell you again. This may sound very mean and to the point, just as when i say your mom, my mom and both our families are no longer with us, we are old now and they are long gone...but we will remember them, your mom used to even live with us part of the time she was ill...we did this with her or that with her... This usually makes him happy to know that we were there for her...and so our conversation goes on to a better and happier place.. even knowing that he forgets doesn't make him too unhappy as he hears that constantly, everyone seems to say they forget this or that. When trying to avoid it, or pass it over, especially his mom, this can make him very very depressed and sad, so the technique is to make it part of life, i.e. dying everyone, has to live through this etc. anyway, so far it's working for us.
BUT, what does hit hard is when he realizes how much he himself is missing, and why is it, and how can it be, it doesn't happen often, and i have found that taking him off his meds, which the doc thought might be o.k. was not, and so after 2 weeks of no meds...i.e. one type, i restarted, and have found so far this is better, and so on we go... Today, was a good day, in fact most days are...but it is wonderful to hear him enjoy and that pleases me...the sun, the sky, the clouds, the lake, you name it, all are such wonders..and today seemed to be an even better one - as we walked around the park across the street, watching children birds, etc he would say, it's so beautiful here, i like everything we do...
So although so often i feel alone in this strange new life with a husband who often doesn't know who i am, or my name, who cannot follow conversations that pertain to what's going on in the world, who doesn't always get jokes ...misunderstands situations;it's not all horrible, or bad, I'm still happy, so that when he does say or do anything that is fun, or comprehends completely i'm delighted. The main thing is to mingle and talk to others, and that we can do here, when feeling low, i make sure to have dinner in the dining room where we can talk to others...it's amazing how just leaving for an hour and a half to go with others makes coming home wonderful, and to have company - visitors and just be able to have this blog. helps..so onward to another week....g'nite.
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