February 8, 2014 WHO ARE YOU???!!!...

Yesterday we were on our usual walk around the building after going out on a stormy windy day we were sort of just meandering. Sometimes Mac sits after we walk and watches as i ride the stationary bike in the activities room but as i was deciding was i up to doing that, a wife of one of the residents came to us and said hi. We stopped to chat, and I kind of thought was she remembering the night before at dinner in the dining room. Sure enough she was, every day she comes to see her husband who has the big A, and usually stays for dinner...her husband is a tall kind of boisterous man full of jokes - often off-colour ones...in any case at dinner one of the ladies was wailing in a kind of baby voice...when all of a sudden her husband in a loud voice yelled at the poor lady..SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Well that kind of put a damper on things...and later I could hear the nurses - servers and preposees saying...the poor lady, she is sick...he is awful..

When our preposee brought it up when she came for Mac, I reminded her - he also is sick, he has the big A..she just looked at me completely uncomprehending....Apparently this wife told me the same thing, she said, I'm so upset..everyone here feels so sad for the ladies who are physically handicapped and in pain, but don't they feel for my husband. He would neve say things like that before he had A. he would be so helpful and sympathetic...she said I feel rather lost trying to tell them.. Her husband is 77, she is much younger..anyway, she said you are so lucky with your husband, he seems to be so quiet..

Well Mac has been exactly that, sweet, quiet, cooperative and as my daughter Maureen said after she spoke to him on the phone. 'Dad is so good this evening, he is on-target, happy and answering so well" I agreed, he is so much better these days ..i also went on to tell her how well he has been for the past few days...this seems to be my downfall, for last night..just as I was getting into bed, about 11:00..Mac got up, saying "the game is over, right?" I thought he was joking, and meaning - time for bed..I said, right, do you want to go to the bathroom...

No way, says mac, I have to leave now and go home the game is over...I'm going home..SOO that was the start, on and on he went with me saying, well the game isn't over, you have to wait till tomorrow..it will be daylight you can go then..this continued for some time and the yelling by him was just as loud and just as obscene as he told me to get the hell out of his way, he was going out..didn't care if it was dark. and didn't give a s..... Finally realizing that in this state he is stronger and louder than me, decided o.k. time to try the emergency #.. How terrific, it worked...a few minutes later, the male nurse came in..

He was so calm, as he told mac, No mr. mcconnell, the time now is way past eleven, almost twelve, you have to wait till tomorrow. 'Mac said, no the game is over..and the nurse said "no it's not', mac said, when will it be over..the nurse said, tomorrow morning at ten...you have to go to bed now...and calmly took him to bed...My heart was racing and I decided to sleep on the sofa..and finally just when I was settleing down..Silly Mischa our cat decided to let out a nice big wail...I got up and said - keep quiet, and put him in his basket..then noticed Mac sitting up in bed.

I came to him and he said in a loud frightened voice "WHO ARE YOU??..i said don't worry, I'm Janet..he said "the man won't let me go out"...i replied it's o.k. tomorrow you can go out..just go to sleep now, it's night time... phewww he did..and so finally i did too..

Well, thank god the emergency #, worked and I got help - Thank God..but surely it's time that people realized Alzheimer's is a disease and time to sympathize not just with the caretaker but with the person who has the disease...We are the lucky ones - we are well..they are sick.

This will be the discussion at the next Alzheimer's Cafe..the stress of feeling ostrasized and the shame etc..well I never thought that still existed...but on speaking to the lady yesterday, and seeing what happened last night..now I know this will be a useful discussion, but I'm sure the lesson will be taught to the converted...

Who knows??hopefully people will feel for the person suffering from this disease...and now it's time for our walk, the sun is shining...this will be my last email for a week, I'm going to Fla...lucky me will have a weeks respite thanks to my super daughter Gaye..but I'l be happy to come back to my Mac g'bye for now