Mac was really his old self, no change especially at sundown time...both yesterday when i returned home from Florida and today...'I'm really worried...i don't think i could get a job now, do you?? " I have no money, what will I do...' and as usual my telling him that he didn't need to work, he was 84, plus he had a pension, CN were really good employers, and his pension goes directly into the bank...'oooh better get to the bank tomorrow..' well no, i inform him, they keep your money safe etc etc...and we go through the same hoops and whistles, till fnally, he says ...' well i was ready to jump in the river, thinking i was lost - no money, and could never beg on the street, how wonderful - i have money"
This is so sad, as each night - well practically each night - we go through this over and over, while we eat dinner. If we eat down at the dining room, he saves all this sadness for later, and also the fact that he would love to see his mother; but I try to head him off at the pass, and speak about something else and distract him ...tonight i had to say o.k. let's not go through that over and over, i'm liable to become i mpatient...'well yes - i'm so lucky I have you to help me...and he gives me a lovely hug...and it's amazing how he realizes that he is lucky to have someone with him to explain it all..he even says...'i'm not alone, I have you'...and it reinforces my understanding of why he is as calm as he is most of the time...it's so important for me to keep my cool and repeat and repeat the same thing...as he sure needs reinforcing constantly, but it can become wearing, but I do tell him..'o.k. time to change the record..' etc. he laughs and that's kind of good, and of course taking him down for the mail - talking and walking...does do the trick most of the time.
What is also wonderful is I've had a great respite week, the vacation was super and if i knew how i'd post some pictures, but the picture i'd really love to post is that of my daughter Gaye with Mac....she went ahead and handled every emergency, had to change a whole bed and him at night...had to discuss what she was doing sleeping in the front room at night - and other happenings, also in the middle of the night...45 min one night, and sitting down with him to explain other things - also at night...I guess about three nights or so, she would just go ahead and just do it...What a gem; I'm so lucky, this has been such a break, and I'm sure some one who loves him so much, of course, has to do the right thing ....
Now, must say, we went out for a walk in the sun and wind after I returned home at about 3;30 p.m. and I hate to say this, he FELL, on the corner right on to the road as the snow was lumpy and when he heard the sound of the kind of music that goes with the light turning red of all things (that's when we CAN cross the street) he kind of jumped ahead of me and even though he had my hand he went down. Believe it or not he turned over on the road and got up on his knees and with my help right on to his feet...and forgot all about it when he got home...but I sure did not, and I was a basket case, with butterflies going around in my tummy for some time..but he is no worse for that, and today we did a walk and all was well..so onward and upward, (especially upward) g'nite
No comments:
Post a Comment