Busy day, walking, talking, going to the library, and finally getting groceries...I had planned also to get to yoga this morning, where the past two times Mac was o.k. with watching me and all the other ladies. In fact I thought that he may even try to do some of the moves as we exercise for most of the time sitting on a chair. No way, he was going to do yoga, but he said he was quite impressed with the teacher and so I thought he would be happy to come with me this morning. Wrong. He would not go, he said he was not a child and would sit, read the gazette,(something he never does now) and look after the cat.
So decided I would take a chance, go and trust that he would stay in the front room, on his big chair, feet up, and relax. Well maybe he was relaxed, but I had various scenarios going through my mind relaxing was the last thing i could do, and so could only stay at yoga for ten minutes or so, and then just left, and felt much better. When I came in he was busy thinking about putting the cat out, and this is something that makes me nervous as he sometimes decides to put the cat on another line which is outside meaning he would have to go down two unsteady stairs...instead of just attaching him to a line from inside the house. Anyway, all this to say, that I will think about getting someone to stay with him on Thursday mornings, either with my usual woman, or the new one I met yesterday.
Tonight was our shower and hairwashing night, and we're both just ready for bed, but i hope he will not ask the questions he asked last night...I was helping him back from the bathroom, showing him where the bed is, and lifting his feet as he gets entangled in sheets and is really not too with it at night; this was about two in the morning. When he turned to me and said, Janet, when does all this stop?
Well most illness have some hope, or some idea of how long it takes till the person will get better, even cancer patients have some hope, but even though an Alzheimer's diagnosis doesn't mean the person will die immediately, the prognosis is clear, there is no cure, and the ending is not the most pleasant. One of the worst moments of my life was when the doctor that Mac has - when I asked him, how long do alzheimers patients live, and how do they die, pneumonia??? He turned to me and very quickly and coldly said..."they starve to death" Well that was a punch in the stomach, and something I've not been able to handle. I now still have trouble with this, and perhaps I am in denial, but that's where I'm staying...g'nite.
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