just thought there may be some others who would enjoy this as much as mac and i did.
Monday 31 December 2012
Monday, December 31, 2012 Same to you
The phone calls are coming and what are the messages...Happy New Year, and Mac's happy reply Same to you...one message by email he will watch - includes a train - from his good friend Bruce...this we will watch a couple of times..as trains mean so much to Mac, they provided our livelihood. So watching trains, hearing train whistles, and talking about trains has been good reminding him of his work at CN - although he did not actually run the trains, his input as an economist from when he first started as an office boy has been not only a source of $$$ but a wonderful hobby and memory of the 40 years he worked.
Today on CBC White coat Black Art....the announcer spoke about his wonderful connection after so many years of 'no connection' with his mom who had alzheimers. It seems that he was feeding her and a broadway song came on the radio..the song revived a memory and she spoke to her son. From then on he realized how much music could help him to reconnect and actually have a conversation with his mom..This is true for most people whether or not they have the big A...music not only soothes the soul it provides memories..we have had that experience all our lives ..and in our marriage music of all kinds particularly classical and jazz have played a large part of our happiness.
Today after hearing this man on the radio, we went out shopping with our daughter for groceries, coming home tired, and for mac it doesn't take much, winter boots and just getting bundled up - going in and out of the car...can do it. We had just reached home struggled out of the car, and as he was going up the front two steps ...boom he fell, luckily on his bum on the step, he was able to get up, Val and I helping. Again lucky, no pain, but of course exhausted..he lay on his great chair feet up head back and resting, classical music in the background..when on came a Strauss waltz...just joking, I said, hey want to dance...Mac answered quickly, "yes, but you'll have to lead"...Well he was serious, so I thought why not we'll just walk around to the music..but we were saved by the bell...the telephone bell; there was his daughter Glenna to say 'Happy New Year Dad"...Same to you, he replied...he was so happy - just lately he had been saying, people avoid me, no one calls me..they know I have this problem, and he seemed so sad. So today's music and phone calls have really helped...
So remember to phone your friends especially the shut in's and wish them A happy new year..as I'm now saying it to you - HAPPY NEW YEAR...and have a good night.
Today on CBC White coat Black Art....the announcer spoke about his wonderful connection after so many years of 'no connection' with his mom who had alzheimers. It seems that he was feeding her and a broadway song came on the radio..the song revived a memory and she spoke to her son. From then on he realized how much music could help him to reconnect and actually have a conversation with his mom..This is true for most people whether or not they have the big A...music not only soothes the soul it provides memories..we have had that experience all our lives ..and in our marriage music of all kinds particularly classical and jazz have played a large part of our happiness.
Today after hearing this man on the radio, we went out shopping with our daughter for groceries, coming home tired, and for mac it doesn't take much, winter boots and just getting bundled up - going in and out of the car...can do it. We had just reached home struggled out of the car, and as he was going up the front two steps ...boom he fell, luckily on his bum on the step, he was able to get up, Val and I helping. Again lucky, no pain, but of course exhausted..he lay on his great chair feet up head back and resting, classical music in the background..when on came a Strauss waltz...just joking, I said, hey want to dance...Mac answered quickly, "yes, but you'll have to lead"...Well he was serious, so I thought why not we'll just walk around to the music..but we were saved by the bell...the telephone bell; there was his daughter Glenna to say 'Happy New Year Dad"...Same to you, he replied...he was so happy - just lately he had been saying, people avoid me, no one calls me..they know I have this problem, and he seemed so sad. So today's music and phone calls have really helped...
So remember to phone your friends especially the shut in's and wish them A happy new year..as I'm now saying it to you - HAPPY NEW YEAR...and have a good night.
Friday 28 December 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012 Wait let me turn onto my knees....
Well it's after Christmas time to exchange stuff that doesn't fit and who are we to ignore tradition, so of course when Valerie wanted to know if we were up to going to Fairview mall to exchange stuff, well we were all for it. Didn't realize we'd be there all afternoon, but who cares Finley her mom Brianna and of course grandmom Valerie, Mac and I charged (ha) actually Mac and I stumbled through the crowds, got our stuff done, had a lunch in the food court...then we were on the crowded bumper to bumper traffic home.
by 7;00 p.m. or later we were finally getting ready to sit down to a little bit of supper. As i went to wash my hands in the washroom, I heard a loud bump...Ran into the kitchen to see Mac lying on the floor...he said, tried to pet the cat but kind of missed. Well did he ever, he didn't seem to be hurt anywhere so I tried to get him up...he said, wait let me turn onto my knees. This usually does the trick - it's his good way from skiing days..but tonight it didn't work..he pushed himself on his bum all around, tried to turn over, but it was impossible his arms are just to weak these days..by 7;40 p.m. i said that's it...by this time he had pushed himself into the dining room, but still we couldn't get him up. No no, said Mac don't call anyone, I said, sorry Drake (our neighbour) said he would be here to help if you ever fell, you have fallen so Drake is the man.
While I listened to Mac make the air turn blue, I phoned, and it was Drake to the rescue, he picked Mac up easily..Mac was delighted to explain that he was fine, just needed to get on his knees, but it didn't work this time. Drake was his pleasant self as he explained that the floor was a very slippery wood to try to get up from so not to worry, just be careful, and off to his home next door, went our rescuer.
So we had our light supper in the living room by the Christmas tree, listening to jazz, where Mac could sit in his great chair relaxed and happy knowing that this chair can get him practically up to standing position, while I sat opposite, breathing sighs of relief. The situation is getting to be more and more unsafe for Mac, and it's getting to be more and more sad for me...I won't go there tonight so I'll say my g'nite now
by 7;00 p.m. or later we were finally getting ready to sit down to a little bit of supper. As i went to wash my hands in the washroom, I heard a loud bump...Ran into the kitchen to see Mac lying on the floor...he said, tried to pet the cat but kind of missed. Well did he ever, he didn't seem to be hurt anywhere so I tried to get him up...he said, wait let me turn onto my knees. This usually does the trick - it's his good way from skiing days..but tonight it didn't work..he pushed himself on his bum all around, tried to turn over, but it was impossible his arms are just to weak these days..by 7;40 p.m. i said that's it...by this time he had pushed himself into the dining room, but still we couldn't get him up. No no, said Mac don't call anyone, I said, sorry Drake (our neighbour) said he would be here to help if you ever fell, you have fallen so Drake is the man.
While I listened to Mac make the air turn blue, I phoned, and it was Drake to the rescue, he picked Mac up easily..Mac was delighted to explain that he was fine, just needed to get on his knees, but it didn't work this time. Drake was his pleasant self as he explained that the floor was a very slippery wood to try to get up from so not to worry, just be careful, and off to his home next door, went our rescuer.
So we had our light supper in the living room by the Christmas tree, listening to jazz, where Mac could sit in his great chair relaxed and happy knowing that this chair can get him practically up to standing position, while I sat opposite, breathing sighs of relief. The situation is getting to be more and more unsafe for Mac, and it's getting to be more and more sad for me...I won't go there tonight so I'll say my g'nite now
Thursday 27 December 2012
Thursday, December 27,1220 How will we get back home...
After a busy and fun time with all the family - opening gifts, eating and eating, having some of the family talk to him Mac said quietly to me, exactly that - how will we get back home. In a way it was good, he realized he was not home...but then on the other hand when we are home he is not always sure where we are..but at least on Christmas he knew - this was not home. So eventually we did leave the party at our daughter Glenna's and finally he was happily in bed in his own home.
A lovely Christmas for both of us, with many gifts and such a pleasure to see all of our grandchildren - of course for Mac this is sometimes confusing, who are the grandchildren - who are the children - but still he knows baby Finley, she the great grandchild was in perfect form, and entertained us all with her charming little ways . Her complete happiness chuckling and laughing when her uncle Brandon lifts her up and tosses her in the air, kisses her neck, she gave us all such a good time, but soon it was her bedtime and we all sadly had to wave goodbye to the sweet little Christmas Angel.
Since Christmas it's been a good two days, and although we are snowed in for sure, we still or i still try to get Mac to walk, so it's walk around and look at all the snow, through every window in the house. Trying on his new clothes, watching a movie on t.v. and just sleeping, has taken up most of mac's day. We did talk about Christmases past, way past. The times when we would go by taxi with all the presents for his large family, he remembered that and we talked about the fun of seeing the lights on all the beautiful homes as we drove along. Then joining his 3 sisters that lived in montreal, their husbands, and their children...now his family are gone and so are mine, and we two orphans enjoyed talking about the past, now we two orphans have our own family..and he can hardly remember who they are as we are now so many....hey i said to mac look what we started.
While on this blog, we got a call from our old friend Owen, from down under....he spoke with Mac and the whole conversation was coherent, mac remembered him, so now we will discuss the visit we will have when Owen comes to stay with us in May or June. so on to memories about Owen. g'nite.
A lovely Christmas for both of us, with many gifts and such a pleasure to see all of our grandchildren - of course for Mac this is sometimes confusing, who are the grandchildren - who are the children - but still he knows baby Finley, she the great grandchild was in perfect form, and entertained us all with her charming little ways . Her complete happiness chuckling and laughing when her uncle Brandon lifts her up and tosses her in the air, kisses her neck, she gave us all such a good time, but soon it was her bedtime and we all sadly had to wave goodbye to the sweet little Christmas Angel.
Since Christmas it's been a good two days, and although we are snowed in for sure, we still or i still try to get Mac to walk, so it's walk around and look at all the snow, through every window in the house. Trying on his new clothes, watching a movie on t.v. and just sleeping, has taken up most of mac's day. We did talk about Christmases past, way past. The times when we would go by taxi with all the presents for his large family, he remembered that and we talked about the fun of seeing the lights on all the beautiful homes as we drove along. Then joining his 3 sisters that lived in montreal, their husbands, and their children...now his family are gone and so are mine, and we two orphans enjoyed talking about the past, now we two orphans have our own family..and he can hardly remember who they are as we are now so many....hey i said to mac look what we started.
While on this blog, we got a call from our old friend Owen, from down under....he spoke with Mac and the whole conversation was coherent, mac remembered him, so now we will discuss the visit we will have when Owen comes to stay with us in May or June. so on to memories about Owen. g'nite.
Monday 24 December 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012 Oh yes, tomorrow's christmas..is it?.
Yes I remind Mac, this is Christmas Eve...should we go to Church? .well do you want to? he replies, not if you don't want to go, I say. Then in the discussion I remember that A Christmas Carol with Alister Sim that old movie is on, we have always watched it in the past. And so that solved the problem of if we should go or not, it was so neat to hear Mac remember the name of Bob Cratchit, the poor clerk in Scrooge's office...and of course Tiny Tim..Must admit he slept through some of the movie, but for the most part enjoyed it, along with shortbread cookies and sherry...
Yesterday and today have been really good days, perhaps we've reached another plateau, although Satuday he woke up saying "Are we still together, what am I doing' i'm thinking we are not together , are we togther , of course we are I answer, oh good ooh good, I think you were dreaming i said...of course we're together he said. later in the day he was entirely confused and kept saying so, and the day was kind of slipping down to real depression for him, and then lucky for us Valerie Brianna Lorne and BABY FINLEY...came for dinner and saved the day.
So it's been uphill since then with singing of carols with the radio..Mac drying dishes after all the cooking i've been doing, we're preparing for a great feast at Glenna's tomorrow; one crabby walk yesterday and another today..he can't stand the cold but once we're home it's super and perhaps it's the walks that have him back on keel, what ever that means. Of course he does not know just who and where he is at all times, but he has trust in me as caregiver and wife?? and so is relaxed and content... Also our sweet neighbour Susanna came for tea and told him her sister thinks he's handsome, "and so i am" he told me later grinning from ear to ear.
So how contented is that... now he is off to sleep, I'll go and join him so g'nite...
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS US EVERYONE.
Yesterday and today have been really good days, perhaps we've reached another plateau, although Satuday he woke up saying "Are we still together, what am I doing' i'm thinking we are not together , are we togther , of course we are I answer, oh good ooh good, I think you were dreaming i said...of course we're together he said. later in the day he was entirely confused and kept saying so, and the day was kind of slipping down to real depression for him, and then lucky for us Valerie Brianna Lorne and BABY FINLEY...came for dinner and saved the day.
So it's been uphill since then with singing of carols with the radio..Mac drying dishes after all the cooking i've been doing, we're preparing for a great feast at Glenna's tomorrow; one crabby walk yesterday and another today..he can't stand the cold but once we're home it's super and perhaps it's the walks that have him back on keel, what ever that means. Of course he does not know just who and where he is at all times, but he has trust in me as caregiver and wife?? and so is relaxed and content... Also our sweet neighbour Susanna came for tea and told him her sister thinks he's handsome, "and so i am" he told me later grinning from ear to ear.
So how contented is that... now he is off to sleep, I'll go and join him so g'nite...
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS US EVERYONE.
Friday 21 December 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012 I just won't do it.
These past few weeks because of the weather and my knee being out of commission we haven't been going out for walks, just making short little walks to the store from the car, even walking in the mall is a problem, consequently Mac is sleeping much of the day away, and with the sleeping comes dreaming. Last evening when I woke him up for dinner, he came to the kitchen saying, 'i just won't do it" and from about 6:10 to about 7;00 p.m. i tried to get him to eat his dinner, but according to him it would be hurting someone, and he just could not do it. He said no it wouldn't be fair, and to be fair he could not eat his dinner.
As he sits or kind of lays on his super chair, he listens to the radio, and perhaps in his sleep he was listening to the news of the Native woman who is on a hunger strike, and the support she is getting, or whatever, but for sure the news had infiltrated his brain and to eat dinner was something he just could not do as he had to support someone whom he couldn't name. When I told him the story this morning he couldn't believe he did that, and today we were happily eating our breakfast, as well as a hearty lunch. So happy about that as we had our grandson, Jacob with us at lunch time and it was lovely that there was not a problem at all, just the usual problem of trying to get Mac to participate in our talk...but as he said later, he enjoys listening.
This dreaming business is part of the nightly problem as he yells, grunts squeals, turns and tosses all while he sleeps, so it is with a sigh of relief to say last night and today were both red letter days, no problems whatsoever...the only tiny problem to Mac, is that I don't have time to sit on his knee and cuddle - as i'm making Christmas plum puddings..wrapping gifts and writing cards.. he can't believe what i'm doing all this for, several times a day I have to tell him, Christmas is coming. We even do the christmas calendar business, where he has a chocolate each day as i have him pick out whatever date it is..hey think I'll get myself a calendar next year.
So on the whole his memory is certainly fading, but as he looks out the window he thinks he is in St. Henri, and so of course he loves to remenice and even though I tell him it's Chateauguay out there, he will still say guess there are no more McConnells, i wonder, he'll say if there are any mcconnells left here, i'd love to visit with them. Some days it hits harder than others' that he doesn't have his mom, brother or sisters. When we look at the pictures of his family, it helps, and he delights in trying to go through a whose who of his family..going back to his grandparents.
Another positive thing, the CLSC is helping so it looks like we'll have a few more hours of respite in the new year, and some more support for his bathing, walking sitting and standing, So living one day at a time, and not worrying about our various options i.e. placing mac, getting more help, etc...is easy to do on a day like today..here's to more days like this. so on that note, i'll say g'nite.
As he sits or kind of lays on his super chair, he listens to the radio, and perhaps in his sleep he was listening to the news of the Native woman who is on a hunger strike, and the support she is getting, or whatever, but for sure the news had infiltrated his brain and to eat dinner was something he just could not do as he had to support someone whom he couldn't name. When I told him the story this morning he couldn't believe he did that, and today we were happily eating our breakfast, as well as a hearty lunch. So happy about that as we had our grandson, Jacob with us at lunch time and it was lovely that there was not a problem at all, just the usual problem of trying to get Mac to participate in our talk...but as he said later, he enjoys listening.
This dreaming business is part of the nightly problem as he yells, grunts squeals, turns and tosses all while he sleeps, so it is with a sigh of relief to say last night and today were both red letter days, no problems whatsoever...the only tiny problem to Mac, is that I don't have time to sit on his knee and cuddle - as i'm making Christmas plum puddings..wrapping gifts and writing cards.. he can't believe what i'm doing all this for, several times a day I have to tell him, Christmas is coming. We even do the christmas calendar business, where he has a chocolate each day as i have him pick out whatever date it is..hey think I'll get myself a calendar next year.
So on the whole his memory is certainly fading, but as he looks out the window he thinks he is in St. Henri, and so of course he loves to remenice and even though I tell him it's Chateauguay out there, he will still say guess there are no more McConnells, i wonder, he'll say if there are any mcconnells left here, i'd love to visit with them. Some days it hits harder than others' that he doesn't have his mom, brother or sisters. When we look at the pictures of his family, it helps, and he delights in trying to go through a whose who of his family..going back to his grandparents.
Another positive thing, the CLSC is helping so it looks like we'll have a few more hours of respite in the new year, and some more support for his bathing, walking sitting and standing, So living one day at a time, and not worrying about our various options i.e. placing mac, getting more help, etc...is easy to do on a day like today..here's to more days like this. so on that note, i'll say g'nite.
Monday 17 December 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012 Have you seen Janet??
Tonight at supper we were discussing Christmas shopping, which I haven't been able to do, because of my knee, and because of Mac's balance or I should say non balance... In any case, while talking about how soon Christmas is going to be here; a week tomorrow, yikes, Mac very blithely said, have you seen mother, I mean Janet. So i put up my hand and said, here she is. "no not you, the other Janet" Well after much discussion on this subject, he said he realized he really meant his sister Janet. Well since he never had a sister called Janet, we launched into a conversation about his family. He said, I'm really amazed at how much you know about my family.."
Later in the evening watching the t.v. news re; the Ikea monkey, we were on and off talking about pets such as monkeys and snakes, Mac, remembered that his brother in law, Bill had a monkey, and that was a true, when he said that, although I personally never saw the monkey, I remember talk in the family about Bill's monkey and the various monkey escapades...So since he remembered the monkey I asked - so what's my name. Mac, said "I know you think you are Janet McConnell", well decided to leave that for later. He then added, I think you should know that tonight i'm feeling very confused.
Could be because he had the physio therapist here for his arm and shoulder problems- he finds they ache and he can't lift his arms ..of course when she was here he lifted his arms easily, said they were no problem, and that he was walking easily. The therapist, Danielle, had him go up and down stairs (absolutely no problem)..sit down - get up, walk around...and of course he did this with much glee and without any faltering...but she did realize his arms were not easily raised - and that he really did have a problem, although she said with all his resistance to having any help, she said it would be harder on me..she was thinking of giving me the exercise for arms but said, maybe later, he is so resistant she felt we would have friction about this so, no exercise.
While Mac talks a good talk, and walks a good walk, he really does have so many problems not the least of which is his eyes, he doesn't always see well, the stairs outside, getting into cars and out, walking anywhere in the snow, which we did yesterday practically gives me a heart attack watching him...this while going around the corner to a neighbour's afternoon tea party. Nights he is walking and talking but not out of bed but in bed while he sleeps peacefully, and I lie wide awake wondering what's going on there.
Sometimes as I write this blog it's like writing my diary and I kind of forget that people are reading this, so for those of you who do read this, if you have anyone in your life who is a caregiver for someone with alzheimers be sure to tell them how up and down it can be, they are not alone, there are so many of us going through this. todays "Liaison " magazine from the A. society reports that this is Alzheimer's Awareness month and that world wide Alzheimer's is on the rise and by 2030 the toll should reach 66 million. Hopefully by then there will be some light at the end of the research tunnel.
Alzheimer's disease is not to be hidden, everyone should know about it, and educating people about it improves the lives of people living with the disease..there is quality of life after the diagnosis, at least for a good while. And since i want to be there for Mac and help him to be less confused, I'll get off this computer, g'nite.
Later in the evening watching the t.v. news re; the Ikea monkey, we were on and off talking about pets such as monkeys and snakes, Mac, remembered that his brother in law, Bill had a monkey, and that was a true, when he said that, although I personally never saw the monkey, I remember talk in the family about Bill's monkey and the various monkey escapades...So since he remembered the monkey I asked - so what's my name. Mac, said "I know you think you are Janet McConnell", well decided to leave that for later. He then added, I think you should know that tonight i'm feeling very confused.
Could be because he had the physio therapist here for his arm and shoulder problems- he finds they ache and he can't lift his arms ..of course when she was here he lifted his arms easily, said they were no problem, and that he was walking easily. The therapist, Danielle, had him go up and down stairs (absolutely no problem)..sit down - get up, walk around...and of course he did this with much glee and without any faltering...but she did realize his arms were not easily raised - and that he really did have a problem, although she said with all his resistance to having any help, she said it would be harder on me..she was thinking of giving me the exercise for arms but said, maybe later, he is so resistant she felt we would have friction about this so, no exercise.
While Mac talks a good talk, and walks a good walk, he really does have so many problems not the least of which is his eyes, he doesn't always see well, the stairs outside, getting into cars and out, walking anywhere in the snow, which we did yesterday practically gives me a heart attack watching him...this while going around the corner to a neighbour's afternoon tea party. Nights he is walking and talking but not out of bed but in bed while he sleeps peacefully, and I lie wide awake wondering what's going on there.
Sometimes as I write this blog it's like writing my diary and I kind of forget that people are reading this, so for those of you who do read this, if you have anyone in your life who is a caregiver for someone with alzheimers be sure to tell them how up and down it can be, they are not alone, there are so many of us going through this. todays "Liaison " magazine from the A. society reports that this is Alzheimer's Awareness month and that world wide Alzheimer's is on the rise and by 2030 the toll should reach 66 million. Hopefully by then there will be some light at the end of the research tunnel.
Alzheimer's disease is not to be hidden, everyone should know about it, and educating people about it improves the lives of people living with the disease..there is quality of life after the diagnosis, at least for a good while. And since i want to be there for Mac and help him to be less confused, I'll get off this computer, g'nite.
Friday 14 December 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012 " We have to sit down and discuss.....
So a good day after a surprising day yesterday, the surprise being that the sore knee and leg I have been nursing and grumbling about turns out to be a torn miniscus...had a cortisone shot, and now if it doesn't heal, I will probably have to have surgery...Talk about taking care of the caregiver. Think I forgot about that, and tried to do too much by lifting Mac from chairs etc, without realizing the strain on my leg as i pull. BUT,
Today was a good day we went to the Seniors Christmas party, where we heard music that I could'nt dance to but enjoyed anyway, and mingled with friends and Mac had an admirer, a young woman who helps out at our club...She made Mac feel great by telling him how good looking he was and what fun to see him answering her and laughing..it just made our day, both his and mine. So when we got home I was quite surprised to hear him say...We have to sit down and discuss something.
What do you want to discuss, says unsuspecting me...how could i forget...MONEY ---Mac somehow got it in his head that maybe one of us has too much of a burden moneywise, and we have to sit down and discuss who is paying for what - how much, and is anyone not really kind of paying enough or what. This was said in about 15 different ways over a period of 30 minutes till i was losing it. Over and over i explained about his bank statement, and my bank statement, and we will sit down and see that it is all taken care of by authorized payment plans and we are quite fine.
I have just started to realize that so often when we feel that everyone in the conversation gets what we're talking about, this is not always so. Today, Les while driving us to the Barber for Mac's haircut, was talking about getting transfers of money for his customers, i.e. having to get to the bank. How people have to have $$$ for Christmas etc etc. plus the fact that we or I have to pay taxes for income not reported in past income tax forms...So guess that's been sifting around in his mind, well it sure not going to sift in my mind, these things will be taken care of but I WILL sit down and discuss with Mac, so he will not have any burdens to think about as that is his own word..burden...no one should have a burden especially not MAC..
There are enough burdens out there in the world, especially after the bad news re; a shooter in an elementary school today. We will appreciate our own lives and pray for those whose lives have ended in such a horror for their families and friends. Now it's time to lay our burdens down and go to sleep, so g'nite.
Today was a good day we went to the Seniors Christmas party, where we heard music that I could'nt dance to but enjoyed anyway, and mingled with friends and Mac had an admirer, a young woman who helps out at our club...She made Mac feel great by telling him how good looking he was and what fun to see him answering her and laughing..it just made our day, both his and mine. So when we got home I was quite surprised to hear him say...We have to sit down and discuss something.
What do you want to discuss, says unsuspecting me...how could i forget...MONEY ---Mac somehow got it in his head that maybe one of us has too much of a burden moneywise, and we have to sit down and discuss who is paying for what - how much, and is anyone not really kind of paying enough or what. This was said in about 15 different ways over a period of 30 minutes till i was losing it. Over and over i explained about his bank statement, and my bank statement, and we will sit down and see that it is all taken care of by authorized payment plans and we are quite fine.
I have just started to realize that so often when we feel that everyone in the conversation gets what we're talking about, this is not always so. Today, Les while driving us to the Barber for Mac's haircut, was talking about getting transfers of money for his customers, i.e. having to get to the bank. How people have to have $$$ for Christmas etc etc. plus the fact that we or I have to pay taxes for income not reported in past income tax forms...So guess that's been sifting around in his mind, well it sure not going to sift in my mind, these things will be taken care of but I WILL sit down and discuss with Mac, so he will not have any burdens to think about as that is his own word..burden...no one should have a burden especially not MAC..
There are enough burdens out there in the world, especially after the bad news re; a shooter in an elementary school today. We will appreciate our own lives and pray for those whose lives have ended in such a horror for their families and friends. Now it's time to lay our burdens down and go to sleep, so g'nite.
Wednesday 12 December 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012 You didn't tell me!!!!
A beautiful sunny morning, and a beautiful pleasant Mac, as the sun always makes him happy. We enjoyed a great breakfast, with lots of joking and pleasant conversation, especially about our Mischa who also was in a super good mood, purring and he too seemed to blossom into a pussy cat rather than a tiger with the sun rays coming through the window and on the patio where he also spends so much time. BUT, and there is always a but...today was dentist day...
And as the clouds rolled in we had to get to the dentist. Although I did mention to Mac that WE were going to the dentist..somehow he got the idea that this was just for ME. I blame myself entirely for the fact that when changing venues, or having anything different happening to Mac or any one with The Big A. it should be well explained, but in this case I was not thinking, and when the dental technician came to take him in for teeth cleaning, I should have gone in with him. All seemed to be fine, and I perused magazines and recipes quite happily, until i realized they were taking quite some time.
Brandon our grandson who was driving us had to be home shortly, so I started to wonder what's going on. When I checked it seems that the dentist had to take some time as his teeth and false teeth both had a problem, one a big cavity, and two his bridge was too loose and also needed a good cleaning as well. Well to cut to the chase, when he came out after one hour he was furious - with me - first i hadn't told him he had to be seen by the dentist, and second, he would definitely not pay a cent..then when i finished with the dentist the receptionist, said in a lovely loud voice, 'now how do you wish to pay for this Mrs McConnell, well that's when he lost it....The air turned blue with his swearing, and i was to blame and in a way i was, This will definitely be something to remember...of coure to me every 6 mos. dentist, it's a given. BuT for him well, of course not...
Not to mention when it comes to $$$ Mac is really insecure, and can't stand to spend a cent. So once home, he swore i would never take him for a ride like that again. Sad to say we have to have a ride like that again, but hopefully he will be well prepared. And hopefully this sad situation where he yelled you didn't tell me..will be forgotten, along with the clouds..and we'll have the sunshine again g'nite.
And as the clouds rolled in we had to get to the dentist. Although I did mention to Mac that WE were going to the dentist..somehow he got the idea that this was just for ME. I blame myself entirely for the fact that when changing venues, or having anything different happening to Mac or any one with The Big A. it should be well explained, but in this case I was not thinking, and when the dental technician came to take him in for teeth cleaning, I should have gone in with him. All seemed to be fine, and I perused magazines and recipes quite happily, until i realized they were taking quite some time.
Brandon our grandson who was driving us had to be home shortly, so I started to wonder what's going on. When I checked it seems that the dentist had to take some time as his teeth and false teeth both had a problem, one a big cavity, and two his bridge was too loose and also needed a good cleaning as well. Well to cut to the chase, when he came out after one hour he was furious - with me - first i hadn't told him he had to be seen by the dentist, and second, he would definitely not pay a cent..then when i finished with the dentist the receptionist, said in a lovely loud voice, 'now how do you wish to pay for this Mrs McConnell, well that's when he lost it....The air turned blue with his swearing, and i was to blame and in a way i was, This will definitely be something to remember...of coure to me every 6 mos. dentist, it's a given. BuT for him well, of course not...
Not to mention when it comes to $$$ Mac is really insecure, and can't stand to spend a cent. So once home, he swore i would never take him for a ride like that again. Sad to say we have to have a ride like that again, but hopefully he will be well prepared. And hopefully this sad situation where he yelled you didn't tell me..will be forgotten, along with the clouds..and we'll have the sunshine again g'nite.
Saturday 8 December 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012 Do you have proof??
Usually don't put anything on the blog Saturdays ...but today was rather a different one...in that, although Mac is not on target, he usually is easy, and pleasant, realizes he knows me most of the time, and though he always wants to know when we married and why we were apart, (his memory) he is usually quite amiable while making these comments. Today, he was absolutely exhausted, would not move off his chair, did not want to do anything but sleep ...and when i tried to get him to walk a bit around the house for exercise, he was not the least bit interested. So fnally by 1:00 got him to have a bite to eat, and I could see that he did not really know where and what was going on. For one thing, we had my grandson Brandon and his dad putting another grab bar for him to use near the stairs...which by the way is a godsend. Even Mac can see how helpful it is...but still he was not himself, or as near to himself as he has been these past few months.
Sooo I said, hey you know who i am, right, i'm Janet your wife...Well said Mac, have you got proof? I don't for a minute believe we are married..I was kind of surprised with this but then he usually says we were apart, but no, this time, it was not the case. I said, look we sleep together upstairs in our bedroom, and trying to make a joke, said, hey I don't just sleep with any man you know - just you, you are my husband...Well says Mac, that's news to me...This was all said with a kind of crabby face, and I am always told by the A. Assoc remember when these things happen, which in his case is rare, it is the disease...Well somehow i agree, but I think what may have triggered it is, having a man and my grandson in the house, both of whom he did not recognize and felt kind of out of it...who knows.
He is over it now, and realizes he is home, and now watching t.v., but it has been a rather stressful day, worrying about his walking his sore arms, and his attitude..maybe he feels the vibes from myself as .i have been thinking of what will happen, especially since I know that even here at home he is not entirely safe, we have stairs and he is progessively getting weaker..so perhaps his trust has lowered too. Also it's not just the stairs, if he should fall getting out of a chair, especially with me helping, i could never pick him up ...i have a friend who is going through this she has called 911 3 times now. have another friend who has placed her husband and is so distraught she has had a nervous breakdown...
I have been struggling with just when and how I will manage to do this i.e. place him or keep him here but with live in help....These are nagging problems, whiich usually recede into the background when we are together because, though he may not always know me, he is usually fun, jokes with me, and always for the most part hugging, me and loving, and today I almost felt completely alone, and knew for an afternoon, what it would be like with him not beside me...it's torture.
On a brighter note, had not just one christmas tree but two...i went out to get one while our Grandson and his dad were here, and then my daughter Valerie, showed up with a better one...yea. the lights are on the beautiful one and she will take mine, ha....then we sat and enjoyed for a couple of hours this evening..almost like old times, with Bing Crosby singing. with that good news i'll say g'nite.
Sooo I said, hey you know who i am, right, i'm Janet your wife...Well said Mac, have you got proof? I don't for a minute believe we are married..I was kind of surprised with this but then he usually says we were apart, but no, this time, it was not the case. I said, look we sleep together upstairs in our bedroom, and trying to make a joke, said, hey I don't just sleep with any man you know - just you, you are my husband...Well says Mac, that's news to me...This was all said with a kind of crabby face, and I am always told by the A. Assoc remember when these things happen, which in his case is rare, it is the disease...Well somehow i agree, but I think what may have triggered it is, having a man and my grandson in the house, both of whom he did not recognize and felt kind of out of it...who knows.
He is over it now, and realizes he is home, and now watching t.v., but it has been a rather stressful day, worrying about his walking his sore arms, and his attitude..maybe he feels the vibes from myself as .i have been thinking of what will happen, especially since I know that even here at home he is not entirely safe, we have stairs and he is progessively getting weaker..so perhaps his trust has lowered too. Also it's not just the stairs, if he should fall getting out of a chair, especially with me helping, i could never pick him up ...i have a friend who is going through this she has called 911 3 times now. have another friend who has placed her husband and is so distraught she has had a nervous breakdown...
I have been struggling with just when and how I will manage to do this i.e. place him or keep him here but with live in help....These are nagging problems, whiich usually recede into the background when we are together because, though he may not always know me, he is usually fun, jokes with me, and always for the most part hugging, me and loving, and today I almost felt completely alone, and knew for an afternoon, what it would be like with him not beside me...it's torture.
On a brighter note, had not just one christmas tree but two...i went out to get one while our Grandson and his dad were here, and then my daughter Valerie, showed up with a better one...yea. the lights are on the beautiful one and she will take mine, ha....then we sat and enjoyed for a couple of hours this evening..almost like old times, with Bing Crosby singing. with that good news i'll say g'nite.
Thursday 6 December 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012 Fa la la la la LA LA LA
Studies and anecdotal evidence points out that in many cases people with Alzheimers react very well to music stimulus... Certainly this applies to Mac, it is soothing for him to listen to smooth jazz, or classics and as well he loves to hear pop music from long ago and of course he is not so up on rap or the going type of music of today..but the Christmas favourite carols have always appealed and this is what's going on these days,
Today we went to a Retired Teacher's meeting where a wonderful tenor, and his accompaniest playing the piano led the teachers in song, as well the singer did a fabulous job of singing hallelujah, and other Christmas favourites, and then interspersed with these he would lead us all in the carol singing. I don't know if it was because this man who was quite a size, would bellow out the song, but beautifully, or what...but when it came time to sing Deck the halls, as we got to the end, where we all had to sing Fa la la la la...mac at the top of his lungs actually yelled the last LA LA LA... well he stood there quite composed while everyone turned and looked to see who did THAT!!! I managed to look like "well isn't that good - you liked singing that" thinking o.k. what was that about...but since he didn't refer to it, I just let it go..but when thinking about it, i couldn't help but giggle...how funny.
Later he remembered the morning and the singer, spoke about his girth, and how wonderful this man's voice was...he mentioned the piano player, who by the way is from our town of Chateauguay, Chris Epps, he is wonderful - and leads the Choir Chorale of mcGill, but all this to say what a surprise that Mac remembered the whole performance, and yet about ten minutes after discussing the songs, the wonderful voice etc. he turned to me and said, When do you think Janet will be home?...Well i put him in the know of who and when and where Janet is...then we went into...o.k. when did i marry you, and how come we were away from each other for so long...so of course had to explain about his memory loss.
This, of course is a bit or more than a bit sad for me, but I am concentrating on the positive aspects of the day and it's been a good one altogether, so with that in mind I'll say g'nite.
Today we went to a Retired Teacher's meeting where a wonderful tenor, and his accompaniest playing the piano led the teachers in song, as well the singer did a fabulous job of singing hallelujah, and other Christmas favourites, and then interspersed with these he would lead us all in the carol singing. I don't know if it was because this man who was quite a size, would bellow out the song, but beautifully, or what...but when it came time to sing Deck the halls, as we got to the end, where we all had to sing Fa la la la la...mac at the top of his lungs actually yelled the last LA LA LA... well he stood there quite composed while everyone turned and looked to see who did THAT!!! I managed to look like "well isn't that good - you liked singing that" thinking o.k. what was that about...but since he didn't refer to it, I just let it go..but when thinking about it, i couldn't help but giggle...how funny.
Later he remembered the morning and the singer, spoke about his girth, and how wonderful this man's voice was...he mentioned the piano player, who by the way is from our town of Chateauguay, Chris Epps, he is wonderful - and leads the Choir Chorale of mcGill, but all this to say what a surprise that Mac remembered the whole performance, and yet about ten minutes after discussing the songs, the wonderful voice etc. he turned to me and said, When do you think Janet will be home?...Well i put him in the know of who and when and where Janet is...then we went into...o.k. when did i marry you, and how come we were away from each other for so long...so of course had to explain about his memory loss.
This, of course is a bit or more than a bit sad for me, but I am concentrating on the positive aspects of the day and it's been a good one altogether, so with that in mind I'll say g'nite.
Tuesday 4 December 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 Where were you?
One of the positive things about my life these days is my support system. This blog is mainly about Mac and his memories but to write about this sometimes it is very sad, or difficult, but having a good support system I can pull up my socks and try to do this with a brighter of better outlook. One of which is to actually try to live in the moment or live for today...easier said than done.
When I mention support - I think first about, my family, who are all so supportive in so many ways ...keeping up our usual celebrations, birthdays, christmas easter etc. as well as helping me in too many ways to mention but being there on a daily basis...then of course there are the relatives and friends ...again especially close friends who give advice because they have gone through the same scenarios, and there are of course friends who cannot face what they see, and this i can understand it's not easy and so though they care they are really there for ME, but not for seeing both of us, i.e. Mac and myself..but that's o.k. everyone has there own way of dealing with this.
On the other hand there is the support that is really important and that is the groups that one can join through the Alzheimer's Assoc. i am able to be in two groups, one of which stems from the original group i met last year...this consists of about five women and one man, we now are in touch and every month at least 4 or 5 get together at a restaurant or home to check out how each one is coping. The second is a group meets once amonth led by a wonderful moderator...as a follow up to the first group, in this group we are 5, and this is where i went today. Where i learned and heard much that helped. The most important being that each has their own way of dealing with A. sometimes the way they deal with a situation helps the next person. i.e. i have had a really sore leg, partly from helping Mac get up, i stand with one leg back and pull causing my weight to go on the leg plus his weight. Today i learned how to reach and put my left hand inside the top of the left side of his belt or pants and kind of lift him by his pants - tried it when i got home, it works!!!
I have been feeling overwhelmed at times with not getting enough sleep - as i'm up sometimes 6 to 8 x a night - wondering should I place mac, then i get so sad I can't stand the thought, today our Moderator pointed out that what is important is SAFETY. When one thinks that either the caregiver or the patient or person with A. can suffer so that for example if i'm not awake enough to help him or myself, that may cause a big problem then i should place mac. Well so far, that scenario is not the case I'm always on the ball and there for him, I can make up the sleep in the day, i have not done this, now I will... This relieves my mind as i now have a parameter that i will think of - i.e. when he is walking - sitting standing, do i have enough things in place to make sure he will be SAFE, and will i also be safe, as there is that to consider, what good is a caregiver who is not well. Anyway with all the points and support i received i came home to
Where were you? There was Mac as usual waiting for me and happy to see me, this in turn always makes me happy too. I told him where i was and what I learned, and although he may not get the complete gist of just what i mean, he is always receptive. One more little tip i learned from my own daughter Maureen, which worked for me, and I was able to pass the info on to another person in the group whose husband has the same problem...that is not able to swallow large pills.... ..when swallowing the pill with the water, turn your head, either to the right or the left as you swallow...sounds funny, but again it worked for Mac, and my little grandson, and I'm hoping it works for this person too.
So hopefully anyone who is reading this may be able to use or pass on the thoughts and points to others, the woman that leads the group said, as I was leaving, one thing you have brought to the group was not just the idea of how to take a pill, but how important it is to see LOVE in action...Well that surprised me, but i think it is in action in all the group, I just happen to wear my heart on my sleeve..or doing all we do for others be it our friends or our partner, definitely love helps, how sad it must be without love....show it - for sure...and that way it is returned...we all need it...so with love i'll say '- g'nite.
This
When I mention support - I think first about, my family, who are all so supportive in so many ways ...keeping up our usual celebrations, birthdays, christmas easter etc. as well as helping me in too many ways to mention but being there on a daily basis...then of course there are the relatives and friends ...again especially close friends who give advice because they have gone through the same scenarios, and there are of course friends who cannot face what they see, and this i can understand it's not easy and so though they care they are really there for ME, but not for seeing both of us, i.e. Mac and myself..but that's o.k. everyone has there own way of dealing with this.
On the other hand there is the support that is really important and that is the groups that one can join through the Alzheimer's Assoc. i am able to be in two groups, one of which stems from the original group i met last year...this consists of about five women and one man, we now are in touch and every month at least 4 or 5 get together at a restaurant or home to check out how each one is coping. The second is a group meets once amonth led by a wonderful moderator...as a follow up to the first group, in this group we are 5, and this is where i went today. Where i learned and heard much that helped. The most important being that each has their own way of dealing with A. sometimes the way they deal with a situation helps the next person. i.e. i have had a really sore leg, partly from helping Mac get up, i stand with one leg back and pull causing my weight to go on the leg plus his weight. Today i learned how to reach and put my left hand inside the top of the left side of his belt or pants and kind of lift him by his pants - tried it when i got home, it works!!!
I have been feeling overwhelmed at times with not getting enough sleep - as i'm up sometimes 6 to 8 x a night - wondering should I place mac, then i get so sad I can't stand the thought, today our Moderator pointed out that what is important is SAFETY. When one thinks that either the caregiver or the patient or person with A. can suffer so that for example if i'm not awake enough to help him or myself, that may cause a big problem then i should place mac. Well so far, that scenario is not the case I'm always on the ball and there for him, I can make up the sleep in the day, i have not done this, now I will... This relieves my mind as i now have a parameter that i will think of - i.e. when he is walking - sitting standing, do i have enough things in place to make sure he will be SAFE, and will i also be safe, as there is that to consider, what good is a caregiver who is not well. Anyway with all the points and support i received i came home to
Where were you? There was Mac as usual waiting for me and happy to see me, this in turn always makes me happy too. I told him where i was and what I learned, and although he may not get the complete gist of just what i mean, he is always receptive. One more little tip i learned from my own daughter Maureen, which worked for me, and I was able to pass the info on to another person in the group whose husband has the same problem...that is not able to swallow large pills.... ..when swallowing the pill with the water, turn your head, either to the right or the left as you swallow...sounds funny, but again it worked for Mac, and my little grandson, and I'm hoping it works for this person too.
So hopefully anyone who is reading this may be able to use or pass on the thoughts and points to others, the woman that leads the group said, as I was leaving, one thing you have brought to the group was not just the idea of how to take a pill, but how important it is to see LOVE in action...Well that surprised me, but i think it is in action in all the group, I just happen to wear my heart on my sleeve..or doing all we do for others be it our friends or our partner, definitely love helps, how sad it must be without love....show it - for sure...and that way it is returned...we all need it...so with love i'll say '- g'nite.
This
Friday 30 November 2012
Friday, November 30, 2012 We go to bed here...
As mentioned before Mac seems to be on a fairly good plateau, by this I mean, during the day he is on target, knows where the various rooms are, where to put away items, and although he is unable to get his own clothes he knows what he needs. His conversation is fine and although he cannot follow the news anymore, he can if i break it down in small clumps. Evenings though are still where he has that sundown syndrome not every day, but most days, as tonight he stood in the bedroom looking at the bed as if he had never seen it before, and said, we go to bed here?
Since he still is a good person for jokes, and at times quick come backs, most people unless they already know, do not realize just how limited his memory is, and how much he is trying to fathom. Last night we had a couple over and although he now speaks slowly, and at times loses his words, he was able to communicate his thoughts and give us a couple of good laughs...but of course this is not always the case, at other times he can sit with his eyes closed and just drift away.
My main concern now is his physical condition, i've been a nervous wreck watching him go down stairs, or up, getting in and out of bed, or using the bathroom. So it was a rather neat surprise to get a grab bar from our handy man, apparently an acquaintance here in Chat was throwing out a brand new one still in it's container, he quickly spoke up to ask if he could give it to us.. She was happy to do so, it is neat and i think we will be able to use it in the downstairs bathroom. now we have two in the upstairs bath...one out on the balcony near the two steps...and one that will be put on the stairwell ...the only other concern in this is that his two arms ache and his strength to hang on is very poor.
One other postive note, we have a lovely new Social Worker, she actually keeps in touch and is following through on all the points we have discussed. i.e. seat with handbars for the upstairs toilet...a day out with others like mac...during the week, a trained man to come to help him with bathing, at first Mac protested, but when i said choose which do you want a man or woman, he said a man, this will help as i'm nervous for him getting in and out of the bath for a shower...a form for the doctor to sign for legal items...and probably a couple of other things i've forgotten but she has not..One of the things i love is she said to Mac after a few questions, which instead of using a paper and pen and doing it officially she acts as if she is genuinely interested and its part of a conversation...she looked up and said...Wow mac you have the bluest eyes...that although he hears it often and acts like,,,what the hell what do blue eyes have to do with anything....i could tell he was pleased, as was i when she looked at an old picture of Mac playing Lacrosse, and said, to me, 'hey, you hit the jackpot when you were young. And she is so right.
Since he still is a good person for jokes, and at times quick come backs, most people unless they already know, do not realize just how limited his memory is, and how much he is trying to fathom. Last night we had a couple over and although he now speaks slowly, and at times loses his words, he was able to communicate his thoughts and give us a couple of good laughs...but of course this is not always the case, at other times he can sit with his eyes closed and just drift away.
My main concern now is his physical condition, i've been a nervous wreck watching him go down stairs, or up, getting in and out of bed, or using the bathroom. So it was a rather neat surprise to get a grab bar from our handy man, apparently an acquaintance here in Chat was throwing out a brand new one still in it's container, he quickly spoke up to ask if he could give it to us.. She was happy to do so, it is neat and i think we will be able to use it in the downstairs bathroom. now we have two in the upstairs bath...one out on the balcony near the two steps...and one that will be put on the stairwell ...the only other concern in this is that his two arms ache and his strength to hang on is very poor.
One other postive note, we have a lovely new Social Worker, she actually keeps in touch and is following through on all the points we have discussed. i.e. seat with handbars for the upstairs toilet...a day out with others like mac...during the week, a trained man to come to help him with bathing, at first Mac protested, but when i said choose which do you want a man or woman, he said a man, this will help as i'm nervous for him getting in and out of the bath for a shower...a form for the doctor to sign for legal items...and probably a couple of other things i've forgotten but she has not..One of the things i love is she said to Mac after a few questions, which instead of using a paper and pen and doing it officially she acts as if she is genuinely interested and its part of a conversation...she looked up and said...Wow mac you have the bluest eyes...that although he hears it often and acts like,,,what the hell what do blue eyes have to do with anything....i could tell he was pleased, as was i when she looked at an old picture of Mac playing Lacrosse, and said, to me, 'hey, you hit the jackpot when you were young. And she is so right.
Monday 26 November 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012 This is Great....
Well my blog got lost in space, AGAIN, after i described how wonderful it was for Mac to have this great chair
Glenna came in one day several months ago with two surprises a bath chair and a cane....the bathchair he uses, the cane sits in the corner.
BUT...She just surprised us again, came in with a fantastic chair, which she got a few years ago from my good friend Dale...dale's parents both had the A...her dad bought it for her mom and after several yrs he then needed the chair...she had been placed. anyway, they are both gone now, but the fact that Glenna had a terrible bad back - so Dale give the chair to Glenna, who is now fine...and the chair forgotten in her basement until a few days ago she got the inspiration to bring it to mac. Well long story short...Mac loves this chair which when he presses a button takes him into sleep mode...presses another it brings him upright to sitting, and then wow right up to standing position...He just loves the amazing chair.
So apart from us all enjoying his chair...(the one real contender for it is Mischa our brat cat, ha). was the fun of seeing and hearing our daughter in law Jane singing along with 95 or so other McGill Choir members, the wonderful Bach Magnificat...and in the second half of the concert..was for me to hear and see my sweet MAC, singing the chorus of Glor ooooh ria in Excelsis Deo...and Deck The Halls...t'was lovely...
There has not been any Sun Down Syndrome activities these past few days, and he is getting over his cold... today we actually went for a walk, and all we could say was Cold but BEAUTIFUL, and so it is....g'nite.
Thursday 22 November 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012....I'm fine, I'll stay home
After a horrible night of listening to Mac cough his lungs out and groan about his sore arm and sore shoulder, decided to phone infosante...before I forget, that's 811 for those in Quebec, and let me tell you the nurses there are absolutely the best. It was about 3;00a.m. Mac had been moaning since 2;00 am. or so ...when i finally decided that yes it's great that I'm here but I'm not making things better. Mac must have said 50 times or more how wonderful that i was there, and hallelujah, he couldn't believe Janet was with him in his agony..but Janet was beginning to be more than nervous...was this man having a heart attack with his sore shoulder, neck, arm..etc. That's when i said, that's it, i'm calling Info Sante...
The nurse was so good, listened, asked the right questions, and finally suggested I call 911 and get him to a hospital where they could make a complete diagnosis..when I told Mac, he said, I'm fine I'll stay home...after groaning myself, and explaining, we were calling about him, not ME...I told the nurse he won't go, is there something i can do, besides wait and see if he gets worse... She suggested cold compress on his left shoulder and neck. So hung up, ran and got a bag of frozen corn, wrapped it in a soft towel and placed it on his shoulder. That's better he said, and then i gave him a strong tylenol, she said that would be o.k. as well...and finally he went to sleep, of course i stayed awake to make sure ....till we got up..
The nurse also suggested I get him to his doc...so in the morning after I got the clothes out of the dryer, finding i had absentmindedly thrown the frozen bag of corn in with the wash...cleaning things up, i called not only the doc, but the social worker from the CLSC who was supposed to be on our case for over 2 mos now...The end result is the social worker came, gave me all kinds of great ideas for making this house more friendly, for Mac, that is, a special seat on the toilets...a kind of pole by his bed so he can get up easier, a special seat for the bath so he can sit his way into the bath...(haven't seen that but anyway)...possibly a walker, that's a laugh, he won't use a cane, but on she went...She found him to be so on target, till she found out that he didn't know what day it was , time or place...but he is so good in the moment, as i've mentioned. I'm not allowed to help him out of his chair, it's good exercise for him to do it himself..and to make sure, i have to mention all this to the doc...We will be at the doc's walk in clinic at 8;00 a.m. with a few quesstions and hopefully get some answers...
Maybe even get something other than a pill for my swollen knee - hopefully a referral to a bone specialist or perhaps an x-ray...when i mentioned this to Mac, he said, right you go to the doc tomorrow, i'm fine i'll stay home....oh sure - like that's going to happen.....g'nite.
The nurse was so good, listened, asked the right questions, and finally suggested I call 911 and get him to a hospital where they could make a complete diagnosis..when I told Mac, he said, I'm fine I'll stay home...after groaning myself, and explaining, we were calling about him, not ME...I told the nurse he won't go, is there something i can do, besides wait and see if he gets worse... She suggested cold compress on his left shoulder and neck. So hung up, ran and got a bag of frozen corn, wrapped it in a soft towel and placed it on his shoulder. That's better he said, and then i gave him a strong tylenol, she said that would be o.k. as well...and finally he went to sleep, of course i stayed awake to make sure ....till we got up..
The nurse also suggested I get him to his doc...so in the morning after I got the clothes out of the dryer, finding i had absentmindedly thrown the frozen bag of corn in with the wash...cleaning things up, i called not only the doc, but the social worker from the CLSC who was supposed to be on our case for over 2 mos now...The end result is the social worker came, gave me all kinds of great ideas for making this house more friendly, for Mac, that is, a special seat on the toilets...a kind of pole by his bed so he can get up easier, a special seat for the bath so he can sit his way into the bath...(haven't seen that but anyway)...possibly a walker, that's a laugh, he won't use a cane, but on she went...She found him to be so on target, till she found out that he didn't know what day it was , time or place...but he is so good in the moment, as i've mentioned. I'm not allowed to help him out of his chair, it's good exercise for him to do it himself..and to make sure, i have to mention all this to the doc...We will be at the doc's walk in clinic at 8;00 a.m. with a few quesstions and hopefully get some answers...
Maybe even get something other than a pill for my swollen knee - hopefully a referral to a bone specialist or perhaps an x-ray...when i mentioned this to Mac, he said, right you go to the doc tomorrow, i'm fine i'll stay home....oh sure - like that's going to happen.....g'nite.
Tuesday 20 November 2012
Tuesday, November 20,2012 Go to Bed it's time
Tonight we had a discussion on when it is time for bed. Mac said, if you have done all the things you wanted to do, then that's it, time for bed, so go to bed it's time. Well, what about relaxing time, reading, or watching t.v. answering emails, i replied. No that's not what you should do - there must be someone who sets the rule. No at our age, we set our own rules, and i go to bed at 10;30...so i can do some other stuff besides, dishes, wash, sweeping, ironing etc. Well i'm tired said mac so i'm going to bed. And so he did at 8;30 he was tucked in - cat beside him and happy to be in bed. Every night i have to do various things before he goes, - i.e. wash him, make sure he brushes his teeth, help him to undress etc, give him his eyedrops, his pill, his patch....usually we end up he's not in bed till 10;30, but tonight i'm happy he is there - he has a bad cold, and i'm sure he needs to be asleep and he is....
We have noticed that he is not walking as well, wobbly, I spoke to a friend who is a nurse, she said it could be the combination of the alzheimers and his bad cold...so we'll see when the cold ends. but definitely his stamina for the cold weather, the walking and staying up, is dwindling down...We are still in the process of waiting for the CLSC to provide us with a person to give him a bath,give us an extra 4 hours of free time and in the meantime, i'm doing the shower for him , but it's kind of messy, and can be a bit of a problem...again my nurse friend suggested a good idea. a bed bath, why didn't i think of that. Will give it a try, perhaps others have done this, but it's just a matter of having him stay on a warm big towel, on the bed - and bring in a basin with warm water soap and facecloth and another big towel...that's the next thing i will do this way he can be able to have a bath perhaps every second night.
Today had some friends in and their questions as to how we manage made me realize that many think that the person with A. is always away in their own dream land. Actually in mac's case he talks about the day, and the here and now ...and so conversation is definitely there. one person's mother had A. and she said it's as if they are in a fog, and now and again the fog lifts and they say a few words, sometimes on target. Well perhaps that will happen, but it's not happening now. I think one has to engage the person - if we walk and or sit and i don't say anything, then perhaps mac will do likewise, but if we just talk - in the present - then he is there....last night during the night when i was helping him back to bed after going to the toilet...he said - don't ever go and leave me behind eh? I said, 'no mac, I won't. i pray i will never have to.. g'nite.
We have noticed that he is not walking as well, wobbly, I spoke to a friend who is a nurse, she said it could be the combination of the alzheimers and his bad cold...so we'll see when the cold ends. but definitely his stamina for the cold weather, the walking and staying up, is dwindling down...We are still in the process of waiting for the CLSC to provide us with a person to give him a bath,give us an extra 4 hours of free time and in the meantime, i'm doing the shower for him , but it's kind of messy, and can be a bit of a problem...again my nurse friend suggested a good idea. a bed bath, why didn't i think of that. Will give it a try, perhaps others have done this, but it's just a matter of having him stay on a warm big towel, on the bed - and bring in a basin with warm water soap and facecloth and another big towel...that's the next thing i will do this way he can be able to have a bath perhaps every second night.
Today had some friends in and their questions as to how we manage made me realize that many think that the person with A. is always away in their own dream land. Actually in mac's case he talks about the day, and the here and now ...and so conversation is definitely there. one person's mother had A. and she said it's as if they are in a fog, and now and again the fog lifts and they say a few words, sometimes on target. Well perhaps that will happen, but it's not happening now. I think one has to engage the person - if we walk and or sit and i don't say anything, then perhaps mac will do likewise, but if we just talk - in the present - then he is there....last night during the night when i was helping him back to bed after going to the toilet...he said - don't ever go and leave me behind eh? I said, 'no mac, I won't. i pray i will never have to.. g'nite.
Friday 16 November 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012 I exist therefore I am...
Cogito ergo sum or I think therefore I am philosophr Rene Descarte, this was something Mac used to say this in the distant past, with a smile, but this morning before we even got out of bed - he was saying -'just how and why am i like this...and then how did I get here - the where the how the who the when, and then he kind of laughed and said, "I guess I exist therefore I am...I said, 'you're pretty profound first thing in the morning. he continued wih no eally it would be goiod to tak to somebody who knows...Everything is a blank, but i'm glad I'm able to be here, but where and whiy elude me and like what did I do before I got in bed, or what did I do yesterday. Well I almost hated to say it in such a philosophical discussion but I did, 'We went out for groceries"...oh yes? Well i still know who I am he said, then ..i said, o.k. who am I answered Mac, you are Janet..and you are i added, Gordon he said.
Should make it clear here that he is also at times having problems talking and at times he was stuttering or talking very slowly, and getting frustrated trying to find the words or the thoughts he had and spending time searching for the words and also searching his mind for the life he had - and so he continued to try and piece out his thoughts, then all of a sudden he said, enough thinking or philosopy on the when and how of it, if i don't get up, i'll flood the bed...we both laughed ..and he carefully tried to get out of bed, this is a problem as well.
So it was on to a shower, breakfast and a fairly good day, although he has a cold now, perhaps caught it from our sweet great granbaby, who visited tonight, and there they were both coughing ,, but happy. And on this note,I will say that I'm only going to be blogging once or twice a week from now on. i will update as we go through the different stages...that is, if i can. I have found that before each stage I wonder if I can adjust, can I handle that problem can i continue to be positive.. so far in each stage we have adjusted to the changes and i'm always content when I'm with him...but have to be realistic about the future.. right now it's back to Mac and the evening news..g'nite.
Should make it clear here that he is also at times having problems talking and at times he was stuttering or talking very slowly, and getting frustrated trying to find the words or the thoughts he had and spending time searching for the words and also searching his mind for the life he had - and so he continued to try and piece out his thoughts, then all of a sudden he said, enough thinking or philosopy on the when and how of it, if i don't get up, i'll flood the bed...we both laughed ..and he carefully tried to get out of bed, this is a problem as well.
So it was on to a shower, breakfast and a fairly good day, although he has a cold now, perhaps caught it from our sweet great granbaby, who visited tonight, and there they were both coughing ,, but happy. And on this note,I will say that I'm only going to be blogging once or twice a week from now on. i will update as we go through the different stages...that is, if i can. I have found that before each stage I wonder if I can adjust, can I handle that problem can i continue to be positive.. so far in each stage we have adjusted to the changes and i'm always content when I'm with him...but have to be realistic about the future.. right now it's back to Mac and the evening news..g'nite.
Thursday 15 November 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012 I haven't got any money to pay
We woke up this morning after a fairly good night's sleep, both only having to get up once, that for us is remarkable, so understandably, Mac was anxious to go to the loo...well, he walked to the hall and just stood there. I said, well you go first, he answered, where? I said to the bathroom, you go first, he answered, i haven't got any money to pay for that...' Well since we were both kind of half asleep, I did a double take and said, you don't need money,' he looked at me and it was really funny, with a kind of condescending look at a person who is rather low in intelligence...and said, 'comon now, of course you have to pay for this" Well i just said very firmly, "mac, you don't have to pay, just go', and he went and from then on it was if nothing had happened out of the ordinary...on to the morning - feeding our cat and fishes and feeding ourselves and doing our usual morning stuff...but I've been wondering if it was just part of his waking up fom a dream, but it was rather off putting, and then later, i found it rather funny...
Tonight he said, 'some people have problem with their brains - i know they get mixed up....i said well, you have a memory problem, he said, "yes i know but it's not bad", I said as long as we live in the moment, it's fine, he said, that's right, so i really don't have a problem...well I let that pass, as he really has enough to worry about living in the moment, so not about to make his life any harder...Just 5 minutes ago he asked where I'd go to sleep, and of course this is a common question at night and i answered - the usual place, our bed, in our bedroom, - o.k. said mac, that's true, right in that room there...right i said, just where you will sleep too.
In any case as long as he has happy memories i'm happy too, and tonight we found out that St. Henri, where he has the happiest memories now...are having an exhibit at the Fire Station where they have a historical society room, it is the Kids of St. Henri. in the distant past - we are going to check this out, and hopefully get to go to the exhibit..This made his evening very exciting, and so it goes...
Will keep you posted - g'nite
Tonight he said, 'some people have problem with their brains - i know they get mixed up....i said well, you have a memory problem, he said, "yes i know but it's not bad", I said as long as we live in the moment, it's fine, he said, that's right, so i really don't have a problem...well I let that pass, as he really has enough to worry about living in the moment, so not about to make his life any harder...Just 5 minutes ago he asked where I'd go to sleep, and of course this is a common question at night and i answered - the usual place, our bed, in our bedroom, - o.k. said mac, that's true, right in that room there...right i said, just where you will sleep too.
In any case as long as he has happy memories i'm happy too, and tonight we found out that St. Henri, where he has the happiest memories now...are having an exhibit at the Fire Station where they have a historical society room, it is the Kids of St. Henri. in the distant past - we are going to check this out, and hopefully get to go to the exhibit..This made his evening very exciting, and so it goes...
Will keep you posted - g'nite
Wednesday 14 November 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012 I'm fine - where's my wife?
Well two events of note happened today, one not so pleasant the other very very pleasant...I'll start with the unpleasant one...although it started and ended well. We, Mac and I did our usual walk along the river - this time we were to meet our friend Rachel for lunch at Rigoletto, and on the way of course we enjoyed the scenery in fact it was perfect...sun, birds, tiny fluffy clouds, - we even found a very furry kind of mans pilot hat - which we gave to the owner of the restaurant on the corner just in case someone comes looking for it..
Anyway, we finally got to Rigoletto, and without thinking I walked in, Mac following behind, and suddenly i heard a big OOOH turned to see poor Mac flat on the floor on his face, quickly the woman behind him lifted his head and said - are you alright, don't get up..(just for her info he couldn't even if he wanted to- but i digress). He answered I'm fine, but where's my wife, i said, here I am - what happened, -well he tripped over the door stop . Later the waitress said the woman who helped him so much also was kind of rushing in behind him and put him off balance..but since i didn't see it - who knows, he is definitely a shaky walker, and has visual perception problems and so probably didn't see the kind of raised step at the door. In any case he used his smarts from cc skiing days, and turned over got on his knees and with the help of a chair, the lady behind and the waitress and I he was able to get to our table, and finally enjoy a great lunch...though he was more than normally quiet...no surprise there.
Earlier though, was the really pleasant part of the day..it happened when we received the mail this morning. Our friend Carolyn sent us terrific pictures she had taken in St. Henri. He was so thrilled particularly with one where his smiling face is right in front of the St. Henri Fire Station, another he and I are pointing up a street and in another we are walking through his favourite park...and so on. I phoned Carolyn and said after thanking her so much, well wait, Mac will thank you too. Gave the phone to Mac, and he proceeded to tell her with so much emotion, how much he loved the pictures - and then I heard him say - are you there? and he gave me the phone...Well she was there and it was the most touching moment, as the three of us realized that for sure he remembered, we were all pretty teary eyed, as Mac said, I remember the pictures are so good, so thank you so much.
Well the day progressed from walking back along the river to our car, we relived the photos rather than the fall, and by now it's long gone from Mac's memory, in fact when I said we should have a light dinner as we had a very full lunch, he said, we did, what did we have? He couldn't remember Rigoletto's, but he did say, hey where are those pictures, want to look at St. Henri...for him for sure, those were the days my friends.
so there you are this day has ended, g'nite.
Anyway, we finally got to Rigoletto, and without thinking I walked in, Mac following behind, and suddenly i heard a big OOOH turned to see poor Mac flat on the floor on his face, quickly the woman behind him lifted his head and said - are you alright, don't get up..(just for her info he couldn't even if he wanted to- but i digress). He answered I'm fine, but where's my wife, i said, here I am - what happened, -well he tripped over the door stop . Later the waitress said the woman who helped him so much also was kind of rushing in behind him and put him off balance..but since i didn't see it - who knows, he is definitely a shaky walker, and has visual perception problems and so probably didn't see the kind of raised step at the door. In any case he used his smarts from cc skiing days, and turned over got on his knees and with the help of a chair, the lady behind and the waitress and I he was able to get to our table, and finally enjoy a great lunch...though he was more than normally quiet...no surprise there.
Earlier though, was the really pleasant part of the day..it happened when we received the mail this morning. Our friend Carolyn sent us terrific pictures she had taken in St. Henri. He was so thrilled particularly with one where his smiling face is right in front of the St. Henri Fire Station, another he and I are pointing up a street and in another we are walking through his favourite park...and so on. I phoned Carolyn and said after thanking her so much, well wait, Mac will thank you too. Gave the phone to Mac, and he proceeded to tell her with so much emotion, how much he loved the pictures - and then I heard him say - are you there? and he gave me the phone...Well she was there and it was the most touching moment, as the three of us realized that for sure he remembered, we were all pretty teary eyed, as Mac said, I remember the pictures are so good, so thank you so much.
Well the day progressed from walking back along the river to our car, we relived the photos rather than the fall, and by now it's long gone from Mac's memory, in fact when I said we should have a light dinner as we had a very full lunch, he said, we did, what did we have? He couldn't remember Rigoletto's, but he did say, hey where are those pictures, want to look at St. Henri...for him for sure, those were the days my friends.
so there you are this day has ended, g'nite.
Tuesday 13 November 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012 Where is everybody?
Sundown syndrome, is what we discussed today - that is our support group discussed the real syndrome that seems to happen just after six or seven o'clock...in Mac's case as in others they seem to think there should be more people in the house. Tonight mac asked - where is everybody? When i asked - who is everybody, he said 'isn't there others here' i replied no..it's just us the cat and the fishes...same old story same old answer. As i've mentioned before he has to check the rooms and make sure. We also go through the same questions and answers, but tonight I decided to try to head him off, by stating, these are all the rooms in the house up here, bedrooms, t.v. room, office...and then as a clincher I said and just ME..so how about a kiss...he laughed and said, o.k. have you got a dollar. Well his sense of humour is still there, anyway, i got the kiss and he happily went to watch t.v. that is for now...
The support group also discussed the real problem for many - which is when and how to decide to move, it was agreed that one must put the name on the list in case of emergencies, when and who decides when a loved one is too far gone and should be looked after by professionals. We think when the person cannot walk, in other cases, it was when the person could not express his needs, for others when the person is incontinent...
one of the people at the group has a book called Alzheimer's for Dummies. She read out different ideas from which we could all benefit. One of which is a kind of no brainer, but none of us do it ---which is take time to do something just for ourselves..i.e. do not answer emails (do not do finances, return phone calls, check bankbooks call dentists ) or in my case write a blog...just do something for myself...in my case I think i'd like to just read a book for a whole half hour...actually I do that, but it's when i'm in bed, but usually i'm very concious of how Mac is breathing, is he o.k. is he covered and so on.
We as a group feel pressured to reassure our loved one and make sure he or she is o.k. constantly, we know how much they are missing but we should have a life too...Well for one this is very difficult In any case, just getting together with this group once a month is great and I always feel so much better after this day - not alone, but with people who know and experience the same problems some more so than others, but we all know what is coming, and that is where we really need each other.
It is wonderful that i can just leave now without a problem, Mac knows Helen and is quite content and says goodbye easily, and hello when i return...sometimes a little forlorn, or sadly, but most times quite content.
As this is also to do with Mac's memories, I should say he wishes he could meet some Mcconnells to go over the memory of living in St. Henri, he also wishes he could see his mother...but I was humming a song, melody d'amour...then it reminded me that Leslie when he was little boy used to sing that as Melody Gilmore, and I mentioned that to Mac, we both laughed as he remembered Rev. Gilmore, the minister from our earliest days, in fact he married us. That led to a good segment which i think i will continue...don't know if i mentioned I read poetry to him... Well the segment is the story of a boy named Mac, i started it with Once upon a time, mac had his eyes closed as I said the story, so thought oh - he's not listening, but when I said, and he called this girl - janet - a bag...he laughed, and so he was listening...so the story will continue, and so will this blog...g'nite.
The support group also discussed the real problem for many - which is when and how to decide to move, it was agreed that one must put the name on the list in case of emergencies, when and who decides when a loved one is too far gone and should be looked after by professionals. We think when the person cannot walk, in other cases, it was when the person could not express his needs, for others when the person is incontinent...
one of the people at the group has a book called Alzheimer's for Dummies. She read out different ideas from which we could all benefit. One of which is a kind of no brainer, but none of us do it ---which is take time to do something just for ourselves..i.e. do not answer emails (do not do finances, return phone calls, check bankbooks call dentists ) or in my case write a blog...just do something for myself...in my case I think i'd like to just read a book for a whole half hour...actually I do that, but it's when i'm in bed, but usually i'm very concious of how Mac is breathing, is he o.k. is he covered and so on.
We as a group feel pressured to reassure our loved one and make sure he or she is o.k. constantly, we know how much they are missing but we should have a life too...Well for one this is very difficult In any case, just getting together with this group once a month is great and I always feel so much better after this day - not alone, but with people who know and experience the same problems some more so than others, but we all know what is coming, and that is where we really need each other.
It is wonderful that i can just leave now without a problem, Mac knows Helen and is quite content and says goodbye easily, and hello when i return...sometimes a little forlorn, or sadly, but most times quite content.
As this is also to do with Mac's memories, I should say he wishes he could meet some Mcconnells to go over the memory of living in St. Henri, he also wishes he could see his mother...but I was humming a song, melody d'amour...then it reminded me that Leslie when he was little boy used to sing that as Melody Gilmore, and I mentioned that to Mac, we both laughed as he remembered Rev. Gilmore, the minister from our earliest days, in fact he married us. That led to a good segment which i think i will continue...don't know if i mentioned I read poetry to him... Well the segment is the story of a boy named Mac, i started it with Once upon a time, mac had his eyes closed as I said the story, so thought oh - he's not listening, but when I said, and he called this girl - janet - a bag...he laughed, and so he was listening...so the story will continue, and so will this blog...g'nite.
Monday 12 November 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012 Where do you sleep..?
This will have to be a short one - i find that at this time Mac gets totally bored with the news, and wonders what it's all about... most of the time he hasn't got a clue unless it's about one person i.e. a child especially or one person. All the talk about the election leaves him cold. The rememberance day service in Ottawa he found interesting, especially since the camera zeroed in on children and of course the vets.
Tonight as usual he is kind of off ...wandering around the house, making sure all the lights are off - then asking me where do you sleep, where do I sleep...so I've just shown him where and he has checked which side of the bed he sleeps in, and seems content for now.
Today on our walk he said how sad it is that he cannot remember anything, and that to him we have been away from each other for so long. I kind of hate to repeat that we've been married 60 years so I am now just saying, well time goes so fast, and it does seem like we have been away...in any case it's a great day and who would believe this weather in November. He wondered if there were any McConnells left that would remember him, so i steered away from that one, and reminded him that Les dropped by for a few minutes yesterday, and he is a McConnell, as is his son Jacob. He then remembered his mom, and how sad it is that she is no longer in St. Henri..
I can really feel for him as it is such a struggle to understand, and make sense of what is going on when one doesn't remember from even at times 10 minutes before. He does enjoy watching me bake, cook supper, and discuss food, and what we like to eat...I'm trying to get him interested in home movies again, tonight we watched old movies made by Glen Swan, son in law of my sister Ellen, there we saw our nephew Greg as a little baby...our son Les at about 4 and Gaye when she was only one year old. Usually he is not keen - but he was interested and said, we should get a group together to watch..but this can change, but may try that when we have the family here.
On a positive note, he enjoyed the sun, and watched it come and go - mostly it was there and that made his day...so g'nite
Tonight as usual he is kind of off ...wandering around the house, making sure all the lights are off - then asking me where do you sleep, where do I sleep...so I've just shown him where and he has checked which side of the bed he sleeps in, and seems content for now.
Today on our walk he said how sad it is that he cannot remember anything, and that to him we have been away from each other for so long. I kind of hate to repeat that we've been married 60 years so I am now just saying, well time goes so fast, and it does seem like we have been away...in any case it's a great day and who would believe this weather in November. He wondered if there were any McConnells left that would remember him, so i steered away from that one, and reminded him that Les dropped by for a few minutes yesterday, and he is a McConnell, as is his son Jacob. He then remembered his mom, and how sad it is that she is no longer in St. Henri..
I can really feel for him as it is such a struggle to understand, and make sense of what is going on when one doesn't remember from even at times 10 minutes before. He does enjoy watching me bake, cook supper, and discuss food, and what we like to eat...I'm trying to get him interested in home movies again, tonight we watched old movies made by Glen Swan, son in law of my sister Ellen, there we saw our nephew Greg as a little baby...our son Les at about 4 and Gaye when she was only one year old. Usually he is not keen - but he was interested and said, we should get a group together to watch..but this can change, but may try that when we have the family here.
On a positive note, he enjoyed the sun, and watched it come and go - mostly it was there and that made his day...so g'nite
Friday 9 November 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012 Sandbags, sham bags, I'm not going
One of the important things for those who have Alzheimers - or i think it is - is to have a set routine, maybe not for the whole week or even for the whole day. but a feeling of contentment can be good for everyone involved when one knows just what and where we are doing whatever.
Many mornings, Mac will say, 'what's on the menu', or what's on our adgenda ...and Friday is when, we always do one part of our routine, which is have shower...That has to be spoken about the night before , the morning when we wake up, and perhaps at least 3 x before we actually have the shower. So then we can have the shower with no side effects, that is, cranky looks and muttering, actually it's usally quite fun, and except for the cold after the shower Mac is usually happy and looks great- and we're both nice and clean - a good feeling. Actually we usually have quite a bit of fun, with this and laughter is part of the plan
Another thing that goes with Fridays is Sandbags, we play that game at the Seniors Club...and it so happens that I am a terrible sandbagger and Mac is not too much better. This is important thought as it gives us social life with others than the family, plus Mac desperately needs to do exercise - his arms are very weak in fact mine are getting stronger from pulling up from chairs and helping him out of the car. But today he said Sandbags, sham bags i'm not going...but attitude is everything...(my attitude) so I laughed at the way he said that and just ignored the fact that he didn't want to go. We went to the store first and then on the way home just drove right into the Church parking lot - where we go for Sandbags, and just as if he knew all along we were going, we just walked in happily - and no problem. In fact when they announced the Turkey dinner party for Christmas, i mentioned that we would go...expecting some negative feedback. but no...he was all for it, so there it is..be positive and positive vibes usually follow.
BUT, right now as is the case most evenings, Mac is feeling lost, and where are we and who will give us a ticket, and when do we leave...i have stopped writing this blog about 5 times now..to show him the cat is in, to fix the t.v., - to show him where the bathroom is, and to show where we will sleep, and so better go as he is asking agian, so goodnite....
Many mornings, Mac will say, 'what's on the menu', or what's on our adgenda ...and Friday is when, we always do one part of our routine, which is have shower...That has to be spoken about the night before , the morning when we wake up, and perhaps at least 3 x before we actually have the shower. So then we can have the shower with no side effects, that is, cranky looks and muttering, actually it's usally quite fun, and except for the cold after the shower Mac is usually happy and looks great- and we're both nice and clean - a good feeling. Actually we usually have quite a bit of fun, with this and laughter is part of the plan
Another thing that goes with Fridays is Sandbags, we play that game at the Seniors Club...and it so happens that I am a terrible sandbagger and Mac is not too much better. This is important thought as it gives us social life with others than the family, plus Mac desperately needs to do exercise - his arms are very weak in fact mine are getting stronger from pulling up from chairs and helping him out of the car. But today he said Sandbags, sham bags i'm not going...but attitude is everything...(my attitude) so I laughed at the way he said that and just ignored the fact that he didn't want to go. We went to the store first and then on the way home just drove right into the Church parking lot - where we go for Sandbags, and just as if he knew all along we were going, we just walked in happily - and no problem. In fact when they announced the Turkey dinner party for Christmas, i mentioned that we would go...expecting some negative feedback. but no...he was all for it, so there it is..be positive and positive vibes usually follow.
BUT, right now as is the case most evenings, Mac is feeling lost, and where are we and who will give us a ticket, and when do we leave...i have stopped writing this blog about 5 times now..to show him the cat is in, to fix the t.v., - to show him where the bathroom is, and to show where we will sleep, and so better go as he is asking agian, so goodnite....
Thursday 8 November 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012 Where does the cat go?.
Just put the cat out for his last little jaunt around the back yard, of course he is on his leash. Mac always let's me know when it's time for him to come in, which is just around now...9:10...and as usual before the cat goes out, Mac always says where does the cat go ...he means when the cat comes in. I make it very clear, the cat has a last snack of the day...Mischa, snacks all day, i say, but anyway, he gets a special before bed...and then he has the whole basement to himself, and can sleep in any of the chairs or in his lovely basket on his nice warm red blanket.
At 10;00 when the news is over and the weather forecast is on, Mischa knows and up he comes to meow and let us know the drill here. we feed him, and the fish and they go to bed.... and this is so good for Mac, and this sets Mac on his own schedule, to get ready for bed. I realize how important it is for him as i had been thinking we should go to Fla.but Mac says no way and he is right.
At 10;00 when the news is over and the weather forecast is on, Mischa knows and up he comes to meow and let us know the drill here. we feed him, and the fish and they go to bed.... and this is so good for Mac, and this sets Mac on his own schedule, to get ready for bed. I realize how important it is for him as i had been thinking we should go to Fla.but Mac says no way and he is right.
I can't see us there, as I can understand how Mac feels as he is often feeling so lost right here in his own home and has said so. In fact one of the things he said yesterday is i feel stranded somewhere and i just don't know where i am ...yet he knows the layout of the house, it is inside himself that he is lost, which is something he also says from time to time. He doesn't have an anchor or feeling of security , so seeing some familiar things is what is important. The cat, and now the fish, are in a way , kind of landmarks or important pieces of the puzzle of the life he now leads.
So as i said, he needs this to feel secure and at home, so I'm off to bring Mischa in, then we'll watch the rest of the news...feed the cat feed the fish and then it's off to bed ...g'nite.
Wednesday 7 November 2012
Wednesday November 7, 2012 The Caregiver???
Tomorrow we will drop in to a day for Caregivers at 55plus...this word has always bothered me, as I haven't changed my role, I am Mac's wife, so when i get someone in, like i did yesterday - a person who works for Alzheimer's Assoc. she is a Caregiver. I notice that when we or i go to a Support meeting, the leader usually calls us Caregivers...even thought we are wives, husbands, son's and daughters of people with Alzheimers, so i have kind of taken the word in my vocabulary, but it gets mixed with caretaker etc. as it hasn't really sunk in that I am that person.
As I am that word, - Caregiver - I am in favour of the main word that we all have when we do the caregiving and that is LOVE...also as wife or family member it is difficult to have the separate kind of thinking. i.e. talking about the person as if they are a client. This is what Caregivers who are paid, call the person they look after - their client - well Mac is not my client. Even when we were at the Doctor's office, he said - 'i hope you are taking care of yourself', as caregiver it is a tiring role and you should have support"
Well that is true, but it is as a wife that i go to these groups, i guess it's the same but somehow I can't get my head around the term. A Caregiver can be removed from the problem, and talk about the person kind of dispassionately, as in, he is doing very well, he remembered where we went today ...good for him he did the dishes, or whatever.
For me, today, was fine we went on our walk, but i think it will be the last time we go on both sides of the river. I can see how going up the stairs of the train bridge is almost too dangerous, he was tired and almost tripped...the railings are large and there is space between the stairs etc. As a caregiver i think i would be able to say these things and know - well that's the way it goes.. slowly but surely he is losing his balance etc. BUT as his wife, it is so hard, this is where we enjoy life, looking at the river from the bridge height, enjoying the scene from that level etc. but knowing that he cannot do this anymore is for me heartbreaking...so in some ways i wish i could say, I'm a caregiver.
On the other hand, a caregiver comes does the work, spots the problems, decides how to find solutions, and then follows the solutions. For the wife - husband - daughter - son ...the problem is spotted, the solutions are found if they can be found, and certainly they will try to follow the solutions, but this is where the support people help...we are there for each other , we know how hard it is to see our mate, parent, in this kind of situation..we know that it can tear us apart inside...and this is why it is so hard to say 'i am a caregiver' as i am so much more than that...and i'm so thankful, because as the wife i can follow the solution but i can still hug and kiss and LOVE the man, as he is not my client how great that is. - g'nite.
As I am that word, - Caregiver - I am in favour of the main word that we all have when we do the caregiving and that is LOVE...also as wife or family member it is difficult to have the separate kind of thinking. i.e. talking about the person as if they are a client. This is what Caregivers who are paid, call the person they look after - their client - well Mac is not my client. Even when we were at the Doctor's office, he said - 'i hope you are taking care of yourself', as caregiver it is a tiring role and you should have support"
Well that is true, but it is as a wife that i go to these groups, i guess it's the same but somehow I can't get my head around the term. A Caregiver can be removed from the problem, and talk about the person kind of dispassionately, as in, he is doing very well, he remembered where we went today ...good for him he did the dishes, or whatever.
For me, today, was fine we went on our walk, but i think it will be the last time we go on both sides of the river. I can see how going up the stairs of the train bridge is almost too dangerous, he was tired and almost tripped...the railings are large and there is space between the stairs etc. As a caregiver i think i would be able to say these things and know - well that's the way it goes.. slowly but surely he is losing his balance etc. BUT as his wife, it is so hard, this is where we enjoy life, looking at the river from the bridge height, enjoying the scene from that level etc. but knowing that he cannot do this anymore is for me heartbreaking...so in some ways i wish i could say, I'm a caregiver.
On the other hand, a caregiver comes does the work, spots the problems, decides how to find solutions, and then follows the solutions. For the wife - husband - daughter - son ...the problem is spotted, the solutions are found if they can be found, and certainly they will try to follow the solutions, but this is where the support people help...we are there for each other , we know how hard it is to see our mate, parent, in this kind of situation..we know that it can tear us apart inside...and this is why it is so hard to say 'i am a caregiver' as i am so much more than that...and i'm so thankful, because as the wife i can follow the solution but i can still hug and kiss and LOVE the man, as he is not my client how great that is. - g'nite.
Tuesday 6 November 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012 Where were you!
Today I travelled by train to ottawa. My wonderful eye specialist - head of the eye institute at Ottawa General has been my eye man since the early seventies when he was practicing in Monteal- so faithfully every six months - there I am in Ottawa. These trips, up until now, have been such a fun excursons for both Mac and I. Even though a couple of the times when we were there the appointments included eye operations where we had to stay on the hospital campus for a few days, we managed to make it if not exactly fun, it would be a nice change.
Our dates there have included staying in B & B's, visiting friends, the fab national museum, shopping at Domos when it was a terrific store, going to old book stores etc. etc.
In the last few years though our good friends Ivor and Joan have been there at the station to meet and greet us - drive us to our appoiintment wait for us and then we would go out for a super lunch to one or another of the many good restaurants in ottawa. Today was no exception, although sad to say one of the seats at our table was empty...Mac no longer is able to make the trip. This is sad, as I remember in the earlier years, we often noticed t.v. personalities such as Laurier La Pierre, Patrick Watson, and various members of parliament, sometimes we just acknowledged them by a look, other times though we did get to actually meet them. Mac always had such interesting conversations, particularly if the person was in the political arena.. t'was a wonderful learning experience
As we age, of course so do our friends, my childhood friend, jean, who I reconnected with in those visits has passed on, as has the husbands of two others, others are going through post surgery and so it goes. Sitting in the train I remembered the wonderful days and today was so different without Mac. In fact he can't believe how I can possibly want to go all the way to Ottawa for an eye specialist. Mac used to be such an avid train traveller, especially since he worked for CN and always a train person, commenting on the different trains, tracks, and of course the scenery or checking the route, as well as the gazette , so with a huge hollow in my being, and a lump in my throat I went on to my Dr. Jackson, the eye specialist...
When I returned home the first words he said were...WHERE WERE YOU ?? Of course he had been told several times where and why, but that's the way it is now. But, I'm still happy because he missed me too. So g'nite.
Our dates there have included staying in B & B's, visiting friends, the fab national museum, shopping at Domos when it was a terrific store, going to old book stores etc. etc.
In the last few years though our good friends Ivor and Joan have been there at the station to meet and greet us - drive us to our appoiintment wait for us and then we would go out for a super lunch to one or another of the many good restaurants in ottawa. Today was no exception, although sad to say one of the seats at our table was empty...Mac no longer is able to make the trip. This is sad, as I remember in the earlier years, we often noticed t.v. personalities such as Laurier La Pierre, Patrick Watson, and various members of parliament, sometimes we just acknowledged them by a look, other times though we did get to actually meet them. Mac always had such interesting conversations, particularly if the person was in the political arena.. t'was a wonderful learning experience
As we age, of course so do our friends, my childhood friend, jean, who I reconnected with in those visits has passed on, as has the husbands of two others, others are going through post surgery and so it goes. Sitting in the train I remembered the wonderful days and today was so different without Mac. In fact he can't believe how I can possibly want to go all the way to Ottawa for an eye specialist. Mac used to be such an avid train traveller, especially since he worked for CN and always a train person, commenting on the different trains, tracks, and of course the scenery or checking the route, as well as the gazette , so with a huge hollow in my being, and a lump in my throat I went on to my Dr. Jackson, the eye specialist...
When I returned home the first words he said were...WHERE WERE YOU ?? Of course he had been told several times where and why, but that's the way it is now. But, I'm still happy because he missed me too. So g'nite.
Monday 5 November 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012 I've been Dreaming....
Woke up to a sunny day, and although it changed later, it gave us a lift for sure to see the sun this morning. Mac said, I've been dreaming, it's been dream dream dream all night. My dreams are such that now I'm wondering, where am I ...I answered 384 Montcalm that's where we live, right here in Chateauguay, so how were your dreams, were they good dreams'... Well yes and no, I dreamt I was in St. Henri, but I'm not so that's not so good. I was happy in St. Henri. Well, we were in St. Henri, do you remember we were there.? Surprise, he answered this, yes, I remember I went into the house I lived in, the man was very nice he took us all around my old house. That's right, it was a few days ago, I'm so happy you remembered.
he went on to say he remembered that he used to have a candy type of store that was not too far - just around the corner. He continued saying - A kind of depanneur and they had delivery. The boy used to come on his bike, my mother could phone and ask to have several scoops of icecream and imagine they would deliver it to us. Wow, i was thrilled to hear this and it's true, i remember his mom told me that she used to just sometimes ask for two scoops of icecream it would be delivered...So happy memories for Mac this morning.
Although, he got a bit sad as he was getting dressed, saying, 'how did i get here? Well i went through the routine of when and how we got together and i said, we're old now you know. That's why it's not so easy to remember where we are and so on, you are an old man now and I am an old lady...but I'm glad you are my old man, and he said, "so am i, and I'm glad you are my old lady...and we had a great laugh and hug, and with that he said "who is that man who likes to help us. I said, do you mean Leslie, Yes, that's the man, he seems to be a nice guy'.. i said of course he is because leslie is our SON. He will be coming this week to see us. Oh said Mac, that's good, why.. Well he is our financial planner...i almost thought i made a booboo there and we would be off and running on the subject of his pension. happily no...he just wanted to check his wallet and then go for breakfast.
The day continued quite nicely, except that although yesterday we marched around in the cold for one hour and a half, after getting our flu shots...today we walked for two blocks and Mac said...too cold let's go home and so we did...after first picking up pictures of him in St. henri, talking to the man who showed us around mac's old home....and so it goes...
I think that i should perhaps make a list of all the fun things that do happen in our day so that the family, friends and others who read the blog do not get too sad..in fact i have a couple who say they have to stop reading it makes them too upset. Well sorry but that's part of the scenariio, but i will try for others who are going through this to perhaps use some of our ideas for their own problem. BUT it is Mac's memories and so perhaps if I add a few of mine to his, it may make for lighter reading...so for now, g'nite.
he went on to say he remembered that he used to have a candy type of store that was not too far - just around the corner. He continued saying - A kind of depanneur and they had delivery. The boy used to come on his bike, my mother could phone and ask to have several scoops of icecream and imagine they would deliver it to us. Wow, i was thrilled to hear this and it's true, i remember his mom told me that she used to just sometimes ask for two scoops of icecream it would be delivered...So happy memories for Mac this morning.
Although, he got a bit sad as he was getting dressed, saying, 'how did i get here? Well i went through the routine of when and how we got together and i said, we're old now you know. That's why it's not so easy to remember where we are and so on, you are an old man now and I am an old lady...but I'm glad you are my old man, and he said, "so am i, and I'm glad you are my old lady...and we had a great laugh and hug, and with that he said "who is that man who likes to help us. I said, do you mean Leslie, Yes, that's the man, he seems to be a nice guy'.. i said of course he is because leslie is our SON. He will be coming this week to see us. Oh said Mac, that's good, why.. Well he is our financial planner...i almost thought i made a booboo there and we would be off and running on the subject of his pension. happily no...he just wanted to check his wallet and then go for breakfast.
The day continued quite nicely, except that although yesterday we marched around in the cold for one hour and a half, after getting our flu shots...today we walked for two blocks and Mac said...too cold let's go home and so we did...after first picking up pictures of him in St. henri, talking to the man who showed us around mac's old home....and so it goes...
I think that i should perhaps make a list of all the fun things that do happen in our day so that the family, friends and others who read the blog do not get too sad..in fact i have a couple who say they have to stop reading it makes them too upset. Well sorry but that's part of the scenariio, but i will try for others who are going through this to perhaps use some of our ideas for their own problem. BUT it is Mac's memories and so perhaps if I add a few of mine to his, it may make for lighter reading...so for now, g'nite.
Monday, November 5, 2012 testing, testing, testing.
just want to see if this goes through as two mondays it has been sent to cyber space after i'm not on for the weekend. Soooo will continue in another blog
Friday 2 November 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012 Where is janet mcconnell
A good day to stay in, but we managed a short walk from the parking lot behind the library to IGA and another couple of stores..the rain and the damp cold air giving us our usual conversation about should we go to Florida for the real cold days, that is MY usual comment, and Mac's usual answer, "no way, we'll just stay indoors." So even if we're not going, it's fun to consider it, talk about it, and give us conversation - as I go on to say how fun it is to walk on a beach, and then to see how Mac can find good reasons to walk in the snow. Actually once we get going we start remembering how great it is to see sun on snow, and so on...but as I notice how hard it is for Mac to walk these days - every day he seems to get slower and of course going up and down curbs, crossing streets, are all a challenge in bad weather...So think i'll start a routine going for some kind of exercise in the house...i've already noticed we're putting on a couple of pounds sitting around, and eating.
As the day progressed his mind as usual starts to fade and he starts to forget who is who...so as we were
getting ready to go to our daughter Valerie's for dinner, he said 'where is janet mcconnell'.. I put up my hand and said, here I am ...oh yes you are not that Janet...i'm thinking of my sister. i said Mac your sisters are no longer with us..my sister is no longer with us...we have our family now...I'm Janet your wife... we're going to visit Valerie your daughter and Brianna your grandaughter is coming with - and then he said of course she is coming with the BABY, well thankfully we have this BABY she is darling Finley, and then we're off and running about how cute she is...And so it goes, with the baby he is on target, and can talk about her - and we love to look at pictures of Finley...strangely though he doesn't recognize himself, or anyone else or has no interest ...unless it's of himself as a youngster...and of course FINLEY.
This could of course depress me when it comes to not being recognized, but I have other more affirming moments, as last night in the middle of the night, he tapped me on the shoulder when he came back from our trip to the bathroom, and said. "Jan it is you, eh?? " I replied, "right on, it's me..and he hugged and kissed me and said. "how wonderful..' so how wonderful is that, so g'nite.
As the day progressed his mind as usual starts to fade and he starts to forget who is who...so as we were
getting ready to go to our daughter Valerie's for dinner, he said 'where is janet mcconnell'.. I put up my hand and said, here I am ...oh yes you are not that Janet...i'm thinking of my sister. i said Mac your sisters are no longer with us..my sister is no longer with us...we have our family now...I'm Janet your wife... we're going to visit Valerie your daughter and Brianna your grandaughter is coming with - and then he said of course she is coming with the BABY, well thankfully we have this BABY she is darling Finley, and then we're off and running about how cute she is...And so it goes, with the baby he is on target, and can talk about her - and we love to look at pictures of Finley...strangely though he doesn't recognize himself, or anyone else or has no interest ...unless it's of himself as a youngster...and of course FINLEY.
This could of course depress me when it comes to not being recognized, but I have other more affirming moments, as last night in the middle of the night, he tapped me on the shoulder when he came back from our trip to the bathroom, and said. "Jan it is you, eh?? " I replied, "right on, it's me..and he hugged and kissed me and said. "how wonderful..' so how wonderful is that, so g'nite.
Thursday 1 November 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012 What is the function
A drizzley day but a good one to walk the mall, which we haven't done in quite awhile. Mac noticed the stores that are now boarded up, and we discussed how and why these stores are closed ..then we wondered about the new stores that they are planning where the highway 30 is in Chateauguay. In fact it was a great on-target conversation...which continued as we had lunch at our fav little restaurant on the river..
with the day in mind when we sat down to have a cup of tea, i said - 'looks like the new restaurant owner won't have too much trouble, they had a good amount of people in the place..Well we had just been there about 2 hours earlier..Mac's reply was, what restaurant...did we go to a restaurant"? Well i went over what we had done in the day, he could not remember any of it. He did of course remember that he had a pension, and we went through the same routine, when why how and now where do we get my money, and should we go to the bank. This routine is so tiresome, but i managed to finally get him over that though i must admit to almost losing it when he said, "you don't have to raise your voice"..
So then the day went on, and he couldn't believe we didn't have supper already, and while we were eating he said, now let's get some things straight...what is the function of that person. Function?? where did that come from..well as the evening went on, his thoughts were more and more confused, and he was thinking that my function was to put the cat to bed in some place on a hill. That perhaps i should drive him home first. So we had to have a little discussion on just what was what.. the discussion lasted through dinner and finally till 7;30..that was a two hour mixture of ideas i was beginning to feel like i was in a kind of guessing game... Do you mean who puts the cat to bed...finally hit the right button yes he said that is the function, but i added you are home I don't have to drive you. oh that's good ....said mac rather doubtfullyu
So this reminded me that he said two days ago...'If I am on the side that doesn't know you as I think I haave been on another side and didn't know you for years...you must remind me that I know you and tell me we are always together on this side. I kind of have the feeling that he is now on that other side..and as he is watching t.v. he will i hope know the routine, and if not i am going to try to remind him, we are together and
on this side...whatever the side, he is home and i'm hoping that he will be able to relax and sleep well...
I can see that more and more his memory is fading and especially by evening...must try to find ways and means to help...i tried showing him some pics of himself, and the family, he said "don't show me pictures...i just have to go in to the bathroom and see my face in the mirror...and say to myself, who is that old bastard ??? he said , I really don't look like myself. i said you are handsome and still attract the girls, the yoga teacher said, wow what beautiful blue eyes you have. of course he can't remember that...and just said, "when was that and anyway, she's nuts or she is not talking about me." That happened this morning, but of course this morning's activity is long gone. So must join him and see if i can make him feel good about himself, so g'nite.
with the day in mind when we sat down to have a cup of tea, i said - 'looks like the new restaurant owner won't have too much trouble, they had a good amount of people in the place..Well we had just been there about 2 hours earlier..Mac's reply was, what restaurant...did we go to a restaurant"? Well i went over what we had done in the day, he could not remember any of it. He did of course remember that he had a pension, and we went through the same routine, when why how and now where do we get my money, and should we go to the bank. This routine is so tiresome, but i managed to finally get him over that though i must admit to almost losing it when he said, "you don't have to raise your voice"..
So then the day went on, and he couldn't believe we didn't have supper already, and while we were eating he said, now let's get some things straight...what is the function of that person. Function?? where did that come from..well as the evening went on, his thoughts were more and more confused, and he was thinking that my function was to put the cat to bed in some place on a hill. That perhaps i should drive him home first. So we had to have a little discussion on just what was what.. the discussion lasted through dinner and finally till 7;30..that was a two hour mixture of ideas i was beginning to feel like i was in a kind of guessing game... Do you mean who puts the cat to bed...finally hit the right button yes he said that is the function, but i added you are home I don't have to drive you. oh that's good ....said mac rather doubtfullyu
So this reminded me that he said two days ago...'If I am on the side that doesn't know you as I think I haave been on another side and didn't know you for years...you must remind me that I know you and tell me we are always together on this side. I kind of have the feeling that he is now on that other side..and as he is watching t.v. he will i hope know the routine, and if not i am going to try to remind him, we are together and
on this side...whatever the side, he is home and i'm hoping that he will be able to relax and sleep well...
I can see that more and more his memory is fading and especially by evening...must try to find ways and means to help...i tried showing him some pics of himself, and the family, he said "don't show me pictures...i just have to go in to the bathroom and see my face in the mirror...and say to myself, who is that old bastard ??? he said , I really don't look like myself. i said you are handsome and still attract the girls, the yoga teacher said, wow what beautiful blue eyes you have. of course he can't remember that...and just said, "when was that and anyway, she's nuts or she is not talking about me." That happened this morning, but of course this morning's activity is long gone. So must join him and see if i can make him feel good about himself, so g'nite.
Wednesday 31 October 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012 Halloween - anymore chocolate?
We've managed to do our share of eating the treats we bought for the trick or treaters ...I said to Mac, hey trick or treat...he said "trick" couldn't think of one, but the next time he asks for chocolate think i'll hand him one of the empty little smartie boxes...ha. Would have been a good idea this morning to distract him from his one track mind...which was "What is my position here?" At first i joked saying, well your position is dish dryer, my position is dish washer...but that went over with a thud...he really meant, where is my bank statement, and where is my $$$ etc...So for one hour or so we went over his finances, and how he came to have a pension and why ..he repeats the same questions even after getting the answers..as his mind seems to be on one track-- the question, the answers seem to elude him. This was starting to make my voice go up three notches, luckily i had to go down and get some stuff from the dryer, which gave
ME a distraction. The caretaker was needing a little bit of care there.
When i returned I suggested we go to the bank and take out some money, well no not necessary - hurrah he was off that subject. We did go out in the drizzley weather, and managed a very very short walk in the wind and rain to the drug store...the result of getting our meds left me wondering when i will get hold of our doc to say 'hey what is our position here" ha...because the cost of Mac's meds is off the wall - over $200 - which apparently the pharmacist tells me will not be regained - he suggested i call the doc.. Well i have and know he is on holiday ...so that is our trick for trick and treat day...happy halloween to him too.
Speaking of which our day has ended with the sweetest little trickster...Finley - she came with her parents to show us her costume..a perfect little BEE....and what a honey bee she is..just made our day...So as we continued to do our usual positions, i washed the dinner dishes and mac dried...we decided it's been a pretty good Halloween, our pumpkin candle has been snuffed out...and tomorrow we'll get on with making a special pumpkin African Recipe - for the Taste of Africa Dinner the West hill Grans are preparing for Saturday....nov 3, all are invited to Westmount united Church...12;00 noon, at de maisonneuve and Lansdowne...end of advert and end of blog g'nite
ME a distraction. The caretaker was needing a little bit of care there.
When i returned I suggested we go to the bank and take out some money, well no not necessary - hurrah he was off that subject. We did go out in the drizzley weather, and managed a very very short walk in the wind and rain to the drug store...the result of getting our meds left me wondering when i will get hold of our doc to say 'hey what is our position here" ha...because the cost of Mac's meds is off the wall - over $200 - which apparently the pharmacist tells me will not be regained - he suggested i call the doc.. Well i have and know he is on holiday ...so that is our trick for trick and treat day...happy halloween to him too.
Speaking of which our day has ended with the sweetest little trickster...Finley - she came with her parents to show us her costume..a perfect little BEE....and what a honey bee she is..just made our day...So as we continued to do our usual positions, i washed the dinner dishes and mac dried...we decided it's been a pretty good Halloween, our pumpkin candle has been snuffed out...and tomorrow we'll get on with making a special pumpkin African Recipe - for the Taste of Africa Dinner the West hill Grans are preparing for Saturday....nov 3, all are invited to Westmount united Church...12;00 noon, at de maisonneuve and Lansdowne...end of advert and end of blog g'nite
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012 So has everyone left?
Really tired tonight as though we were just us two, the cat and our new fishies, Mac spent a good part of the night last night, wondering about who all was in the house. At one time, around 2:30, he asked if everyone had left...i said "we are only the same old group in this house Mac, Mischa the cat, Noah and Olivier our two big tropical fish, and the four little fishies that we haven't named...plus you and I...so that's it. no one else.
Apparently this goes with the disease, many times the person with A. thinks there are others in the house,or hallucinates...Mac has not been in that mode, but last night he was restless, and so had questions all night, first it was his wallet, he hoped that was safe, then it was worrying about the cat..was the cat in his basket, then it was other people in the house. and so on and so on. By 4:30 a.m. we were both finally asleep.
But we still had a good day, he with our support person Helen, and of course this is great for me as i was able to get out and about to do various things, here in Chateauguay and in town. thanks to my grandaughter Brianna who gave me a lift to Montreal, as she was going there too. This is day apart is good for both Mac and I, we really appreciate each other once we are back together - even though it is only for one day, Mac always welcomes me back as if I've been away for a month. But then he really thinks it's been that long. one of the things he was saying last night was. 'I know you now - you are my wife janet, and i know you now for about a few minutes to day, but we were apart for so long.
i have to keep trying to get him to enjoy the moment, as he can get very sad about how long we were apart, and then when he realizes it's his own memory that is the reason.... it's so hard for him to accept this. He keeps on saying 'now you or i was away or we were apart and now we're here together, i must make the most of it. Remind me that i know you and you know me. i don't want to be apart. Well neither do i so, i will watch t.v. with him now and live in the moments we have...which for him especially, isn't exactly easy, which makes it not exactly easy for me.'
I know for some this blog is too sad to read, but we do have fun in our day and we do get lots of laughs with the cat, our great grandbaby, listening to music, trying to exercise...i tend to try to stick to his memory, but i should give the lighter side so that it's not all gloom and doom, mac is still fun, and the line that the A. group use which is" remember the person with Alzheimers may have lost their memory but they have not lost their intelligence ...really applies to mac and i'm always surprised at the jokes he comes up with, but never seem to have the time the paper and pencil or the memory myself to write these quick little funny episodes down, but rest assured they are there...so for one he has said ' hey i know you today, maybe i'd like to forget you ha..this as he really knows the problem is his memory and why not joke about it. i'm all for that...so g'nite
Apparently this goes with the disease, many times the person with A. thinks there are others in the house,or hallucinates...Mac has not been in that mode, but last night he was restless, and so had questions all night, first it was his wallet, he hoped that was safe, then it was worrying about the cat..was the cat in his basket, then it was other people in the house. and so on and so on. By 4:30 a.m. we were both finally asleep.
But we still had a good day, he with our support person Helen, and of course this is great for me as i was able to get out and about to do various things, here in Chateauguay and in town. thanks to my grandaughter Brianna who gave me a lift to Montreal, as she was going there too. This is day apart is good for both Mac and I, we really appreciate each other once we are back together - even though it is only for one day, Mac always welcomes me back as if I've been away for a month. But then he really thinks it's been that long. one of the things he was saying last night was. 'I know you now - you are my wife janet, and i know you now for about a few minutes to day, but we were apart for so long.
i have to keep trying to get him to enjoy the moment, as he can get very sad about how long we were apart, and then when he realizes it's his own memory that is the reason.... it's so hard for him to accept this. He keeps on saying 'now you or i was away or we were apart and now we're here together, i must make the most of it. Remind me that i know you and you know me. i don't want to be apart. Well neither do i so, i will watch t.v. with him now and live in the moments we have...which for him especially, isn't exactly easy, which makes it not exactly easy for me.'
I know for some this blog is too sad to read, but we do have fun in our day and we do get lots of laughs with the cat, our great grandbaby, listening to music, trying to exercise...i tend to try to stick to his memory, but i should give the lighter side so that it's not all gloom and doom, mac is still fun, and the line that the A. group use which is" remember the person with Alzheimers may have lost their memory but they have not lost their intelligence ...really applies to mac and i'm always surprised at the jokes he comes up with, but never seem to have the time the paper and pencil or the memory myself to write these quick little funny episodes down, but rest assured they are there...so for one he has said ' hey i know you today, maybe i'd like to forget you ha..this as he really knows the problem is his memory and why not joke about it. i'm all for that...so g'nite
Monday 29 October 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012 Its all a mystery....
My blog got stalled again, i think the best thing is to check things out on Mondays as sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't after two days of NON Blogging....
Blogging is a mystery and so is mac's memory....he said that today as we walked, he couldn't remember what and where we were. and said he was feeling lost. This was very sad, and as i mentioned in the lost blog...i tried to get him over this, by asking who i was ...he replied you are janet my wife. i said you know that right...you believe that and it's true. He said yes...do you know where we are. i said yes, I do, and I know where we are and where we live. With that he felt better - said ...."I trust you and that's good. ' As we walked along and looked at the Canada geese on the river...he said "it's o.k. now i feel better"...well hurrah for that.
He was very concerned about his memory, and said it is all a mystery, but i told him ...you have Alzheimers but we are going to just live in the moment. Do you think that's a good idea. Yes definitely said Mac...why not...? But even though we try it's amazing how often we talk about the recent past..thankfully he remembered the episode of going to his old home in St. henri, after seeing pics on computer that i showed him, of himself and the man in his old home...then all of a sudden he said..oh yes I remember now.. wow.....
He also remembered today..going to the baptism of Finley yesterday, and rembered her laughing so much...we all enjoyed that ...what a pleasure to hear a baby laugh like that...we were lucky as most of the people had left the party, but we were there when a little five year old girl was amusing Finley and made her chuckle, laugh and then huge belly laughs that had us all in stitches. he said, "he is so cute.. then added she is really beautiful...so she and he are mixed in his mind but it's not important he does remember the important things....and hopefully he will not feel too lost ...as long as we stay in the moment.
Actually there were so many moments of mystery and wonder...when were we together, when did we have Leslie, can't be 59 years ago, impossible i was away etc. etc. But, we have five adult children how and when were they born....but this is just this morning before we left...and goes on for a good part of the day, so we are both having a kind of hard time to live in the moment. but we will, and this is the moment to say g'nite...
Blogging is a mystery and so is mac's memory....he said that today as we walked, he couldn't remember what and where we were. and said he was feeling lost. This was very sad, and as i mentioned in the lost blog...i tried to get him over this, by asking who i was ...he replied you are janet my wife. i said you know that right...you believe that and it's true. He said yes...do you know where we are. i said yes, I do, and I know where we are and where we live. With that he felt better - said ...."I trust you and that's good. ' As we walked along and looked at the Canada geese on the river...he said "it's o.k. now i feel better"...well hurrah for that.
He was very concerned about his memory, and said it is all a mystery, but i told him ...you have Alzheimers but we are going to just live in the moment. Do you think that's a good idea. Yes definitely said Mac...why not...? But even though we try it's amazing how often we talk about the recent past..thankfully he remembered the episode of going to his old home in St. henri, after seeing pics on computer that i showed him, of himself and the man in his old home...then all of a sudden he said..oh yes I remember now.. wow.....
He also remembered today..going to the baptism of Finley yesterday, and rembered her laughing so much...we all enjoyed that ...what a pleasure to hear a baby laugh like that...we were lucky as most of the people had left the party, but we were there when a little five year old girl was amusing Finley and made her chuckle, laugh and then huge belly laughs that had us all in stitches. he said, "he is so cute.. then added she is really beautiful...so she and he are mixed in his mind but it's not important he does remember the important things....and hopefully he will not feel too lost ...as long as we stay in the moment.
Actually there were so many moments of mystery and wonder...when were we together, when did we have Leslie, can't be 59 years ago, impossible i was away etc. etc. But, we have five adult children how and when were they born....but this is just this morning before we left...and goes on for a good part of the day, so we are both having a kind of hard time to live in the moment. but we will, and this is the moment to say g'nite...
Friday 26 October 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012 Yes, this is where I lived
After being so negative about going to St. Henri yesterday, which really surprised me, as he always talks about St. Henri with such affection; Mac was completely enchanted with the visit today. Our driver got us there in time to meet our friend Carolyn at about 11;30, and starting from the Fire Station on St jacques, which Mac recognized with enthusiasm the three of us walked through his favourite park - Jacques Cartier park - which is right on the corner of St. Antoine and laporte. Walking along laporte was such a pleasure for him as that was his street, and when we came to his home we looked up the stairs and he was so happy, 'yes this is where I lived. So I went up the stairs rang the doorbell. A very nice man answered he had to be nice for sure, as he allowed Mac and I to troop through his home, what a difference. Walls had been torn down, but the first thing Mac said when he looked in, was - that's the dining room..whereas i was a little confused, but he was right. The new owners had taken over both the second and third floor. Mac's family lived on the third floor, but the floor plan in both houses is similar and he was looking at the home on the second floor. In any case although we could see many changes basically it was much the same. Although the upstairs floor, the kitchen housed a grand piano, and was a beautiful music room..mac's bedroom was a laundry room, and of course with walls down it was spacious and different, actually the second floor looked more like the original home. Mac and the new owner and myself had a wonderful time - he telling us how much he enjoyed living there, and Mac and i reminicing about when Mac lived there.
Our friend Carolyn had stayed sitting in the sun in the park, so when we all got together we walked all around the area, planning to end up at Carolyn's as she lives in St. Henri. We stopped at three restaurants - having a wrap in one - Bacci's - doughnuts in another - and lemon squares in another closer to Carolyns home - also got to visit a book shop...altogether a very wonderful magical day BUT, and there is always a but...once we got home Mac had totally forgotten the whole day.
When we got home he was saying hmm 'where is janet' , 'hey, i'm right here Mac, - think you should have a nap " so he stretched out on his chair and did just that. When he woke up 45 min later, we got organized to have supper at Brianna's and to see our darling baby...well for sure no problem...he knows his Finley and had such a good time with her, but hearing me describe our day to Valerie, he said ' i don't remember at all, I hope i didn't do anything stupid - or words to that effect. He is like a Rip Van Winkle, he seems to wake up and all that went on before his nap is gone.
We're hoping he remembers some of this lovely sunny beautiful day, where the weather, the people and the food were all so super...but who knows...but Carolyn and I took many pictures. Will they jog his memory, I sure hope so, in the meantime - g'nite.
but
Our friend Carolyn had stayed sitting in the sun in the park, so when we all got together we walked all around the area, planning to end up at Carolyn's as she lives in St. Henri. We stopped at three restaurants - having a wrap in one - Bacci's - doughnuts in another - and lemon squares in another closer to Carolyns home - also got to visit a book shop...altogether a very wonderful magical day BUT, and there is always a but...once we got home Mac had totally forgotten the whole day.
When we got home he was saying hmm 'where is janet' , 'hey, i'm right here Mac, - think you should have a nap " so he stretched out on his chair and did just that. When he woke up 45 min later, we got organized to have supper at Brianna's and to see our darling baby...well for sure no problem...he knows his Finley and had such a good time with her, but hearing me describe our day to Valerie, he said ' i don't remember at all, I hope i didn't do anything stupid - or words to that effect. He is like a Rip Van Winkle, he seems to wake up and all that went on before his nap is gone.
We're hoping he remembers some of this lovely sunny beautiful day, where the weather, the people and the food were all so super...but who knows...but Carolyn and I took many pictures. Will they jog his memory, I sure hope so, in the meantime - g'nite.
but
Thursday 25 October 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012 Where are we now?
Today is Yoga day for me, Mac had a choice of staying home with someone here for him, or coming to watch us..or even take part if he wished. He chose to come to watch (only)...All went well, but i found that he was really disoriented after the session. Asked when we got in the car, " just where are we now" could be the last 10 minutes of yoga when we lie on our mats the lights are out and it's dark - may have made him completely lost. I never thought about that part of the session...and he had to just sit there in the dark, not too cool.. must remember that if he comes next time.
I did try to put him in the picture, but for most of the day he was not with it at all..did not want to go for a walk, and absolutely would not do exercise for his arms and what completely threw me for a loop, was i thought to cheer him up I'd tell him the great day planned for tomorrow. Explained we will have our driver take us to St. Henri where he will be able to walk around and see the park, the street and even the house he lived in as a child. We have done this twice before and this always was fun, and though he doesn't remember doing it, I remember, and he was having a ball. But today, he said, "No you go, I don't want to go to St. Henri,, I'll stay home. " Well that's not going to happen, and hopefully when we go tomorrow he will be on a different wave length...
He was keen to discuss his finances with me as our financial planner, Les, our son, was here and that was the discussion with him. He is always happy to know that he has a pension, but usually he gets the reason, i.e. he worked for 40 years, the CN had a pension plan - therefore he now gets a pension...well this did not come across, and he was really wondering, now how did it happen that we have this house, this pension, and he finally went to his chair and slept a good part of the day. Thankfully when he came up to watch t.v. before i started this blog, he seemed quite happy.
I have to remember that each day is different, sometimes I think oh we're on a plateau basis, he has been fairly on target and content all day for a couple of days..but then things can change and he gets so agitated, as he was today...i.e. where are we now, i don't know where we are, i don't know what's happening, do you know what you are doing...What street are we on...I have no idea of this place, where are we ...All these questions and more as we were going to the store - by car - both on the way and on the way back...so as I mentioned he is fairly good now so time to go and see him in this happier state. g'nite.
I did try to put him in the picture, but for most of the day he was not with it at all..did not want to go for a walk, and absolutely would not do exercise for his arms and what completely threw me for a loop, was i thought to cheer him up I'd tell him the great day planned for tomorrow. Explained we will have our driver take us to St. Henri where he will be able to walk around and see the park, the street and even the house he lived in as a child. We have done this twice before and this always was fun, and though he doesn't remember doing it, I remember, and he was having a ball. But today, he said, "No you go, I don't want to go to St. Henri,, I'll stay home. " Well that's not going to happen, and hopefully when we go tomorrow he will be on a different wave length...
He was keen to discuss his finances with me as our financial planner, Les, our son, was here and that was the discussion with him. He is always happy to know that he has a pension, but usually he gets the reason, i.e. he worked for 40 years, the CN had a pension plan - therefore he now gets a pension...well this did not come across, and he was really wondering, now how did it happen that we have this house, this pension, and he finally went to his chair and slept a good part of the day. Thankfully when he came up to watch t.v. before i started this blog, he seemed quite happy.
I have to remember that each day is different, sometimes I think oh we're on a plateau basis, he has been fairly on target and content all day for a couple of days..but then things can change and he gets so agitated, as he was today...i.e. where are we now, i don't know where we are, i don't know what's happening, do you know what you are doing...What street are we on...I have no idea of this place, where are we ...All these questions and more as we were going to the store - by car - both on the way and on the way back...so as I mentioned he is fairly good now so time to go and see him in this happier state. g'nite.
Wednesday 24 October 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012 Where do we live?
Woke up with the phone ringing, it was the receptionist at the dentist office letting us know, he had to cancel our appointment - which was for today...so that was that - a lovely day and so great no need to rush for the dentist. This is sometimes a problem - that is - going somewhere for a specific time..no matter how often I try to make sure all the clothes are set up the night before, or whatever is needed for the occasion is right there, we always seem to have something to hold us up making it a kind of rush..so it was with a feeling of relief that I was helping Mac to get into his clothes, and of course it went very easily..as there was absolutely no rush. So I was saying just that, there is no rush, good eh...when he said.."anyway, I don't know where we live".
This was sad so I said , "do you feel bad that you don't know"...Well I have you, so you know, and that makes it o.k. BUT, I wouldn't be without YOU". Well i answered that makes two of us, I wouldn't be without YOU. That is so true, and so inwardly I was thinking, but the day will come, what will I do...and was starting to feel a bit down...but later as I got on my computer, it was as if my friend (whose husband also has similar problems) wrote me an email...short and sweet...all it said was, Dear Jan, One Day at a Time...
it was almost as if she read my mind and was giving me some advice ...nothing new but what a good thought...
So the day progressed beautifully, as we took our great grandbaby Finley for a walk along the river, she was perfect ...smiled, laughed and gurgled perfectly the whole time, even though she only managed to sleep for 45 minutes she seemed quite happy and we were too. As we walked I pointed out homes that belonged to our daughter Glenna and our son Les, and homes that belonged to some of our friends..I'm sure he didn't recognize any of them, or even perhaps their names..but his walking was stronger and his outlook was so positive..
When we returned to Finley's home we had a lovely snack with tea..and discussed the prime subject Finley, and what a happy time as she laughed and gurgled with her uncle Brandon and her mom Brianna.
One day at a time is a good way to think, and as we drove home, Mac said "where do we live" I said - same old place...on Montcalm' with that answer he was content - and so endeth this day and with that kind of philosophy we will continue to be content...hope...g'nite.
This was sad so I said , "do you feel bad that you don't know"...Well I have you, so you know, and that makes it o.k. BUT, I wouldn't be without YOU". Well i answered that makes two of us, I wouldn't be without YOU. That is so true, and so inwardly I was thinking, but the day will come, what will I do...and was starting to feel a bit down...but later as I got on my computer, it was as if my friend (whose husband also has similar problems) wrote me an email...short and sweet...all it said was, Dear Jan, One Day at a Time...
it was almost as if she read my mind and was giving me some advice ...nothing new but what a good thought...
So the day progressed beautifully, as we took our great grandbaby Finley for a walk along the river, she was perfect ...smiled, laughed and gurgled perfectly the whole time, even though she only managed to sleep for 45 minutes she seemed quite happy and we were too. As we walked I pointed out homes that belonged to our daughter Glenna and our son Les, and homes that belonged to some of our friends..I'm sure he didn't recognize any of them, or even perhaps their names..but his walking was stronger and his outlook was so positive..
When we returned to Finley's home we had a lovely snack with tea..and discussed the prime subject Finley, and what a happy time as she laughed and gurgled with her uncle Brandon and her mom Brianna.
One day at a time is a good way to think, and as we drove home, Mac said "where do we live" I said - same old place...on Montcalm' with that answer he was content - and so endeth this day and with that kind of philosophy we will continue to be content...hope...g'nite.
Tuesday 23 October 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012 Are we the only ones here?
Mac just went by on his way to the bathroom, that was his question. This is the same question he asks just about every night at one time or anothe, i.e. before bed, or if he wakes up during the night and sometimes in the early morning before we get up. At times he dreams or has hallucinations or something like that where he is sure there are other people here, and he will check his wallet and his change...but then when i tell him "there aint' nobody here but us chickens" he has a little laugh and then i repeat not to worry Mac; its just you and I, we did have more here but our children are no longer children, they've up and married and had their own children.
Tonight we went through the beautiful book Gaye made for him with pictures under each picture is very clearly printed the name of each of the members of his own family i.e. mother father and his sisters and brother, as well as grandparents, and then our wedding pictures and then our own family - children and grandchildren. He asked as we finished reading this book, who gave me that book, i told him Gaye, he said "well it's damn good we must look after that book' each time he sees it, he kind of remembers but always always appreciates the book, he said also...do you have a book like this. i said no, but I enjoy yours it's great...yes it is, and it's MY book.
It's been a good day, and although we have not had an appointment for therapy, i decided to do some with him and it was great. We did arm exercises together, and although it sounds crazy we enjoyed laughing and singing...head and shoulders knees and toes ....and i'm a little tea pot short and stout....these are exercise songs for children and may have made him angry at another time, tonight he just laughed and said, well i'm not fooling, my arms feel much better already. Could be because he does not like to go to physio or thinks he doesn't, but in any case it was a fun day and a fun evening...he had Helen who he thinks is such a nice girl, and she sure is...and they had a good day, and i had a good day out, which is good for me too. so now hope we have a good night...g'nite.
Tonight we went through the beautiful book Gaye made for him with pictures under each picture is very clearly printed the name of each of the members of his own family i.e. mother father and his sisters and brother, as well as grandparents, and then our wedding pictures and then our own family - children and grandchildren. He asked as we finished reading this book, who gave me that book, i told him Gaye, he said "well it's damn good we must look after that book' each time he sees it, he kind of remembers but always always appreciates the book, he said also...do you have a book like this. i said no, but I enjoy yours it's great...yes it is, and it's MY book.
It's been a good day, and although we have not had an appointment for therapy, i decided to do some with him and it was great. We did arm exercises together, and although it sounds crazy we enjoyed laughing and singing...head and shoulders knees and toes ....and i'm a little tea pot short and stout....these are exercise songs for children and may have made him angry at another time, tonight he just laughed and said, well i'm not fooling, my arms feel much better already. Could be because he does not like to go to physio or thinks he doesn't, but in any case it was a fun day and a fun evening...he had Helen who he thinks is such a nice girl, and she sure is...and they had a good day, and i had a good day out, which is good for me too. so now hope we have a good night...g'nite.
Monday 22 October 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012 What's on the menu?
Yes "what's on the menu", that is often the question Mac asks me when we've done all the morning wake up stuff, and are just about finishing breakfast. This is when I outline what we will do in the day, like today for example, it was - 'well we've got to go to the bank, go for a nice long walk, get some stuff at the grocery store, and stop in at the library to bring back my book and get another one'
That is precisely what we did do today. It was windy but beautiful, and we both enjoyed seeing that the water is now falling over the dam.. Hurrah hurrah; it had been dry up until now; the Canada geese were lining up near the rapids and getting ready to go south, barking at each other like dogs...Mac said they are really smart, we should go south too. Well i almost fell over..quickly i answered ' so right let's go, Carolyn wants us to go to Naples Fla. let's go in February...Then he did a complete about face, "no way I don't want to go to Florida...'well where do you want to go when we go south, i replied. 'Don't want to go anywhere, I was just thinking of flying with the geese or something, no i don't want to go away.
Well this is the way he is now, and even for him to articulate these sentences is hard, he is starting to have problems with words, along with his physical movements. I have found out that Social workers have to do different things. The social worker i contacted, i thought was ours, but seems that we need another one to assess, and another one to do who knows what, plus our doctor is away till nov. 14...so it's kind of disheartening as he really needs to have physio therapy so i asked that we have the physio we had before who kind of had a heart attack thinking she had to deal with this crabby person and get him to use a cane...he still won't use that but i kind of think of him as he was before all this stuff with social workers etc.
i'm already loving to look at the writings of the old mac... i love him now, and can't stand thinking he is becoming less and less stable and strong as i said even speaking is hard for him at times...but the mac i knew is here, still the sweetest one now--- the strong talking, opinionated and completely brilliant guy in so many ways has gone. i mourn that one as we could laugh at things that didn't make sense to others, we had a rapport that was at times crazy, we would bicker, snicker and at times fight like cat and dog, but that's gone...the sweet guy i have now is also mac at various times but anyway..he is still Mac...he even feels for me and says, you must feel bad about how your husband is now....
When Glenna was with him while i went to the museum, she and he looked at pictures, she pointed out one of his two sisters at our home, and noted one of them was smoking... he said, mom and I used to smoke, but one day when we were getting in the car, i said i've got two cigarettes left, here's one for you and one for me, and that's it, after today, no more smoking...and that is so true...and that's the way he was...he had made up his mind, and that was that....there would be no way that he would say..o.k. what's on our menu...or what do you think should we stop smoking, he knew it was the right thing to do so we were doing it... i'm so happy that he remembered that...now i'm remembering that he is waiting for me to watch t.v. with him...so g'nite.
That is precisely what we did do today. It was windy but beautiful, and we both enjoyed seeing that the water is now falling over the dam.. Hurrah hurrah; it had been dry up until now; the Canada geese were lining up near the rapids and getting ready to go south, barking at each other like dogs...Mac said they are really smart, we should go south too. Well i almost fell over..quickly i answered ' so right let's go, Carolyn wants us to go to Naples Fla. let's go in February...Then he did a complete about face, "no way I don't want to go to Florida...'well where do you want to go when we go south, i replied. 'Don't want to go anywhere, I was just thinking of flying with the geese or something, no i don't want to go away.
Well this is the way he is now, and even for him to articulate these sentences is hard, he is starting to have problems with words, along with his physical movements. I have found out that Social workers have to do different things. The social worker i contacted, i thought was ours, but seems that we need another one to assess, and another one to do who knows what, plus our doctor is away till nov. 14...so it's kind of disheartening as he really needs to have physio therapy so i asked that we have the physio we had before who kind of had a heart attack thinking she had to deal with this crabby person and get him to use a cane...he still won't use that but i kind of think of him as he was before all this stuff with social workers etc.
i'm already loving to look at the writings of the old mac... i love him now, and can't stand thinking he is becoming less and less stable and strong as i said even speaking is hard for him at times...but the mac i knew is here, still the sweetest one now--- the strong talking, opinionated and completely brilliant guy in so many ways has gone. i mourn that one as we could laugh at things that didn't make sense to others, we had a rapport that was at times crazy, we would bicker, snicker and at times fight like cat and dog, but that's gone...the sweet guy i have now is also mac at various times but anyway..he is still Mac...he even feels for me and says, you must feel bad about how your husband is now....
When Glenna was with him while i went to the museum, she and he looked at pictures, she pointed out one of his two sisters at our home, and noted one of them was smoking... he said, mom and I used to smoke, but one day when we were getting in the car, i said i've got two cigarettes left, here's one for you and one for me, and that's it, after today, no more smoking...and that is so true...and that's the way he was...he had made up his mind, and that was that....there would be no way that he would say..o.k. what's on our menu...or what do you think should we stop smoking, he knew it was the right thing to do so we were doing it... i'm so happy that he remembered that...now i'm remembering that he is waiting for me to watch t.v. with him...so g'nite.
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