Well what has my friend downstairs decided? She has decided to stop crying about the fact that her husband will be placed in a private small residence. She just knows it will not work out..so she said I have decided to stop...not only crying, but talking about how he will not manage, how her husband is ninety seven and will not be able to take adaptataxi to visit her. He used to take the bus to visit her here, but he will not manage she says to dial properly and talk to the people who run the taxi service So again she said, I have decided to stop..
So I contributed my two cents, saying why don't we just wait and see things might not be so bad he may just take a regular taxi to visit. NEVER, she said, he would say that is too much money. He is ninety seven but he thinks he will live forever, when the house gets sold he will have put the money away and never use it.
In a way it's strange, she never had a good word to say about her husband, but that was her business, obviously she and he still love each other..Apparently when her son was explaining where he will place his dad, to the two of them, his dad said "but what about mum, when will I see her", the son kind of ignored that, so my friend the wife, piped up...He will not be happy in such a small space. He did not ignore that, he said, stop throwing rocks in the way..
Well as I said it's none of my business, but I did ask, o.k.just when will all this take place, hoping it was still in the thinking stage. But no, the date is set he is moving April 1..(I didn't mention, April Fool Day...just thought it.).
So when thinking of the day thought of yesterday Valentine's Day, it would have made such a nice story if I could have said, well it's o.k.they have decided to move their dad here to be near mum..Happy Valentine's day, but no instead..its April fool. well sometimes, April Fool jokes are fun, let's hope something fun will come out of this yet.
One good thing, she has stopped crying..so have I, well not exactly, I still cry, in fact a little every day, like the song says "each day is Valentine's Day"so I eat my chocolates, and gain weight. You look rested says the preposee downstairs -
I am resting, while I'm enjoying my course on "Women and War" given by the Thomas More Institute..my yoga classes, my zumba class my walks to check out the Mac's ashes which are now under the snow..Attend the concerts with our season tickets, and even went out for dinner and dancing at The Teapot, and danced the night away..So a little bit of Valentine sadness with a little bit of April Fool fun. Mix it up,as I've decided to stop...and enjoy.
Monday 15 February 2016
Thursday 11 February 2016
Thusday, February 11, 2016 It's not right....
I really can't give any names, but I'm not able to sleep thinking of one of the residents who is feeling so upset.. She said, it's not right...and really I don't think it's right either, but I don't know how to change it, and it's really none of my business.
She is living here because she needs help, she has problems walking, partially blind as well as other problems, but her mind is still good and she has a great sense of humour. It's really fun to visit with her and I try to visit about once a week.
This time though her humour was sarcastic and although funny it was bitter, her children have decided her husband should no longer live on his own, he is really not that well, and though he is well over ninety, walks well and has a good mind, he is getting weaker and they are concerned. He still lives in the house and visits his wife here, and does not really want to move. But he does realize it is time. This is the part that my friend feels it's not right..his children want him to move to a small place, and not here.
He has accepted this apparently, and although she knows that they never got along that well, she feels he should live in an apartment in this residence so he can continue to visit her and she could visit him. Their children think otherwise, telling her, they always argue, don't get along, and so therefore, it doesn't matter that he lives in another place.
Separation is part of our lives as we get old..either through sickness, and in most cases, death..It's always terrible, and we know it will happen to every couple, but when it is imposed on the couple by others somehow, I don't think it's right either.
Bickering and outright arguments are for some couples part of their lives. I can remember my own kids telling Mac and I to stop bickering, I know my friend has told me she heard us or me, really yelling at Mac. Now I hear other couples do this when I'm with friends or family, and I know it's not crucial, they still love each other. I'm sure the couple would take it very insulting and completely unacceptable to be told they have to live separately. No matter what age the couple are I think they should make that decision for themselves
Well I don't know what the outcome of all this is going to be, but as my friend says, It's not right, and I agree...but sad to say I can't do anything but say to my friend, well, maybe things will turn out for the best once he is moved, he will perhaps not like the place and your children will agree with you and move him here. That of course is not the answer she wants to hear..but it looks like that's the way it will have to be as I notice as one gets really old and fragile, others take complete control...hmmm..
so far it's not happening to me, but then my separation has already happened naturally, it sure isn't right for me, but I must face the fact, my Mac is never coming back. We bickered, we argued, but we sure did love each other and I have to keep on living, so I'm going to make sure I have my wits about me.
I'm going to live as well as I can, to enjoy my days knowing that one day we will be together again, or who knows, maybe not, no one really knows ...but it's something couples should think about before they get too old to handle their own lives, don't bicker or argue so much that your kids think it's better for you to be apart, make sure you both are the ones to make that decision for yourselves. Make sure to love each other to the end, as then parting is a "sweet sorrow".
g'nite.
She is living here because she needs help, she has problems walking, partially blind as well as other problems, but her mind is still good and she has a great sense of humour. It's really fun to visit with her and I try to visit about once a week.
This time though her humour was sarcastic and although funny it was bitter, her children have decided her husband should no longer live on his own, he is really not that well, and though he is well over ninety, walks well and has a good mind, he is getting weaker and they are concerned. He still lives in the house and visits his wife here, and does not really want to move. But he does realize it is time. This is the part that my friend feels it's not right..his children want him to move to a small place, and not here.
He has accepted this apparently, and although she knows that they never got along that well, she feels he should live in an apartment in this residence so he can continue to visit her and she could visit him. Their children think otherwise, telling her, they always argue, don't get along, and so therefore, it doesn't matter that he lives in another place.
Separation is part of our lives as we get old..either through sickness, and in most cases, death..It's always terrible, and we know it will happen to every couple, but when it is imposed on the couple by others somehow, I don't think it's right either.
Bickering and outright arguments are for some couples part of their lives. I can remember my own kids telling Mac and I to stop bickering, I know my friend has told me she heard us or me, really yelling at Mac. Now I hear other couples do this when I'm with friends or family, and I know it's not crucial, they still love each other. I'm sure the couple would take it very insulting and completely unacceptable to be told they have to live separately. No matter what age the couple are I think they should make that decision for themselves
Well I don't know what the outcome of all this is going to be, but as my friend says, It's not right, and I agree...but sad to say I can't do anything but say to my friend, well, maybe things will turn out for the best once he is moved, he will perhaps not like the place and your children will agree with you and move him here. That of course is not the answer she wants to hear..but it looks like that's the way it will have to be as I notice as one gets really old and fragile, others take complete control...hmmm..
so far it's not happening to me, but then my separation has already happened naturally, it sure isn't right for me, but I must face the fact, my Mac is never coming back. We bickered, we argued, but we sure did love each other and I have to keep on living, so I'm going to make sure I have my wits about me.
I'm going to live as well as I can, to enjoy my days knowing that one day we will be together again, or who knows, maybe not, no one really knows ...but it's something couples should think about before they get too old to handle their own lives, don't bicker or argue so much that your kids think it's better for you to be apart, make sure you both are the ones to make that decision for yourselves. Make sure to love each other to the end, as then parting is a "sweet sorrow".
g'nite.
Wednesday 3 February 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016 Where's the remote.....
One of the things I like to do in a kind of memory of Mac is to sit with Alma, my friend's mom. Alma has Alzheimer's she had to be placed in the building behind our building, so it's really convenient. I had all the instructions on the t.v. which has so many channels and is completely foreign territory for me...so I was going over the instructions in my head as I walked over to see Alma..
The programs we watch together are Jeopardy and whatever comes before or after, these programs were never watched by Mac, in fact he hardly ever watched t.v. in the last few years of his life, so neither did I. When I arrived on the scene i.e. Alma's room, no Alma...So I walked around the hallways, and eventually found her down the end of a hall looking at her little address book, and the numbers on the walls near the rooms. So as you can see she is really on target for some things.
When I approached and said, "hi ...what are you doing over here Alma? " She said, I'm looking for my home. She then gave me her room number, so I said oh good let's go to your place. So she was so pleased, reading her room number 303, then reading her phone number. She would repeat it all along the hallway, as I pushed her wheelchair. Was quite contented when she saw the number and her name..and there we were happily settling down in her room. I said o.k. let's watch our programs..well, there we were and of course..no remote. I didn't have a clue as to how to get the channels on this t.v. with buttons. Once before I had asked the nurse, as I'd gone through this scenario a couple of times.and the personnel are as dim as I am it was 6:30 by this time. The shows come on at 7:00 - 8:00..
So on to the next chapter, "find the remote", it's amazing one room - but cupboard, drawers, clothing, bed, blankets, window seat, etc etc.fridge, bathroom. Where could the damn thing be. Naturally Alma has hidden it, but where, does she remember, NO!!..There was Alma staring at the blank screen, waiting patiently.
Well, was I patient, absolutely NOT...diving all over the place, finally thinking o.k. I'll phone her daughter, but did I have the cell #,no...did I think to look at the special book that has all this info, which was shown to me a couple of times before, NO. I knew her daughter was with my daughter Gaye, did I have Gaye's cell number. NO..talk about frustration..I decided, o.k. get Gaye's number from her brother Les, well talk about someone who is clued out..ME.
Alma was quite calm, patient, and understanding, (she is supposed to be the one with problems - ha). I couldn't believe it, as I was talking to Jane,(Leslie's wife) I started to think hey what did I do with my cell phone, "hello...I'm using it to talk to Jane, like am I going round the bend or what.." Well thankfully we started to talk about something other than my quest for Gaye's number, plus my quest for the g.d. remote, all the while I'm looking through drawers, coat pockets, under the bed. Decided to go through the clothing in the second drawer.(again)..surprise. there's the remote. Just on time, 7:00 p.m.
Well happy days we were fine, and I even remembered the darn channel #, 2302 without checking the book. And there was her program. Alma was even able to fill in one of the blanks which was BOY...I congratulated her and gave her a big hug..She was so pleased and so was I. Then it was time for her nightly snack...and finally time for the mixed up person to leave..that's me..
Who knows why Alma would hide the remote, but I have a sneaking hunch it's to have fun watching poor sillies like me flipping all over the place, to please her. Like what would happen if I didn't find it, we would look at magazines, we would talk, we would enjoy..I often wonder about people who are supposed to have all their marbles and then lose them...
Mac would have had a great laugh at all this. I came home and thought to myself, well no wonder I'm not t.v. savvy, we never watched the darn thing for most of the last 3 years..He just loved to listen to music..I'd play all his fave cds..good thing he's not here now, as somehow my cd player is broken..can't play cds..lucky I know how to switch on the radio...hello Mac, here is TONIC...jazz on radio...cbc..our fave. g'nite love you..xxx
The programs we watch together are Jeopardy and whatever comes before or after, these programs were never watched by Mac, in fact he hardly ever watched t.v. in the last few years of his life, so neither did I. When I arrived on the scene i.e. Alma's room, no Alma...So I walked around the hallways, and eventually found her down the end of a hall looking at her little address book, and the numbers on the walls near the rooms. So as you can see she is really on target for some things.
When I approached and said, "hi ...what are you doing over here Alma? " She said, I'm looking for my home. She then gave me her room number, so I said oh good let's go to your place. So she was so pleased, reading her room number 303, then reading her phone number. She would repeat it all along the hallway, as I pushed her wheelchair. Was quite contented when she saw the number and her name..and there we were happily settling down in her room. I said o.k. let's watch our programs..well, there we were and of course..no remote. I didn't have a clue as to how to get the channels on this t.v. with buttons. Once before I had asked the nurse, as I'd gone through this scenario a couple of times.and the personnel are as dim as I am it was 6:30 by this time. The shows come on at 7:00 - 8:00..
So on to the next chapter, "find the remote", it's amazing one room - but cupboard, drawers, clothing, bed, blankets, window seat, etc etc.fridge, bathroom. Where could the damn thing be. Naturally Alma has hidden it, but where, does she remember, NO!!..There was Alma staring at the blank screen, waiting patiently.
Well, was I patient, absolutely NOT...diving all over the place, finally thinking o.k. I'll phone her daughter, but did I have the cell #,no...did I think to look at the special book that has all this info, which was shown to me a couple of times before, NO. I knew her daughter was with my daughter Gaye, did I have Gaye's cell number. NO..talk about frustration..I decided, o.k. get Gaye's number from her brother Les, well talk about someone who is clued out..ME.
Alma was quite calm, patient, and understanding, (she is supposed to be the one with problems - ha). I couldn't believe it, as I was talking to Jane,(Leslie's wife) I started to think hey what did I do with my cell phone, "hello...I'm using it to talk to Jane, like am I going round the bend or what.." Well thankfully we started to talk about something other than my quest for Gaye's number, plus my quest for the g.d. remote, all the while I'm looking through drawers, coat pockets, under the bed. Decided to go through the clothing in the second drawer.(again)..surprise. there's the remote. Just on time, 7:00 p.m.
Well happy days we were fine, and I even remembered the darn channel #, 2302 without checking the book. And there was her program. Alma was even able to fill in one of the blanks which was BOY...I congratulated her and gave her a big hug..She was so pleased and so was I. Then it was time for her nightly snack...and finally time for the mixed up person to leave..that's me..
Who knows why Alma would hide the remote, but I have a sneaking hunch it's to have fun watching poor sillies like me flipping all over the place, to please her. Like what would happen if I didn't find it, we would look at magazines, we would talk, we would enjoy..I often wonder about people who are supposed to have all their marbles and then lose them...
Mac would have had a great laugh at all this. I came home and thought to myself, well no wonder I'm not t.v. savvy, we never watched the darn thing for most of the last 3 years..He just loved to listen to music..I'd play all his fave cds..good thing he's not here now, as somehow my cd player is broken..can't play cds..lucky I know how to switch on the radio...hello Mac, here is TONIC...jazz on radio...cbc..our fave. g'nite love you..xxx
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