Everyone has some sadness in their lives, even little children, some more than others as we look at the Syrian refugees and those living displaced lives, one can only try to be a support monetarily if not physically. Talking of support, I think that is the basis of love. My good friend is going through such a hard time watching and helping her daughter and her family as her daughter is going through cancer treatments.
This is such a scourge, cancer, as well as Parkinson disease, ALS, Alsheimers etc...without naming the friends that have these diseases, I am trying to be positive and a support and although in some cases the problems is age-related... many of my friends suffering these diseases are young, like the young mother going through one treatment after another. This is what I wrote in an email to that family as I listen to how they support one another.:-
It is such a truth - supporting each other in this kind of situation is the key to keeping everyone positive, we have had this, as you know. This is when we see how much family and friends mean. Not to forget the medical care -
Having all that explained fully and knowing just what is expected - well courage and love to all I will keep thinking and praying for all of you and I take away the hell on earth part..and say live in the good moments...xxxjan.
So equating support as LOVE for one another is what life is all about..that is the way to being positive..
Yesterday, I did my usual walk along the lake.sat on "our bench" said hello to Mac and communed with him and nature. The lake is pretty well frozen, some people are out "ice-fishing" a sport(?) I often wonder about..how much fun is there in sitting on a chair beside a hole or holes in the ice waiting to catch fish - but perhaps that is their way of dealing with stress in life, who knows, I don't know any ice fishermen.
Today I have started the day with that email and it started me thinking about the early days of Mac's memory and how he struggled with it. So I read a couple of pages from a lovely little journal, with a beautiful cover and hand made paper. I wrote... this book is strictly for poems, good thoughts, songs and all things positive. The date Oct. 7, 2011 - That would have been about three years into really seeing the effects of the big A. on Mac. well those wonderful ideas i.e. poems songs and positive thoughts kind of went by the wayside as LIFE got in the way. On Oct. 30th 2011..I was happy that Mac remembered an old friend he used to see in Buffalo..remembered the first and last name and was so thrilled with himself..I was so happy for him, I couldn't remember the name at all, though we both were talking about the fun we had with that friend when we were teen-agers.
Another entry in that journal takes us to 2012 - Mac said "I'm so happy we're back together, we've been apart for so long. " Well we were not apart, but somehow in his mind we were..I tried to explain that he had a memory problem, then realized that was not really helpful..so said I'm happy we're together too. He said your name is Janet, I'll never forget it-I see that I have written, "he probably will, but I won't let him ever forget me."
The time goes by and LOVE continues, we supported and loved each other in our family, and still do.. and like my friend said, with support we are able to continue and be positive. Enjoy the good moments and appreciate each other...g'day I'm off to the lake.
Saturday 30 January 2016
Saturday 23 January 2016
Saturday, January 23, 2016 The bits and pieces of the past....
Today, a special day..a celebration of our great grandbaby Lachlan's first birthday..this baby has to be one of the most contented of children..but then why not, he has it all. When I say all, I mean LOVE. Love is what makes the world go round as we know, and it is also what supplies confidence, peace, joy and all the other good things that we need to live a happy life. Well our little Lachlan has that because his life is just permeated with love. How happy he was to take six steps today (sideways) to his dad, and how happy we all were to watch him do this.
When I think of the little children who are in a world with war, disease and hunger I realize just how can they grow up to be happy and peaceful - it is impossible. I don't dwell on this, but it reminds me of how each time Mac would see on t.v. or read in the papers about the situation in other countries, he would just shake his head and say, "this has got to stop, we over here have it all, and unless we share - unless we help and change the situation, our chickens will be coming home to roost", and by this he meant the times will change and the "have nots" will be taking what is rightfully theirs a chance to grow up in a peaceful, loving and caring environment. He always agreed with the slogan "he who is silent, consents"
Anyway, back to happier thoughts, I try to write bits and pieces wherever I am when something interesting or funny is said so I won't forget. As I was writing a birthday gift cheque today,it turned out to be the last in my book..and there I saw a little scrawl, I realized I must have written something that appealed to me and not having paper, or my agenda I guess I used the back of the cheque book..I had to get my magnifying glass I had written it so small. This is what I wrote- "I just tried wiggling into a new bathing suit here in a changing room and I heard Mac's great laugh"..I can't remember if I was in Winners or in a store in Maine, or it could have been in Florida..but I do remember feeling so kind of embarrassed, knowing that the bathing suit was definitely too small, why did I think it would fit..and then I heard the laugh, and said.."I know, I know, I'm not size 8 anymore that's for sure"... So there was my little bit of the past that made me laugh to read it..and how I loved Mac's laugh. For sure that was Mac, there were no men in the changing room.
I was speaking to a woman recently, the wife of our friend Paul, who died, the celebration of his life will be Saturday. She said "I used to say to Paul, please stop running the hot water like that - put a plug in the sink, and save us some money"..Apparently he never did, and the hot water would just run down the drain, this always made her so angry. Well just after he died she woke up to hear the hot water running, she went to the bathroom sink and was only able to turn off the hot water by closing the pipe under the sink. Well, she then said, "O.K. Paul that's enough"..or words to that effect.
I have heard people say that bits and pieces of the voice, the face, or the spirit of our loved ones come back to us after they have gone. I did mention, in another blog, I saw Mac's face over mine when I lay in shavinasta (or whatever it's called) in yoga, but I had completely forgotten his laugh in the changing room till I read that little scribble. It gave me such a feeling of love and joy. I hope he was there in spirit at Lachlan's party, though to be honest I certainly did not have any indication of this, but how he would have enjoyed the party, and of course his great grandson Lachlan and all the family.
There are so many stories of how we try to remember and in so doing may cause these sort of experiences, but I had not been trying to remember Mac in those two episodes, it was really right out of the blue.
Speaking of this, I remember once being on a train, not to long after my dear friend Joslyn died, I was sitting there as the train roared along, peacefully reading a book, when I heard her laugh which was one of the most musical laughs I have ever heard. Without thinking I put my book down, leaped up and started running along the passage through the train, got through two cars before I realized, of course that's not Jos, she is dead..I went sadly back to my seat, wondering , well how did that happen.
Another time, I was at my computer reading an email from my friend Louise, my mom had died quite some time before that...Louise claims to be psychic at times, though I never ask her to give a reading or whatever she does for people. So I was surprised to read, "your mom wants you to know how much she loves you...and that's all your mom said, but then she left chuckling so much. "...Well for one thing my mom was deaf, spoke sign language, so I wondered how Louise heard her say this hmmm???.but what really got to me was Louise writing, "your mom left chuckling" well that was something my mom did, in fact at the residence where she lived before her death...they called her "smiles and chuckles"...so ..all this took place many years ago now.. obviously I haven't had many of these "visitations " or what ever they are called.
But who knows when a bit or piece from the past will come to us..in any case I'm open to it, maybe in a dream, Gaye our daughter dreamt of Mac last night. Gaye said " He was looking for some girl, - and in my dream, I told him the girl's name is Jan." So maybe I'll see him in my dreams...g'nite.
When I think of the little children who are in a world with war, disease and hunger I realize just how can they grow up to be happy and peaceful - it is impossible. I don't dwell on this, but it reminds me of how each time Mac would see on t.v. or read in the papers about the situation in other countries, he would just shake his head and say, "this has got to stop, we over here have it all, and unless we share - unless we help and change the situation, our chickens will be coming home to roost", and by this he meant the times will change and the "have nots" will be taking what is rightfully theirs a chance to grow up in a peaceful, loving and caring environment. He always agreed with the slogan "he who is silent, consents"
Anyway, back to happier thoughts, I try to write bits and pieces wherever I am when something interesting or funny is said so I won't forget. As I was writing a birthday gift cheque today,it turned out to be the last in my book..and there I saw a little scrawl, I realized I must have written something that appealed to me and not having paper, or my agenda I guess I used the back of the cheque book..I had to get my magnifying glass I had written it so small. This is what I wrote- "I just tried wiggling into a new bathing suit here in a changing room and I heard Mac's great laugh"..I can't remember if I was in Winners or in a store in Maine, or it could have been in Florida..but I do remember feeling so kind of embarrassed, knowing that the bathing suit was definitely too small, why did I think it would fit..and then I heard the laugh, and said.."I know, I know, I'm not size 8 anymore that's for sure"... So there was my little bit of the past that made me laugh to read it..and how I loved Mac's laugh. For sure that was Mac, there were no men in the changing room.
I was speaking to a woman recently, the wife of our friend Paul, who died, the celebration of his life will be Saturday. She said "I used to say to Paul, please stop running the hot water like that - put a plug in the sink, and save us some money"..Apparently he never did, and the hot water would just run down the drain, this always made her so angry. Well just after he died she woke up to hear the hot water running, she went to the bathroom sink and was only able to turn off the hot water by closing the pipe under the sink. Well, she then said, "O.K. Paul that's enough"..or words to that effect.
I have heard people say that bits and pieces of the voice, the face, or the spirit of our loved ones come back to us after they have gone. I did mention, in another blog, I saw Mac's face over mine when I lay in shavinasta (or whatever it's called) in yoga, but I had completely forgotten his laugh in the changing room till I read that little scribble. It gave me such a feeling of love and joy. I hope he was there in spirit at Lachlan's party, though to be honest I certainly did not have any indication of this, but how he would have enjoyed the party, and of course his great grandson Lachlan and all the family.
There are so many stories of how we try to remember and in so doing may cause these sort of experiences, but I had not been trying to remember Mac in those two episodes, it was really right out of the blue.
Speaking of this, I remember once being on a train, not to long after my dear friend Joslyn died, I was sitting there as the train roared along, peacefully reading a book, when I heard her laugh which was one of the most musical laughs I have ever heard. Without thinking I put my book down, leaped up and started running along the passage through the train, got through two cars before I realized, of course that's not Jos, she is dead..I went sadly back to my seat, wondering , well how did that happen.
Another time, I was at my computer reading an email from my friend Louise, my mom had died quite some time before that...Louise claims to be psychic at times, though I never ask her to give a reading or whatever she does for people. So I was surprised to read, "your mom wants you to know how much she loves you...and that's all your mom said, but then she left chuckling so much. "...Well for one thing my mom was deaf, spoke sign language, so I wondered how Louise heard her say this hmmm???.but what really got to me was Louise writing, "your mom left chuckling" well that was something my mom did, in fact at the residence where she lived before her death...they called her "smiles and chuckles"...so ..all this took place many years ago now.. obviously I haven't had many of these "visitations " or what ever they are called.
But who knows when a bit or piece from the past will come to us..in any case I'm open to it, maybe in a dream, Gaye our daughter dreamt of Mac last night. Gaye said " He was looking for some girl, - and in my dream, I told him the girl's name is Jan." So maybe I'll see him in my dreams...g'nite.
Sunday 17 January 2016
Sunday, January 17, 2016 Life's pains and loneliness.
David Bowie was interviewed on the Strombo Show, Bowie spoke about how much he injected his feelings of loneliness and that at the end we are truly alone and he put it into his music.
Not knowing too much of Bowie's music, but hearing his words made me think of Mac and how he never complained of loneliness. In work he had his office, his music to listen to, he was one of the first to have a radio in his office. Yet he hardly ever discussed his work. After work he played hockey on a team- ran kid hockey teams. When he retired he could be considered a true loner. He could stay in his office with so many choices of how to spend his time, that is, on the computer working out his investments, doing crossword puzzles up the zing zang, reading poetry and Irish history, working on his family research, working on accumulating great restaurant reviews, he had tons of files on everything from good wines to old pictures of Railway stations that he loved.. Not to mention checking out my stuff,the environmental committee, my Teaching material, Literacy Council, Church in International Affairs, and running our own household affairs...he never seemed to need anyone.
I on the other hand always needed people, I could be alone for whole days, but that would be an exception. Of course, the main person I needed was him and he was always there for me..being happy to be the one important person in my life, and loving to be the person who ran my life.
My stories were his stories, just as the problems and fun with our kids were shared in depth so were the stories of the kids in my class, or my friends and the people I met. Sometimes he would tell my stories as if they were his. Kathy a friend recently said, how fun it was to hear us tell stories, and how I'd say wait a minute Mac, that's my story.
Now I see how much he did for me, as I look at my bank statements and think hmmm now where did I spend that money, hmm which phone service do I have, oh yeah I am with videotron for what, oh yes, t.v., what phone service. Videotron had to tell me, I changed it over to Videotron so they could do everything, but Mac had all this at his fingertips, I went along blithely in a beautiful trance, no wonder I would say, I certainly hope I go first..well that didn't work out.
Today I so wished I could tell him about poor Alice downstairs sitting in her wheelchair hair cut short now, lying there with her huge tummy covered with a lap blanket and shocking the bejesus out of me when I saw her purple and black eye. What the devil hit you I said. Turns out the preposees were giving her a bath and the kind of phone shower thingee hit her in the eyes..Wow, poor Alice, she grabbed my hand and put it on her heart, saying well where were you when I needed you. Well yeah, where was I, did that ever make me think.
Decided then to check out Lina as well, there she was in her semi blindness, sitting in her chair listening to her tape and knitting, but so happy to tell me her latest story. That story kind of made me sad but laugh so much, she had just had her toenails cut, not here I won't say where or who..but the woman who was cutting her toenails all of a sudden, jumped up and ran to the sink washing her face..At first Lina thought she was throwing up, as the woman was pushing her face under the tap, and kind of going ahh; BUT,this is what happened apparently when she clipped Alice's toenail, the little piece of nail jumped up and went straight in her eye..yikes. Then the woman was so rattled she cut a bit of Lina's little toe, (hate to say it but I laughed out loud) now Lina has to have her toe washed and dressed with meds every second day..
Poor Lina (age 91) laughed and said I'm o.k. as I drink a little water from my special cup which comes from the Czech Republic. Intrigued with the cup I took it and there it was with a kind of tea -spout that one sips from; it has a handle like a regular cup, not knowing that it was still filled with water I turned it over to see if it showed Czech republic on the bottom, and spilled it all over myself and the floor. Well the two of us howled with laughter, after using up much of her paper towels, I cleaned the floor, my bag, myself, and took off for my own apartment, wishing I could tell all this to my sweet Mac..so I'm telling it all to my blog.
We are Mac's eternity, so I'm thinking of how he would have laughed too and commiserated with Alice, and Lina. Alice said to me I wish you would buy a pendant put his ashes right in and hang it around your neck, she said I would pet the pendant.(not going to happen.)
Les (our son) is his eternity as well, as he emailed me a picture of Mac's hockey stick and skates, telling me how much fun he had using them today, and saying I don't think I could be on a team now that I'm 62, but his skates fit me perfectly and are just great - he had a great day with his dad's skates on, and his dad's hockey stick marked Mac..
So g'nite Mac, g'nite all.
Not knowing too much of Bowie's music, but hearing his words made me think of Mac and how he never complained of loneliness. In work he had his office, his music to listen to, he was one of the first to have a radio in his office. Yet he hardly ever discussed his work. After work he played hockey on a team- ran kid hockey teams. When he retired he could be considered a true loner. He could stay in his office with so many choices of how to spend his time, that is, on the computer working out his investments, doing crossword puzzles up the zing zang, reading poetry and Irish history, working on his family research, working on accumulating great restaurant reviews, he had tons of files on everything from good wines to old pictures of Railway stations that he loved.. Not to mention checking out my stuff,the environmental committee, my Teaching material, Literacy Council, Church in International Affairs, and running our own household affairs...he never seemed to need anyone.
I on the other hand always needed people, I could be alone for whole days, but that would be an exception. Of course, the main person I needed was him and he was always there for me..being happy to be the one important person in my life, and loving to be the person who ran my life.
My stories were his stories, just as the problems and fun with our kids were shared in depth so were the stories of the kids in my class, or my friends and the people I met. Sometimes he would tell my stories as if they were his. Kathy a friend recently said, how fun it was to hear us tell stories, and how I'd say wait a minute Mac, that's my story.
Now I see how much he did for me, as I look at my bank statements and think hmmm now where did I spend that money, hmm which phone service do I have, oh yeah I am with videotron for what, oh yes, t.v., what phone service. Videotron had to tell me, I changed it over to Videotron so they could do everything, but Mac had all this at his fingertips, I went along blithely in a beautiful trance, no wonder I would say, I certainly hope I go first..well that didn't work out.
Today I so wished I could tell him about poor Alice downstairs sitting in her wheelchair hair cut short now, lying there with her huge tummy covered with a lap blanket and shocking the bejesus out of me when I saw her purple and black eye. What the devil hit you I said. Turns out the preposees were giving her a bath and the kind of phone shower thingee hit her in the eyes..Wow, poor Alice, she grabbed my hand and put it on her heart, saying well where were you when I needed you. Well yeah, where was I, did that ever make me think.
Decided then to check out Lina as well, there she was in her semi blindness, sitting in her chair listening to her tape and knitting, but so happy to tell me her latest story. That story kind of made me sad but laugh so much, she had just had her toenails cut, not here I won't say where or who..but the woman who was cutting her toenails all of a sudden, jumped up and ran to the sink washing her face..At first Lina thought she was throwing up, as the woman was pushing her face under the tap, and kind of going ahh; BUT,this is what happened apparently when she clipped Alice's toenail, the little piece of nail jumped up and went straight in her eye..yikes. Then the woman was so rattled she cut a bit of Lina's little toe, (hate to say it but I laughed out loud) now Lina has to have her toe washed and dressed with meds every second day..
Poor Lina (age 91) laughed and said I'm o.k. as I drink a little water from my special cup which comes from the Czech Republic. Intrigued with the cup I took it and there it was with a kind of tea -spout that one sips from; it has a handle like a regular cup, not knowing that it was still filled with water I turned it over to see if it showed Czech republic on the bottom, and spilled it all over myself and the floor. Well the two of us howled with laughter, after using up much of her paper towels, I cleaned the floor, my bag, myself, and took off for my own apartment, wishing I could tell all this to my sweet Mac..so I'm telling it all to my blog.
We are Mac's eternity, so I'm thinking of how he would have laughed too and commiserated with Alice, and Lina. Alice said to me I wish you would buy a pendant put his ashes right in and hang it around your neck, she said I would pet the pendant.(not going to happen.)
Les (our son) is his eternity as well, as he emailed me a picture of Mac's hockey stick and skates, telling me how much fun he had using them today, and saying I don't think I could be on a team now that I'm 62, but his skates fit me perfectly and are just great - he had a great day with his dad's skates on, and his dad's hockey stick marked Mac..
So g'nite Mac, g'nite all.
Wednesday 13 January 2016
Wednesday, January 13, 2016 When we were WE..
This is the poem I wrote some time in 2011..obviously I was having a kind of sad day ...I put it in my blog in 2012 here it is 2016...He is no longer here, it is his Birthday today
Today, January 13...he would have been 86 years old..so when Mac died he was a good age..well past the 3 score and 10 a kind measurement of a good age.
This poem written when I was trying to understand the ins and outs or the on's and off's of Alzheimer's Disease, illustrates how I felt..I kind of wish I could go through this day again, because then I would be with him, but that would be a rather selfish wish. So I read the poem and think
Happy Birthday Mac, we were WE, right to the end.
MEMORY LOSS
He is there inside
I hear his voice
It is his mouth
These are his words
It is his body
But is he there
He knows I’m me
And I know it IS he
We laugh, we sing, but
It is not really WE.
I am there inside
He hears my voice
It is my mouth
These are my words
It is my body
And I am there
But does he know it’s me
We cuddle we love
But we’re not really WE
it was his mouth it was my mouth,
it was his body it was my body
We laughed, we cuddled, we sang, we loved
When he was he and I was me.
And WE were WE
This is the last paragraph of that day.....
"Don't be too sad when you read this as I am up and down and that was a down day...we are we but we are WE in a new kind of life. Today was a good day, we babysat..our love, Finley. "
Now I only have the memories and of course I look back with rose colored glasses, in fact today I was at the Eye Specialist, and I'm actually typing this with blurred eyes.one because of the freezing drops in them, and the other because of tears...but good tears, happy tears because he no longer hss to figure out who is who..
Now my memories go back to the days when he and I celebrated his birthdays in so many fun ways...with the family, or just the two of us, with the grandchildren, always sharing his special cake - his fave was Boston Cream Pie, really a layer cake with custard in the middle and chocolate on top...
We would also go out to various activities that happened at the time of his birthday..here is an excerpt from my journal of 1993 - at that time I was working and Mac would have been
"bought a card for Mac, normally we don't buy each other a card, just gifts..but couldn't resist, the picture on it is perfect trilliums..he loves them..and he loved the card.didn't like the waitresses singing Happy Birthday at Il Vicino, but he put up with it...actually smiled, ha.Right now it's blowing snowing and freezing, I'm in a nice warm bed with a nice warm husband, whoopee"
Well that was 1993, he was 63, we had many many birthdays like that..so I'm not a basket case today, maybe because a good friend of the family died last week, he was only 50 years old..so I'm grateful for the lovely life we had together hmmm I do have teary eyes so...g'nite.
Today, January 13...he would have been 86 years old..so when Mac died he was a good age..well past the 3 score and 10 a kind measurement of a good age.
This poem written when I was trying to understand the ins and outs or the on's and off's of Alzheimer's Disease, illustrates how I felt..I kind of wish I could go through this day again, because then I would be with him, but that would be a rather selfish wish. So I read the poem and think
Happy Birthday Mac, we were WE, right to the end.
MEMORY LOSS
He is there inside
I hear his voice
It is his mouth
These are his words
It is his body
But is he there
He knows I’m me
And I know it IS he
We laugh, we sing, but
It is not really WE.
I am there inside
He hears my voice
It is my mouth
These are my words
It is my body
And I am there
But does he know it’s me
We cuddle we love
But we’re not really WE
it was his mouth it was my mouth,
it was his body it was my body
We laughed, we cuddled, we sang, we loved
When he was he and I was me.
And WE were WE
This is the last paragraph of that day.....
"Don't be too sad when you read this as I am up and down and that was a down day...we are we but we are WE in a new kind of life. Today was a good day, we babysat..our love, Finley. "
Now I only have the memories and of course I look back with rose colored glasses, in fact today I was at the Eye Specialist, and I'm actually typing this with blurred eyes.one because of the freezing drops in them, and the other because of tears...but good tears, happy tears because he no longer hss to figure out who is who..
Now my memories go back to the days when he and I celebrated his birthdays in so many fun ways...with the family, or just the two of us, with the grandchildren, always sharing his special cake - his fave was Boston Cream Pie, really a layer cake with custard in the middle and chocolate on top...
We would also go out to various activities that happened at the time of his birthday..here is an excerpt from my journal of 1993 - at that time I was working and Mac would have been
"bought a card for Mac, normally we don't buy each other a card, just gifts..but couldn't resist, the picture on it is perfect trilliums..he loves them..and he loved the card.didn't like the waitresses singing Happy Birthday at Il Vicino, but he put up with it...actually smiled, ha.Right now it's blowing snowing and freezing, I'm in a nice warm bed with a nice warm husband, whoopee"
Well that was 1993, he was 63, we had many many birthdays like that..so I'm not a basket case today, maybe because a good friend of the family died last week, he was only 50 years old..so I'm grateful for the lovely life we had together hmmm I do have teary eyes so...g'nite.
Saturday 9 January 2016
January 9, 2016 Saturday...poem given to me...
Spent the last four days in Ottawa with friends..one of them, Phyllis, gave me this poem, since it's just on a piece of paper I want to keep it I'll share it here and have it for future reference...
"If you should go before me dear, walk slowly
down the ways of death, well worn and wide
For I would want to overtake you quickly,
and walk the journey's ending by your side
I would be so forlorn not to descry you
down some shining highroad when I came
Walk slowly, dear, and often look behind you
and pause to hear if someone calls your name." (Adelaide Love)
On the train going to Ottawa, the book I read was "The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving " A novel by Jonathan Evison..the paragraph I was going to underline in the book, and didn't..he repeats at the end ..it's worth reading and thinking about:-
"Listen to me: everything you think you know, every relationship you've ever taken for granted, every plan or possibility you've ever hatched, every conceit or endeavor you've ever concocted, can be stripped from you in an instant. Sooner or later, it will happen. So prepare yourself. Be ready not to be ready. Be ready to be brought to your knees and beaten to dust. Because no stable foundation, no act of will, no force of cautious habit will save you from this fact: nothing is indestructible"
How one tries to think, well this would never happen to me I will or am prepared for every contingency, but life will really get in the way for sure. Maybe, if one lives in a bubble, does not have a loved one, and loved ones, if one hardly cares about their work, their hobby, their way of life, then perhaps destruction is expected and one is already in the dust...with an attitude of who cares. BUT, caring is the key, and when one cares for whatever, then one has to be ready to be beaten down, but remember one can rise again and again, till the end..and maybe the end will be what you will want.
When I think of the friends who have risen from a kind of dust, i.e. Parkinsons Disease, ALS, Alzheimer's (our own latest shock and pain) paralysis, cancer etc etc...not to mention heartbreak, break ups and death of loved ones and close friends, children, precious pets. Children born into homes of abuse, poverty or both, those born or living in war torn countries, concentration camps, or refugee camps, those that have struggled and overcome, they may never be the same, and they may and probably will die sooner than later..therefore being grateful for every moment of peace love and of overcoming whatever beats one down, is a victory and a time of reward, and though it doesn't last, one should hold on to it while they can.
This book obviously has had an effect on me..and was sad, but I did laugh and enjoy, so recommend it - and thanks Maureen for giving it to me for Christmas. g'nite.
"If you should go before me dear, walk slowly
down the ways of death, well worn and wide
For I would want to overtake you quickly,
and walk the journey's ending by your side
I would be so forlorn not to descry you
down some shining highroad when I came
Walk slowly, dear, and often look behind you
and pause to hear if someone calls your name." (Adelaide Love)
On the train going to Ottawa, the book I read was "The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving " A novel by Jonathan Evison..the paragraph I was going to underline in the book, and didn't..he repeats at the end ..it's worth reading and thinking about:-
"Listen to me: everything you think you know, every relationship you've ever taken for granted, every plan or possibility you've ever hatched, every conceit or endeavor you've ever concocted, can be stripped from you in an instant. Sooner or later, it will happen. So prepare yourself. Be ready not to be ready. Be ready to be brought to your knees and beaten to dust. Because no stable foundation, no act of will, no force of cautious habit will save you from this fact: nothing is indestructible"
How one tries to think, well this would never happen to me I will or am prepared for every contingency, but life will really get in the way for sure. Maybe, if one lives in a bubble, does not have a loved one, and loved ones, if one hardly cares about their work, their hobby, their way of life, then perhaps destruction is expected and one is already in the dust...with an attitude of who cares. BUT, caring is the key, and when one cares for whatever, then one has to be ready to be beaten down, but remember one can rise again and again, till the end..and maybe the end will be what you will want.
When I think of the friends who have risen from a kind of dust, i.e. Parkinsons Disease, ALS, Alzheimer's (our own latest shock and pain) paralysis, cancer etc etc...not to mention heartbreak, break ups and death of loved ones and close friends, children, precious pets. Children born into homes of abuse, poverty or both, those born or living in war torn countries, concentration camps, or refugee camps, those that have struggled and overcome, they may never be the same, and they may and probably will die sooner than later..therefore being grateful for every moment of peace love and of overcoming whatever beats one down, is a victory and a time of reward, and though it doesn't last, one should hold on to it while they can.
This book obviously has had an effect on me..and was sad, but I did laugh and enjoy, so recommend it - and thanks Maureen for giving it to me for Christmas. g'nite.
Monday 4 January 2016
Monday, January 4, 2015... Hey that went too fast.....
That's what Mac said when we were on our way to spend our honeymoon in Miami - there we were on the train, and I said "well good that's all over", thinking about all the ups and downs of getting married, getting the dress made (my good friend's mom made it)..making the lists of the guests, worry, worry, having a sty in my left eye sleeping all night with a tea bag on it..and finally the ceremony at the Church, the reception at the Ritz, and now we were on our way...just the two of us. Mac answered saying "hey it went too fast..I wanted to hang on to every moment, remember it, savor it"..and that's how he was.
Our babies, how we loved them, and how he said, when they were growing up and reached adulthood, "hey that went too fast"...I was thinking he also said that about our grandkids, and how I wish he could have heard, Finley, our great granddaughter age 3 and a bit, say when we were in the car, " granjan, we just passed Costco..when I was a little kid I used to call it Cawco", well how he would have loved that one..
.Nostalgia time I guess it is for sure, as each Christmas we have our traditions...today I collected all the decorations, the little tree, the special candles, and put them all down in the basement, it took all of twenty-five minutes...When I think of how long it took in our house in the past, how I would find pine needles in cracks and crevices in June, well I guess one could say it's an improvement. But now I find the little thoughts of our children growing it's like seeing and hearing the things they said in my head ,and seeing the fun we had in the cracks and crevices of my mind's eye. I wonder if I can put a song I heard on radio...get it on youtube then put it in my blog... -think I'll try:- well didn't work, it's called
You've got to hold on - it goes so fast, those baby days they don't last.
They sure don't, but we have had them, so must appreciate and move on...I will put more of Macs memories from way back, as Les found some letters to me from Mac, so if I can take some words from them - without becoming a bit of a basket case - I'll do that.
In the meantime, listening to jazz tonight, Jeff Healey's "I'd do anything for You" and Chopin's piano sonata this morning , both are among Mac's favourites...so with that playing in my mind....I'll say g'nite.
Our babies, how we loved them, and how he said, when they were growing up and reached adulthood, "hey that went too fast"...I was thinking he also said that about our grandkids, and how I wish he could have heard, Finley, our great granddaughter age 3 and a bit, say when we were in the car, " granjan, we just passed Costco..when I was a little kid I used to call it Cawco", well how he would have loved that one..
.Nostalgia time I guess it is for sure, as each Christmas we have our traditions...today I collected all the decorations, the little tree, the special candles, and put them all down in the basement, it took all of twenty-five minutes...When I think of how long it took in our house in the past, how I would find pine needles in cracks and crevices in June, well I guess one could say it's an improvement. But now I find the little thoughts of our children growing it's like seeing and hearing the things they said in my head ,and seeing the fun we had in the cracks and crevices of my mind's eye. I wonder if I can put a song I heard on radio...get it on youtube then put it in my blog... -think I'll try:- well didn't work, it's called
You've got to hold on - it goes so fast, those baby days they don't last.
They sure don't, but we have had them, so must appreciate and move on...I will put more of Macs memories from way back, as Les found some letters to me from Mac, so if I can take some words from them - without becoming a bit of a basket case - I'll do that.
In the meantime, listening to jazz tonight, Jeff Healey's "I'd do anything for You" and Chopin's piano sonata this morning , both are among Mac's favourites...so with that playing in my mind....I'll say g'nite.
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