Tuesday, July 31, 2012 Those were the Days

Sitting in our sunporch after breakfast is always such a pleasure as we enjoy the breeze on such hot days, when Mac said, do you remember there used to be such a gang around here.  Well what gang and where around here,  was it all the children who used to live around us...well yes,  he said, pointing to the trees those were not here...there was a field ...right, and that's where Seigniory park Swimming pool was  - is that what you mean.  That's right - remember the kids would check to see if the flag was up, they would run upstairs - stand on the toilet and check out the window,  flag's up on the high board...we're able to go to the pool, and away they would go.

Then he said, and this field beside us, no houses were there and we would have a rink in the winter...there was always a gang of kids, and we were always with a gang of neighbours too.  Remember we would go to the club house and there would be dances ...and so we reminiced about that and the nursery school that was there too..   .

i guess said mac - with everyone having their own swimming pools, the people that used to come from Montreal stopped coming to the pool..well i had forgotten that; there used to be bus loads of people from Cote St. luc and other areas,  i guess,  who would come to use the great olympic size pool.... we remembered watching water polo, and divers and swimming practices....also movies were shown and on and on...what a wonderful place that was.  What happened he said.  I said, i believe the water table under the pool was too high and so lifted the bottom of the pool.. 

Apparently the city of Chateauguay could have bought the pool for a low sum, and refused, that was a big mistake for sure...or we thought so and still do, the area was so wonderful for everyone, certainly something could have been done to save the pool - but then who knows.  Then we both cmmented on , no outdoor community swimming pool in Chateauguay, how sad is that...thankfully we have Valerie's i said...and mac said doesn't make much difference to me, i don't go in anyway, but I'm thinking of the kids in Chateauguay...and he is right...community pools give every one a level playing field, where swimming lessons, are so important and  kids get a chance to meet other kids  ...oh well , two old foggies saying, Those were the days...

Actually this was a wonderful conversation, and I'm wondering,...hmmm is this new med helping  maybe....

Monday, July 30, 2012 That's a good stick

The man - Mac of course,  - who did not want a cane, refused to even walk a short way with a cane, hated to have a walking stick up north, and only under protest did walk with the walking stick his grandson Robin made for him, but only when reminded...TODAY, when sitting in the shade at the library outdoor lawn picked up a long thin stick that was right at our feet and said, this is a good stick I'll take it home.  And there he was walking with a stick all the way - will wonders never cease.  Although he didn't take it on our walk tonight but hey we're getting there.

We were speaking about the past but mainly about my past today, this with a friend who was here visiting, we were mainly talking about my work with the deaf at Mackay center.  This triggered a favourite memory of Mac's but it was about a child in my class in Devonshire school and really did not have anything to do with the conversation we were in, but Mac persisted. 

This was the memory of a professor from mcgill who was overseeing a student - teacher,in my class - (my class being 7 students emotionally disturbd and at times violent)   he was so freaked out by the violent and unruly behaviour that this poor student teacher was up against, which really he kind of caused by his behavior, the students knew he was completely undone, so when he decided he had to leave immediately he took off without his rubbers.  i quickly said to one of the students, miriam quick take the man's rubbers to him he must be still in the hall.  She quickly took the rubbers and yelled Sir you forgot your rubbers,  she yelled it twice but he wouldn't have anything to do with them walking stiff back and quickly away, so she threw them hitting him on the head with the loud yell, hey you, here's your fuckin rubbers...many moons later when mac and i were at place des arts we met this professor, he was coming up the stairs we were going down, he said, wait i remember YOU,  then after a second look, oh right boy do I ever remember...  Well mac was with me at Place des arts that day, and he never forgot the story...so he had to tell it twice today...and for sure he remembered too.

Well now he is trying to remember if we fed the cat his evening meal, so must do so, g'nite.

Sunday, July 29, 2012 Look how bright it is

Although Mac has so many visual perception problems, i.e.  putting keys in key holes, finding the handle on the car door, putting on the seat belt, putting on his watch, sometimes has trouble cutting his food at dinner, and now doesn't always know where we live when we're on our street, BUT, we concentrate on the positives - he does up his shoe laces, can put on his clothes, depending on the clothing sometimes needs help, toilets  washes  brushes his teeth showers ,  combs his hair and generalliy takes pretty good care of himself.  Washes and dries the dishes, and puts them away, mostly in the right place, can sweep the floor, makes sure we have the keys when we go out, checks to see if i have tickets for the bus when i go in town,

But best of all loves to see the sunlight on the trees, coming from behind the clouds - coming up on the lake, going down on the lake or here at home, as it shines on my plants in the back yard...as it shines on the trees when we sit in the sunporch and even tonight as we took our walk in the cool cool cool of the evening...the first word as we go out...'look how bright it is...' i usually say, well it is summr and the sun stays out longer...he never tires of it as it is always new to him...Such delight is contagious it makes us both happy...we are like little children enjoying every part of our day, as we look at everything through mac's eyes as he seems to see it all for the first time.

He just came in to the office right now to ask me - what do we do - where do we go now.  i said - come i'll show you our bedroom, you sleep with me right on this bed.  What do we do with the cat...well we feed him and then he goes to his bed in the basement.  he went back happily to the t.v., but guess what, back he came again to find out o.k. what's the drill, what do we do after the news is over...so i put on another channel the news is obviously not interesting, so had him watch the swimming races at the olympics,  he's o.k. now, but i will go and watch with him so he will not feel at loose ends...wondering where and what he is doing...reading this over makes me sad ...but I'll cheer up once we are together on the sofa watching the olympics together, as together we're happy, so g'nite.

Saturday, July 28, 2012 Putting on the Patch

The patch (Exelon) think it's called that  anyway, it has to be put on a different place above the waist - not on any rash type skin, or hair, or moles or freckles - every night...So we have fun - have to write down where i put the damn thing as I can't remember - well i kind of put it on the left shoulder last night, and after his shower this morning, gone....So now we have to watch out that it doesn't come off as it has to stay  on 24 hours.   Just put it on before he went to sleep that is if he is asleep as he usually waits for me.. luckily he won't be having a shower, showers are kind of a difficult thing these days...he is not keen but if i'm with him well different ball game...he's keen, ha.  Anyway we won't go there as this may be read by kids.

BUT, the question is - is the patch making a difference???  Well at times i think well yes - especially today, he was on the telephone with his nephew and clearly answering questions, and even though he would say - really i don't remember - he was answering on target..this was also the case when talking to his brother in law yesterday, so that's good.  The only thing really not on target is his visual perception...he was groping around the front door looking for the key hole - which is under the door knob...and also very often does not see the knife and fork on the table right in front of him...Is it worse at night, or is it like that constantly, well will have to check it out for the next couple of days...He is unsteady and particularly after sitting for long stretches, which i guess is normal, but am i noticing it more; or was i ignoring it ...it gets so that helping him constantly whether he needs it or not is becoming my mode...must stop that.

Walking, walking and walking is our cure for all that ails us,  and we really do enjoy it, today was no exception and the walk was fun, watching the boaters - but the best walk of all was this evening after a lovely dinner at  jane and leslie's home - Les drove us to isle St. Bernard to watch the sun go down..how enchanting ...everyone was sitting so quietly as the sun sank slowly behind a mountain with the sun's rays streaking along the lake.  making me think of the taps song...day is done - gone the sun -from the trees,  from the lake, form the sky, all is well safely rest, God is nigh...   and God is nigh so g'night.

Friday, July 27, 2012 Remembering the family

We went to the memory- well this morning, as Mac did the usual start...'I was just thinking of how good it is that after my lapse, my absence or your being away, that we are back together, it's wonderful -I'm so happy we're back together, it's terrific. and we have kids right?  yes - i said, do your remember them...and so he does the litany...leslie, gaye, valerie, glenna and maureen..  BUT, then he said, I remember my brother John, who came after him, Muriel?  no she is older than him, she lived in California when you were born.  That's right that's right, she married a jockey and moved away before i was born...so then there was Maimie, and then Violet, Gertie next and then Florence, but Florence died young.  Well no she died when she was in her seventies, but the others died in their seventies but before Florence...ooooh said mac, that's right...o.k. after Florence, i was born..that's me on the horse i look to be about one year old, and i'm with my brother he was how old?   He was about 18 in that picture with you you were about one year that's right.

So happy morning as he thought about his siblings and reminiced about going to Morin heights when he was just a lad, and how his uncle came to meet them with a big sledge and horses, in the winter...he and his brother would get off the train and there would be his Uncle Gordon.....how everyone used to love to visit the farm and enjoy horse riding, and the sisters would be with their cousins Geraldine, and Theresa.  I'm not sure if he hasn't got two families mixed up but he had a happy time. 

later in the day, I called his brother in law - Joey  age 90, they had a lovely chat, and he was on target, but when he got off the phone, he said how did that happen, we haven't seen Joey in many years how did he know where we live or our phone #...I explained I needed to have Gail's new phone number, Gail is Joey's daughter, lives in Fla. and was planning to visit for joey's 90th birthday, I wanted to know just when she would be arriving to set up a date.  Well it's all Greek or whatever - but he listened and said, oh well that's good.  Actually it's not, as she isn't well, and isn't coming...but we'll discuss that another time.

But evening brings different problems, and just as i was about to get on the computer to write this Blog...he came in and said, have you seen janet, do you know where she is...  I went to him and said, o.k. who am I, ok. he said you are Janet I'm confused...so I said, look you like to listen to the news with Peter Mansbridge, it's on,so you watch the news, I'll do my thing on the computer and then bring in the cat. - we'll watch the rest of the news together, o.k.  So that's the story right now...I'm off to get Mischa and watch the news, and make sure that Mac knows who I am..g'nite.

Thursday, July 26, 2012 The memory lingers on.

Anything about trains and Mac's eyes light up, and so when we discussed train trips he remembered our big first trip, and that was our honeymoon.  He usually remembers that we had a kind of book of tickets - but they were passes as we went by train to Miami, and we travelled on various railways.  He used to remember the names of these railways, but now doesn't but he did remember that each railway had a separate pass, of course his main pass was with CN.  Washington was he thought our first stop, and how beautiful all the crab apple  trees were in blossom  that I remembered, he remembered that the conductor gave us his seat until he could find us better ones.  (really?)  when i said that, Mac said well he was joking...well who knows.

He remembered the people we met, especially two girls Olga and Rosie, who had reservations at the Arlington hotel.   We, being such greenhorns did not have a reservation, and Miami was packed with conventioneers  - so although we had planned to stay at a hotel recommended by friends, it was completely booked, luckily we went with the two girls...and lucky it was as we had such a fun honeymoon.   The two girls attracted some really interesting people, (men) and along with the guys, a cute couple from New York.
By the end of the honeymoon, Olga and Rosie became friends, and in time Olga became Aunt Olga to our children, we visited her in Steubenville ohio, and she visited us in our first apartment.  We corresponded through the years, and now we have pictures of the fun times but no longer have our friend, as she passed on a few years ago.  But Mac remembered her and the  men - two brothers from New jersey, amazing.

This led us to remembering how we lugged items for our first home, an apartment on Barclay...at that time all those apartements were brand new.  The apartments, the people and we  too are old , and so the song has ended but the melody lingers on, and so does the memory..

Oh and lucky for us Mac's memory clued us in yesterday when Valerie
ac and I arrived at the lake, it was Mac who said  "hey where is the raft'  and where was it?  We all stood on the deck and scanned the lake - there was the runaway raft across the lake.  Good for Val who spotted it,  she and i rowed over attached it to our boat and Val rowed like the dragon boater she is and got it back home.  With help from our pal Bruce she got it back in place with a new cinder block..

Now we're home and Mac is saying - hmm is our raft still there, we'll have to keep track.  And so we will as it's in our collective memory. hope...g'nite

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Tuesdays are my days to be on my own...as mentioned before it is going really well as Mac is comfortable and happy with his care giver from the A assoc.  Today I joined my support group - which was also sponsored by theA association - where 5 of the 12 in the group were able to get together and enjoy a fabulous day in a member's home and swimming pool.

This support group business was something i did not think was too necessary, but at the urging of my family i decided to go..this was an eye opener, we all - in the group -  learned so much, gained so much and the word support is understated as in our case it is more than support it has become our lifeline and i really wish to push this idea to those who know or have a person with Alzheimer's in the family.  Apparently each group has a different dynamic and of course not all members can or wish to continue after the group meetings are over.  The meetings take place once a week for eight weeks...and in our case we were eleven people and I would say we really bonded.  For two of the members it has been impossible because of other commitments to get to follow-up meetings - but they have stated clearly that it has been a godsend for them and the material they have has been a terrific help. 

In my own case, I both the follow-up meetings and the material, books, recomendations and of course the group that i continue to see have been not only support, but interesting and fun people who I am so happy to have met.  One of them today said - out of adversity has come happiness so much more than what we had anticipated when we started. 

Well what did we anticipate...I personally thought there would be very little the leader could say that i didn't already know from my readings, meeting new people would be okay, but I didn't really want  to SHARE anything with strangers, and really personally didn't want to hear their sad tale of woe as then it would make me worry that it whatever "it" would be would happen to me and I didn't want that. 

So how did all these negative feelings and thoughts disappear, I really couldn't say, it was a gradual and very quiet process that began with our terrific leader Bernie who was an  Alzheimer nurse ...and somehow with a firm idea of just what she wanted to pass on and to have us learn -and what we would  give, and receive from the group was clear from the get go.  In any case it worked for all of us...and we continue on...so pass this message to everyone...if you have A in your family join a group, this goes for my own family - as well as the readers of  this blog.   The Alzheimer's Association phone number in Montreal is 1-888-636-6473  or 514-369-7891.

Mac and his memories is all the better for my joining..that's it for a few days..bye now

All this to say, that

Monday, July 23, 2012 Who runs this place?

Just returned home from our paradise on the lake, a quickie for a couple of lovely days.  Super weather until this evening's downpour, but whose complaining, the only thing is that quick visits make for a kind of disorientation for Mac.  As we sat in the sunporch last evening enjoying our grandson Olivier enjoying his eleventh birthday celebration with his brother and friends, Mac popped this question, Who runs this place?  There must be some organization?  Well yes, we run it, you and I, or I guess I do with the kids help I answered.

Well there must me more people involved..This didn't just get here with all this equipment ...Well Mac.no it didn't just get here, it took many years, approximtely twenty-five or so to make these cabins, cottages, or whatever you wish to call them into our "homes away from home".  Do you remember when we were at your sister's place across the lake, she died and your neice asked us to be legal tenants, that's how we became cottage country people...something we never wished to be ever.  Oh yes Mac said, Violet's place was not on the lake so we wanted to buy a place right  on the lake.  That's right, now you've got it...I replied.

Yes but how did we get into such an organization...No organization, we found these places with Bruce, Jean, Bob and Rose, many years ago when we were walking around the lake.  Remember buying the houses from Mrs Marin, how she loved our large family, if she could see how large it is now, she'd be delighted - and how we have all enjoyed so many wonderful days in her home away from home, just as we are doing today.  Mac looked at the electrical fixtures hanging from the cathedral type ceiling..well who did that, and who bought those, we did Mac, but anyway, the subject was almost beyond his comprehension, and so as he tends to do when this happens, he ended the subject with - 'well it was all hundreds of years ago',  well not quite it was more like 26 or 27 years ago, mmmm he said..well I'm off to bed. 

It was a kind of wakeful night as our sweet little Finley was also disoriented in a new place, and so was Mac; asking me questions during the night - such as what's out there, my answer, the living room and kitchen, - but finally both he and the baby settled down, but somehow, i couldn't settle.  We've had so many many summers - looking at scenery that is beyond belief, that it was almost too sad to contemplate that he couldn't remember.  BUT, the loons did it.  Sitting on the deck today, seeing the mom, dad and baby loon, brought back some distant memories of these days for Mac, and when I said, well we're going back to Chateauguay tonight, but will be back here at the end of the week, he replied, Great!!  And so it is.

Saturday, July 21, 2012 The Bay of Fundy

We were at Valerie's pool today and I was trying to get Mac to at least put his feet in the water.  I said, it's beautiful, lovely water comon  just try it.  No way, he just watched and talked to me as I swam around doing my Esther Williams routine, ha.  He said I used to swim in water so cold that once the kids I hung out with and I got in we never got out all day, as we hated to get used to it all over again.  I said, oh that was in St. Johns right - New Brunswick...yes he said,   I stayed with my sister, Gertie and her husband Bill, yay, he remembered.  Then we both started to think exactly where.  I said, that was where they have the highest tide in the world.  what's the place now???  We both couldn't remember.  then Valerie came, she said it's where these 3 big rocks - she gave them a name too, but now I can't remember...wow talk about memories...anyway, finally, I remembered  The Bay of Fundy. 

As we walked home from Valerie's pool, he spoke about his days in New Brunswick, how fun it was to be a kid in that place, and what wonderful times the kids there had in the Bay of Fundy..but then as we were walking he said, do we have far to go now.  I realized he didn't know where we were, and as we got to our street he said which way to we go.  This is something new, he usually is right on target when we are on our own street...I said, this is our street, we were 3 houses from our own house  I said, do you know which house is ours???  Well not really, is it the tall one.  I said right that's it..what colour is it...well I'm not sure is that our house... When we were at the driveway, he said oh yes , now I know where I am. 

Well all I can say, is hope this patch thing does something for him, because this is a first, his street and his house were always very familiar...never mind remembering The Bay of Fundy,  lets remember where we live.

Friday, July 20, 2012 A patch - what's a patch

We're back on track,on blog, but we've been back for a few days - we had a bit of bad luck, or I should say our friend Christine who brought us up north last Friday had the bad luck. We were at our beautiful lake Hughes paradise, but decided after 3 days of walking on bumpy terrain - not too cool for both Christine who has had knee problems or for Mac with his visual perceptual problems that we would go to the aerobic corridor - Morin heights.(Petit Train du Nord )

T'was a beautiful walk - level ground - BUT - a biker came behind us yodelling to get us out of the way and poor Christine jumped on some slippery grass, fell and dislocated her shoulder. Well after 5 good looking firemen entertained us at the walk site for 2 hours while we waited for an ambulance..Christine was finally away to St.Jerome Hospital, and Gaye, our daughter, came up north to drive us home. Our car is still there enjoying, but Mac and I are back in town...boo hoo.

Actually not suffering too much as we have been enjoying Valerie's pool, but we should be up n. again soon, in the meantime Chistine was released the next day sporting a very tight sling, which will be her cross to bear for two weeks, so not fun...

As for Mac he has something to wear too. A patch...the doctor declared that aricept is no longer a viable med. for him and suggested exalon - which is a patch. Putting it on top of Mac's right arm - he said "a patch what's a patch" well I really don't know why it should be medicine in a patch, but explained it's something new- meds in a patch for your memory
Well, o.k. how long will this go on...don't know but we'll see, I guess we'll have to see if your memory improves.

I had to wait two weeks to decide on the patch, and since I see he is not as on-target - noted he didn't know me twice, plus didn't remember from morning to afternoon just where we were - decided that's it time to try something new. Thankfully Mac is always happy with me and grateful for all I do for him and says so...he appreciates every little thing, and before going to bed tonight as I put on his patch he said, "you are such a sweet girl, I'm so glad I married you"..."well I'm glad I married you too Mac."

Thursday, July 12, 2012 and on the same subject.

As I think I mentioned before Mac continually asks   "where did we meet, how did we meet'  and so i repeat the story over and over, and actually really don't get bored, as we both love the same subject...
That is ---our lucky happening, iei -  that my friend moved to the lakeshore and she and i shared weeknights at my home in montreal, (Park Ex to be exact) and weekends at her home...and of course her home being on the lakeshore road near Pine Beach in Dorval, and that being Mac's gangs fave place...that is where we met. We both think that is so lucky, what if we hadn't met, what if this what if that.   but we did and as one of our gifts say.. We lived happily ever after...thanks to our lovely family and friends.

So it's time to close the curtain on our happy story, we're off to the country, the blog will continue when we return, how will he fare on bumpy terrain and in the cottage, well we will see...we will think positive, and so we send out good vibrations to everyone --enjoy the heat wave - that's what we will do too. Lake Hughes here we come...

Continuing, some how i got blogged off there Wed. July 11, 2012

Just want to finish this on a more positive note.  Today, all day he was on target, knew who he was with, namely Janet...and he had a what he considered a wonderful day, as he walked and talked with baby Finley.  At dinner he said, he is so cute,  Mac has to be reminded that Finley is a girl, but he loves her and always says, all I have to do is say hello to her and she smiles and giggles ...I said she loves you...and knows who you are.

He said, I know who she is too, and you too,  Also, listening to lovely music while we ate dinner he was able to sing the words to an oldie that we used to laugh at...Let me Go lover....and that was fun.  So everything is o.k. now.  g'nite

Wednesday, July 11, 2012 Well it's o.k. now

Something that I knew would happen but had put out of my head did HAPPEN, last night, Mac sat up in bed, as I was bringing him his water and bedtime pill and said 'What's your name?"  Now he has done that in the past, but as a joke, which I told him having A he should not joke around, as it isn't funny, I get too nervous.  BUT, this time he was not joking, I could see that he really did not know who I was.  I'm Janet, I said very quickly, O.K. what is your last name?  Janet McConnell, this time a little shaky i put the water glass down, and the pill and said, my name again.  What is your other name?  I said, you mean - umm Mergler, then Mac said, ooohhh, right  - I said remember my parents were deaf.  Yes, yes, said Mac, I'm confused, I'm confused, don't know my own name never mind your name.  So he took his pill, and said, hmmm feel better now, I'll go to sleep and wake up and know what's what.  When I got in bed I said, are you o.k. now?
Still confused he said, but go to sleep and I'll go to sleep and I'll be o.k.

So am keeping that in my journal as I have to keep track of how he is - as the doc wants to give him a patch type pill if he is not in the usual way.  This morning I reminded him that he was not so on target last night - mentioned my parents being deaf.  He said, I remember seeing deaf people on the corner of Bleury and St. Catherine st. many many years ago.  They were all talking sign language.  Yes, i said my dad was probably one of them, he worked there at the Belgo Bldg. he was a tailor for Freedman Co.  and many deaf people worked in the 'rag trade' as it was called.  Then he said, well I'm o.k. now.  I remember your parents were deaf...that's right.

 from there he launched into how he loved to get on his bike and ride all the way to ine Beach on the lakeshore...and how he and his gang would sing and laugh - We don't care for all the rest of Canada we're from St. Henri. 

Tuesday, July 10, 2012 Facts - keep life simple

One of the things about Alzheimers is there are may opinions out there as to just how bad it is, I know that when I heard that some one had this disease I would jump to the conclusion that the person was really out of it, and unable to function - and would not be able to carry  on a conversation in a normal way.  Well in some cases I was right, but each person is different, and also each way the person reacts is different.  In Mac's case he still has a sense of humour, not sure if that's the same with others; but it is a saving grace in our home.

Mac for instance yesterday said ; hey I was just brushing my teeth, and looked at myself in the mirror, and said 'who the hell is that guy anyway, honestly I don't recognize that face, can't believe it's me"  I answered, well  it's you get used to it, i think you are pretty good looking"...he smiled looked pretty pleased with himself and said...well hmmm if you think so.'  Then later I said, hope you remember my name, yes he said with a straight face, it's Horasse///  horse's ass....I guess some people would get upset by that..but his usual way is so dependent and loving, so I kind of got a kick out of the double entendre and insult, so laughted with delight.  Of course he then added, no I know who you are you are Janet and I love you. 

 But anyway, life goes on and we cope.  He doesn't or can't seem to follow all the news, but i prattle away about things, and if he wants to know more, he will stop me and say, I don't understand tell me that again and make it clear.  His latest test was low scored, so he is off his main med for two weeks, so far i find him on target for the things he is interested in, i.e. food,  t.v. news at night, where his wallet is, also where the cat is...
yesterday is gone, the party we had Saturday, is long gone..we are in the now.  

As the A. help book specifies, keep life simple; give few choices re clothes keep only a few to choose from, give food that is simple to eat, or cut it ahead of time if it is necessary to use a knife, have finger foods and fruit available.  I find when I do this, Mac always has great compliments, - "you are such a good cook, your meals are great, and of course since i always did make cookies, you make great cookies' Now if I can just get him to use a cane now and again.  In any case he is a happy camper so that makes me happy too.

Having the same person from the A. assoc, every Tues, is good he is now very content , that is Helen, he now  knows her, so I can go out for a few hours on my own or with friends.  This should also be the case with family - he should see them one at a time at a specific day or time, not always easy to do, but will have to work on that, as it would be good if he knew his own kids as well as he knows Helen. oh and not to forget Brianna and Finley the baby, he sees them on a regular basis as well, and Finley now 6 mos old is his love.

July 9, 2012 Today is my Birthday

Good times and bad times are all part of our life, and when one reaches 80, one tries to dwell on the good; so think I'll go there as this is what makes the day.

So as we started on our walk, it is always Mac's pleasure to point out the good simple things in life, and it is clear that to him it is all new.  Wow he'll say look how that sun is shining...are they dandelions, no i said, dandelions seem to be finished, think they are called butter and eggs...must check those little yellow flowers out when i get up n. as that's where my wildflower book is..oh butter and eggs, what a funny name says mac; .then when we got to the river...the white heron opened it's wings wide which is great as Mac could see it clearly...i said oh goodie he is here again today.  Oh said Mac was he here yesterday...well yes - he was.

   Every night at about six p.m. he'll say  look at the sun still shining, the sky is so blue still, I seem to say the same thing too.  Well it's summer the sun only goes down about 8;30 or so. 

Then on to some shopping at Zellers Mac wanted to buy something for me, but I really don't need a thing, but had to get some thing for my two buddies as we all have the same bd and will celebrate together tomorrow.  As we were going through the cash, the girl mentioned that Zellers will not become Target, but will probably close by January..Could not believe it, mentioned to Mac, we've had a store here for 50 years,  now they say it's going to be condo's...how sad.  Well he said, i didn't even realize we've been here 50 years...well it's gone that fast to me too, and so have 80 years...so appreciate the sun and now to appreciate the stars.  g'nite.

July 8, 2012 Anniversary memories

We're both still floating on cloud nine, or i am, although almost asleep here as well,  we are just getting over the wonderful 60th anniversary party our family put on for us last night. 

Many of our friends and even some relatives came from near and far.  It was a delight to see everyone.  Mac actually enjoyed the evening  only  problem was one time when he couldn't see me, I was dancing at the time.  But friends and family stayed with him throughout most of the night  some of whom he really did recognize...at one point just as our friend Klaus was leaving Mac said, "you know I thought to myself - I recognize that face and now I really do, you are  Klaus Minde"...he repeated this a couple of times and seemed so surprised and happy with himself.  So I realize for those many times he says, hmmm yes I know that name or face, he probably doesn't as one could see he was so excited to really know Klaus, then he said, of course it's so long since we have been together...well that's again the fact that the long time is his memory loss.  Today I asked if he remembered the party ..well no - not really said Mac.  Should point out that he always knows our great grandbaby Finley; who was the star of the party.

So again  his thoughts are the  long time where he thinks we've been apart..and always the happy thought that - wow how lucky we got back together.  One of the anniversary gifts we received was a saying within a frame - the saying was:  "And they lived happily ever after"  this seems to encapsulate Mac's feelings - we are now happily together after so long a time apart; it is sad and awful when one really thinks about it that he doesn't remembe all the happy times we've had over the past 60 years; but we honestly are living happily ever after. For how long; well that is not for us to know. 




 

Friday, July 6, 2012 The memory well

This morning at breakfast it seemed like Mac's memory well has filled up so much it's hard to remember which story to tell first. I think it started with his saying the trains used to run by his house, which was on the laporte corner of Richilieu...at that time and there is a hill and at the top of the hill was where the trains went by. Well apparently the teenage kids in the gang he hung out with, would sneak over the fence and get some track bombs. Later they would set them on the streetcar tracks, then sitting happily in the park on the St. Antoine between Agnes and laporte Streets, they would all roar with laughter - watching the poor conductor and the passengers on the street car go into hysterics as the streetcar would go over the bombs and set them off.

I said that gang of yours had a crazy sense of humour..right agreed Mac, but it was kind of fun, and he said it was also funny when one of the gang, Joe, who was near sighted, wouldn't wear glasses - he wanted to look cool for the girls, anyway, Joe would come through the park to join us continued Mac - and all the gang would stand up on the benches and start waving their arms and hankies saying o.k. Joe, here we are - this way o,k. turn right now left; Poor Joe would get wild, and yell J.C,. cut it out, damn you guys, etc. and that would get them all laughing - I do remember that gang and for sure they were crazy -but fun and most of them really did well when they matured. Certainly Mac did, although he and his closest friend Bob, were not quite as crazy but enjoyed the antics of the others.

And strange but interesting; his mind jumped to the days when his mom was ailing, and how she died...we didn't go into it too far, but we were married at that time. He mentioned how he went right away to his mom's house as did his sister Florence, they called the doctor; he found it strange but just like a woman, Florence wanted to chanage her mom's nightie and comb her hair to make her look good for the doctor. He remembered being so upset about that. And stranger still, not ten minutes after this story,Gail his neice phoned us from Fla. her mom was Florence who is no longer alive.

we certainly went back in time with Gail she wanted to wish us a happy anniversary as she will be missing our party..will have to go over the memories she had of us - it's amazing how much she remembers from 60 years ago when we were married..she was only 7 years old then.

But that's enough memories for tonight.

Thursday, July 5, 2012 This is all NONSENSE

Well when i look at the spelling of nonsense, it is clear that it means makes no sense, that is precisely how mac felt the interview he had with our doctor today should be labelled.  NONSENSE.    I could understand just how he felt, he had to take the test for his memory, this is an ongoing test which has to be given every year in order for Mac to obtain the necessary medication - in his case Aricept - through medicare. 

The test asks very simple questions, i.e what day is it today,   where are you right now,   what street are we on...what is the date, what is the season.  etc.  in the past Mac would just lope through these questions, his score would be almost perfect, BUT, the doctor knew he had Alzheimers  from other tests, a kind of assessment which eliminates other possible causes for his behaviour plus neuroloical testing.  Anyway, mac could NOT answer some of the  questions, and then refused to answer but with the doctor's persistence and patience mac did answer and though he didn't score high, his score was not too low.  BUT, he wanted to go home, 1. because the tests were all nonsense, and 2. because he has had falls and should try a cane -according to the doc. and 3. he had to have another kind of meds possibly that would be a patch...and 4. because he has to see how he is without aricept for 2 wks.  

Of course who is to blame for this business of having to go to the doctor in the first place.  well of course - it is ME...so mac gave me all kinds of black glowering looks, and told me he would speak to me later and i would regret this etc.  He was uncooperative and unresponsive all the way home in the car with leslie my son and myself...at home he sat in his chair and closed his eyes...no lunch..he didn't want to speak to anyone that could condone the nonsense he had gone through.  BUT, later in the day, a ray of light came in to the house, our wonderful Great Grand child  Finley, who just loves Great Grand Mac, and he loves her  - her 6 month old charms worked wonders...and by dinner time, he had forgotten the nonsense part of the day.

I reminded him of his behaviour, how he doesn't want to ever see that doctor again, and he just couldn't believe he said that.  So all is well - he said he was so sorry, what was he thinking, and certainly he knows he can't remember a thing, so of course he MAY try a cane, and of course he will take his meds and of course it's not nonsense.    So endeth another day in the life of my sweet husband MAC.

Wednesday, July 4th, 2012 happy independence day u.s.a.

For those who are celebrating the 4th. hope the huge rain storm we got didn't rain on your parade...apparently it did rain on a festival parade  in downtown montreal. 

Mentioned the celebration and fireworks etc  in the U.S. to Mac, somehow it didn't ring a bell - these special days and what they mean used to bring some reaction either to the day or the reason for celebrating Canada Day, or St. jean Baptiste  - in fact anything related to  politics  is not a big subject any more.  Although Mac rarely misses the news every night - he seems to be more interested in personal stories, i.e. those that are concerned with kidnapping, or murder, whereas, those stories were put on the back burner in the past, and the politics of the day were the main reason for watching the news.  Now interest in any story is good, and helps to make the day interesting for him and of course for myself. 

So I am choosing movies with a one thread story line..anything that has too many characters, or too many side stories are out....those are the  sleepers.  This is a big change, and so when I now say, o.k. this was the kind of movie which was very simple and uninteresting in the past..o.k. he will like it now.  Though, he did like some musicals, such as Brigadoon, Mary poppins ..so decided to show the movie Blue Skies, well kind of a sleeper for me, but we are now actually watching approximately one movie a week, which is a nice break as for over two years he has not watched anything other than news and train movies.  Will look for others on the same idea -

He knows his memory is the pits, and at times seems to realize just how much he is missing, that is sad..and I commiserate with him - think this helps - we do not try to hide this from each other it's there.  As far as his falling and at times feeling weak, we face this as well.  Today he said, I think my days are numbered, this because he could not sit on the grass near the river, getting that low would cause too much of a problem for him.  He could only stand and lean against the tree where we were - whereas, i was sitting on the grass easily - I really felt for him and just answered by saying, everyone's days are numbered, let's be happy we're still here.

 As we walked past the place where we have put our names in for a 41/2 apt. we met a person who we know who lives there, she was pushing her walker along in the heat.  I asked her how she was and did she still like the place.  She answered 'very much so', then i asked if she uses the indoor  pool , well apparently she doesn't swim..but that is one of reasons I like this place - so while our days may be numbered, we still have a choice, and we will certainly have to think on this.  to move or not to move.  And just what are our choices.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012 Appreciation Day

Just when I thought the memory well had run dry, Mac was relating all kinds of memories over his breakfast this a.m.  It started first with his litany of our children and their names, Leslie, Gaye, Valerie, Glenna and Maureen, in that  order.  This time he said, i say their names all the time, but it's hard for me to see their faces, but I know we have good kids.  We're lucky a good family, i see a big gang somewhere.  I said, maybe it's all the family our children and their children...yes probably he replied.  I said we usually see all of them on birthdays. mac continued with   Yes and i see the pictures of my family, they are long gone.  My sisters, and my brother.  Your mom and dad, they are gone too.."

Then he said, "but we saw the little baby yesterday. ( Good a recent memory. )  I reminded him that little baby was Finley..Oh yes, Finley, she is wonderful, said Mac, yesterday, she smiled and smiled and laughed.  All I have to say is Hellooo  .. now whose baby is she..." She is Brianna's baby, remember Brianna is Valerie's daughter, and our grandchild.  ...well maybe a little complicated, but he said 'right'...and that baby is terrific.

.These days (although rather sad for me)  that he always thinks we have been apart, and then how wonderful that we are back together.  It somehow makes it something he just appreciates so much.  For example he thinks i work so hard, he loves me so much for that and for what I do...He is happy for the most part and rarely complains. 

Although he is never sure just what's going on, and especially in the night, ....are we alone, are we in our own house and how many are we...are the questions he asks - then he settles down and sleeps soundly. 

Today our support group met for a picnic in the park, ; Alheimers is such  big part in our   lives, we share our thoughts and for this and for my happy husband  I appreciate.

Monday, July 2, 2012 The day I found you

Right after we woke up this morning Mac turned to me and said, 'we're the only ones in this house eh?  That's right, we are, i said - used to be you and I and five children, but they are married now - have their own children.  Oh yes, but where did I find you, so i went throught the usual scenario.  only laughingly said, you found me on the beach, Pine  Beach in Dorval, with all the other pebbles on the beach'  hmmm that's right, you tore your bathing suit...he loves thinking about that...and how he helped me.  But then he added, after that we married ???  yes we did, then he said, and for such a long long time we were not together, so I'm really glad I found you again.

This is a constant refrain, the long time when we weren't together...but it always ends so happily - we are together and it makes me think of that old song.   'i bless the day i found you..and I surely do bless the day we found each other.  

Canada Day July 1, 2012

Although it's Canada Day, we didn't get to do anything patriotic, we didn't go to to the festivities in our own area..as they were being held at a football field,  - no trees.  What we did do though was enjoy the gem that we have in Chateauguay, which is Ile St. Bernard.   a nature sanctuary -an  apple orchard hiking trails -where  lake St. louis, and the St. lawrence River meet , and super scenery.  We sat on alpine chairs watching para sailing experts , dragon boaters,  kyakers and just generally enjoying.  On our way home,  I was thinking how we hadn't heard a word of English all day, which isn't surprising as Chateauguayers are  70% French speaking; when who should be cycling towards us in the beautiful park area,(Parc La Commune) but our son Les and his wife Jane..So we chatted - so guess we did hear some English.  But it is s lovely to hear French as for me it is the third most beautiful language, italian, Spanish and French in that order...

But this is a blog about macs memory and walking seems to bring many memories to Mac and I but actually it was early this morning when we were talking about our grandaughter Carlee's graduation from High School, Mac said, "I graduated"   I said, not really, well yes from Sir George Williams - now Concordia.  He said 'well I went to school in St. Henri."  I couldn't remember the name but he did,  Lewis Evans - and apparently according to Mac it closed right after he finished grade 7.    He remembered the name and that it was on Richilieu St.  but i reminded him that in high school apparently his main focus was playing  hockey, and being a stick boy for the Montreal Royals and the Chicago Black Hawks when they were in town...and he only went as far as Grade 9.  Later when we were married   he took a mature entry  test or something to see if he could go to University..and we both remembered he passed with marks that were so stunning- we were both shocked.  Right said Mac so I graduated? Yes you did, I said, and at that time you had become a father for the fourth time,  Glenna was only about eight months old.   Oh said Mac, oh well - but I did.graduate..well for sure you certainly did.

Must get back to him re; the hockey focus, as I know he was so keen and met so many hockey greats at that time, as well, his favorite cousin Russell McConnell was an all star hockey player for McGill .
Well must look at Canada's history tonight on t.v.  and think about Mac's history later.