Those were the words I have in my journal from December 2009, and these words were said in a bad temper by Mac...I then go on to say he is so uptight and not sure of himself. Apparently the next day I had planned to go to Fairview to exchange things..(life is still like that -just went to Fairview center to exchange things yesterday)anyway going back to 2009, I then decided I would NOT go to Fairview, but would instead, go out WALKING with Mac, as the difference in his thinking and temperament when walking and after were absolutely clear.
I have just posted a video about exercise on Facebook - the video points out how very important exercise is for people over 50, how their lives are then enriched by better health as they get older. If there is anything enlightening about this blog for others it is that exercise, especially walking, is not only beneficial in a physical way, i.e. keeping your body strong enough to go up and down stairs, to do daily tasks of all kinds, including that simplest of tasks but a most important one is that of going to the toilet by yourself.
Remember that the brain functions better if one exercises, and that is the basic idea when one thinks of Alzheimer patients.
This blog was started in about 2012 or 13, have to check back, but in any case I see in my journal of 2007 the signs of Alzheimer in Mac, or a type of dementia that brought us to the doctor in the first place ..these are not ones that I see listed online for people to think of, but these are the ones I noted... .
1. Mac cannot seem to turn his head to check when backing up in the car, he relies on his side mirrors.
2. doing exercises in bed with me in the morning, can not twist his ankles from side to side.
3. writing which was always so clear, becoming less so, spelling off target.
4. He also could not seem to write on the lines or focus on them
5. His short term memory not so bad.
6. His long term memory fine
7. Memory for faces and names - poor
8. His reading slower, though he is still doing crossword puzzles and reading the paper every day.
9. Still walking every day
10. Having trouble dialing phone or hearing people on the phone.
As you can see, the teacher part of me took over, and I was watching and checking everything.
He had been diagnosed from these and other signs in 2007..and by 2009 as mentioned above, he would be so temperamental and unsure, but walking made him much better and continued to do so until the end in 2015.
Of course, because of the disease, he progressively became unable to do so much, this I wrote about but I just thought I would put the list in for good measure, and again focus on how important it is to exercise. I'm writing this for myself as well, as I have gained weight and see how easy it is to sit back now that I don't have my incentive i.e. my Mac..and how gaining the weight has made me less keen to move my body..so that has to stop..so today..I went for a walk in the snow drifts, will do some dancercise before bed. and practice what I preach.
So now to put some good exercise music on and get going, I'm going to start the New Year right. Sooo
g'nite.
Tuesday 29 December 2015
Friday 25 December 2015
Friday, December 25,2015 A Christmas Hi
This is the hi I wrote to a friend today:..
It’s now 10:30 a.m. Christmas Day.. The sun is shining and it’s warm outside. can you believe, the grass is green. Last night I went to the Christmas eve service at our little Anglican Church here in Lachine…in my spring coat…my friends were in sweaters or jackets. Global Warming for sure. I’ve never ever seen a Christmas like this one. Actually I don’t like it..Where is our snow…boo hoo
Can’t complain about anything. Well I can..actually..Christmas without Mac is not Christmas, so I’m at the computer thinking of Christmas in the past. What a difference. Appreciate Tom, and live for the moment. Actually we did, and we had fun, even last Christmas.
.Right now I’m looking at the decorations in the house as I type..I’ve put up a little tree and I’ve loads of indications of Christmas, so I guess it is..I have to bake a salmon – get my stuff that I’m bringing to Maureen’s home i.e. vegetable casserole, plum pudding and hard sauce, the salmon, cookies, wine, and stacks of presents for everyone into some kind of a big box..don’t know who will pick me up, I’ll get some indication online soon or by phone…whoever has any room for my stuff and theirs…We will be… starting with Maureen whose the hostess this year along with her husband Donald, sons Olivier and Noah…Gaye Bill and their boys Chris and Robin, Les, Jane, Jacob and Rosemary, Jacob’s girlfriend (Teri) will come in few days, but Rosemary’s Boyfriend Malachy will be there..then there will be Glenna and Martin’s –Orin, his girlfriend,hose name excapes me now, Evan, Carlee and boyfriend Donavan, Valerie, her son Brandon, daughter Brianna, Lorne, and their children Finley and Lachlan, and with myself I guess we will be quite a crowd.. What a time I had trying to remember gifts for this one and that one, - plus think of the friends and the people who work here. I was beginning to feel like a real GRINCH.
But all is calm at the moment, and just in time here comes the end of the Massiah which is on the radio..I’m turning it up.. The Hallelujah Chorus…
MERRY CHRISTMAS…XXXJAN. P.S. I LOVED YOUR CARD.
Monday 21 December 2015
Monday, December 21,2015 Hey what's happening......
That's what I said on Sunday morning at 4:00 a.m. as I woke up to the most god awful sound of the fire alarm. It is earsplitting and went on for about five minutes..I got up and put on my kimono slippers and ran out in the hall, just two of the residents straggled out of their apartments and looked around, they were too frazzled and not really with it - actually neither was I but decided if there is a fire, I guess I'll go down the stairs..in my sleepy state I kind of noticed "no numbers on the doors" - I live on the 6th floor, couldn't really tell if I had reached the ground floor, but did reach the sub-basement, crazy dark and dreary, I looked out a door it was pitch dark,and no one was there..talk about scary..so I trooped back up all the flights of stairs, with my heart pounding, (I'm claustrophobic so it was more than just the stairs) I hate closed in places.
To make a long story short. would you believe the fire alarm had stopped BUT, then continued to scream in our ears just about every 15 to 20 minutes till 8:00 a.m. My friend Lettie tells me it rang for 5 minutes or more twelve times total. Poor Lettie on her side(tower A) she went down the stairs twice.
We did have a male nurse who told us the new system was not completely installed and they did not know how to turn it off properly..(no kidding) He also told me the system indicated a fire on the second and sixth floor, but he couldn't find any smoke or fire anywhere..Only 8 people were on duty at that time...all were just as frustrated and completely out of their depth. I kept wanting to phone 911, but then would think oh maybe now it's finished and I can sleep..ha. fat chance.
I thought we would get some kind of apology and explanation from the powers that be, today..BUT NO..so I am going to make a few suggestions.
1. get the damn system fixed pronto
2. put numbers on the front and back of the stairwell doors
3. put a bright tape on the last step of each flight so a person like Lettie doesn't almost fall on her face thinking there is another step (as that is what came close to happening to her.)
4. What on earth will they do if there is a real fire, almost all the people are too old and weak to take the stairs. Just think Lettie has a pace maker and she said it kept going on..how awful..
I was so uptight with claustrophobia that I had to get out of the building right away in the morning, and at 8:30 when the men were fixing the elevators I insisted I go down and out right away. (by the way all the doors to the floors were locked i.e. when I was going back up I didn't know what floor I was on - no #'s, so I would try the doors they were locked except for the top floor, 6th, thank God. I now have the cat's leash by the door in case of fire, so he will be with me, poor guy he didn't know what was going on. I can only say Thank God too that Mac was not here, he would have panicked and been in a state.loud horrible noises were one of his real hates, he would have had a fit.
So as I write this all is well, but tomorrow, I'm going to get on the director's cases for sure. so g'nite.
To make a long story short. would you believe the fire alarm had stopped BUT, then continued to scream in our ears just about every 15 to 20 minutes till 8:00 a.m. My friend Lettie tells me it rang for 5 minutes or more twelve times total. Poor Lettie on her side(tower A) she went down the stairs twice.
We did have a male nurse who told us the new system was not completely installed and they did not know how to turn it off properly..(no kidding) He also told me the system indicated a fire on the second and sixth floor, but he couldn't find any smoke or fire anywhere..Only 8 people were on duty at that time...all were just as frustrated and completely out of their depth. I kept wanting to phone 911, but then would think oh maybe now it's finished and I can sleep..ha. fat chance.
I thought we would get some kind of apology and explanation from the powers that be, today..BUT NO..so I am going to make a few suggestions.
1. get the damn system fixed pronto
2. put numbers on the front and back of the stairwell doors
3. put a bright tape on the last step of each flight so a person like Lettie doesn't almost fall on her face thinking there is another step (as that is what came close to happening to her.)
4. What on earth will they do if there is a real fire, almost all the people are too old and weak to take the stairs. Just think Lettie has a pace maker and she said it kept going on..how awful..
I was so uptight with claustrophobia that I had to get out of the building right away in the morning, and at 8:30 when the men were fixing the elevators I insisted I go down and out right away. (by the way all the doors to the floors were locked i.e. when I was going back up I didn't know what floor I was on - no #'s, so I would try the doors they were locked except for the top floor, 6th, thank God. I now have the cat's leash by the door in case of fire, so he will be with me, poor guy he didn't know what was going on. I can only say Thank God too that Mac was not here, he would have panicked and been in a state.loud horrible noises were one of his real hates, he would have had a fit.
So as I write this all is well, but tomorrow, I'm going to get on the director's cases for sure. so g'nite.
Tuesday 15 December 2015
Tuesday, December 15, 2014...my husband just......
Life goes on and stories abound in this residence, they are sometimes lovely stories, and sometimes so so sad..but of course, this being a Seniors residence, well one realizes this goes with the territory.
Today Lettie, and I were waiting for the Teapot bus that takes us shopping at IGA every Tuesday. You may remember my stories about Lettie the 91 year old friend here in the residence. She was the first woman Anglican priest in Canada; her husband was the one I used to look after while she was getting over a broken hip. then if you recall, he broke his hip too, and not too long after he improved but then had cancer as well as a type of dementia and died. How sad is that; and no matter how old one is of course she like myself misses her husband so much; but life goes on.
So today there we were waiting for the bus in the lobby of the residence when we saw Darlene. I call her Darling Darlene, she is always so much fun. She is a sweet looking young woman who works serving in the dining room also she often is the companion to take the ailing residents to their doctor or hospital appointments. That's what she was doing when we met her.
She was not looking too happy or fun loving as she wheeled Mrs. Hood along to the door. When she saw Lettie and I she came over to us and just shocked us when she said, "did you know my husband died last week."
I could hardly believe it, her husband was only 50 years old. She said she woke up in the morning and there was her husband in bed, and he had died.
Apparently the doctors do not know how he died. He had been healthy - in fact I saw him last week driving his car into our parking lot He had come as usual to pick her up Darlene. We were completely shocked at the news. I could see that Darlene is kind of in a state of shock too, she told us in a calm voice, that they had an Irish Wake..two hundred and fifty of their friends and relatives came and supported her and their teen aged boy and girl. The wake she told us went on for nine hours..and she explained that's what we Irish do. She is kind of walking in a state of disbelief..Lettie and I were also in disbelief..
Then just as she was telling us, our bus came and we got on the bus - the bus driver and the two young girls who help with groceries, and all the ladies on the bus were saying how they are getting ready and excited. The bus driver with his santa claus hat on.. and as for me, I could only think what a Christmas this will be for Darlene and her family.
These days I have been thinking..what a Christmas this will be for myself and my family. How will I stand it..well, I know I will stand it, I've been so fortunate, 63 years of a loving husband, and father..I will have a grateful Christmas, I will, how could I not have one..when I think of ..
poor Darlene, she had been married thirty three years they were together since she was seventeen.
And so it goes. We must always remember how fragile and precious is our time with our loved ones, and our time here on earth. Appreciate each moment, and care for one another..enjoy each Christmas we are here remembering that no one knows what the future may hold so Love one another, as the man said whose birth is what we celebrate... g'nite.
Today Lettie, and I were waiting for the Teapot bus that takes us shopping at IGA every Tuesday. You may remember my stories about Lettie the 91 year old friend here in the residence. She was the first woman Anglican priest in Canada; her husband was the one I used to look after while she was getting over a broken hip. then if you recall, he broke his hip too, and not too long after he improved but then had cancer as well as a type of dementia and died. How sad is that; and no matter how old one is of course she like myself misses her husband so much; but life goes on.
So today there we were waiting for the bus in the lobby of the residence when we saw Darlene. I call her Darling Darlene, she is always so much fun. She is a sweet looking young woman who works serving in the dining room also she often is the companion to take the ailing residents to their doctor or hospital appointments. That's what she was doing when we met her.
She was not looking too happy or fun loving as she wheeled Mrs. Hood along to the door. When she saw Lettie and I she came over to us and just shocked us when she said, "did you know my husband died last week."
I could hardly believe it, her husband was only 50 years old. She said she woke up in the morning and there was her husband in bed, and he had died.
Apparently the doctors do not know how he died. He had been healthy - in fact I saw him last week driving his car into our parking lot He had come as usual to pick her up Darlene. We were completely shocked at the news. I could see that Darlene is kind of in a state of shock too, she told us in a calm voice, that they had an Irish Wake..two hundred and fifty of their friends and relatives came and supported her and their teen aged boy and girl. The wake she told us went on for nine hours..and she explained that's what we Irish do. She is kind of walking in a state of disbelief..Lettie and I were also in disbelief..
Then just as she was telling us, our bus came and we got on the bus - the bus driver and the two young girls who help with groceries, and all the ladies on the bus were saying how they are getting ready and excited. The bus driver with his santa claus hat on.. and as for me, I could only think what a Christmas this will be for Darlene and her family.
These days I have been thinking..what a Christmas this will be for myself and my family. How will I stand it..well, I know I will stand it, I've been so fortunate, 63 years of a loving husband, and father..I will have a grateful Christmas, I will, how could I not have one..when I think of ..
poor Darlene, she had been married thirty three years they were together since she was seventeen.
And so it goes. We must always remember how fragile and precious is our time with our loved ones, and our time here on earth. Appreciate each moment, and care for one another..enjoy each Christmas we are here remembering that no one knows what the future may hold so Love one another, as the man said whose birth is what we celebrate... g'nite.
Friday 11 December 2015
Friday, December 11, 2015 What are your thoughts on.....
Our book club met last Tuesday, the book we were discussing was Me Before You, the book was an easy read, but deceptive in that although it was an easy read it was also one to make you think..being that the subject is so "au current" right now Dying with Dignity...One would think that kind of book would be too "dark" but the writing and the humor of the story of a para- palegic man and the girl who becomes his caretaker was not only interesting, sad and humorous, but also gave one an insight as to just what life is like for one with such disabilities..
So when it was my turn to be asked what my thoughts were on this book, I was able to give it two thumbs up for sure- and as I was glancing at my notes to say what I thought...I realized I had written some thoughts that were purely from the point of view of myself as caretaker..and of course did not pursue that - but thought I would put those thoughts here in my blog...
"This book was an important one for me as it brought home my early days with Mac, where we had to support each other in our terror of what we knew was coming...the gradual deterioration of his mind...the discussion of suicide, the research online and in books on just what was happening and what would be happening and how we would try to cope...
Then came the loneliness when I no longer could discuss this with him; as he slowly lost the cognition of just what was happening. This was the time when I lost the reasoning and wonderful mind of a truly bright, intelligent friend and lover.
I had to cling to my earlier discussions where I said, we will call it amnesia, and every day, I will say your name, and we will talk about what and who Gordon McConnell is and what he and I will be doing and remembering about that man and his family. This we did for sure and we coped, the man he became was at times fearful, angry, desperate and violent, but for the most part, happy loving and such a caring and observant person not only of nature but of the people around him and of course myself..some days he would say, "hey you are working too hard, sit down and listen to the music with me" always caring..
Although there were so many days when I cried for the gradual loss of so many things we take for granted. i.e. the date, the time, the names of friends, the knowledge of past experiences, discussing and reading good books, politics, world events, understanding movies and t.v. stories and news,using the computer, knowing the people in his own family, knowing the different foods he was eating, being able to eat by himself, able to go to the bathroom on his own, knowing why he had to brush his teeth..but underlying all this he never lost his ability to be there for me..
I consoled myself each day with the saving grace in our lives...our walks.. he did not have to prove anything to himself or to anyone, he always knew beauty, he loved nature, clouds all kinds of weather, the sunshine, the rain, the snow , the ice on the sidewalk, the birds the wind trees, and on and on, the walking itself strengthened him,kept him stronger. We would leave the house each day the latest at one o'clock and stay out till six or later. We would eat at a little restaurant where the proprietor knew us, or picnic outdoors in good weather. Where we could sit on a bench by the lake, where at times I could lie down on the bench, and put my head on his knee and he would stroke my face, my hair and tell me how much he loved being with me and how lucky he felt he was to have me. This was wonderful and to this day, how I miss him as I walk by myself to places that we went to and although it hurts..it is getting better.
Reading this book brought back this time and although it was too too agonizingly sad...I do feel grateful to have had him, to hug him and remember his wonderful face, his lovely blue eyes, white thick hair that I could run my fingers through (it was like silk)...his laugh and his funny little jokes that were there to the end.
Yes he was sick for 8 years but within those years was so much to remember, love and miss...would I have wished we had followed his original thought to end it all, no, but do I understand how he felt, of course. Do I sympathize and understand the protagonist - Will- the man in the story "Me Before You"... absolutely.
g'day.
So when it was my turn to be asked what my thoughts were on this book, I was able to give it two thumbs up for sure- and as I was glancing at my notes to say what I thought...I realized I had written some thoughts that were purely from the point of view of myself as caretaker..and of course did not pursue that - but thought I would put those thoughts here in my blog...
"This book was an important one for me as it brought home my early days with Mac, where we had to support each other in our terror of what we knew was coming...the gradual deterioration of his mind...the discussion of suicide, the research online and in books on just what was happening and what would be happening and how we would try to cope...
Then came the loneliness when I no longer could discuss this with him; as he slowly lost the cognition of just what was happening. This was the time when I lost the reasoning and wonderful mind of a truly bright, intelligent friend and lover.
I had to cling to my earlier discussions where I said, we will call it amnesia, and every day, I will say your name, and we will talk about what and who Gordon McConnell is and what he and I will be doing and remembering about that man and his family. This we did for sure and we coped, the man he became was at times fearful, angry, desperate and violent, but for the most part, happy loving and such a caring and observant person not only of nature but of the people around him and of course myself..some days he would say, "hey you are working too hard, sit down and listen to the music with me" always caring..
Although there were so many days when I cried for the gradual loss of so many things we take for granted. i.e. the date, the time, the names of friends, the knowledge of past experiences, discussing and reading good books, politics, world events, understanding movies and t.v. stories and news,using the computer, knowing the people in his own family, knowing the different foods he was eating, being able to eat by himself, able to go to the bathroom on his own, knowing why he had to brush his teeth..but underlying all this he never lost his ability to be there for me..
I consoled myself each day with the saving grace in our lives...our walks.. he did not have to prove anything to himself or to anyone, he always knew beauty, he loved nature, clouds all kinds of weather, the sunshine, the rain, the snow , the ice on the sidewalk, the birds the wind trees, and on and on, the walking itself strengthened him,kept him stronger. We would leave the house each day the latest at one o'clock and stay out till six or later. We would eat at a little restaurant where the proprietor knew us, or picnic outdoors in good weather. Where we could sit on a bench by the lake, where at times I could lie down on the bench, and put my head on his knee and he would stroke my face, my hair and tell me how much he loved being with me and how lucky he felt he was to have me. This was wonderful and to this day, how I miss him as I walk by myself to places that we went to and although it hurts..it is getting better.
Reading this book brought back this time and although it was too too agonizingly sad...I do feel grateful to have had him, to hug him and remember his wonderful face, his lovely blue eyes, white thick hair that I could run my fingers through (it was like silk)...his laugh and his funny little jokes that were there to the end.
Yes he was sick for 8 years but within those years was so much to remember, love and miss...would I have wished we had followed his original thought to end it all, no, but do I understand how he felt, of course. Do I sympathize and understand the protagonist - Will- the man in the story "Me Before You"... absolutely.
g'day.
Friday 4 December 2015
Friday, December 4, 2015 This will be your first.....
As the days in December are going by so quickly, already, and friends and neighbours are saying - wow only three more weeks, only so many days etc. another thing they are saying is ...This will be your first Christmas without Mac...and it is so true and so so sad.
Christmas in the past was a really special time for uos, so much so, that Mac never had a problem wondering, or saying..."what's that" he knew the word Christmas, and was even eating turkey and enjoying the day just last year..
So looking back on Christmases in the past ...was special. We loved it, Mac and I would talk about when we were first married how it was Christmas eve at Mac's mom's home with all his family..and then Christmas at my parent's home on Christmas day, with my family.
Then as time went on, it became Christmas at our place, Mac was a professional wrapper par excellence...I wrote the cards as he passed me the finished product...and at first we could hide the presents in one small area...the storage room of our apartment...then on to the second apartment and three more children...wrapping the presents became a day long activity and hiding them was getting harder..and by the time we moved to our house, present wrapping ...card signing, became a weeklong activity..but finding a hiding place became a little easier, we had many cupboards and a basement by then. Mac would put his favorite records on, and each night or day, we'd sing as we wrapped and soon the job would be done...
Decorating the tree was not the same...that always started out as fun and ended beautifully with all the lights on the tree (just so, as Mr. perfection had to make sure each light was perfectly placed and no two colors beside each other) by the way, in between the starting and the finished product, were words that would turn the room blue, as lights were strung on a tree that would be falling, or bent, or wrong side,...but at the end sitting on a rocking chair and viewing the tree in all it's glory would be Mac, sipping on his glass of wine - all starry eyed and sentimental. We would always say, this is the best one of all. Actually they were fantastic trees that were so tall they had to have the tops cut off...In fact most times we would have two trees one small one for the kids to decorate themselves..and one for Mac.
As the kids grew up, had their relationships and had their children...there were so many gifts and big presents to wrap, it would take up a whole room...in fact even the crib we had for the current grandbaby would be filled to the top and my mom would join us from Toronto..My sister and her family, my cousins etc...and how wonderful that was...though each Christmas there would be someone no longer with us..but there were always new people on the scene, our grandchildren would be bringing their partners, and as of just last year, we were enjoying our great granddaughter, and looking forward to a new great grand child on the way.
And so it goes...we will have a new addition to our tribe (by now I guess one could say we have a tribe)..we have a great grandson, how wonderful, as this will be the Christmas we say goodbye to another one leaving the family. My dearest Mac, will no longer be with us.
Now this Christmas it has come full circle...When we had our first little baby...Leslie sixty-two years ago, I remember my mom saying..."Thank God for Leslie, as this will be my first Christmas without my dearest husband"...so this Christmas, we will say Thank God for Finley and Lachlan our little Great Grandchildren who will make our Christmas Merry,
But in our heart of hearts we'll know that Mac will be there too...
g'nite.
Christmas in the past was a really special time for uos, so much so, that Mac never had a problem wondering, or saying..."what's that" he knew the word Christmas, and was even eating turkey and enjoying the day just last year..
So looking back on Christmases in the past ...was special. We loved it, Mac and I would talk about when we were first married how it was Christmas eve at Mac's mom's home with all his family..and then Christmas at my parent's home on Christmas day, with my family.
Then as time went on, it became Christmas at our place, Mac was a professional wrapper par excellence...I wrote the cards as he passed me the finished product...and at first we could hide the presents in one small area...the storage room of our apartment...then on to the second apartment and three more children...wrapping the presents became a day long activity and hiding them was getting harder..and by the time we moved to our house, present wrapping ...card signing, became a weeklong activity..but finding a hiding place became a little easier, we had many cupboards and a basement by then. Mac would put his favorite records on, and each night or day, we'd sing as we wrapped and soon the job would be done...
Decorating the tree was not the same...that always started out as fun and ended beautifully with all the lights on the tree (just so, as Mr. perfection had to make sure each light was perfectly placed and no two colors beside each other) by the way, in between the starting and the finished product, were words that would turn the room blue, as lights were strung on a tree that would be falling, or bent, or wrong side,...but at the end sitting on a rocking chair and viewing the tree in all it's glory would be Mac, sipping on his glass of wine - all starry eyed and sentimental. We would always say, this is the best one of all. Actually they were fantastic trees that were so tall they had to have the tops cut off...In fact most times we would have two trees one small one for the kids to decorate themselves..and one for Mac.
As the kids grew up, had their relationships and had their children...there were so many gifts and big presents to wrap, it would take up a whole room...in fact even the crib we had for the current grandbaby would be filled to the top and my mom would join us from Toronto..My sister and her family, my cousins etc...and how wonderful that was...though each Christmas there would be someone no longer with us..but there were always new people on the scene, our grandchildren would be bringing their partners, and as of just last year, we were enjoying our great granddaughter, and looking forward to a new great grand child on the way.
And so it goes...we will have a new addition to our tribe (by now I guess one could say we have a tribe)..we have a great grandson, how wonderful, as this will be the Christmas we say goodbye to another one leaving the family. My dearest Mac, will no longer be with us.
Now this Christmas it has come full circle...When we had our first little baby...Leslie sixty-two years ago, I remember my mom saying..."Thank God for Leslie, as this will be my first Christmas without my dearest husband"...so this Christmas, we will say Thank God for Finley and Lachlan our little Great Grandchildren who will make our Christmas Merry,
But in our heart of hearts we'll know that Mac will be there too...
g'nite.
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