and waving his hand around the room at all the windows, Mac enjoyed the view..saying everywhere a picture..and he is right. Windows from ceiling to floor line our walls, and each has a view of note..but he enjoys looking at the sky so blue with lovely white billowing clouds.. He also enjoys looking down and watching the traffic - but this seems to be a thing of the past - he doesn't seem to comment as much on that anymore.
These comments from him always makes me happy that we made this choice..To think he could have been placed in a ward - and I agreed to that just one year and a half ago.. he actually had been placed, and it's family history now how we all felt - noway - we felt, that's not the way to go, there has to be something better; and this is it. This being, Mac and I in our own apartment with help from nurses when we need it, and preposees who get him dressed for the day and undressed and into p.j.s for the night.
When he really will be too much even for that kind of help, he will be then placed, down to the special floor, where he will have to stay..We in our support group, discuss just how will we know when to do this, someone will say, I think when he or she -depending - be it husband, wife, mother, father - is incontinent, then a couple of us will look at each other and say, well we're already at that stage..then perhaps - someone will say, when he/she is having no control of bowels, hmmm, we've been there but not consistently, so maybe at that time, another will say when he/she falls all the time, hmm how many falls has he had, when in a wheelchair consistently...well Mac is not there.
In any case, I'm happy that enjoys the atmosphere, observes the sun the clouds, the sky, and enjoys listening to music on the radio, nods his head, taps his feet to the music, as he is doing now. Walks painfully slow to the lake - but still walks there, with many stops inbetween..
He.enjoys give and take short conversations with the preposees, though i'm now in tension mode, thinking of tomorrow morning. How will he be, it's shower day...yikes - one idea is that he will go to bed as soon as he will be in his p.j.s - in fact we're waiting for the preposee right now- it's 8:10 p.m. hopefully he will be asleep by 8'30, perhaps earlier to bed will make him a happy camper to be up and in the shower, who knows...the nurse suggested camomile tea, but that is surely not his taste in the morning, -coffee and strong is his fave...so who knows...maybe that's what I should take-- the camomile tea, I'm going to be a nervous wreck ...hmmm that's not positive thinking, so to be positive, I am for sure saying g'nite...
Tuesday 29 July 2014
Wednesday 23 July 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014 Why are we just sitting here then...
Last evening we were sitting with two friends in the back garden, discussing all the problems in the world, then we got to all the ailments in our Residence that can't be cured, then I said - just look at what we have right here...meaning, ,Mac's Alzheimer's, and Muriel's rhumatoid arthritis...both at this time incurable, when Mac who had sat quietly just listening to Muriel, her daughter Nancy and myself , all of sudden said very clearly...'Why are we just sitting here then!!..' We all looked at each other in surprise...'well, I said, "not too much we can do about it, so we might as well get up to bed'. Right said Mac, let's go. Didn't pursue the convesation, but he certanly put things in perspective, talking about it doesn't make it go away, so we were all kind of hmm yes..
But, in the Gazette Saturday June 14, there was an article about a "new drug raises hopes for the cure for A". and another says Montreal researcers have made Alzheimer's breakthrough which can delay the onset of the big A. by nearly 4 years. These are just baby steps so far...but it is certainly a breakthrough.
In the meantime, it doesn't do too much for those, like Mac who are really in the thick of it so to speak. It always amazes the workers here and even some of my friends to see just how much Mac has lost i.e in memory. Even the girl who came tonight and comes almost every night ' said, 'your wife is getting your pyjamas.. - and then looked so surprised when Mac said, 'she is not my wife...and where are my pyjamas, - then turned to me, saying.Do we go up to our house...'.he often forgets how to brush his teeth, or what a toothbrush is for, yesterday he cleaned his face with his t.shirt..which was still on him.
So on the side she said to me, were you shocked when Mac said that, well no,I answered, he has said that often, maybe not to her. Does it make you feel bad - she asked...
Well as i put the song on facebook, Every time we say goodbye - i cry a little...These are all little goodbyes, and of course to answer that question does it make me feel bad..'feeling bad, doesn't come near to describe what I feel, so I won't even go there..
Where will I go...to bed, and there he will be and I will be too...g'nite.
But, in the Gazette Saturday June 14, there was an article about a "new drug raises hopes for the cure for A". and another says Montreal researcers have made Alzheimer's breakthrough which can delay the onset of the big A. by nearly 4 years. These are just baby steps so far...but it is certainly a breakthrough.
In the meantime, it doesn't do too much for those, like Mac who are really in the thick of it so to speak. It always amazes the workers here and even some of my friends to see just how much Mac has lost i.e in memory. Even the girl who came tonight and comes almost every night ' said, 'your wife is getting your pyjamas.. - and then looked so surprised when Mac said, 'she is not my wife...and where are my pyjamas, - then turned to me, saying.Do we go up to our house...'.he often forgets how to brush his teeth, or what a toothbrush is for, yesterday he cleaned his face with his t.shirt..which was still on him.
So on the side she said to me, were you shocked when Mac said that, well no,I answered, he has said that often, maybe not to her. Does it make you feel bad - she asked...
Well as i put the song on facebook, Every time we say goodbye - i cry a little...These are all little goodbyes, and of course to answer that question does it make me feel bad..'feeling bad, doesn't come near to describe what I feel, so I won't even go there..
Where will I go...to bed, and there he will be and I will be too...g'nite.
Wednesday 16 July 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014 Bullshit, no way, take off....
and on and on the curse words came as poor Vedette tried to give Mac a shower...she finally did get him to have a shower, but wants me to get a valium or something to give him one hour before she comes...and I sure don't blame her..It was a terrible scene, not only with her but with myself as well...To be clear it is not really a shower she has a chair for him and a kind of shower phone or whatever which she carefully uses with soap and tested water for warmness etc...but having someone do this - plus get him dressed etc etc...causes frustration for Mac and frustration is what causes the anxiety and the outbreaks of violence on his part.
The doctor has prescribed a sleeping pill of some type for him, I do not want the psychotic drug, but he has promised a lighter one so that he will sleep during the night...hopefully this will help both of us..Me so that i sleep too, and Mac that he can get enough sleep at night so he doesn't have to sleep in the morning. All this might backfire, but we can only try...will pick up the pills tomorrow...
I remember in my last blog I mentioned that we would be going to a get together with others whose parent or husband has a type of dementia...this get-together was wonderful, and though none of the participants with the big A. said one word to each other...they sat together and seemed quite content...to watch us, swim in a beautiful pool, and eat with us, and listen to us all gabbing together happily, and they seemed happy too....
I noticed my friend's mother seems to be keen always to know where are we, what area, what lake is that, and each place we drove through it was the same questions, over and over...whereas...Mac's questions are more based on time and what time is it, shouldn't we be doing this or that...and 'did i bring my wallet' how much is this ...my other friend's husband would call her and say, think it's time for a nap, or where do I sleep, but for the most part...they were all fine and didn't seem to see or question anything about each other...strange.
Mac is happily right now listening to jazz, and for him music is the part of his life that is pleasant, and still a source of happiness for him... today we enjoyed a day at my friend's home or residence in the posh Symphonia and although it's like a big beautiful hotel, with a swimming pool that is really gorgeous...landscaping terrific, view perfect...i could even move there, there is support staff for Mac, I can't really put my finger on just why, but I do not want to leave this place, which is homey, where everyone knows Mac, and even though I can think of a few things that really need changing, mainly, the food ...I love the crazy ambiance, the various types of life styles and various nationalities we see every day of the week in our little park...not to mention all the dogs, cats, etc. Though, I could change the bad habits people have of dropping their garbage right near a garbage can...(these things i pick up and put in the garbage)....i still like the little park...not to mention the big park along the lake...even that is better at my friend's residence, there is a path along the St. Lawrence river...which is cleaner too...oh well, maybe one day...but not today or anytime soon.
Hopefully tomorrow morning will be better, and then the next day, we're off to the lake again, last time the visit was one night stayover, twas not the best night, but I'm hopeful for the weekend, and who knows. all will be well, think positive, one day at a time, one hour and one moment at a time, enjoy NOW, g'nite.
The doctor has prescribed a sleeping pill of some type for him, I do not want the psychotic drug, but he has promised a lighter one so that he will sleep during the night...hopefully this will help both of us..Me so that i sleep too, and Mac that he can get enough sleep at night so he doesn't have to sleep in the morning. All this might backfire, but we can only try...will pick up the pills tomorrow...
I remember in my last blog I mentioned that we would be going to a get together with others whose parent or husband has a type of dementia...this get-together was wonderful, and though none of the participants with the big A. said one word to each other...they sat together and seemed quite content...to watch us, swim in a beautiful pool, and eat with us, and listen to us all gabbing together happily, and they seemed happy too....
I noticed my friend's mother seems to be keen always to know where are we, what area, what lake is that, and each place we drove through it was the same questions, over and over...whereas...Mac's questions are more based on time and what time is it, shouldn't we be doing this or that...and 'did i bring my wallet' how much is this ...my other friend's husband would call her and say, think it's time for a nap, or where do I sleep, but for the most part...they were all fine and didn't seem to see or question anything about each other...strange.
Mac is happily right now listening to jazz, and for him music is the part of his life that is pleasant, and still a source of happiness for him... today we enjoyed a day at my friend's home or residence in the posh Symphonia and although it's like a big beautiful hotel, with a swimming pool that is really gorgeous...landscaping terrific, view perfect...i could even move there, there is support staff for Mac, I can't really put my finger on just why, but I do not want to leave this place, which is homey, where everyone knows Mac, and even though I can think of a few things that really need changing, mainly, the food ...I love the crazy ambiance, the various types of life styles and various nationalities we see every day of the week in our little park...not to mention all the dogs, cats, etc. Though, I could change the bad habits people have of dropping their garbage right near a garbage can...(these things i pick up and put in the garbage)....i still like the little park...not to mention the big park along the lake...even that is better at my friend's residence, there is a path along the St. Lawrence river...which is cleaner too...oh well, maybe one day...but not today or anytime soon.
Hopefully tomorrow morning will be better, and then the next day, we're off to the lake again, last time the visit was one night stayover, twas not the best night, but I'm hopeful for the weekend, and who knows. all will be well, think positive, one day at a time, one hour and one moment at a time, enjoy NOW, g'nite.
Friday 11 July 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014 It's hot, no it burns..oh to hell..it's it's
This is Mac trying to tell me his meat was cold...it wasn't cooked well, but the sad thing is it took all supper to tell me this..he went on and on trying to explain ..and i just couldn't get it. Today in the elevator one of the preposees asked him - How are you...He gave a thumbs up sign..so she said...Good, high five and put up her hand fast...poor Mac, jumped out of the way...she couldn't figure out what the problem was but she was getting off, and just smiled and waved goodbye...but Mac looked quite puzzled, so i tried to explain high five, well, forget that. More and more the frustrations he endures are getting to him, and where he used to kind of laugh and say "oh to hell with it'. now in many cases, he tries to endure and get to say what he means...this can take 45 minutes, as that is how long it took him to try to say - ' who do i pay to stay in our apartment'...
This happened when we were leaving the lake this evening..which by the way, was a great day - super weather, and a wonderful walk ..I said well, we must get back it's already past supper time, it was 6:00 p.m. ..he said - where are we going..oh i said, i mean we must get back to our home, our apartment...and that's when it started...
Who is it, where do we do it, how do i get it...this all said slowly and almost painfully, as he tried to figure out who pays for the apartment...who has money...by 6:45, we were still going through money and how he gets it, who he has to pay for the apartment.etc etc...I must say that i kind of lost it, we were going past our bank on the way back, i almost wanted to drag him in there, and say 'would you mind just showing my husband his money... and then take it back' ha. Then to top it off, when he got in he needed to go to the toilet, was trying to flush, and so I did it for him, then he said...how much do i pay for that...How happy i was to say, "it's free...even when you go to a toilet in another place, "it's free" no money, ...and he said, that's o.k. i don't really care, i can just go anywhere i want....'well no you can't - you have to go in a bathroom..'...no he said with a laugh,,,you have to...i can go wherever i want..in the woods, ...no problem there, he could say it all...it's really strange...
Thankfully, supper was good, cooked to his liking, and all was well...so i'm a happy camper, as it's really not only frustrating for him when he can't communicate..it becomes a real brain twister for me, trying to figure out...what does he mean...if only he knew more sign language..but he never could pick it up..so far patting his pocket, means where is my wallet , rubbing his nose, means i need a hanky, and kind of holding his tummy - means where's the toilet..
.tomorrow should be interesting, he will be with two of my friend's husbands- and one of my friend's mother..they all have the big A...but at different stages...and different types of Dementia so...i don't really expect to see communication between them, but one never knows...we friends are all from the support group, and we so need and enjoy each other...this is the first time we've tried to do this..hopefully even if they don't talk to each other...they will relax and enjoy the day...so we'll see..g'nite.
This happened when we were leaving the lake this evening..which by the way, was a great day - super weather, and a wonderful walk ..I said well, we must get back it's already past supper time, it was 6:00 p.m. ..he said - where are we going..oh i said, i mean we must get back to our home, our apartment...and that's when it started...
Who is it, where do we do it, how do i get it...this all said slowly and almost painfully, as he tried to figure out who pays for the apartment...who has money...by 6:45, we were still going through money and how he gets it, who he has to pay for the apartment.etc etc...I must say that i kind of lost it, we were going past our bank on the way back, i almost wanted to drag him in there, and say 'would you mind just showing my husband his money... and then take it back' ha. Then to top it off, when he got in he needed to go to the toilet, was trying to flush, and so I did it for him, then he said...how much do i pay for that...How happy i was to say, "it's free...even when you go to a toilet in another place, "it's free" no money, ...and he said, that's o.k. i don't really care, i can just go anywhere i want....'well no you can't - you have to go in a bathroom..'...no he said with a laugh,,,you have to...i can go wherever i want..in the woods, ...no problem there, he could say it all...it's really strange...
Thankfully, supper was good, cooked to his liking, and all was well...so i'm a happy camper, as it's really not only frustrating for him when he can't communicate..it becomes a real brain twister for me, trying to figure out...what does he mean...if only he knew more sign language..but he never could pick it up..so far patting his pocket, means where is my wallet , rubbing his nose, means i need a hanky, and kind of holding his tummy - means where's the toilet..
.tomorrow should be interesting, he will be with two of my friend's husbands- and one of my friend's mother..they all have the big A...but at different stages...and different types of Dementia so...i don't really expect to see communication between them, but one never knows...we friends are all from the support group, and we so need and enjoy each other...this is the first time we've tried to do this..hopefully even if they don't talk to each other...they will relax and enjoy the day...so we'll see..g'nite.
Monday 7 July 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014 Haven't seen my mother for a long time.........
These were the words from Mac in Leslie, our son's car as we wended our way home from a lovely day at the lake. Well that was a sentence I could agree with readily, he certainly hasn't seen her for a long time, and he was quite content as he said this, normally he is agitated and wishing he could find her...so that was a plus. I almost hate to say it, but he is more relaxed at the witching hour..sundown, and now it seems he has switched his agitation and yelling time to getting up in the morning..I try to get him to bed earlier but he lies there awake to the usual sleep time which is about 9;45...and then perhaps awake again for a little agitation or a really awful agitation at about 1:00 a.m. but even this is happening less and less..hope I'm not speaking too soon here..
With the heat these past few days, although we were still walking, it's shorter walks, with longer rests...which makes for interesting sights and sounds...Yesterday he was quite content in the country, and enjoyed the view and the people...and was quite content as long as I was right there..so that makes me feel good as we plan to go for a couple of days next week..hope that works out..
As to the interesting things, a couple of days ago, just walking around the park in the back, we stopped to pet a cute little dog....the woman who owned the dog said his name was Belle, she asked how we liked living at the Floralies as she was thinking of moving here, and had her name on the waiting list. I said I wasn't sure if she could bring the dog, but that we had a cat...She then told us she had two cats, one was the baby of the other, but she didn't give it away as it had curvature of the spine..for which she was doing therapy...i told her our cat's name was Mischa...well she said her small cat was 'little Turd" boy Mac and I really did a couble take, then she added well the mother's name was Big Shit...well another kind of double take, both Mac and I couldn't think of an answer to that.. but I said well I like Belle that's a nice name...for your dog..she said "well those are the names my son gave to the cats..but their real name is Star shine and twinkle star or some such, and of course my son calls Belle - Flea bag....With that she said, well i'll be on my way...we waved goodbye to the dog and the lady, and I thought oh well takes all kinds...when a big black Lab, ran toward us with his tail wagging away...thankfully, we were able to enjoy her name "Princess Lia, from Star Wars.' The only thing is by about 5 minutes after our conversations..I can't pursue the funny names with mac as he has completely forgotten them...but one thing or sure he loves to pet the dogs and check out the little children we see.
One other little improvement is his interest last week in the ball game we watched, don't know if it was because there were girls playing, but last year he would be anxious to leave at crucial times in the game, but this time he really enjoyed, and waved goodbye to the team...think too because they spoke English he kind of enjoyed their cross talk. Again as we left I said, the ball team's name is The Hackers, wonder why? He answered, What ball team? and so it goes.....or so goes his memory.
Well we've been stuck in all day, as it's been so rainy, so we better do some walking in the building...where, although he doesn't remember anyone's name, he feels so secure, waves, and at times kind of salutes people, it's quite funny, it's as if he is the owner of the place...and for sure everyone waves back, and many are on the same wave length as he is, they don't remember either but seem to feel safe and talk to each other quite happily on the main floor, do they make a lot of sense...well sure, the main topic today...RAIN.
g'nite
With the heat these past few days, although we were still walking, it's shorter walks, with longer rests...which makes for interesting sights and sounds...Yesterday he was quite content in the country, and enjoyed the view and the people...and was quite content as long as I was right there..so that makes me feel good as we plan to go for a couple of days next week..hope that works out..
As to the interesting things, a couple of days ago, just walking around the park in the back, we stopped to pet a cute little dog....the woman who owned the dog said his name was Belle, she asked how we liked living at the Floralies as she was thinking of moving here, and had her name on the waiting list. I said I wasn't sure if she could bring the dog, but that we had a cat...She then told us she had two cats, one was the baby of the other, but she didn't give it away as it had curvature of the spine..for which she was doing therapy...i told her our cat's name was Mischa...well she said her small cat was 'little Turd" boy Mac and I really did a couble take, then she added well the mother's name was Big Shit...well another kind of double take, both Mac and I couldn't think of an answer to that.. but I said well I like Belle that's a nice name...for your dog..she said "well those are the names my son gave to the cats..but their real name is Star shine and twinkle star or some such, and of course my son calls Belle - Flea bag....With that she said, well i'll be on my way...we waved goodbye to the dog and the lady, and I thought oh well takes all kinds...when a big black Lab, ran toward us with his tail wagging away...thankfully, we were able to enjoy her name "Princess Lia, from Star Wars.' The only thing is by about 5 minutes after our conversations..I can't pursue the funny names with mac as he has completely forgotten them...but one thing or sure he loves to pet the dogs and check out the little children we see.
One other little improvement is his interest last week in the ball game we watched, don't know if it was because there were girls playing, but last year he would be anxious to leave at crucial times in the game, but this time he really enjoyed, and waved goodbye to the team...think too because they spoke English he kind of enjoyed their cross talk. Again as we left I said, the ball team's name is The Hackers, wonder why? He answered, What ball team? and so it goes.....or so goes his memory.
Well we've been stuck in all day, as it's been so rainy, so we better do some walking in the building...where, although he doesn't remember anyone's name, he feels so secure, waves, and at times kind of salutes people, it's quite funny, it's as if he is the owner of the place...and for sure everyone waves back, and many are on the same wave length as he is, they don't remember either but seem to feel safe and talk to each other quite happily on the main floor, do they make a lot of sense...well sure, the main topic today...RAIN.
g'nite
Wednesday 2 July 2014
Wednesday, July 2, 2014.. Guess i should check....
where my wife is?? hmm...yes i answered, but Mac said this as we were leaving the dining room , so he was easily distracted by everyone saying - have a good evening...and this is what we proceeded to do..
It had been such a hot day, so decided to only go to the park at the lake in the evening, - it was just lovely, a cool breeze refreshed us as we sat under a large maple..really appropriate for Canada day...and enjoyed the ambiance there.
As we sat I asked Mac if he remembered past Canada days, and perhaps even May 24th, which used to be such a big day when we were kids..but sadly - no he did nt remember. So we just sat and watched the sun slowly going down, and the people passing by, but soon it was time to return home, Mac trying to figure out just where we were heading, and I let him know - time to head home...well where is home, do you live there??
Well just trying to answer this when a young man about 30, kind of jumped in front of us and said, 'hello old man..put his hand out to shake Mac's hand, well this took us aback...and Mac smiled and shook the guy's hand, and we all kind of laughed..then he said, 'my name is Gary, do you live here? I said well,yes, his name is Mac, and I'm jan...he said, easy to remember..and then his wife came, she was beautiful with sort of chiffon light pants - a tunic in gold and a light green scarf around her head to match her light green kind of Indian clothing...apparently Punjabi in India was where they were from, as he said...We're here five years, we love it, so Happy Canada Day, i said, well Happy canada day to you too.
They then showed us their two boys, playing soccer and having fun,ages 9 and 4..
His wife pointed to her husband and herself, and said, we want to be like you when we are older...and then she took his hand and kind of walked with him ...laughing together...They wanted to know how old we were and told us they lived on 33rd...i said we're on 32nd at Floralies...we moved here last year - we lived in chateauguay, -too far said Gary..too far ..and he said we want to be live to be old like you two...i said well we moved here to have help as my husband has Alzheimers...This took him a bit of time to sink in, but then he looked at the two of us, and said, take care and good luck..his wife said, you two are so happy, we will be like that i hope...
Well we are - in a way - I thought, as we waved goodbye to the couple and continued on our way, but this morning in the Gazette there is a letter from a man who said he wants his body given to science right away, if he ever gets a diagnosis of Alzheimers ...and goes on to talk about the horror of not knowing...i wonder how the woman we met at the A. cafe, felt if she read that..she just had a diagnosis and is so hopeful that shortly thee will be a cure for her...well we'll see in the meantime, i guess i'll let mac check on his wife, and that's me, time to do our laundry...bye.
It had been such a hot day, so decided to only go to the park at the lake in the evening, - it was just lovely, a cool breeze refreshed us as we sat under a large maple..really appropriate for Canada day...and enjoyed the ambiance there.
As we sat I asked Mac if he remembered past Canada days, and perhaps even May 24th, which used to be such a big day when we were kids..but sadly - no he did nt remember. So we just sat and watched the sun slowly going down, and the people passing by, but soon it was time to return home, Mac trying to figure out just where we were heading, and I let him know - time to head home...well where is home, do you live there??
Well just trying to answer this when a young man about 30, kind of jumped in front of us and said, 'hello old man..put his hand out to shake Mac's hand, well this took us aback...and Mac smiled and shook the guy's hand, and we all kind of laughed..then he said, 'my name is Gary, do you live here? I said well,yes, his name is Mac, and I'm jan...he said, easy to remember..and then his wife came, she was beautiful with sort of chiffon light pants - a tunic in gold and a light green scarf around her head to match her light green kind of Indian clothing...apparently Punjabi in India was where they were from, as he said...We're here five years, we love it, so Happy Canada Day, i said, well Happy canada day to you too.
They then showed us their two boys, playing soccer and having fun,ages 9 and 4..
His wife pointed to her husband and herself, and said, we want to be like you when we are older...and then she took his hand and kind of walked with him ...laughing together...They wanted to know how old we were and told us they lived on 33rd...i said we're on 32nd at Floralies...we moved here last year - we lived in chateauguay, -too far said Gary..too far ..and he said we want to be live to be old like you two...i said well we moved here to have help as my husband has Alzheimers...This took him a bit of time to sink in, but then he looked at the two of us, and said, take care and good luck..his wife said, you two are so happy, we will be like that i hope...
Well we are - in a way - I thought, as we waved goodbye to the couple and continued on our way, but this morning in the Gazette there is a letter from a man who said he wants his body given to science right away, if he ever gets a diagnosis of Alzheimers ...and goes on to talk about the horror of not knowing...i wonder how the woman we met at the A. cafe, felt if she read that..she just had a diagnosis and is so hopeful that shortly thee will be a cure for her...well we'll see in the meantime, i guess i'll let mac check on his wife, and that's me, time to do our laundry...bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)