We've managed to do our share of eating the treats we bought for the trick or treaters ...I said to Mac, hey trick or treat...he said "trick" couldn't think of one, but the next time he asks for chocolate think i'll hand him one of the empty little smartie boxes...ha. Would have been a good idea this morning to distract him from his one track mind...which was "What is my position here?" At first i joked saying, well your position is dish dryer, my position is dish washer...but that went over with a thud...he really meant, where is my bank statement, and where is my $$$ etc...So for one hour or so we went over his finances, and how he came to have a pension and why ..he repeats the same questions even after getting the answers..as his mind seems to be on one track-- the question, the answers seem to elude him. This was starting to make my voice go up three notches, luckily i had to go down and get some stuff from the dryer, which gave
ME a distraction. The caretaker was needing a little bit of care there.
When i returned I suggested we go to the bank and take out some money, well no not necessary - hurrah he was off that subject. We did go out in the drizzley weather, and managed a very very short walk in the wind and rain to the drug store...the result of getting our meds left me wondering when i will get hold of our doc to say 'hey what is our position here" ha...because the cost of Mac's meds is off the wall - over $200 - which apparently the pharmacist tells me will not be regained - he suggested i call the doc.. Well i have and know he is on holiday ...so that is our trick for trick and treat day...happy halloween to him too.
Speaking of which our day has ended with the sweetest little trickster...Finley - she came with her parents to show us her costume..a perfect little BEE....and what a honey bee she is..just made our day...So as we continued to do our usual positions, i washed the dinner dishes and mac dried...we decided it's been a pretty good Halloween, our pumpkin candle has been snuffed out...and tomorrow we'll get on with making a special pumpkin African Recipe - for the Taste of Africa Dinner the West hill Grans are preparing for Saturday....nov 3, all are invited to Westmount united Church...12;00 noon, at de maisonneuve and Lansdowne...end of advert and end of blog g'nite
Wednesday 31 October 2012
Tuesday 30 October 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012 So has everyone left?
Really tired tonight as though we were just us two, the cat and our new fishies, Mac spent a good part of the night last night, wondering about who all was in the house. At one time, around 2:30, he asked if everyone had left...i said "we are only the same old group in this house Mac, Mischa the cat, Noah and Olivier our two big tropical fish, and the four little fishies that we haven't named...plus you and I...so that's it. no one else.
Apparently this goes with the disease, many times the person with A. thinks there are others in the house,or hallucinates...Mac has not been in that mode, but last night he was restless, and so had questions all night, first it was his wallet, he hoped that was safe, then it was worrying about the cat..was the cat in his basket, then it was other people in the house. and so on and so on. By 4:30 a.m. we were both finally asleep.
But we still had a good day, he with our support person Helen, and of course this is great for me as i was able to get out and about to do various things, here in Chateauguay and in town. thanks to my grandaughter Brianna who gave me a lift to Montreal, as she was going there too. This is day apart is good for both Mac and I, we really appreciate each other once we are back together - even though it is only for one day, Mac always welcomes me back as if I've been away for a month. But then he really thinks it's been that long. one of the things he was saying last night was. 'I know you now - you are my wife janet, and i know you now for about a few minutes to day, but we were apart for so long.
i have to keep trying to get him to enjoy the moment, as he can get very sad about how long we were apart, and then when he realizes it's his own memory that is the reason.... it's so hard for him to accept this. He keeps on saying 'now you or i was away or we were apart and now we're here together, i must make the most of it. Remind me that i know you and you know me. i don't want to be apart. Well neither do i so, i will watch t.v. with him now and live in the moments we have...which for him especially, isn't exactly easy, which makes it not exactly easy for me.'
I know for some this blog is too sad to read, but we do have fun in our day and we do get lots of laughs with the cat, our great grandbaby, listening to music, trying to exercise...i tend to try to stick to his memory, but i should give the lighter side so that it's not all gloom and doom, mac is still fun, and the line that the A. group use which is" remember the person with Alzheimers may have lost their memory but they have not lost their intelligence ...really applies to mac and i'm always surprised at the jokes he comes up with, but never seem to have the time the paper and pencil or the memory myself to write these quick little funny episodes down, but rest assured they are there...so for one he has said ' hey i know you today, maybe i'd like to forget you ha..this as he really knows the problem is his memory and why not joke about it. i'm all for that...so g'nite
Apparently this goes with the disease, many times the person with A. thinks there are others in the house,or hallucinates...Mac has not been in that mode, but last night he was restless, and so had questions all night, first it was his wallet, he hoped that was safe, then it was worrying about the cat..was the cat in his basket, then it was other people in the house. and so on and so on. By 4:30 a.m. we were both finally asleep.
But we still had a good day, he with our support person Helen, and of course this is great for me as i was able to get out and about to do various things, here in Chateauguay and in town. thanks to my grandaughter Brianna who gave me a lift to Montreal, as she was going there too. This is day apart is good for both Mac and I, we really appreciate each other once we are back together - even though it is only for one day, Mac always welcomes me back as if I've been away for a month. But then he really thinks it's been that long. one of the things he was saying last night was. 'I know you now - you are my wife janet, and i know you now for about a few minutes to day, but we were apart for so long.
i have to keep trying to get him to enjoy the moment, as he can get very sad about how long we were apart, and then when he realizes it's his own memory that is the reason.... it's so hard for him to accept this. He keeps on saying 'now you or i was away or we were apart and now we're here together, i must make the most of it. Remind me that i know you and you know me. i don't want to be apart. Well neither do i so, i will watch t.v. with him now and live in the moments we have...which for him especially, isn't exactly easy, which makes it not exactly easy for me.'
I know for some this blog is too sad to read, but we do have fun in our day and we do get lots of laughs with the cat, our great grandbaby, listening to music, trying to exercise...i tend to try to stick to his memory, but i should give the lighter side so that it's not all gloom and doom, mac is still fun, and the line that the A. group use which is" remember the person with Alzheimers may have lost their memory but they have not lost their intelligence ...really applies to mac and i'm always surprised at the jokes he comes up with, but never seem to have the time the paper and pencil or the memory myself to write these quick little funny episodes down, but rest assured they are there...so for one he has said ' hey i know you today, maybe i'd like to forget you ha..this as he really knows the problem is his memory and why not joke about it. i'm all for that...so g'nite
Monday 29 October 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012 Its all a mystery....
My blog got stalled again, i think the best thing is to check things out on Mondays as sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't after two days of NON Blogging....
Blogging is a mystery and so is mac's memory....he said that today as we walked, he couldn't remember what and where we were. and said he was feeling lost. This was very sad, and as i mentioned in the lost blog...i tried to get him over this, by asking who i was ...he replied you are janet my wife. i said you know that right...you believe that and it's true. He said yes...do you know where we are. i said yes, I do, and I know where we are and where we live. With that he felt better - said ...."I trust you and that's good. ' As we walked along and looked at the Canada geese on the river...he said "it's o.k. now i feel better"...well hurrah for that.
He was very concerned about his memory, and said it is all a mystery, but i told him ...you have Alzheimers but we are going to just live in the moment. Do you think that's a good idea. Yes definitely said Mac...why not...? But even though we try it's amazing how often we talk about the recent past..thankfully he remembered the episode of going to his old home in St. henri, after seeing pics on computer that i showed him, of himself and the man in his old home...then all of a sudden he said..oh yes I remember now.. wow.....
He also remembered today..going to the baptism of Finley yesterday, and rembered her laughing so much...we all enjoyed that ...what a pleasure to hear a baby laugh like that...we were lucky as most of the people had left the party, but we were there when a little five year old girl was amusing Finley and made her chuckle, laugh and then huge belly laughs that had us all in stitches. he said, "he is so cute.. then added she is really beautiful...so she and he are mixed in his mind but it's not important he does remember the important things....and hopefully he will not feel too lost ...as long as we stay in the moment.
Actually there were so many moments of mystery and wonder...when were we together, when did we have Leslie, can't be 59 years ago, impossible i was away etc. etc. But, we have five adult children how and when were they born....but this is just this morning before we left...and goes on for a good part of the day, so we are both having a kind of hard time to live in the moment. but we will, and this is the moment to say g'nite...
Blogging is a mystery and so is mac's memory....he said that today as we walked, he couldn't remember what and where we were. and said he was feeling lost. This was very sad, and as i mentioned in the lost blog...i tried to get him over this, by asking who i was ...he replied you are janet my wife. i said you know that right...you believe that and it's true. He said yes...do you know where we are. i said yes, I do, and I know where we are and where we live. With that he felt better - said ...."I trust you and that's good. ' As we walked along and looked at the Canada geese on the river...he said "it's o.k. now i feel better"...well hurrah for that.
He was very concerned about his memory, and said it is all a mystery, but i told him ...you have Alzheimers but we are going to just live in the moment. Do you think that's a good idea. Yes definitely said Mac...why not...? But even though we try it's amazing how often we talk about the recent past..thankfully he remembered the episode of going to his old home in St. henri, after seeing pics on computer that i showed him, of himself and the man in his old home...then all of a sudden he said..oh yes I remember now.. wow.....
He also remembered today..going to the baptism of Finley yesterday, and rembered her laughing so much...we all enjoyed that ...what a pleasure to hear a baby laugh like that...we were lucky as most of the people had left the party, but we were there when a little five year old girl was amusing Finley and made her chuckle, laugh and then huge belly laughs that had us all in stitches. he said, "he is so cute.. then added she is really beautiful...so she and he are mixed in his mind but it's not important he does remember the important things....and hopefully he will not feel too lost ...as long as we stay in the moment.
Actually there were so many moments of mystery and wonder...when were we together, when did we have Leslie, can't be 59 years ago, impossible i was away etc. etc. But, we have five adult children how and when were they born....but this is just this morning before we left...and goes on for a good part of the day, so we are both having a kind of hard time to live in the moment. but we will, and this is the moment to say g'nite...
Friday 26 October 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012 Yes, this is where I lived
After being so negative about going to St. Henri yesterday, which really surprised me, as he always talks about St. Henri with such affection; Mac was completely enchanted with the visit today. Our driver got us there in time to meet our friend Carolyn at about 11;30, and starting from the Fire Station on St jacques, which Mac recognized with enthusiasm the three of us walked through his favourite park - Jacques Cartier park - which is right on the corner of St. Antoine and laporte. Walking along laporte was such a pleasure for him as that was his street, and when we came to his home we looked up the stairs and he was so happy, 'yes this is where I lived. So I went up the stairs rang the doorbell. A very nice man answered he had to be nice for sure, as he allowed Mac and I to troop through his home, what a difference. Walls had been torn down, but the first thing Mac said when he looked in, was - that's the dining room..whereas i was a little confused, but he was right. The new owners had taken over both the second and third floor. Mac's family lived on the third floor, but the floor plan in both houses is similar and he was looking at the home on the second floor. In any case although we could see many changes basically it was much the same. Although the upstairs floor, the kitchen housed a grand piano, and was a beautiful music room..mac's bedroom was a laundry room, and of course with walls down it was spacious and different, actually the second floor looked more like the original home. Mac and the new owner and myself had a wonderful time - he telling us how much he enjoyed living there, and Mac and i reminicing about when Mac lived there.
Our friend Carolyn had stayed sitting in the sun in the park, so when we all got together we walked all around the area, planning to end up at Carolyn's as she lives in St. Henri. We stopped at three restaurants - having a wrap in one - Bacci's - doughnuts in another - and lemon squares in another closer to Carolyns home - also got to visit a book shop...altogether a very wonderful magical day BUT, and there is always a but...once we got home Mac had totally forgotten the whole day.
When we got home he was saying hmm 'where is janet' , 'hey, i'm right here Mac, - think you should have a nap " so he stretched out on his chair and did just that. When he woke up 45 min later, we got organized to have supper at Brianna's and to see our darling baby...well for sure no problem...he knows his Finley and had such a good time with her, but hearing me describe our day to Valerie, he said ' i don't remember at all, I hope i didn't do anything stupid - or words to that effect. He is like a Rip Van Winkle, he seems to wake up and all that went on before his nap is gone.
We're hoping he remembers some of this lovely sunny beautiful day, where the weather, the people and the food were all so super...but who knows...but Carolyn and I took many pictures. Will they jog his memory, I sure hope so, in the meantime - g'nite.
but
Our friend Carolyn had stayed sitting in the sun in the park, so when we all got together we walked all around the area, planning to end up at Carolyn's as she lives in St. Henri. We stopped at three restaurants - having a wrap in one - Bacci's - doughnuts in another - and lemon squares in another closer to Carolyns home - also got to visit a book shop...altogether a very wonderful magical day BUT, and there is always a but...once we got home Mac had totally forgotten the whole day.
When we got home he was saying hmm 'where is janet' , 'hey, i'm right here Mac, - think you should have a nap " so he stretched out on his chair and did just that. When he woke up 45 min later, we got organized to have supper at Brianna's and to see our darling baby...well for sure no problem...he knows his Finley and had such a good time with her, but hearing me describe our day to Valerie, he said ' i don't remember at all, I hope i didn't do anything stupid - or words to that effect. He is like a Rip Van Winkle, he seems to wake up and all that went on before his nap is gone.
We're hoping he remembers some of this lovely sunny beautiful day, where the weather, the people and the food were all so super...but who knows...but Carolyn and I took many pictures. Will they jog his memory, I sure hope so, in the meantime - g'nite.
but
Thursday 25 October 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012 Where are we now?
Today is Yoga day for me, Mac had a choice of staying home with someone here for him, or coming to watch us..or even take part if he wished. He chose to come to watch (only)...All went well, but i found that he was really disoriented after the session. Asked when we got in the car, " just where are we now" could be the last 10 minutes of yoga when we lie on our mats the lights are out and it's dark - may have made him completely lost. I never thought about that part of the session...and he had to just sit there in the dark, not too cool.. must remember that if he comes next time.
I did try to put him in the picture, but for most of the day he was not with it at all..did not want to go for a walk, and absolutely would not do exercise for his arms and what completely threw me for a loop, was i thought to cheer him up I'd tell him the great day planned for tomorrow. Explained we will have our driver take us to St. Henri where he will be able to walk around and see the park, the street and even the house he lived in as a child. We have done this twice before and this always was fun, and though he doesn't remember doing it, I remember, and he was having a ball. But today, he said, "No you go, I don't want to go to St. Henri,, I'll stay home. " Well that's not going to happen, and hopefully when we go tomorrow he will be on a different wave length...
He was keen to discuss his finances with me as our financial planner, Les, our son, was here and that was the discussion with him. He is always happy to know that he has a pension, but usually he gets the reason, i.e. he worked for 40 years, the CN had a pension plan - therefore he now gets a pension...well this did not come across, and he was really wondering, now how did it happen that we have this house, this pension, and he finally went to his chair and slept a good part of the day. Thankfully when he came up to watch t.v. before i started this blog, he seemed quite happy.
I have to remember that each day is different, sometimes I think oh we're on a plateau basis, he has been fairly on target and content all day for a couple of days..but then things can change and he gets so agitated, as he was today...i.e. where are we now, i don't know where we are, i don't know what's happening, do you know what you are doing...What street are we on...I have no idea of this place, where are we ...All these questions and more as we were going to the store - by car - both on the way and on the way back...so as I mentioned he is fairly good now so time to go and see him in this happier state. g'nite.
I did try to put him in the picture, but for most of the day he was not with it at all..did not want to go for a walk, and absolutely would not do exercise for his arms and what completely threw me for a loop, was i thought to cheer him up I'd tell him the great day planned for tomorrow. Explained we will have our driver take us to St. Henri where he will be able to walk around and see the park, the street and even the house he lived in as a child. We have done this twice before and this always was fun, and though he doesn't remember doing it, I remember, and he was having a ball. But today, he said, "No you go, I don't want to go to St. Henri,, I'll stay home. " Well that's not going to happen, and hopefully when we go tomorrow he will be on a different wave length...
He was keen to discuss his finances with me as our financial planner, Les, our son, was here and that was the discussion with him. He is always happy to know that he has a pension, but usually he gets the reason, i.e. he worked for 40 years, the CN had a pension plan - therefore he now gets a pension...well this did not come across, and he was really wondering, now how did it happen that we have this house, this pension, and he finally went to his chair and slept a good part of the day. Thankfully when he came up to watch t.v. before i started this blog, he seemed quite happy.
I have to remember that each day is different, sometimes I think oh we're on a plateau basis, he has been fairly on target and content all day for a couple of days..but then things can change and he gets so agitated, as he was today...i.e. where are we now, i don't know where we are, i don't know what's happening, do you know what you are doing...What street are we on...I have no idea of this place, where are we ...All these questions and more as we were going to the store - by car - both on the way and on the way back...so as I mentioned he is fairly good now so time to go and see him in this happier state. g'nite.
Wednesday 24 October 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012 Where do we live?
Woke up with the phone ringing, it was the receptionist at the dentist office letting us know, he had to cancel our appointment - which was for today...so that was that - a lovely day and so great no need to rush for the dentist. This is sometimes a problem - that is - going somewhere for a specific time..no matter how often I try to make sure all the clothes are set up the night before, or whatever is needed for the occasion is right there, we always seem to have something to hold us up making it a kind of rush..so it was with a feeling of relief that I was helping Mac to get into his clothes, and of course it went very easily..as there was absolutely no rush. So I was saying just that, there is no rush, good eh...when he said.."anyway, I don't know where we live".
This was sad so I said , "do you feel bad that you don't know"...Well I have you, so you know, and that makes it o.k. BUT, I wouldn't be without YOU". Well i answered that makes two of us, I wouldn't be without YOU. That is so true, and so inwardly I was thinking, but the day will come, what will I do...and was starting to feel a bit down...but later as I got on my computer, it was as if my friend (whose husband also has similar problems) wrote me an email...short and sweet...all it said was, Dear Jan, One Day at a Time...
it was almost as if she read my mind and was giving me some advice ...nothing new but what a good thought...
So the day progressed beautifully, as we took our great grandbaby Finley for a walk along the river, she was perfect ...smiled, laughed and gurgled perfectly the whole time, even though she only managed to sleep for 45 minutes she seemed quite happy and we were too. As we walked I pointed out homes that belonged to our daughter Glenna and our son Les, and homes that belonged to some of our friends..I'm sure he didn't recognize any of them, or even perhaps their names..but his walking was stronger and his outlook was so positive..
When we returned to Finley's home we had a lovely snack with tea..and discussed the prime subject Finley, and what a happy time as she laughed and gurgled with her uncle Brandon and her mom Brianna.
One day at a time is a good way to think, and as we drove home, Mac said "where do we live" I said - same old place...on Montcalm' with that answer he was content - and so endeth this day and with that kind of philosophy we will continue to be content...hope...g'nite.
This was sad so I said , "do you feel bad that you don't know"...Well I have you, so you know, and that makes it o.k. BUT, I wouldn't be without YOU". Well i answered that makes two of us, I wouldn't be without YOU. That is so true, and so inwardly I was thinking, but the day will come, what will I do...and was starting to feel a bit down...but later as I got on my computer, it was as if my friend (whose husband also has similar problems) wrote me an email...short and sweet...all it said was, Dear Jan, One Day at a Time...
it was almost as if she read my mind and was giving me some advice ...nothing new but what a good thought...
So the day progressed beautifully, as we took our great grandbaby Finley for a walk along the river, she was perfect ...smiled, laughed and gurgled perfectly the whole time, even though she only managed to sleep for 45 minutes she seemed quite happy and we were too. As we walked I pointed out homes that belonged to our daughter Glenna and our son Les, and homes that belonged to some of our friends..I'm sure he didn't recognize any of them, or even perhaps their names..but his walking was stronger and his outlook was so positive..
When we returned to Finley's home we had a lovely snack with tea..and discussed the prime subject Finley, and what a happy time as she laughed and gurgled with her uncle Brandon and her mom Brianna.
One day at a time is a good way to think, and as we drove home, Mac said "where do we live" I said - same old place...on Montcalm' with that answer he was content - and so endeth this day and with that kind of philosophy we will continue to be content...hope...g'nite.
Tuesday 23 October 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012 Are we the only ones here?
Mac just went by on his way to the bathroom, that was his question. This is the same question he asks just about every night at one time or anothe, i.e. before bed, or if he wakes up during the night and sometimes in the early morning before we get up. At times he dreams or has hallucinations or something like that where he is sure there are other people here, and he will check his wallet and his change...but then when i tell him "there aint' nobody here but us chickens" he has a little laugh and then i repeat not to worry Mac; its just you and I, we did have more here but our children are no longer children, they've up and married and had their own children.
Tonight we went through the beautiful book Gaye made for him with pictures under each picture is very clearly printed the name of each of the members of his own family i.e. mother father and his sisters and brother, as well as grandparents, and then our wedding pictures and then our own family - children and grandchildren. He asked as we finished reading this book, who gave me that book, i told him Gaye, he said "well it's damn good we must look after that book' each time he sees it, he kind of remembers but always always appreciates the book, he said also...do you have a book like this. i said no, but I enjoy yours it's great...yes it is, and it's MY book.
It's been a good day, and although we have not had an appointment for therapy, i decided to do some with him and it was great. We did arm exercises together, and although it sounds crazy we enjoyed laughing and singing...head and shoulders knees and toes ....and i'm a little tea pot short and stout....these are exercise songs for children and may have made him angry at another time, tonight he just laughed and said, well i'm not fooling, my arms feel much better already. Could be because he does not like to go to physio or thinks he doesn't, but in any case it was a fun day and a fun evening...he had Helen who he thinks is such a nice girl, and she sure is...and they had a good day, and i had a good day out, which is good for me too. so now hope we have a good night...g'nite.
Tonight we went through the beautiful book Gaye made for him with pictures under each picture is very clearly printed the name of each of the members of his own family i.e. mother father and his sisters and brother, as well as grandparents, and then our wedding pictures and then our own family - children and grandchildren. He asked as we finished reading this book, who gave me that book, i told him Gaye, he said "well it's damn good we must look after that book' each time he sees it, he kind of remembers but always always appreciates the book, he said also...do you have a book like this. i said no, but I enjoy yours it's great...yes it is, and it's MY book.
It's been a good day, and although we have not had an appointment for therapy, i decided to do some with him and it was great. We did arm exercises together, and although it sounds crazy we enjoyed laughing and singing...head and shoulders knees and toes ....and i'm a little tea pot short and stout....these are exercise songs for children and may have made him angry at another time, tonight he just laughed and said, well i'm not fooling, my arms feel much better already. Could be because he does not like to go to physio or thinks he doesn't, but in any case it was a fun day and a fun evening...he had Helen who he thinks is such a nice girl, and she sure is...and they had a good day, and i had a good day out, which is good for me too. so now hope we have a good night...g'nite.
Monday 22 October 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012 What's on the menu?
Yes "what's on the menu", that is often the question Mac asks me when we've done all the morning wake up stuff, and are just about finishing breakfast. This is when I outline what we will do in the day, like today for example, it was - 'well we've got to go to the bank, go for a nice long walk, get some stuff at the grocery store, and stop in at the library to bring back my book and get another one'
That is precisely what we did do today. It was windy but beautiful, and we both enjoyed seeing that the water is now falling over the dam.. Hurrah hurrah; it had been dry up until now; the Canada geese were lining up near the rapids and getting ready to go south, barking at each other like dogs...Mac said they are really smart, we should go south too. Well i almost fell over..quickly i answered ' so right let's go, Carolyn wants us to go to Naples Fla. let's go in February...Then he did a complete about face, "no way I don't want to go to Florida...'well where do you want to go when we go south, i replied. 'Don't want to go anywhere, I was just thinking of flying with the geese or something, no i don't want to go away.
Well this is the way he is now, and even for him to articulate these sentences is hard, he is starting to have problems with words, along with his physical movements. I have found out that Social workers have to do different things. The social worker i contacted, i thought was ours, but seems that we need another one to assess, and another one to do who knows what, plus our doctor is away till nov. 14...so it's kind of disheartening as he really needs to have physio therapy so i asked that we have the physio we had before who kind of had a heart attack thinking she had to deal with this crabby person and get him to use a cane...he still won't use that but i kind of think of him as he was before all this stuff with social workers etc.
i'm already loving to look at the writings of the old mac... i love him now, and can't stand thinking he is becoming less and less stable and strong as i said even speaking is hard for him at times...but the mac i knew is here, still the sweetest one now--- the strong talking, opinionated and completely brilliant guy in so many ways has gone. i mourn that one as we could laugh at things that didn't make sense to others, we had a rapport that was at times crazy, we would bicker, snicker and at times fight like cat and dog, but that's gone...the sweet guy i have now is also mac at various times but anyway..he is still Mac...he even feels for me and says, you must feel bad about how your husband is now....
When Glenna was with him while i went to the museum, she and he looked at pictures, she pointed out one of his two sisters at our home, and noted one of them was smoking... he said, mom and I used to smoke, but one day when we were getting in the car, i said i've got two cigarettes left, here's one for you and one for me, and that's it, after today, no more smoking...and that is so true...and that's the way he was...he had made up his mind, and that was that....there would be no way that he would say..o.k. what's on our menu...or what do you think should we stop smoking, he knew it was the right thing to do so we were doing it... i'm so happy that he remembered that...now i'm remembering that he is waiting for me to watch t.v. with him...so g'nite.
That is precisely what we did do today. It was windy but beautiful, and we both enjoyed seeing that the water is now falling over the dam.. Hurrah hurrah; it had been dry up until now; the Canada geese were lining up near the rapids and getting ready to go south, barking at each other like dogs...Mac said they are really smart, we should go south too. Well i almost fell over..quickly i answered ' so right let's go, Carolyn wants us to go to Naples Fla. let's go in February...Then he did a complete about face, "no way I don't want to go to Florida...'well where do you want to go when we go south, i replied. 'Don't want to go anywhere, I was just thinking of flying with the geese or something, no i don't want to go away.
Well this is the way he is now, and even for him to articulate these sentences is hard, he is starting to have problems with words, along with his physical movements. I have found out that Social workers have to do different things. The social worker i contacted, i thought was ours, but seems that we need another one to assess, and another one to do who knows what, plus our doctor is away till nov. 14...so it's kind of disheartening as he really needs to have physio therapy so i asked that we have the physio we had before who kind of had a heart attack thinking she had to deal with this crabby person and get him to use a cane...he still won't use that but i kind of think of him as he was before all this stuff with social workers etc.
i'm already loving to look at the writings of the old mac... i love him now, and can't stand thinking he is becoming less and less stable and strong as i said even speaking is hard for him at times...but the mac i knew is here, still the sweetest one now--- the strong talking, opinionated and completely brilliant guy in so many ways has gone. i mourn that one as we could laugh at things that didn't make sense to others, we had a rapport that was at times crazy, we would bicker, snicker and at times fight like cat and dog, but that's gone...the sweet guy i have now is also mac at various times but anyway..he is still Mac...he even feels for me and says, you must feel bad about how your husband is now....
When Glenna was with him while i went to the museum, she and he looked at pictures, she pointed out one of his two sisters at our home, and noted one of them was smoking... he said, mom and I used to smoke, but one day when we were getting in the car, i said i've got two cigarettes left, here's one for you and one for me, and that's it, after today, no more smoking...and that is so true...and that's the way he was...he had made up his mind, and that was that....there would be no way that he would say..o.k. what's on our menu...or what do you think should we stop smoking, he knew it was the right thing to do so we were doing it... i'm so happy that he remembered that...now i'm remembering that he is waiting for me to watch t.v. with him...so g'nite.
Friday 19 October 2012
FRIDAY, October 19, 2012 Have you got proof??
Rainy day so it was a great morning to sleep in, and as we leisurely went about getting dressed - or i should say i went about getting Mac dressed, he said...Wow you are so good to me what a good girl you are...why do you do so much for me. "I said well for one thing I'm married to you.. "you are, said Mac, well how about that...Have you got some proof? Wow, why do you need proof, i said very concerned ...he said "well if you arn't my wife, I can kick you out and get someone else...and with that, I said...hey you have a nerve, - but he quickly said, 'just kidding, you are irreplaceable and i love you....he continues to make me laugh, and at times make me cry, but i have so many concerns now.
At this time he has complained about his arms being sore, and he has such trouble getting out of chairs, going up and down stairs, getting in and out of cars etc etc. and still will NOT use his cane. I told him i will get in touch with the CLSC to see if we can get physiotherapy for him..I reminded him that my sister Ellen had the same problems, and she found that she was getting much better with her physio therapist helping her. Mac replied " are you kidding, are we talking about your sister..i said yes she found it helped a good deal...He laughed and said, oh yeah, and look where she is now...(well she is no longer living, but still) always the joker he continued joking for most of the day, even at Sandbags where we go on Fridays...he couldnt get out of the toilet stall, door was not locked but he was confused.. when he got out he just laughed and said, "have to keep you on your toes...well he sure does.
later had to go to the bathroom myself, and after being in the damn men's room got confused myself and almost went in the men's, a man was there washing his hands, i said , oooh sorry, got mixed up..."he said, tha'ts alright come in I waanna show you something?? Well enough of these crazy people i meet and live with...
Must get serious and to make sure, i've called the case worker and left a very detailed msg on her answering machine...now i hope I can get some help..as we seem to have arrived at that point in time..speaking of time, it's time to watch the news, with the man who wants proof, and feed the cat and get the two of them to bed, g'nite.
At this time he has complained about his arms being sore, and he has such trouble getting out of chairs, going up and down stairs, getting in and out of cars etc etc. and still will NOT use his cane. I told him i will get in touch with the CLSC to see if we can get physiotherapy for him..I reminded him that my sister Ellen had the same problems, and she found that she was getting much better with her physio therapist helping her. Mac replied " are you kidding, are we talking about your sister..i said yes she found it helped a good deal...He laughed and said, oh yeah, and look where she is now...(well she is no longer living, but still) always the joker he continued joking for most of the day, even at Sandbags where we go on Fridays...he couldnt get out of the toilet stall, door was not locked but he was confused.. when he got out he just laughed and said, "have to keep you on your toes...well he sure does.
later had to go to the bathroom myself, and after being in the damn men's room got confused myself and almost went in the men's, a man was there washing his hands, i said , oooh sorry, got mixed up..."he said, tha'ts alright come in I waanna show you something?? Well enough of these crazy people i meet and live with...
Must get serious and to make sure, i've called the case worker and left a very detailed msg on her answering machine...now i hope I can get some help..as we seem to have arrived at that point in time..speaking of time, it's time to watch the news, with the man who wants proof, and feed the cat and get the two of them to bed, g'nite.
Thursday 18 October 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012 I'm very Confused....
That's how Mac is feeling tonight, as he puts it, I'm very confused...do we live here? where are our children, I know we have children? is this an office, who is working on that computer? All questions plus some that he cannot seem to articulate... he is feeling low and sad so will not be on this blog for too long, only to say that I have helped him to allay his fears and to get him settled - right now he has some gingerale and cookies, but i feel that I should be with him...
We had a day where he felt kind of frustrated as he went to the eye specialist who said he did not do well on his field test. Will not give him any more he said ..and then added it's because of his condition. Think this kind of put him in mind of his other doc, who said he must answer test questions, which mac thought were for the birds. And of course by now it is for the birds..as he can only lose by answering or trying to answer things that just don't mean that much to him anymore he is just not there.
The one bright light is that we now will get started on a new hobby and i hope he likes it...and that is the aquarium we picked up from the street, the family telling us - take it please. Well our neighbours just happens to like fishes and have suggested they take us to a special place 2 floors of lovely pets and fishes at some store in lasalle, so that is great. We'll go on Saturday...no sense telling Mac now as he will forget, but
it's all coming together, so it must be the right thing to do...
Now of course there is the other bright light - the cat Mischa, who Mac loves to pet and say goodnight ..at this time, so it's time to say g'nite to you ..whoever you are....and by the way thanks for the thoughts and comments, anyone can also comment on my email jmccon1042@videotron.ca if they do not want to comment on google or facebook...g'nite
We had a day where he felt kind of frustrated as he went to the eye specialist who said he did not do well on his field test. Will not give him any more he said ..and then added it's because of his condition. Think this kind of put him in mind of his other doc, who said he must answer test questions, which mac thought were for the birds. And of course by now it is for the birds..as he can only lose by answering or trying to answer things that just don't mean that much to him anymore he is just not there.
The one bright light is that we now will get started on a new hobby and i hope he likes it...and that is the aquarium we picked up from the street, the family telling us - take it please. Well our neighbours just happens to like fishes and have suggested they take us to a special place 2 floors of lovely pets and fishes at some store in lasalle, so that is great. We'll go on Saturday...no sense telling Mac now as he will forget, but
it's all coming together, so it must be the right thing to do...
Now of course there is the other bright light - the cat Mischa, who Mac loves to pet and say goodnight ..at this time, so it's time to say g'nite to you ..whoever you are....and by the way thanks for the thoughts and comments, anyone can also comment on my email jmccon1042@videotron.ca if they do not want to comment on google or facebook...g'nite
Wednesday 17 October 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012 Now I've got it straight
It seems that Mac has to search his memory every day, and every day he does find some little gem that lights up his life. For the most part this happy memory is from life in the distant past, when he was young and in St. Henri, or when he was a teenager and going to Pine Beach and meeting me.
This evening he was looking at a little baby's t-shirt hanging on a little hanger...said whose is that.. I said that's for baby Finley (our great grandbaby) ...Oh yes he said, that's the little guy that always plays with the trains, he is always reaching in the toy box to play with the trains...well that is the memory of Olivier and Noah , now eleven and nine - our grandsons used to do that when they were babies, so rather than try and get that clear, i just let it ride and said speaking of trains...
There is the train station in St. Henri, right there in the picture (this pic is hanging on the wall in our bedroom)..Well he said, 'now I've got it straight...the trains don't run there anymore, but I remember and with that...he was off and running, talking about going to New Brunswick (St. Johns) every summer - swimming in the cold ocean...and then back to his time in St. Henri. Somehow one thing always triggers another, and swimming brought him round the circle again and back to leaving St. henri, and going swimming at Pine Beach...
And so round and round we go, but it is always interesting. A friend suggested I read to him from stories he would have heard when he was younger. She tried this with her mom who also was an Alzheimer patient, in fact she read from a book in her mom's language Danish i believe, anyway it caused her mom to chuckle and enjoy...not sure what books he would enjoy, but definitely something with trains is always interesting we used to read about trains to the boys, so i'm going to give that a try some time. Any suggestions are useful as we are not getting much traction now from crossword puzzles or jigsaw puzzles..and soon we won't be able to spend so much of our time walking.
Will finish this episode with a great find we had today on our walk, a man was putting out for anyone to take, an aquarium with all the trimmings, stones, filter etc etc...it's a rectangle about 18 inches - - so we went home got the car and guess what we have now, a new hobby???... g'nite
This evening he was looking at a little baby's t-shirt hanging on a little hanger...said whose is that.. I said that's for baby Finley (our great grandbaby) ...Oh yes he said, that's the little guy that always plays with the trains, he is always reaching in the toy box to play with the trains...well that is the memory of Olivier and Noah , now eleven and nine - our grandsons used to do that when they were babies, so rather than try and get that clear, i just let it ride and said speaking of trains...
There is the train station in St. Henri, right there in the picture (this pic is hanging on the wall in our bedroom)..Well he said, 'now I've got it straight...the trains don't run there anymore, but I remember and with that...he was off and running, talking about going to New Brunswick (St. Johns) every summer - swimming in the cold ocean...and then back to his time in St. Henri. Somehow one thing always triggers another, and swimming brought him round the circle again and back to leaving St. henri, and going swimming at Pine Beach...
And so round and round we go, but it is always interesting. A friend suggested I read to him from stories he would have heard when he was younger. She tried this with her mom who also was an Alzheimer patient, in fact she read from a book in her mom's language Danish i believe, anyway it caused her mom to chuckle and enjoy...not sure what books he would enjoy, but definitely something with trains is always interesting we used to read about trains to the boys, so i'm going to give that a try some time. Any suggestions are useful as we are not getting much traction now from crossword puzzles or jigsaw puzzles..and soon we won't be able to spend so much of our time walking.
Will finish this episode with a great find we had today on our walk, a man was putting out for anyone to take, an aquarium with all the trimmings, stones, filter etc etc...it's a rectangle about 18 inches - - so we went home got the car and guess what we have now, a new hobby???... g'nite
Tuesday 16 October 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012 We have to have a discussion
Today was our day to go to the Alzheimer's Cafe at the Atwater library from 1 - 3 p.m. it was a good session, although I thought it was not relevant for us..but turns out it surely was - for ME.. The subject was driving and dementia..The speaker was very knowledgeable, and apparently she tests people of all ages - and gave us quite amazing statistics on just how many people especially in our bracket - die because of car accidents...though being true to form I can't remember the statistic.
She listed reasons people at any age should stop driving..and although I did not fit into most of the categories, I certainly found one important one, and that is if you feel that left turns are not for you that is a sign that you are in one of the categories - i.e. think about quitting. Mac's .driving was the main reason we were able to check Mac into the doc to see just what was what..that is he was driving in what she termed a wandering state...close to the white line or close to walls, etc. Just remembering this made me remember how scary that was.
Amazing how many people there were reluctant to give up driving, I certainly will once our car gives up the ghost..thinking how much it may cost to buy a second hand car..just heard of a really good car for sale it was $9,000.00...well 9000$$ can go a long way on taxis so why bother with a car.
Anyway, before we left for this interesting day that is this morning Mac wanted a discussion, he had many questions, the first being, Just what is your name? #2. How much do you get paid #3. do you always work here ? Well i stopped him there and said, wait a minute, do you remember me..look at me, he said "you are a girl, right? ' Well i said, my name is - wait for it J a n ..then he said oh yes Janet...then i said ...I am your.....?? he said wife? Right again...and we have 5 kids...he said oh yes, Valerie, well that was a winner as he couldn't remember that Valerie was his daughter two days ago..and then he said, well I think it was about 2 years ago that I started to realize that I have a big problem and now I am trying to solve it.
Well Mac continued, with - Did you know I wish I could still live in St. Henri....I said well today we will meet Carolyn she lives in St. Henri, we went with her all around St. Henri last year, do you remembe that? Vaguely, he said...well later when we met her at the restaurant she tried to interest him in talking about St. Henri, but no go. But one never knows, he is on target often when I least expect it, so maybe next time.
To end on a positive note, I went to check out the cat, and change some laundry after dinner, and guess who did all the dishes...what a super hero in my books...my loving husband Mac.
She listed reasons people at any age should stop driving..and although I did not fit into most of the categories, I certainly found one important one, and that is if you feel that left turns are not for you that is a sign that you are in one of the categories - i.e. think about quitting. Mac's .driving was the main reason we were able to check Mac into the doc to see just what was what..that is he was driving in what she termed a wandering state...close to the white line or close to walls, etc. Just remembering this made me remember how scary that was.
Amazing how many people there were reluctant to give up driving, I certainly will once our car gives up the ghost..thinking how much it may cost to buy a second hand car..just heard of a really good car for sale it was $9,000.00...well 9000$$ can go a long way on taxis so why bother with a car.
Anyway, before we left for this interesting day that is this morning Mac wanted a discussion, he had many questions, the first being, Just what is your name? #2. How much do you get paid #3. do you always work here ? Well i stopped him there and said, wait a minute, do you remember me..look at me, he said "you are a girl, right? ' Well i said, my name is - wait for it J a n ..then he said oh yes Janet...then i said ...I am your.....?? he said wife? Right again...and we have 5 kids...he said oh yes, Valerie, well that was a winner as he couldn't remember that Valerie was his daughter two days ago..and then he said, well I think it was about 2 years ago that I started to realize that I have a big problem and now I am trying to solve it.
Well Mac continued, with - Did you know I wish I could still live in St. Henri....I said well today we will meet Carolyn she lives in St. Henri, we went with her all around St. Henri last year, do you remembe that? Vaguely, he said...well later when we met her at the restaurant she tried to interest him in talking about St. Henri, but no go. But one never knows, he is on target often when I least expect it, so maybe next time.
To end on a positive note, I went to check out the cat, and change some laundry after dinner, and guess who did all the dishes...what a super hero in my books...my loving husband Mac.
Monday 15 October 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012... Well my blog got lost in cyberspace
It's happened again, i think when I close blogging shop for the weekend it doesn't always let me back, and it's a real drag, as I wrote four paragraphs and in case anyand one thinks that i write things first and then copy for sure it aint so...i just write off the top of my head or fingers and forget it immediately...just write the day's memories briefly and get on with it...so today's were based on some of the forgotten pieces that have come up from various pieces of converation, and songs..one song was "i get the neck of the chicken i get the rumble seat ride i get the leaky umbrella so how did i ever get you..which happened because i was putting the neck of the turkey into the soup i was making...asked mac if he remembered our rumble seat rides with our old teenage friends Judy and Earl...and surpise he remembered...
I went on to say lots of other things such as we had a great day yesterday hearing and seeing guest conductor, Stefano montanari...with the Arian Baroque orchestera. yesterday Mac said he liked it, today he said it was boring..had to remind him he liked it yesterday...also had to remind him that i was his wife, this i do several times a day ...and finally last night as he was going to bed, i was giving him his meds, he said you are the hero around here helping everyone. 'i said no, I'm no hero, i'm your wife and i love to help you, and I'm sure you would help me.',,, he said 'yes, I would you ARE my wife and i love you...so with that i said i'm not going to have that piece go out of his memory or mine, so g'nite, p.s. sorry the rest of the stuff is gone out of my memory.
I went on to say lots of other things such as we had a great day yesterday hearing and seeing guest conductor, Stefano montanari...with the Arian Baroque orchestera. yesterday Mac said he liked it, today he said it was boring..had to remind him he liked it yesterday...also had to remind him that i was his wife, this i do several times a day ...and finally last night as he was going to bed, i was giving him his meds, he said you are the hero around here helping everyone. 'i said no, I'm no hero, i'm your wife and i love to help you, and I'm sure you would help me.',,, he said 'yes, I would you ARE my wife and i love you...so with that i said i'm not going to have that piece go out of his memory or mine, so g'nite, p.s. sorry the rest of the stuff is gone out of my memory.
Friday 12 October 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012 I'm remembering and it's so complicated
That's what Mac said as he drank his breakfast coffee...remembering or thinking for me is so complicated. like i'm not sure if i dreamed or if i actually know that...I can see the street - Agnes where i used to live, and then we moved to laporte, now this was in St. henri' i said, no you were not dreaming, it's true you did live on Agnes and then laporte streets...Yes continued mac, i did ...I can see the park there...then I can see my friends on the street, they were all French..we got along very well, but one day a big kid came and he was French as well, and he was trying to be a big shot and bully me. I remember i punched him in the face, and he ran away; the kids on my street were happy that i did that. But now i'm wondering...did that happen??? Well i'm sure it did - i replied as I have heard that story several times in the past...
Oh you remember too, yes i went to school there - used to walk along Richilieu...but you know what, it all stops...what happened after that...where was I...it is so complicated..how come it all stops, i'm trying to remember ...oh my mother's picture is on the piano, right I guess i should try to find someone to help me remember or why i can't. Mac, i said, you have Alzheimer's disease, it does that, it makes you lose your memory, it's really too bad but we have to live in the NOW...
Do our kids know that i have that Alzheimer's...i said well i think now everyone we know and our family all know it.. It's not something to be ashamed of you know every 5th diagnosis now is for Alzheimers' and soon it will be more..it is a real epidemic...I'm happy you remembered we have kids...oh right i remembered that, that's good said mac...you are such a nice girl...
What, I said with mock severity...a nice girl...I'm your wife.!!!...oh that's good says mac...just think I continued ....in my wife harpy tone, if i was just some girl, what are you doing hugging me and kissing me, well said Mac, make sure not to tell my wife, ha...
The day was cold but we were warm with friends and a lovely walk on isle St. Bernard..and to top off the day we had our beautiful great grand baby, and grandaughter to finish with a flourish...so g'nite..
Oh you remember too, yes i went to school there - used to walk along Richilieu...but you know what, it all stops...what happened after that...where was I...it is so complicated..how come it all stops, i'm trying to remember ...oh my mother's picture is on the piano, right I guess i should try to find someone to help me remember or why i can't. Mac, i said, you have Alzheimer's disease, it does that, it makes you lose your memory, it's really too bad but we have to live in the NOW...
Do our kids know that i have that Alzheimer's...i said well i think now everyone we know and our family all know it.. It's not something to be ashamed of you know every 5th diagnosis now is for Alzheimers' and soon it will be more..it is a real epidemic...I'm happy you remembered we have kids...oh right i remembered that, that's good said mac...you are such a nice girl...
What, I said with mock severity...a nice girl...I'm your wife.!!!...oh that's good says mac...just think I continued ....in my wife harpy tone, if i was just some girl, what are you doing hugging me and kissing me, well said Mac, make sure not to tell my wife, ha...
The day was cold but we were warm with friends and a lovely walk on isle St. Bernard..and to top off the day we had our beautiful great grand baby, and grandaughter to finish with a flourish...so g'nite..
Thursday 11 October 2012
Thursday, October 12, 2012 Does my wife know??
Our days are going along pretty well, we are walking as usual rain or shine. Slower than we used to be, but nevertheless we're out there doing our thing. One of our things is checking out the various condo's and residences, we or I realize that moving just to move to a smaller place is not really practical. We have to think about moving to a place that has care facilities for Mac, not now but it is now that I can see the writing on the wall; sort of thing. For starters he has such a hard time walking - getting up out of chairs - and remembering just where he is in our house. This happens mainly at night - but in any case it is happening so we are thinking about the options.
So far we do not see any real combination place here in Chateauguay, by that i mean a place where Mac can stay in the same building as i am in, in fact somwhere he can stay with me until such time as it is impossible for me to care for him - then he would move to a facility but in the same building. The support group buddies are also in the same situation and we have been discussing the possibilities. In my case the one possibility is having him with me in an apartment then when it becomes impossible for me, he could move just around the corner to a care facility - but just for him...i could visit him easily every day..so far that is the option that appeals to me. I have put our name in, think i mentioned it would take 2 1/2 year wait. In the meantime new buildings with the combination of being in the same building together even if apart, are now available on the west island. So if we can, we'll have to go for a walk around those places...hmmm.
We discuss moving, but never of course, talk about the down side of the move...but when were getting ready to go up north last weekend, mac said..." does my wife know I'm going up North?" Well that threw me for a sec, but then I answered - what's your wife's name, he said "Janet", oh good I cheerily replied, that's me, I'm your wife, and I know we're going, so not to worry..." OOOhhh said Mac, well gee I'm mixed up, started to chuckle, and said, well sure you are..gave me a hug' and then i start to think? hey - now who does he think he's hugging it better be ME...ha. well I wanna be hugged so g'nite.
So far we do not see any real combination place here in Chateauguay, by that i mean a place where Mac can stay in the same building as i am in, in fact somwhere he can stay with me until such time as it is impossible for me to care for him - then he would move to a facility but in the same building. The support group buddies are also in the same situation and we have been discussing the possibilities. In my case the one possibility is having him with me in an apartment then when it becomes impossible for me, he could move just around the corner to a care facility - but just for him...i could visit him easily every day..so far that is the option that appeals to me. I have put our name in, think i mentioned it would take 2 1/2 year wait. In the meantime new buildings with the combination of being in the same building together even if apart, are now available on the west island. So if we can, we'll have to go for a walk around those places...hmmm.
We discuss moving, but never of course, talk about the down side of the move...but when were getting ready to go up north last weekend, mac said..." does my wife know I'm going up North?" Well that threw me for a sec, but then I answered - what's your wife's name, he said "Janet", oh good I cheerily replied, that's me, I'm your wife, and I know we're going, so not to worry..." OOOhhh said Mac, well gee I'm mixed up, started to chuckle, and said, well sure you are..gave me a hug' and then i start to think? hey - now who does he think he's hugging it better be ME...ha. well I wanna be hugged so g'nite.
Wednesday 10 October 2012
Wednesday, Octoberf 10, 2012 I Was just Wondering.....
We woke up later than usual, in fact we slept better than usual, then we discovered just why...the house was freezing...someone had turned down our thermostat...who knows ...mac??? one of our guests on monday?...anyway, the thermostat was at 60 degrees, so we creeped under the covers and and waited for it to warm up..and it did. Then i discovered the batteries needed changing, Mac used to do all these things, I hadn't a clue how to do it - but it's easy - and I even found some batteries..so when I told Mac he said I was just wondering, who pays you for doing all this??? When I replied, ' Mac - no one pays me, I do it it's part of our marriage, we both did things, we bought this house, we learned how to do stuff, you used to do so much and now it's all here for us. Yes, he said, but you do most everything ...you must get paid I don't believe you.' Well not to worry, I said, it's really not a problem, as long as we're nice and warm now. So how about a shower..well no he wouldn't he still was not ready...so then how about tonight.
It's night now, but still no shower, it's been put off till tomorrow morning. This is something that once he is in the shower, he is happy, but getting there is not always easy. We now have a chair in there which is fine and works much better as he feels very secure and even enjoys sitting there feeling nice and warm..but it's not to be tonight, hopefully it will be tomorrow morning. As we were eating dinner he said,' i'm not starting to eat till the rest of the people come. ' Well i said we're IT..no one else will be here, so let's just eat, o.k. '
oh well said mac, i was just wondering if my mother was alive..but of course she is not...though her picture is on the piano, of course she is not alive". 'i said i wonder how old she would be now". So that took care of that thought...his mom. my dad and many other oldies in our life would be well over a hundred years old.. We decided that it's not a subject we wanted to contemplate... we're getting there too.
Mac is not happy thinking about life ending..i guess not many people are. I told him, i just got a lovely email, our friend Vicki in Edmonton just died last week..a friend was giving her a private musical evening - he was playing the cello doing a piece from Brahms and just as he played the last note, Vicki died. That, i said must be a nice way to die..Well Mac just said, humph, or something to that effect. But i added she always wanted to die while listening to Mozart..this is pretty close to her wants. Well said mac, i want to forget that subject, and so we did..and now i want to get ready for bed, so g'nite.
It's night now, but still no shower, it's been put off till tomorrow morning. This is something that once he is in the shower, he is happy, but getting there is not always easy. We now have a chair in there which is fine and works much better as he feels very secure and even enjoys sitting there feeling nice and warm..but it's not to be tonight, hopefully it will be tomorrow morning. As we were eating dinner he said,' i'm not starting to eat till the rest of the people come. ' Well i said we're IT..no one else will be here, so let's just eat, o.k. '
oh well said mac, i was just wondering if my mother was alive..but of course she is not...though her picture is on the piano, of course she is not alive". 'i said i wonder how old she would be now". So that took care of that thought...his mom. my dad and many other oldies in our life would be well over a hundred years old.. We decided that it's not a subject we wanted to contemplate... we're getting there too.
Mac is not happy thinking about life ending..i guess not many people are. I told him, i just got a lovely email, our friend Vicki in Edmonton just died last week..a friend was giving her a private musical evening - he was playing the cello doing a piece from Brahms and just as he played the last note, Vicki died. That, i said must be a nice way to die..Well Mac just said, humph, or something to that effect. But i added she always wanted to die while listening to Mozart..this is pretty close to her wants. Well said mac, i want to forget that subject, and so we did..and now i want to get ready for bed, so g'nite.
Tuesday 9 October 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012 How did we meet and when?
There we go again, the same question maybe differently phrased, but today as I was helping Mac to put on his socks..that was the question..He was sure it was just perhaps 4 or 5 weeks ago that he got back to himself..That seems to be the idea, he all of sudden came to BE...and there I was..then he asked or thought out loud...but where did it start...I went through the usual litany, we met at Pine Beach, you were with your gang of friends, i was with Marge, my good friend - she lived in Dorval and so on..BUT said Mac, yes yes, but how come you are here now..and what is your second name. i said it's Christine, I'm Janet Christine, 'no said mac, I mean your other name, i said before we were married? Yes, what is it...I said, my name was Mergler...'i thought so said Mac, you are not a McConnell for real..
Okay, i replied, but what does that mean...it means continued Mac, that I should look for McConnells, now what about that man Leslie...i said right, he is your son, he is a McConnell...ooh...my son - are you sure?" All this was kind of getting me a little sad, so to make it into a lighter note, I said, can I be a McConnell, since I'm leslie's mom? well I guess so said Mac, but I'm looking for REAL mcconnells. o.k. how about your cousin, should I call her...her mom was a mcconnell, but now she is a Wilmot, her mom was your aunt. "is she the only cousin i have now'...Well, i replied, i think she is the last, except for Buffalo mcconnells, your neice Sandy, your nephews Raymond and Greg, in Buffalo, they are all McConnells At last, he was content...hurrah for the
McConnells of Buffalo.
Now can we get my bank statements.says Mac, ..Not now..it's time for breakfast, maybe later. And so it goes.
.but meeting my support friends today, i know i have one of the most loving and pleasant of husbands..who knows how long this will last, but I'm making the most of it, so it's time to cuddle up and watch the news...g'nite.
Okay, i replied, but what does that mean...it means continued Mac, that I should look for McConnells, now what about that man Leslie...i said right, he is your son, he is a McConnell...ooh...my son - are you sure?" All this was kind of getting me a little sad, so to make it into a lighter note, I said, can I be a McConnell, since I'm leslie's mom? well I guess so said Mac, but I'm looking for REAL mcconnells. o.k. how about your cousin, should I call her...her mom was a mcconnell, but now she is a Wilmot, her mom was your aunt. "is she the only cousin i have now'...Well, i replied, i think she is the last, except for Buffalo mcconnells, your neice Sandy, your nephews Raymond and Greg, in Buffalo, they are all McConnells At last, he was content...hurrah for the
McConnells of Buffalo.
Now can we get my bank statements.says Mac, ..Not now..it's time for breakfast, maybe later. And so it goes.
.but meeting my support friends today, i know i have one of the most loving and pleasant of husbands..who knows how long this will last, but I'm making the most of it, so it's time to cuddle up and watch the news...g'nite.
Monday 8 October 2012
Thanksgiving Monday, October 8, 2012 It's all so Beautiful
And so it was, all so beautiful as Mac and I enjoyed the fall colorful sceney around the lake. Even going up to the lake we were so surprised as all the colors were still there...normally we close the cottages up north at Thanksgiving, and usually the reds are almost finished, surprise there they were all the red maples in full array.
We had a bit of a rough going when we decided or at least my daughter grandaughter great grandaughter and I decided to go out for dinner at a really neat spa restaurant in Morin Heights not too far from our cottage, Mac somehow got the idea we were going to stay there, or who knows where, and sat through dinner with a long face. At the end of the dinner he stated "no debate, we are going directly home - then we'll come up again to close up cottage tomorrow. ' one of the things that was stated clearly in the last Alzheimer's Cafe meeting at Atwater library...never argue, you can't win when arguing with someone who has the big A. RIGHT...
Also never try to figure out what's going on in their heads. Mac made it clear that I was the big problem and he would settle my hash etc etc. then what a switch..when we got out of the car at our cottage - as we certainly were not going to go back home...he said. So you decided to do it. and he was so content as we entered the cottage...of course...the cottage is HOME to him as well, so what was the problem, well who knows...but he had the best night of the past hundred nights...he slept all night - got up only once...and the rest of the weekend was....AlL So Beautiful....including the great party for Thanksgiving and our son Leslie's birthday when we got home. as usual alls well that ends well,,,,,g'nite...
We had a bit of a rough going when we decided or at least my daughter grandaughter great grandaughter and I decided to go out for dinner at a really neat spa restaurant in Morin Heights not too far from our cottage, Mac somehow got the idea we were going to stay there, or who knows where, and sat through dinner with a long face. At the end of the dinner he stated "no debate, we are going directly home - then we'll come up again to close up cottage tomorrow. ' one of the things that was stated clearly in the last Alzheimer's Cafe meeting at Atwater library...never argue, you can't win when arguing with someone who has the big A. RIGHT...
Also never try to figure out what's going on in their heads. Mac made it clear that I was the big problem and he would settle my hash etc etc. then what a switch..when we got out of the car at our cottage - as we certainly were not going to go back home...he said. So you decided to do it. and he was so content as we entered the cottage...of course...the cottage is HOME to him as well, so what was the problem, well who knows...but he had the best night of the past hundred nights...he slept all night - got up only once...and the rest of the weekend was....AlL So Beautiful....including the great party for Thanksgiving and our son Leslie's birthday when we got home. as usual alls well that ends well,,,,,g'nite...
Saturday 6 October 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012 The sun, it's just beautiful
As I have mentioned many times now, it is the simple things that Mac gets so much enjoyment from, and certainly the walk today with the wind blowing clouds and bits of rain all over...we kind of wondered how it would go; but we persevered and we were so happy we did as out came the SUN. I always say when this happens, o.k. Mac there it is - the sun says,'"oh o.k. Gordon McConnell is here so I better get out and do my thing". This always makes him laugh and kind of look at me like, o.k. stop that I'm not a baby, BUT, he loves it and I almost believe what I say, as it happens so often.
I can't say it enough that his appreciation of all the beauty we see on our walks every day makes my own life such a pleasure...I can forget about the night before where we had to change his clothes because he had a problem going to the bathroom, or at least I can live with it..I can live with his not knowing just who I am in the morning, like this morning..."what is your name, do you work here?" Well yes i do work here, my name is Janet - remember you married me." Wow says Mac, just when did I do that and why.. Well, I answered think because you must have liked me or something' what do you think and with this I hug him - he then reverts to his usual funny self, "hmmm, I guess I must have liked you, let me think, gee I still do"
I often wonder what goes on in his mind and how long does his unsureness last...does he kind of cover up or is he just joking, but no, he really does ask me in a serious way...and it always takes me aback...His memory is so short at times and then at other times he can remember things from yesterday...always such a shock when this happens. One thing he has never asked "who is Finley?" that little greatgrandchild is his real love and he never asks that question. If I say "we will see Finley tonight " which I said today, as we were going to have dinner with her, her mom and grandmom, no question...he always grins with delight and says, 'he is so cute', and i always correct him and say SHE is so cute...but nevertheless, he knows who she is...which is so wonderful...so another day has gone, and we'll enjoy the weekend and appreciate our many blessings especially the sun. g'nite
I can't say it enough that his appreciation of all the beauty we see on our walks every day makes my own life such a pleasure...I can forget about the night before where we had to change his clothes because he had a problem going to the bathroom, or at least I can live with it..I can live with his not knowing just who I am in the morning, like this morning..."what is your name, do you work here?" Well yes i do work here, my name is Janet - remember you married me." Wow says Mac, just when did I do that and why.. Well, I answered think because you must have liked me or something' what do you think and with this I hug him - he then reverts to his usual funny self, "hmmm, I guess I must have liked you, let me think, gee I still do"
I often wonder what goes on in his mind and how long does his unsureness last...does he kind of cover up or is he just joking, but no, he really does ask me in a serious way...and it always takes me aback...His memory is so short at times and then at other times he can remember things from yesterday...always such a shock when this happens. One thing he has never asked "who is Finley?" that little greatgrandchild is his real love and he never asks that question. If I say "we will see Finley tonight " which I said today, as we were going to have dinner with her, her mom and grandmom, no question...he always grins with delight and says, 'he is so cute', and i always correct him and say SHE is so cute...but nevertheless, he knows who she is...which is so wonderful...so another day has gone, and we'll enjoy the weekend and appreciate our many blessings especially the sun. g'nite
Friday 5 October 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012 Who owns this place?
A really up day, as we did the usual walk along the river (different direction today)...and checked out the museum garden, the river domesticated geese, there were 6 now it's down to 5, Mac and I wondered if someone decided to have a goose for Thanksgiving. Also checked out the 2nd hand shop and got some interesting items...all for $9.00. So all in all a good day, though tiring...as we had to find a bathroom real quick, couldn't so had to drag Mac into some bushes behind the Museum. well we won't go there - right.
But it all worked out fine, and the sun took over the clouds and that always makes Mac's day, so by the time we got home we were exhausted..
It usually is our sandbags day on Fridays, but the first Friday of the month - no sandbags at the seniors club, as most of the seniors go to the Friday Birthday Bash at the 55 Club..which is the first Friday of each month..guess we'll be going to one of those things.. funny how we used to kind of gag before thinking of going to any ot these activities, i'm just waiting for us to start playing Bingo...yuck. In any case probably not as I notice Mac gets numbers and letters mixed up. Maybe I will try him out on a Bingo card, before the grandkids get here on Thanksgiving, just to see if he can handle that. Good idea - and it just came to me now.
Although he is always keen to check out his bank statements and know just how much is there, and how much is in his wallet, of course, the amounts go out of his mind almost as soon as he hears them, and it's always a new thought...Wow, i have a pension that's great..."Oh look still have $80.00 in my wallet - super", Whose change is that...oh mine, right, thanks...' and then tonight he brought out the question "Who Owns this place?" that was a question he had about our cottages up north - this is a first for this house. So after finding out that really WE own this place, how many people live here was the next question, ' well used to be 7 but now we are down to just you and I, our five children grew up, married and moved -..practically before I finish the answer, he had another question which was the usual, 'should i feed the cat..." and then we're ready for another night, of finding out where the cat sleeps, where we watch t.v. and where we sleep, it's always news to Mac, tonight he tried to guess where the bedroom was, but then decided he couldn't as he was pointed in the wrong direction...well the time goes fast and believe me sometimes it can be tiring, but most times it's fun...or we try to make it fun...g'nite.
But it all worked out fine, and the sun took over the clouds and that always makes Mac's day, so by the time we got home we were exhausted..
It usually is our sandbags day on Fridays, but the first Friday of the month - no sandbags at the seniors club, as most of the seniors go to the Friday Birthday Bash at the 55 Club..which is the first Friday of each month..guess we'll be going to one of those things.. funny how we used to kind of gag before thinking of going to any ot these activities, i'm just waiting for us to start playing Bingo...yuck. In any case probably not as I notice Mac gets numbers and letters mixed up. Maybe I will try him out on a Bingo card, before the grandkids get here on Thanksgiving, just to see if he can handle that. Good idea - and it just came to me now.
Although he is always keen to check out his bank statements and know just how much is there, and how much is in his wallet, of course, the amounts go out of his mind almost as soon as he hears them, and it's always a new thought...Wow, i have a pension that's great..."Oh look still have $80.00 in my wallet - super", Whose change is that...oh mine, right, thanks...' and then tonight he brought out the question "Who Owns this place?" that was a question he had about our cottages up north - this is a first for this house. So after finding out that really WE own this place, how many people live here was the next question, ' well used to be 7 but now we are down to just you and I, our five children grew up, married and moved -..practically before I finish the answer, he had another question which was the usual, 'should i feed the cat..." and then we're ready for another night, of finding out where the cat sleeps, where we watch t.v. and where we sleep, it's always news to Mac, tonight he tried to guess where the bedroom was, but then decided he couldn't as he was pointed in the wrong direction...well the time goes fast and believe me sometimes it can be tiring, but most times it's fun...or we try to make it fun...g'nite.
Thursday 4 October 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012 When does all this stop?
Busy day, walking, talking, going to the library, and finally getting groceries...I had planned also to get to yoga this morning, where the past two times Mac was o.k. with watching me and all the other ladies. In fact I thought that he may even try to do some of the moves as we exercise for most of the time sitting on a chair. No way, he was going to do yoga, but he said he was quite impressed with the teacher and so I thought he would be happy to come with me this morning. Wrong. He would not go, he said he was not a child and would sit, read the gazette,(something he never does now) and look after the cat.
So decided I would take a chance, go and trust that he would stay in the front room, on his big chair, feet up, and relax. Well maybe he was relaxed, but I had various scenarios going through my mind relaxing was the last thing i could do, and so could only stay at yoga for ten minutes or so, and then just left, and felt much better. When I came in he was busy thinking about putting the cat out, and this is something that makes me nervous as he sometimes decides to put the cat on another line which is outside meaning he would have to go down two unsteady stairs...instead of just attaching him to a line from inside the house. Anyway, all this to say, that I will think about getting someone to stay with him on Thursday mornings, either with my usual woman, or the new one I met yesterday.
Tonight was our shower and hairwashing night, and we're both just ready for bed, but i hope he will not ask the questions he asked last night...I was helping him back from the bathroom, showing him where the bed is, and lifting his feet as he gets entangled in sheets and is really not too with it at night; this was about two in the morning. When he turned to me and said, Janet, when does all this stop?
Well most illness have some hope, or some idea of how long it takes till the person will get better, even cancer patients have some hope, but even though an Alzheimer's diagnosis doesn't mean the person will die immediately, the prognosis is clear, there is no cure, and the ending is not the most pleasant. One of the worst moments of my life was when the doctor that Mac has - when I asked him, how long do alzheimers patients live, and how do they die, pneumonia??? He turned to me and very quickly and coldly said..."they starve to death" Well that was a punch in the stomach, and something I've not been able to handle. I now still have trouble with this, and perhaps I am in denial, but that's where I'm staying...g'nite.
So decided I would take a chance, go and trust that he would stay in the front room, on his big chair, feet up, and relax. Well maybe he was relaxed, but I had various scenarios going through my mind relaxing was the last thing i could do, and so could only stay at yoga for ten minutes or so, and then just left, and felt much better. When I came in he was busy thinking about putting the cat out, and this is something that makes me nervous as he sometimes decides to put the cat on another line which is outside meaning he would have to go down two unsteady stairs...instead of just attaching him to a line from inside the house. Anyway, all this to say, that I will think about getting someone to stay with him on Thursday mornings, either with my usual woman, or the new one I met yesterday.
Tonight was our shower and hairwashing night, and we're both just ready for bed, but i hope he will not ask the questions he asked last night...I was helping him back from the bathroom, showing him where the bed is, and lifting his feet as he gets entangled in sheets and is really not too with it at night; this was about two in the morning. When he turned to me and said, Janet, when does all this stop?
Well most illness have some hope, or some idea of how long it takes till the person will get better, even cancer patients have some hope, but even though an Alzheimer's diagnosis doesn't mean the person will die immediately, the prognosis is clear, there is no cure, and the ending is not the most pleasant. One of the worst moments of my life was when the doctor that Mac has - when I asked him, how long do alzheimers patients live, and how do they die, pneumonia??? He turned to me and very quickly and coldly said..."they starve to death" Well that was a punch in the stomach, and something I've not been able to handle. I now still have trouble with this, and perhaps I am in denial, but that's where I'm staying...g'nite.
Wednesday 3 October 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012 What happens next?
There is so much to be thankful for as we come into the Thanksgiving time..and for sure today was one of those days where I can say this. We were on our way out for a walk when I noticed the big x's on the trees lining the walk-through near, in fact, beside our property. Although 6 or 7 of the x'd trees were on the property next door, and only one was on our property, those x's mean they will be cut down by the city. I can understand why, it's because the roots have grown under the walkway causing big lumps and obviously this can cause people to trip, fall, and then hey maybe sue the city...So the tree's have to go. But these trees give us so much pleasure as we sit in the sunroom - or in the kitchen, right now the colours are becoming spectacular.. Well I was feeling so sad, and really put out as the city had promised when they changed the zoning law that we would have 40 feet of trees beside us, instead we have houses and thankfully some trees between, this will change for sure. So as we went on our walk I was grumbling all the way.
Then as we were going along the walking path, the sweetest little dog ran away from her owner and came rushing over to us..well after petting hrt and getting her name (Winnie), we got to talking with her owner, and the grumbling by me changed to a really happy purr...as the girl (Andree) who owns the dog is a qualified worker with Alzheimer people, works at the Champlain and is happy to do extra work on weekends. Now this is not too important at this time, as we do have a great caregiver that comes every Tuesday, but it is always a good idea to have back-ups. This we learned at our support group yesterday, and so here it is right the next day...and we have a back up if necessary. So being in a much better mood, i was able to write a letter to the city asking if they could preserve our privacy by putting trees or perhaps just bushes as a barrier right on our property by the fence, so that we can still enjoy...we'll see what happens and if they can't or won't I guess we will, so all's well in that department. But Mac hearing all my groans and moans, kept saying what will happen next..and so he was happy too.
And so the day and evening went well, and then as Mac went to our room for a hanky, he said again now what happens, who will come tonight - where do we sleep, who takes the cat..and what happens next. Well what happens next is we will feed the cat, put the cat to bed, and do our nightly routine of washing and brushing our teeth, and then we go to bed. Mac says where do you sleep...well i said, with you, 'oh yes'?, yes i replied... Where what room...so after showing him the room, he seems happy but I think it's time to join him, so he knows he's not just sleeping with anyone, he's sleeping with ME...g'nite.
Then as we were going along the walking path, the sweetest little dog ran away from her owner and came rushing over to us..well after petting hrt and getting her name (Winnie), we got to talking with her owner, and the grumbling by me changed to a really happy purr...as the girl (Andree) who owns the dog is a qualified worker with Alzheimer people, works at the Champlain and is happy to do extra work on weekends. Now this is not too important at this time, as we do have a great caregiver that comes every Tuesday, but it is always a good idea to have back-ups. This we learned at our support group yesterday, and so here it is right the next day...and we have a back up if necessary. So being in a much better mood, i was able to write a letter to the city asking if they could preserve our privacy by putting trees or perhaps just bushes as a barrier right on our property by the fence, so that we can still enjoy...we'll see what happens and if they can't or won't I guess we will, so all's well in that department. But Mac hearing all my groans and moans, kept saying what will happen next..and so he was happy too.
And so the day and evening went well, and then as Mac went to our room for a hanky, he said again now what happens, who will come tonight - where do we sleep, who takes the cat..and what happens next. Well what happens next is we will feed the cat, put the cat to bed, and do our nightly routine of washing and brushing our teeth, and then we go to bed. Mac says where do you sleep...well i said, with you, 'oh yes'?, yes i replied... Where what room...so after showing him the room, he seems happy but I think it's time to join him, so he knows he's not just sleeping with anyone, he's sleeping with ME...g'nite.
Tuesday 2 October 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012 How long were you gone?
We woke up this morning in our usual happy mode, Mac stretching and saying "did you sleep well, I just have to hit the pillow and I'm away'...well as far as I'm concerned this is not always the case, he tossed and turned. but it was all in his Sleep, lucky him as it kept me awake worrying. Apparently it is one of the features of Alzheimers that they do move in their dream, the rest of us think we are moving in our dream but we are not moving.
Speaking of dreaming, i had a very important dream the other night, it seemed so real, i dreamt that I had to bring something to our house, i had spoken to Gaye on the phone (in the dream) and said, o.k. I will get the item (can't remember what it was) and so then i left our house to get the item, went to a kind of store, picked up whatever, and was returning, and couldn't find the way home. I went up and down all kinds of streets, then someone came to help...they would say, is this your home, no no i would say...and each time my tummy would contract, then i got into a horror situation, couldn't remember my home number, my street, and finally my name, i was in complete terror, and then woke up...Well needless to say this dream gave me so much insight as to how it must be to always wonder where and who you are ...and it made me think this morning about the dream as mac said....after his happiness of sleeping well...
"where are we, are we in our house, who is there with us' ...I answered as I usually do but with much love and understanding, how awful to not know for sure where you are every day.
Though later in the morning, i had to leave it was my day to be on my own, the once a week when Helen comes to help by being Mac's caretaker...They had quite an eventful day including two walks, one where poor mac walked in Doggie Doo, and his shoes had to be cleaned plus the whole front balcony...and this happened to be a day when i was later than usual returniong home, having attenened a new - support group -
It took quite awhile to get Mac to interact, he fell asleep for an hour after helen left, and even then he was not sure of me...and then he said 'how long were you gone', i said well "quite long, from 10 to 4;30...he said "it was too long.'...I understand completely...and am so happy to be home with him now...so g'nite.
Speaking of dreaming, i had a very important dream the other night, it seemed so real, i dreamt that I had to bring something to our house, i had spoken to Gaye on the phone (in the dream) and said, o.k. I will get the item (can't remember what it was) and so then i left our house to get the item, went to a kind of store, picked up whatever, and was returning, and couldn't find the way home. I went up and down all kinds of streets, then someone came to help...they would say, is this your home, no no i would say...and each time my tummy would contract, then i got into a horror situation, couldn't remember my home number, my street, and finally my name, i was in complete terror, and then woke up...Well needless to say this dream gave me so much insight as to how it must be to always wonder where and who you are ...and it made me think this morning about the dream as mac said....after his happiness of sleeping well...
"where are we, are we in our house, who is there with us' ...I answered as I usually do but with much love and understanding, how awful to not know for sure where you are every day.
Though later in the morning, i had to leave it was my day to be on my own, the once a week when Helen comes to help by being Mac's caretaker...They had quite an eventful day including two walks, one where poor mac walked in Doggie Doo, and his shoes had to be cleaned plus the whole front balcony...and this happened to be a day when i was later than usual returniong home, having attenened a new - support group -
It took quite awhile to get Mac to interact, he fell asleep for an hour after helen left, and even then he was not sure of me...and then he said 'how long were you gone', i said well "quite long, from 10 to 4;30...he said "it was too long.'...I understand completely...and am so happy to be home with him now...so g'nite.
Monday 1 October 2012
October 1, 2012 Lost in cyber space
Wrote a complete 4 paragraph blog about The song, There's a brand new baby at our house, a song from The I love lucy Show - Mac remembered it and how we used to change the words in that song to
what he does to my heart with his infant charms
We never knew what heaven was till we held leslie in our arms....
then we would sing the song to each of our babies as they came along, Gaye, Valerie, Glenna and maureen. We managed to have fun singing this song this morning, along with Teddy Bear's picnic...
Music goes so much into the heart of our lives...i'm going to try to do a little bit of old music and see what memories come from that, as today's songs certainly brought back some memories of our children when they were born
i wonder if this will get blogged or go into cyber space like the last blog ok. here goes g'nite
what he does to my heart with his infant charms
We never knew what heaven was till we held leslie in our arms....
then we would sing the song to each of our babies as they came along, Gaye, Valerie, Glenna and maureen. We managed to have fun singing this song this morning, along with Teddy Bear's picnic...
Music goes so much into the heart of our lives...i'm going to try to do a little bit of old music and see what memories come from that, as today's songs certainly brought back some memories of our children when they were born
i wonder if this will get blogged or go into cyber space like the last blog ok. here goes g'nite
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