Well yes it's Christmas I told Mac, for about the 4th time, as many of the preposee's wished us a Merry Christmas as we left the 2nd Floor...had to repeat what they said and that was Mac's question. I could have told him that even while we were having turkey and so many other wonderful things to eat at our daughter Gaye's home, but it really wouldn't stick. Which is just as well as just as the memory of the day is gone quickly, so would the memory of something that did stick, a piece of turkey. In a way my fault, I forgot to keep telling him to chew, the food was so good he just kept on eating and I kept on feeding him...and all of sudden, he was choking, I called out "hey we need to have the Heimlich manevour (sic) - must look up the spelling, anyway. it was awful..Glenna tried and I was patting his back (wrong) then Martin quickly grabbed Mac around the chest (he has had training), and just like that - the food came out. Mac was deathly pale, but gradually after much spitting and then relaxing the colour came back to his face.. o.k. Lesson learned here. Mac forgot the whole episode after 10 minutes but I know this could have been the end. In fact I know that one of my cousins actually died from choking on food, so for sure I will not forget -
So though Christmas was fun and in more ways than one, this one will be remembered- actually it will be remembered as well because of a discovery of a card sent to Mac in 1981 by a member of the United Church in Chateauguay. Christmas eve I was cleaning up, and placing some books neatly on a shelf when the card came out - fell on the floor. When I read the message it was so heartwarming it MADE my Christmas. She was commenting on the fact that Mac would no longer be treasurer for the St. Andrews Church Sunday School, (in those days they actually had quite a few kids in the Sunday School.) In any case she said that she asked her son if he had enjoyed Sunday School, and he remarked that Mr. McConnell was his Sunday School teacher when he was about 12 or 13 and was the only teacher he ever had that knew what he was talking about.
Well I'm sure Mac said the things that I remember and that is Jesus was a great teacher, - was he the son of god, well that was another thing, but his teachings were worthwhile and that is why Mac felt this man Jesus was a prophet that one could emulate and follow.
Mac was never a Church Man per se - in fact he left the church many years ago now, as he felt that he could not stay where he felt the teachings of Jesus really were not very prominent among the leaders or elders of the church we attended. I argued that no one really could be that good - but Mac insisted there were certain guide lines that were basic and even those were bent..so that was that.
Now I agree with him, although for me doing social justice work is something that is part of the mandate of many churches and this is something that I could, at that time, really participate in - and in fact Mac also did work for human rights through the United church human rights committees - but one would never see him IN church.
So it was a kind of gift from the past to read this card, and it's clear that he is still a person that people respect and love, as so many of the staff here and of course all of his family clearly were able to demonstrate today - by wishing him a Merry Christmas - hugging him and loving him. When I got him washed and into bed, I also hugged and kissed him and said Goodnight, Merry Christmas, and the same goes to you the readers of this blog, g'nite Merry Christmas.
Thursday 25 December 2014
Sunday 21 December 2014
Sunday, December 21, 2014 I'll stay right here....
A friend checked with me to see what happened - did I make a decision to move Mac or would I leave him on the second floor. Well I don't remember if I mentioned that I spoke to the nurse - Bassim _ on the second floor about the problem of the zoom zoom wheelchairs and moving Mac. He said that I should leave Mac on the second floor as if I put him in a room on the other floors (think they are the 3rd and 4th)..preposees will check on him but he will be by himself. Mac kind of enjoys "the gang" as he calls all the people on the second floor, also he enjoys the solarium - sitting in the sun, and the entertainment that they do have two or three times a week. So I have decided to give it more time. Also, I decided before I leave I will ask the preposees and the nurse to please check the "wheelchair wonders", not just Mac.
Today I gave it a real good try, I left for Church around 10:30, told Mac don't go walking around, stay here by the Christmas Tree and watch the action going on around here, he answered "Ill stay right here"..Brititta the Swedish woman said she would be with him.. Well when I returned he was not right there - he was in another chair altogether quite a distance from where I left him - but then I returned at 1:30, so not surprising he had moved. I do leave my cell phone #, and I hoped any problem and I would get a call. Actually, apparently no problems he ate all his lunch, and was quite content when I returned. Obviously I can't take it for granted that this will always be the case, but for sure he is NOT going to stay right there. There was one little problem, he would not take his synthroide tablet, apparently he spit it out twice, but I'm sure his missing the pill one day is not going to do harm hopefully.
In the meantime he was fine the rest of the day..but sad to say my friend, a 90 year old woman and her husband who has a type of dementia - vascular dementia, which is much like Alzheiomers was in bad shape with Brocitis and very sad as her husband is not eating and just sleeps ...she said "I fear he is dying".. He is 92, so perhaps, but as I told her, Mac was not eating for almost 4 weeks, lost about 35 lbs, was not talking - sleeping - but recovered and now the milkshakes and boost that I was trying to get him to take are a thing of the past. He walks better, talks better, eats well, and seems to enjoy. BUT, we that is I have to remember - one day at a time, and not project or anything like that. just be happy in the moment.
In fact last evening he was enjoying the moments of watching his great grand daughter Finley, he and I would pass a look and smile at her funny little ways, when all of a sudden he turned quite belligerent, and seemed to think that there was something wrong with her and her mom ..and got quite snarky, luckily it was time for bed, so all while I was getting him ready, i.e. brushing teeth, washing etc. he was the crabbiest I've seen him for quite awhile..so as we know, enjoy the good times while they last.
That goes for us all, so a good day, so good night xx
Today I gave it a real good try, I left for Church around 10:30, told Mac don't go walking around, stay here by the Christmas Tree and watch the action going on around here, he answered "Ill stay right here"..Brititta the Swedish woman said she would be with him.. Well when I returned he was not right there - he was in another chair altogether quite a distance from where I left him - but then I returned at 1:30, so not surprising he had moved. I do leave my cell phone #, and I hoped any problem and I would get a call. Actually, apparently no problems he ate all his lunch, and was quite content when I returned. Obviously I can't take it for granted that this will always be the case, but for sure he is NOT going to stay right there. There was one little problem, he would not take his synthroide tablet, apparently he spit it out twice, but I'm sure his missing the pill one day is not going to do harm hopefully.
In the meantime he was fine the rest of the day..but sad to say my friend, a 90 year old woman and her husband who has a type of dementia - vascular dementia, which is much like Alzheiomers was in bad shape with Brocitis and very sad as her husband is not eating and just sleeps ...she said "I fear he is dying".. He is 92, so perhaps, but as I told her, Mac was not eating for almost 4 weeks, lost about 35 lbs, was not talking - sleeping - but recovered and now the milkshakes and boost that I was trying to get him to take are a thing of the past. He walks better, talks better, eats well, and seems to enjoy. BUT, we that is I have to remember - one day at a time, and not project or anything like that. just be happy in the moment.
In fact last evening he was enjoying the moments of watching his great grand daughter Finley, he and I would pass a look and smile at her funny little ways, when all of a sudden he turned quite belligerent, and seemed to think that there was something wrong with her and her mom ..and got quite snarky, luckily it was time for bed, so all while I was getting him ready, i.e. brushing teeth, washing etc. he was the crabbiest I've seen him for quite awhile..so as we know, enjoy the good times while they last.
That goes for us all, so a good day, so good night xx
Thursday 18 December 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014.. Oh I'm so happy....
"Oh I'm so happy you're back, cried Mac, as he almost leaped up from his chair to grab my hand in two of his and almost wept. I had left him for an hour and a half on the second floor, as I had to go for groceries. What's up, what happened, but before I could even say the words he was telling me in such a clear way, "I was almost knocked down, when I walked, the ladies were pushing their chairs. (he meant their wheelchairs)into my legs. With that he was showing me the ladies. There are two zoomers - I call them one is Yella Yella, the other is the lady that cries constantly for her children or she is cleaning the walls with her handkerchief. They really are dangerous and it's apparently against the law to make them stay put. I understand as it's also a given that those with the big A who walk, should be able to walk around as much as they wish. In Mac's case he really doesn't want to walk to wander, he is looking for me.
At that time most of the clientele were sitting watching a person singing on t.v. there in the solarium and all looked very tranquil. I went over to the preposee who was leaning against the wall watching them. I was rattled so spoke English, she told me she could not speak English, she was a replacement and sorry, but she couldn't understand me. Well I raked my memory for frightened, - found it - perdu I think anyway, she understood that Mac was almost terrorized and wanted to leave immediately. I was just about in tears to see him like that. So immediately went to the director who happened to be just coming out of her office. She said, that's it, we must move him to another floor.
Well now I'm on the horns of a dilemma, as for the most part, Mac kind of likes sitting among those people...often says there's the gang. I spoke with Bassim the head nurse who is on duty from 3 to 11 most days..and discussed the situation. He said as far as he is concerned Mac is better off on the 2nd floor, everyone has a problem with the wheelchair ladies, but they cannot be reined in, they have to feel free. (Though why they should be free to yell so much is another story, I didn't go into that)Apparently, if Mac is on another floor he will have to sit in a room by himself, there is not solarium. and he will be looked in on by the preposee a set times. Of course he said, most of the day he is with you anyway, - which is true. The main reason I have him down there is nights and in the day he is here with me. So no I'm wondering what would be best - I really don't think I could leave him for a short time all by himself in his apt. or even in ours, so I guess, I will run down early and speak with the director early and try to get some kind of an idea.
One of which is that he loves to be in the lobby, perhaps I can ask the girl on the desk to keep an eye on him - or maybe not..oh damn, Bassim says that he really does have better care on the second floor, and that he just had an off day today in that he was walking around so much. He said I should try to tell him to just sit till I return. I know Mac can do that, but I guess he felt I was gone too long. I do have Debbie and Cecilia for longer periods. Maybe I should make sure that someone watches the zoomers before I go that may be the answer..anyway, stay tuned.
The pluses are Mac is eating well, sleeping well, and has been on target, still will not get his hair washed. Has had one bad scene with a preposee in the morning, and has a cut and bruise to prove it..I really want him to have at least one session a day that doesn't require me. I'm supposed to look after myself as well and at the moment my lower back is not the best..so how do I react to all this..well 40% of your mind is how you react and take care of things; the other % is based on the results of your reactions...and of course things that one has no control over. So I will try to let go and let God, or the Universe or whatever 'g'nite.
At that time most of the clientele were sitting watching a person singing on t.v. there in the solarium and all looked very tranquil. I went over to the preposee who was leaning against the wall watching them. I was rattled so spoke English, she told me she could not speak English, she was a replacement and sorry, but she couldn't understand me. Well I raked my memory for frightened, - found it - perdu I think anyway, she understood that Mac was almost terrorized and wanted to leave immediately. I was just about in tears to see him like that. So immediately went to the director who happened to be just coming out of her office. She said, that's it, we must move him to another floor.
Well now I'm on the horns of a dilemma, as for the most part, Mac kind of likes sitting among those people...often says there's the gang. I spoke with Bassim the head nurse who is on duty from 3 to 11 most days..and discussed the situation. He said as far as he is concerned Mac is better off on the 2nd floor, everyone has a problem with the wheelchair ladies, but they cannot be reined in, they have to feel free. (Though why they should be free to yell so much is another story, I didn't go into that)Apparently, if Mac is on another floor he will have to sit in a room by himself, there is not solarium. and he will be looked in on by the preposee a set times. Of course he said, most of the day he is with you anyway, - which is true. The main reason I have him down there is nights and in the day he is here with me. So no I'm wondering what would be best - I really don't think I could leave him for a short time all by himself in his apt. or even in ours, so I guess, I will run down early and speak with the director early and try to get some kind of an idea.
One of which is that he loves to be in the lobby, perhaps I can ask the girl on the desk to keep an eye on him - or maybe not..oh damn, Bassim says that he really does have better care on the second floor, and that he just had an off day today in that he was walking around so much. He said I should try to tell him to just sit till I return. I know Mac can do that, but I guess he felt I was gone too long. I do have Debbie and Cecilia for longer periods. Maybe I should make sure that someone watches the zoomers before I go that may be the answer..anyway, stay tuned.
The pluses are Mac is eating well, sleeping well, and has been on target, still will not get his hair washed. Has had one bad scene with a preposee in the morning, and has a cut and bruise to prove it..I really want him to have at least one session a day that doesn't require me. I'm supposed to look after myself as well and at the moment my lower back is not the best..so how do I react to all this..well 40% of your mind is how you react and take care of things; the other % is based on the results of your reactions...and of course things that one has no control over. So I will try to let go and let God, or the Universe or whatever 'g'nite.
Sunday 14 December 2014
Sunday, December 14, 2014 There are some real nuts there.....
Mac was so on target this morning, when I went down to get him; he was very busily eating his toast, drinking his orange juice - rejecting his cornflakes and checking out if there was enough sugar in his coffee and also quite clear in his manner and thinking. When I asked if he'd like to come upstairs for another cup of coffee, he quickly said "sure" then turned the chair, stood up - took my hand and as we walked out, he said - "you know what, there are some real nuts here!". He no sooner said that when one of the ladies grabbed his hand and kissed it. (Her name by the way is Maureen and she is such a nice lady) she also said, "you are such a nice man"..I said, to Mac, don't think she'd like to be called a nut. He said - well not her..but it is so true it can be bedlam in there at times.
But it never fails the times that I write about Mac doing well in one area, for sure the next time it's sure to change, as for instance, yesterday we both very happily went down to the hair dresser for a shampoo. I mentioned that I'd get mine first like last time and then he'd have his shampoo. Right, said Mac until we got in to the salon. At that time a very old lady also suffering from the big A. was having a hair cut. Well she yelled and cried almost like our Walter, who usually cries oy oy oy..Mac said - what's going on there. I said, "she doesn't like getting her hair cut. Don't worriy, We're just getting our hair washed". Mac answered very calmly, "not me" "Well yes you are, we already discussed it, I'm getting my hair wsshed then you are". Mac just looked at me and shook his head NO. That was that, each time we - the hair-dresser or myself tried different ways of making it a "no sweat idea" to have a shampoo, Mac wouldn't give us the benefit of even answering, he would tighten his lips and just shake his head emphatically NO!!
So that was that, no shampoo. I now have the little tray for the sink, from the CLSC' just have to get a kind of shampoo hose for the tap, and I guess I'll be washing his hair myself drat. As for other items I've mentioned, i.e he has trouble feeding himself, that changes with each meal, sometimes he can handle a fork or spoon, other times hasn't got a clue. This morning he walked to his chair when we came up after breakfast, sat down no problem, tonight he couldn't even see the chair..so who knows. One thing is sure and that is one can never be SURE about anything.
That also goes for the staff, one day I'm so happy that they are making sure he gets his meds at the same time every day, and other times like last night and tonight, I had to run around to find the night nurse to get his bedtime pill..then had to wake him up to give him the damn thing. I get really fed up at these times, but then I think "get a life", Mac is my raison d'etre, what would I do if I was all alone..funny thing that's what Mac used to say to me,. only in reverse I was his raison d'etre, and he'd add "I just have to put up with you".
Today received a form email from the Alzheimer Association, reminding us that we should remember the Walk for Memories,hmmm I've already forgotten the date, think it was May 31, 2015, but I did remember to copy and paste this:-
In the name of 33,000 Montrealers living with Alzheimer’s disease we are thanking the Legends of the Montreal Canadians for their support over the past 22 years.
Imagine 33,000 people in Mtl. have the big A. and every 5 minutes someone else in the world is being diagnosed with this awful affliction. Well on a more positive note..I'm receiving emails constantly with new ideas and new meds, and hearing of new research, so although it may not help Mac, I'm hopeful that soon there will be a breakthrough. Has anyone with the disease had help from Jarrow Formulas Prerostilbene..that is the latest I've heard about ..will check that out soon. Not tonight, I'm on my way to bed, g'nite.
But it never fails the times that I write about Mac doing well in one area, for sure the next time it's sure to change, as for instance, yesterday we both very happily went down to the hair dresser for a shampoo. I mentioned that I'd get mine first like last time and then he'd have his shampoo. Right, said Mac until we got in to the salon. At that time a very old lady also suffering from the big A. was having a hair cut. Well she yelled and cried almost like our Walter, who usually cries oy oy oy..Mac said - what's going on there. I said, "she doesn't like getting her hair cut. Don't worriy, We're just getting our hair washed". Mac answered very calmly, "not me" "Well yes you are, we already discussed it, I'm getting my hair wsshed then you are". Mac just looked at me and shook his head NO. That was that, each time we - the hair-dresser or myself tried different ways of making it a "no sweat idea" to have a shampoo, Mac wouldn't give us the benefit of even answering, he would tighten his lips and just shake his head emphatically NO!!
So that was that, no shampoo. I now have the little tray for the sink, from the CLSC' just have to get a kind of shampoo hose for the tap, and I guess I'll be washing his hair myself drat. As for other items I've mentioned, i.e he has trouble feeding himself, that changes with each meal, sometimes he can handle a fork or spoon, other times hasn't got a clue. This morning he walked to his chair when we came up after breakfast, sat down no problem, tonight he couldn't even see the chair..so who knows. One thing is sure and that is one can never be SURE about anything.
That also goes for the staff, one day I'm so happy that they are making sure he gets his meds at the same time every day, and other times like last night and tonight, I had to run around to find the night nurse to get his bedtime pill..then had to wake him up to give him the damn thing. I get really fed up at these times, but then I think "get a life", Mac is my raison d'etre, what would I do if I was all alone..funny thing that's what Mac used to say to me,. only in reverse I was his raison d'etre, and he'd add "I just have to put up with you".
Today received a form email from the Alzheimer Association, reminding us that we should remember the Walk for Memories,hmmm I've already forgotten the date, think it was May 31, 2015, but I did remember to copy and paste this:-
In the name of 33,000 Montrealers living with Alzheimer’s disease we are thanking the Legends of the Montreal Canadians for their support over the past 22 years.
Imagine 33,000 people in Mtl. have the big A. and every 5 minutes someone else in the world is being diagnosed with this awful affliction. Well on a more positive note..I'm receiving emails constantly with new ideas and new meds, and hearing of new research, so although it may not help Mac, I'm hopeful that soon there will be a breakthrough. Has anyone with the disease had help from Jarrow Formulas Prerostilbene..that is the latest I've heard about ..will check that out soon. Not tonight, I'm on my way to bed, g'nite.
Tuesday 9 December 2014
Tuesday, December 9, 2014 Where do you live...
Questions like - where do you live, Do you know where your mother is, I would like to go to my home do you know where it is..all are part of Mac's thinking process as well of course mine..answers are not easy..I try to take it stride, but it's really sad. All those questions were asked this evening. I decided to change the scene so we went down for a walk around the main floor. While there one of the residents was trying to go out, she wears a bracelet that causes ringing if she gets near the door, which automatically locks the door..a regular person was trying to get in. Of course it only took seconds for the person on the front desk to press a special button to then open the door. Margaret, the person with the big A, who was trying to get out then asked, I'm trying to go home, but I've no idea how to get there.
All this to say it is rather lonely, there are many people here who do not have the big A, and many as well, who are in various stages..and although I go out with friends, in fact I guess I get out at least for an hour or two every day - it is just impossible for me to explain that even when I do go out, or meet friends (which is often)I feel alone. This is apparently very common, as it comes up in our conversation at the Alzheimer's Support group. One lady when asked just what she thought would help, answered, "I want my husband back" and that of course is the problem, we want the impossible, and yet our husbands and wives are at home with us and yet they are not really.
When I was getting Mac ready for bed, Walter's son was there - Walter is the man who shares the room with Mac. He - the son - was saying his dad seems to be less and less on target. adding not like your husband. Well this is the way so many people think that Mac is so with it and are really surprised when he can't answer simple questions, like... did you enjoy your supper. He can't remember if he had supper unless he is having supper when the person asks.
Brigitte the woman I like to have Mac sit with(when I leave) also gives an impression that she understands completely, the preposee, said she seems really confused today. Well she is confused every day, but sometimes she says the right thing at the right time. Her son was visiting tonight and
that he says is one of the things that gives him some hope but then as he continues to converse with her he realizes she is "with it" now and again and it doesn't last for more than 2 minutes.
I know I can't change things, I can't get my husband back, I love the husband I have right now, but the lonely feeling is always there and that can't change, I wish the feeling would go away, but it never does...I think of the words to that old song
"I'm a little on the lonely, a little on the lonely side..I keep thinking of you only and wishing you were by my side, you know my dear when your not here theres no one to romance with..and so it goes in one part to say every letter that you wrote me I read a hundred times or more..and that's me, I keep reading old journals to read what he said, what he did, and read a couple of his old letters..but I know I should be happy that I've had so many years and appreciate that. So many people are lonely and never did have a partner, or someone to love so I'll just have to shape up and enjoy the fact that I do have him, he may not be the same but he is still with me. So I'll end this kind of sad tale and go to bed so I'll be up early and happy to see him in the morning. g'nite
All this to say it is rather lonely, there are many people here who do not have the big A, and many as well, who are in various stages..and although I go out with friends, in fact I guess I get out at least for an hour or two every day - it is just impossible for me to explain that even when I do go out, or meet friends (which is often)I feel alone. This is apparently very common, as it comes up in our conversation at the Alzheimer's Support group. One lady when asked just what she thought would help, answered, "I want my husband back" and that of course is the problem, we want the impossible, and yet our husbands and wives are at home with us and yet they are not really.
When I was getting Mac ready for bed, Walter's son was there - Walter is the man who shares the room with Mac. He - the son - was saying his dad seems to be less and less on target. adding not like your husband. Well this is the way so many people think that Mac is so with it and are really surprised when he can't answer simple questions, like... did you enjoy your supper. He can't remember if he had supper unless he is having supper when the person asks.
Brigitte the woman I like to have Mac sit with(when I leave) also gives an impression that she understands completely, the preposee, said she seems really confused today. Well she is confused every day, but sometimes she says the right thing at the right time. Her son was visiting tonight and
that he says is one of the things that gives him some hope but then as he continues to converse with her he realizes she is "with it" now and again and it doesn't last for more than 2 minutes.
I know I can't change things, I can't get my husband back, I love the husband I have right now, but the lonely feeling is always there and that can't change, I wish the feeling would go away, but it never does...I think of the words to that old song
"I'm a little on the lonely, a little on the lonely side..I keep thinking of you only and wishing you were by my side, you know my dear when your not here theres no one to romance with..and so it goes in one part to say every letter that you wrote me I read a hundred times or more..and that's me, I keep reading old journals to read what he said, what he did, and read a couple of his old letters..but I know I should be happy that I've had so many years and appreciate that. So many people are lonely and never did have a partner, or someone to love so I'll just have to shape up and enjoy the fact that I do have him, he may not be the same but he is still with me. So I'll end this kind of sad tale and go to bed so I'll be up early and happy to see him in the morning. g'nite
Thursday 4 December 2014
Thursday, December 4, 2014 You must feel lucky....
Lovely sunny morning, Mac up and eating his breakfast when I went into the dining room he is always a happy camper when the sun is out and so he greeted me with a smiling face. When I sat down beside him to help him I said isn't it a beautiful day..he answered yes "You must feel lucky to be working in such a nice place..." Well how about that. ! Kind of chuckled to myself, and replied - yes it is a nice place, and I like the people, especially you. He just smiled and continued eating. I know for some this answer might make them unhappy, but for me, I'm so pleased that he likes the place and that he feels so comfortable.
I just want to go back to Tuesday - I had to go to a Alzheimer's support group meeting and while there had a call from Deb our caregiver, poor Deb had quite a rough time, he was having his lunch and choked on a piece of chicken meat. She quickly pulled the emergency cord - and when there was no immediate answer she gave him the Heimlich maneuver - had to do it three times and he finally spit it out..Wow, she was a bit of a wreck. She called to let me know that she did get the nurse finally who then checked to make sure his ribs were o.k. and then his blood pressure, all was o.k. and within minutes he had forgotten all about the episode. Poor Debbie sure didn't, and as she said people will be sure to tell you about it when you return. So right they did, in fact the first thing the woman at the desk said- was Mr. Mac was choking ..he is o.k. now I think. I let her know Deb called. Three others on the 2nd floor let me know also..so as you can see they care.
With that in mind I tried today to leave him while I went for groceries down with the workers there and all went well, though he did say - "hey where were you - you were gone too long. I said have to do a few things and it's pretty cold out and icy, do you want to go..NO he said, so fine he got over it, then I tried again at dinner time to go to a cinq a sept for the Grandmothers of Africa...when I returned he was sitting with Brigitte the woman I place him with when I leave, they were having a good talk. He just looked at me when I sat beside them and said, hello, and continued his chat with her. Well that made me feel great, he certainly seems to be adjusting. Later when I spoke to my friend whose husband has the big A. and told her how happy I was, she said she cannot stand to see her husband with another woman in the place he is in. Well that's silly as she only goes to visit him twice a week, she should be pleased he's adjusting..but then, we are all different. I know at this time anyway, as long as I keep loving him he will still love me and that's the bottom line, whether he knows who I am or not. The feeling is still there.
When I returned at 7:30, this evening - got him ready for bed, kissed him goodnight said, see you in the morning..sat and read my book till he fell asleep contented - therefor, I have to be too so g'nite.
I just want to go back to Tuesday - I had to go to a Alzheimer's support group meeting and while there had a call from Deb our caregiver, poor Deb had quite a rough time, he was having his lunch and choked on a piece of chicken meat. She quickly pulled the emergency cord - and when there was no immediate answer she gave him the Heimlich maneuver - had to do it three times and he finally spit it out..Wow, she was a bit of a wreck. She called to let me know that she did get the nurse finally who then checked to make sure his ribs were o.k. and then his blood pressure, all was o.k. and within minutes he had forgotten all about the episode. Poor Debbie sure didn't, and as she said people will be sure to tell you about it when you return. So right they did, in fact the first thing the woman at the desk said- was Mr. Mac was choking ..he is o.k. now I think. I let her know Deb called. Three others on the 2nd floor let me know also..so as you can see they care.
With that in mind I tried today to leave him while I went for groceries down with the workers there and all went well, though he did say - "hey where were you - you were gone too long. I said have to do a few things and it's pretty cold out and icy, do you want to go..NO he said, so fine he got over it, then I tried again at dinner time to go to a cinq a sept for the Grandmothers of Africa...when I returned he was sitting with Brigitte the woman I place him with when I leave, they were having a good talk. He just looked at me when I sat beside them and said, hello, and continued his chat with her. Well that made me feel great, he certainly seems to be adjusting. Later when I spoke to my friend whose husband has the big A. and told her how happy I was, she said she cannot stand to see her husband with another woman in the place he is in. Well that's silly as she only goes to visit him twice a week, she should be pleased he's adjusting..but then, we are all different. I know at this time anyway, as long as I keep loving him he will still love me and that's the bottom line, whether he knows who I am or not. The feeling is still there.
When I returned at 7:30, this evening - got him ready for bed, kissed him goodnight said, see you in the morning..sat and read my book till he fell asleep contented - therefor, I have to be too so g'nite.
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